


Paralyzed

by NikkiB1973



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Adventure & Romance, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Romance, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, F/M, Family Feels, Feels, Romance, Skywalker Family Feels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:15:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 58
Words: 123,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24127237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NikkiB1973/pseuds/NikkiB1973
Summary: After his confrontation with Palaptine on Exegol, Kylo Ren reflects on the growing emptiness inside him, which encourages him to make a surprising decision. Set at the beginning of TROS.
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 809
Kudos: 398





	1. Chapter 1

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

_When did I become so numb?_

_When did I lose myself?_

_All the words that leave my tongue_

_Feel like they came from someone else_

Lyrics to Paralyzed by NF

**_A/N-this is set at the beginning of TROS just after Kylo Ren’s encounter with Palpatine._ **

** Chapter One-The Sacred Spark **

_"Kill the girl. End the Jedi. And become what your grandfather Vader could not. You will rule all the galaxy as the new Emperor."_

Kylo Ren eased up on the controls of his modified TIE whisper and let the ship drift in space. He couldn’t shake Sidious’ voice out of his head. It tormented him that Snoke—his master, whom he looked up to above all others for guiding him away from the light side of the Force—had been a figurehead for someone else the entire time. His true master had been the old Sith lord all along. His whispering voice taking on many forms throughout his lifetime. The incandescent rage that had led Kylo to seek out Sidious alone in the first place was replaced with a strange numbness as he was forced to reflect on everything that led him up to this point.

His whole life had been revealed to be a lie. Sidious-or his previous incarnation as Emperor Palpatine-had been pulling the strings all along. The old emperor had engineered the collapse of the old democracy and turned it into a dictatorship. But Kylo reminded himself that Palpatine didn’t create the problems within the Republic – history had implied that the Jedi had grown complacent, their stagnating democracy bloated with bureaucracy and corruption. Palpatine was able to manipulate the pre-existing flaws in the system, and position himself at the top, but the Republic seemed doomed to fall, regardless. 

With Palpatine supposedly defeated by his uncle and old master, Skywalker had been inspired to re-establish the old Jedi order. It had been Kylo’s own fall to the dark side under the machinations of Snoke-which had now been confirmed as being Palpatine all along-which had resulted in the destruction of a whole new generation of Jedi. Of course, the whole thing had been more complex then that.

Kylo grimaced as old ghosts from his past rose up and began to haunt him, much like his deceased father continued to do. He heard Tai’s voice in his head-one of the few friends he had made under his uncle’s tutelage, a fellow Jedi and pacifist-pleading with him to turn back to the light, and his own agonized response.

_“Choice? I have no choice and never did. Even my name isn't a choice. The Dark Side and the Light Side both claimed me for their own the moment I was born. I'm just a... legacy. Just a set of expectations."_

Kylo clutched the ship’s controls again. He was becoming a ghost himself. He died a little bit more each day. He was a ghost running through time and space, looking, always looking in the blackness for that sacred spark. He thought he had found that spark in Rey. Her rejection had sent him spiraling into a temporary state of madness. Even months after, he had never been able to explain his utter breakdown on Crait. His loss of control after she had slammed the door on their intimate Force bond had resulted in the First Order questioning the new Supreme Leader’s sanity.

_Had he ever really recovered from that rejection? From the loss of that shared future he had already built with her in his own head? He had been so certain of her, so certain that she would take his hand and he would no longer be alone in the dark anymore._

There was an empty silence in his soul; a silence that was growing with the passage of time. He felt the chill in his blood, coldness bringing the synapses of his brain to a standstill. Had any of his thoughts ever been his own? Who was he other than Sidious’ puppet? He didn’t know. He had never felt so empty in mind, body or soul. All his life he had felt worthless and disposable, knowing that he could never live up to others expectations of him. Leia sending him away to Luke had felt like her final rejection of him. Han was barely a presence in his life by this point, he was left adrift on a sea of disillusionment, knowing he was set to disappointment everyone.

In his quiet torment, Kylo felt completely paralyzed. The knowledge that he had been nothing but an unwilling puppet in Darth Sidious’ cruel and twisted games was devastating. He had finally reached the lowest point in his miserable life. Since Crait, he had been sleepwalking his way through each day. For hours at a time he would have no emotion at all, only an urge to move fast in an attempt to escape the prison he had built around himself. In his quieter moments, alone in his quarters aboard the Steadfast, he would fall to the floor, shaking with an unexplainable grief that bled from his bones. After Rey’s rejection, days became weeks, became months, and in every single moment, of every single day his soul would shrivel a little bit more.

It was like a void. A dark void. A never-ending dark void that consumes everything, so your left feeling nothing. Even his inner rage couldn’t sustain him anymore. He was empty. Soulless. There wasn’t any way of getting away from it. His nightmares seemed to help fill it, with what he didn’t care to elaborate. The nightmares reminded him of his childhood, like the emptiness inside him was the monster under the bed. The monster had been Sidious all the time. The evil Sith lord had been bleeding his soul dry since before the day he had been born. Kylo wondered if the emperor’s darkness had been the evil that Skywalker had sensed growing inside him the night he made the decision to kill him in his sleep.

Kylo was scared. He was scared to live. He was scared to die. He was paralyzed. He was lost inside and it was slowly killing him. Who was he? Kylo Ren? Ben Solo? It was impossible to separate them. He had tried killing one by renaming himself as the other. Kylo Ren was the darkness inside him; Ben Solo was the light. He couldn’t put the separate halves of them together; one would perish in the darkness, the other would perish in the light. He was this strange being barely existing in-between.

_"Kill the girl. End the Jedi. And become what your grandfather Vader could not. You will rule all the galaxy as the new Emperor."_

He shook Sidious’ vile voice out his head. He would never kill Rey. She remained his sacred spark of light. She had been the only one to see Ben Solo cowering beneath the heavy weight of Kylo Ren. She had reached out, shown him compassion. He concentrated on that now, on the tenuous string that still bonded them together. His gloved hand gripped the controls of his modified TIE as a determined glint lit up his dark brown eyes. He closed them, giving himself over to the Force as he sought that invaluable connection with her. Almost at once he could feel her fighting against it. He didn’t push, just merely allowed himself a brief moment to revel in the powerful glow of that connection. It was like a streak of light had opened up behind his eyes. He kept them firmly closed as he followed that light in his mind, letting the Force guide him back to her.

* * *

Kylo arrived in the Cademimu sector of the Outer Rim Territories. He deftly steered his ship toward Ajan Kloss, a jungle moon orbiting the gas giant Ajara. It was an ingenious place to hide, although maybe not an entirely comfortable one. The moisture alone would render any electronics useless unless the technicians double proofed everything on a regular basis. The moon would be teaming with life of all sorts of variety, and would be infected with insects and fungi. As far as he knew there were no large predators roaming the surface. The gas giant Ajara shielded the moon from any radiation. He guessed he had already been detected. The Resistance would be constantly monitoring the airspace above them. Even if they weren’t, Rey would know he was coming. He also knew that she would sense that he was alone. As soon as he entered the moon’s orbit, he heard her voice in his head for the first time in a year.

_“Why?”_ She asked bitterly.

At the sound of her voice, Kylo realized that being empty is not really being empty. It's because happiness is a pleasing weight that sits on you more often than not, like how air pressure sits on you, and you just don't notice it. But when you are sad that weight drops off giving the illusion you are weightless or "empty". But you are never really empty... you're just full of the wrong thing. Rey’s voice, even as irritated and full of angry bitterness as it had been, had lit that sacred spark within him again. Kylo would never acknowledge that spark as hope. But that’s exactly what it was. As long as he maintained that connection with her, he was on the right path.

His console crackled as the Resistance attempted to communicate with him from below. Kylo braced himself, preparing himself for the possibility that they were going to merely try and shoot him out of the sky. What he wasn’t prepared for was his mother. General Leia’s Organa’s voice came through clear and strong-but with a tender edge to her tone that nearly broke him-as she said simply. “Ben, welcome home.”

**_A/N-thanks for reading! Please review._ **


	2. Mother and Son

** Paralysed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Two-Mother and Son **

Kylo didn’t know what sort of reception he would be getting when he landed his modified TIE fighter. At most he assumed there would a heavily armed guard ready to greet him as he stepped down the ramp. Not that they could stop him if he really wanted to turn around and escape. They would be no match for his powers. Only Rey was his equal in combat. The moon’s intense humidity hit him as soon as he opened the ramp. His black uniform immediately felt heavy and confining. He longed to ditch his thick tunic, but instead settled for unlatching his cloak and throwing it to the ground. His keen eyes scanned the immediate area as he strode purposefully down the ramp, searching for the escort he presumed would be waiting for him, only to find a lone figure standing a few meters away under an umbrella of trees.

_It was his mother._

Leia Organa Solo-once a senator, a princess and leader of the Rebel Alliance, now a general in the Resistance- had never lost her regal bearing. She had aged, Kylo could see that, but somehow the deep lines on her face had increased her majesty. She stood waiting for him with a quiet authority to approach her. He knew she was definitely alone; he could sense no other warm bodies among the trees. He was surprised the others had allowed her to come alone to greet the Supreme Leader of the First Order. He might be her son, but would still be regarded as dangerous. At the very least he had expected that Rey would accompany his mother, but there was no sign of the young Jedi. He found Rey’s absence disconcerting.

“Ben.” Leia said gravely when he finally reached her. She had to crane her neck to look up at him. “When did you become so tall?” She murmured as moisture made her brown eyes glow with supressed emotion.

The way she said his name made Kylo feel like a teenage boy again-young, awkward and gauche-in front of his august parent. He took a deep breath to regain his composure and enforce an aura of dignity. “You look well, mother.” He replied formally.

“I’ve been better.” Leia confirmed softly. Her eyes were still locked on his face as if memorising every line, every feature. “You look so much like him.” Her bottom lip quivered slightly and she saw his dark brown eyes widen with pain when she referenced Han. Her intention hadn’t been to hurt him, she was only speaking the truth. Apart from his pale skin-a consequence of being cooped up on star ships for long periods of time-he was the image of his father.

Kylo breathed in real slow. He guessed his mother hadn’t tossed that piece of information at him as an intentional barb, but the reference to Han still found its target all the same. Once again, his emotions turned jagged and his insides tight. He waited, wide eyed, for his mother to speak again, because right now he was speechless.

Leia seemed to sense his distress. She turned slightly, resting her hand lightly on his gloved one as if they were casual acquaintances. They began to move toward the Resistance camp buried beneath the sheltering trees. Kylo saw row upon row of canvas tents set up amongst the thick foliage-the Resistance’s temporary headquarters. Further in the distance, in a wide patch of the thick jungle that had been deliberately cleared, he saw an array of ships of different sizes and capacities. He braced himself, his eager gaze searching for his father’s ship-the Millennium Falcon-but there was no sign of the worn-out Junker.

“This way.” Leia directed him to one of the bigger canvas tents. Again, the immediate area had been cleared of all personnel. Kylo couldn’t sense anyone around them, other than himself and his mother. It was a testament to his mother’s authority that she had managed to persuade, or rather command, that everyone disperse and leave them to converse in peace. It was only when he took the time to look closer that he realised that there were several canons trained right on the very ground he walked, ready to vaporise him at a moment’s notice. That was more like it, he thought with a slight quirk of his lips. He wondered whether Leia was aware. He supposed she was. Maybe it was even her suggestion-show the enemy the illusion of trust, but be ready to kill him if he made any kind of threatening move. This realisation sobered him up as Leia walked ahead of him through the canvas flaps protecting the interior of the large tent from the humidity coming from outside.

“You must be thirsty, Ben.” Leia picked up a jug of sparkling water and poured it into a tin mug. “I’m afraid I have nothing better to offer you. We live simply here.”

Kylo wished she would dispense with the false pleasantries and talk to him like a real person. He didn’t give a shit about what refreshments she offered him. She was acting like a politician trying to impress a visiting dignitary. He didn’t express his irritation, instead he took the water and sipped it, feeling grateful to have something to quench his thirst. He watched in brooding silence as his mother poured some water into another battered tin mug before lowering herself into one of the vacant folding canvas chairs.

“Please, sit down, Ben. I’m getting a crick in my neck looking up at you.” A glimmer of a smile eased the deep lines on her face, making her look suddenly years younger.

Kylo did as she asked. He pulled out a chair and folded his long body into it. He tried to appear relaxed, but struggled under his mother’s enquiring gaze. How did she manage to make him feel like an awkward teenager? He shifted in his seat, stretching his long legs out in front of him. That didn’t work, either. He still felt uncomfortable. Sighing irritably, he gave up and sat forward in his seat, his hands resting on his upper thighs.

“You may be a man now, but in some ways you haven’t changed.” Leia’s smile appeared to confirm his inner thoughts, making Kylo scowl. Her smile faded to be replaced with a weary expression. “It wasn’t a criticism, Ben.” She assured him.

“I didn’t come here to exchange small talk or reminisce about the past.” Kylo cut in sarcastically.

“Then why did you come here alone and unarmed, Ben?” Leia questioned calmly. “And how did you find us?”

Kylo didn’t have an explanation for that. He wondered how much Rey had told his mother about what had happened between them in Snoke’s throne room, and before that when she was with Skywalker on Ahch-to. He scrutinised Leia carefully, trying to read her guarded expression, and finally came to the conclusion that his mother didn’t know anything at all. “You and Rey have never talked about me at all, have you?” He asked bitterly.

Leia flinched at his acidic tone. “It was always an unspoken agreement between us.” She revealed. “I didn’t want to pry and assumed if she had anything to say she would reveal it in her own time.”

“Its been a year.” Kylo continued coldly. “Are you telling me she never mentioned what happened between us at all?”

Leia’s astute gaze flicked to his. “So, something did _happen_ between you.” Her implication was clear.

“Nothing _happened!_ ” Kylo glowered in his seat, his gloved hands curling into fists on his lap.

“You can remain in denial much as you want, Ben.” Leia remained as serene as ever under his angry glare. “But the shifty way you’re acting gives you away. Han acted just the same when he was trying to avoid the truth.”

“I am nothing like him!” Kylo growled. He hated that she kept comparing him to his father. He was beginning to think she was doing it deliberately now to bait him. He raised his gloved hand and extended his forefinger toward her in an impatient gesture for her to stop talking.

“See, just like Han.” Leia murmured, her eyes turning bleak.

Kylo’s eyes widened slightly, his heart in his mouth as he realised what he had just done. How many times had he seen his father make that exact same impatient gesture to his mother during one of their many arguments when he was younger? He slammed his hand down on the arm of the chair as if it had betrayed him.

“I miss him.” Leia’s eyes were glassy with tears as she maintained steady eye-contact with her son. Her pain seeped out in her words and it hurt him to hear them. She reached out to him and placed her hand on top of his. “And I know you miss him, too.”

Kylo fought to remain in control as his mother leaned closer, her gaze still trained on his. “I know what happened between you and Han haunts you, Ben. Your father loved you so much, even if you wouldn’t let yourself believe it. Just like I love you.” She paused, swallowing thickly. “I sense what is inside that troubles you so, I also sense there is so much goodness there too, bravery, tenacity. You hold on like a fighter, every morning rising to face the same inner conflict that is tearing you apart. Did you think I wouldn’t understand?”

Kylo’s emotional pain had left invisible scars, yet they had been opened by the gentlest touch from his mother. They were left raw and bleeding under her compassionate gaze. He felt open and exposed, like his heart was on show for everyone to see.

“Ben, my son, all I can offer you is a brighter horizon, a hope that one day you’ll be free of all this. One day there will be choice, freedom and security. You just need to open yourself up to that hope, to believe that kind of future is possible. Let the light in, Ben. I don’t want you to hurt anymore.”

When Kylo looked her way, Leia knew he was one more blow away from breaking. She knew the intervention had come just in time. She knew what had drawn him there. He was more like his father then he would ever care to admit. She wished she had stepped up sooner, if he hadn’t come right now, she would have lost him forever. She would demonstrate her love with her actions, show that she would die for him, suffer for him, yet ultimately, live for him, too. Leia Organa Solo knew what had brought her son home.

_Ben Solo had fallen in love._

**_A/N-thanks for reading! Please review. I would like to know your thoughts._ **


	3. Tension

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Three-Tension **

As Kylo walked slowly beside Leia he realised just how badly she was ailing. They hadn’t moved very far from the tent before she was forced to stop, her hand shaking slightly as tried to regain her breath. The intense humidity rising from the moon’s surface didn’t help matters. Moisture hung heavy in the air. Insects of varying shapes and sizes swarmed around them. Kylo swatted them away impatiently when they tried to land on his mother.

“It’ll pass.” Leia reassured him breathlessly when he expressed concern for her welfare.

Kylo frowned, but was forced to take her word for it. He could sense the others presence now. The Resistance fighters hid in the shadows of the trees, determined, despite Leia’s express wishes, to catch a glimpse of her estranged son. Kylo tried to detect Rey among them, but to his frustration she remained as elusive as ever. He knew she was around, but she remained out of reach, deliberately shielding herself from him.

Leia’s episode finally passed. She straightened, returning to her former regal bearing, although she did accept Kylo’s arm when he offered it to her, just for extra support. The two of them continued their slow journey toward the base of operations. Before they reached the first row of tents, a droid rolled into view, an orange BB unit that Kylo recognised as the very same one that had been used to hide the star map containing Skywalker’s location from the First Order. As soon as the droid spotted him it became very agitated. Kylo glared down at it scornfully as Leia rushed to reassure it. The droid buzzed and whirred, clearly not convinced, but giving the information to Leia that had been relayed to it by someone called Rose Tico.

“Thank you, BB-8.” Leia actually bent down and patted the top of the droid’s head affectionately. She noticed Kylo looking at her oddly and smiled wryly. “Never underestimate a droid, Ben. Haven’t you learned that yet?”

“Well, I clearly underestimated this one in the past.” Kylo conceded dryly.

“Yes.” Leia’s smile faded as she remembered what had happened on Starkiller base. She touched her temples gingerly as a headache began to form behind her eyes. She wished she had more time to speak to her son alone without all eyes watching and making judgements. BB-8 had just told her that Poe and the others were in the process of landing the Falcon, after rendezvousing with a contact they had made who information about a spy in the First order. “Ben, this next part is going to be difficult. I managed to persuade the others to hold back to give us time to talk, but…” She sighed heavily.

“Mother, I can defend myself. I knew what I was doing when I came here.” Kylo assured her. He wasn’t frightened in the least. He could accept the accusing eyes, the muttered words, the hostility that would kill a grown man dead if it could be used as a weapon. He experienced it every day in the First Order. Just because he was now the Supreme leader didn’t mean that there weren’t daily plots brewing to rob him of his power. He was universally reviled by everybody, especially ambitious men like Hux. He was used to being hated.

“I am going to protect you, Ben.” Leia promised him. “I failed you once. I won’t fail you again.”

His mother’s determined vow preceded the maternal glow in her warm brown eyes as she looked up at him. That look told him that she would willingly go through the gates of hell to keep him safe from further harm. _She loved him, she really loved him._ Despite all the bad things he had done, all the awful choices he had made, her love still hadn’t wavered. A lifetime of regret and lost opportunities weighed heavily on Kylo as he was forced to avert his eyes from her powerful gaze. Palpatine had robbed him of so much because of his evil manipulations. Even now, with remorse biting into his very soul, the wicked monster still whispered in the back of his mind, warning him that no matter how much he strived to be the man his conscience wanted him to be, it kept taunting him with his failures.

“Ben.” Leia prompted him when he didn’t answer.

Kylo nodded in response. No words of his would suffice right now. Instead he offered his mother his arm again. Leia gladly took as she steered him in the direction of the encampment.

* * *

Kylo refused to wilt under the many pairs of hostile eyes that swivelled in his direction as soon as he and Leia emerged into the light. The whole encampment went silent, many of the Resistance fighters downing tools as they glared their silent disapproval. One or two of them even dared reach for their weapons, although one imperious glance from his mother soon had them regretting their actions. Kylo saw this was the power he would never wield-a power built from a lifetime of honour, courage and respect. Instead, like his predecessor Snoke, Kylo’s brief reign as Supreme leader had been built on fear. This odd eclectic mix of fighters clearly held his mother in high regard. They esteemed her so much that they allowed her to override their very obvious concerns about letting her estranged back into the fold, he was their mortal enemy, but he was also Leia’s son. They trusted that their General knew what she was doing.

A young woman approached Leia. She was petite, her shoulder length black hair was held back by a tiny clasp at the back of her head. She gave Kylo a defiant glance through narrowed eyes, before addressing Leia.

“General, Poe and the others have landed. He is asking for you.” She said quickly.

“Thanks, Rose.” Leia replied tiredly. “Does Poe know about…?” She stopped short when she heard raised voices in the background.

“About _him_?” Rose gave Kylo another brief glance before nodding. “I didn’t tell him. News spreads fast.”

“As always.” Leia emitted another weary sigh. “Can you tell him I’m on my way, Rose.” She told the young woman. “And warn Dameron to moderate his language.”

A small smile lit up Rose’s face as she hastened to carry out Leia’s request. Leia looked up at her son again, trying her best to read him. Kylo was hiding his feelings behind a stoical mask. He had a look of complete confidence and control. He offered Leia his arm again for support and she took it. The background noise was getting louder as Poe made his presence known. Soon the Wing Commander appeared, followed hastily by Finn, who was doing his best to calm him down before he confronted their leader.

“Get a grip, Poe!” Finn whispered harshly.

“Don’t tell me to get a grip!” Poe fired back at him as he broke through the last of the crowd to find Leia and Kylo waiting for him. His expression darkened to one of intense anger and dislike as he glared at the Supreme leader of the First order standing nonchalantly next to his beloved General. “You unimaginable bastard!” He swore at him. He launched into a vicious tirade, getting more frustrated when Kylo didn’t respond to his verbal taunts, but instead showed nothing but indifference.

“Commander Dameron, control yourself.” Leia lambasted him.

“General, you can’t possibly…” Poe began.

“Do not question my decisions, Commander.” Leia cut in sharply. “There is much to discuss, but not here. I suggest you take some time to rest and cool off.”

Poe’s lips thinned as he cast another angry glare in Kylo’s direction. “You can’t possibly be okay with this?” He demanded of Finn.

“Hardly.” Finn muttered, his angry stare matching Poe’s. “But I trust our general knows what she is doing.” He ignored Dameron’s scowl as he faced Leia. “Where’s Rey, General? I thought she would have been here to meet us.”

Leia glanced uneasily at her son. At the mention of Rey, his mask slipped a little. She saw the longing in his eyes, before he quickly hid it behind the same impassive expression.

“General?” Finn asked again uneasily when she didn’t respond.

“You’ll see her soon.” Leia replied cryptically. “Now you should rest.” She gave Finn her warmest smile to reassure him, before taking her son’s arm again. “Come, Ben.” She said, leading him away from a frustrated Finn and Poe.

* * *

“You kept a cool head. I’m surprised. You’re not one to hold back if my memory serves me correctly.” Leia said to her son, thinking of his many temperamental outbursts that had concerned her so much when he was a teenager. She led him toward another huge canvas tent. This one housed the canteen.

“No.” Kylo agreed as he stepped slowly beside her. He was known for his short temper-especially when he was frustrated or felt he had been wronged in some way. “The guy just wasn’t worth my time.” He knew who Dameron was, he had interrogated him once upon a time when he had been looking for the map to Skywalker. He had been inside Poe’s head; he knew what made him tick. Dameron was stubborn, but had been no match for him. He had soon wrenched the information he needed out of his head. The information that had led him to seek the little BB unit and ultimately led him to Rey for the first time.

Thinking of Rey brought her to the forefront of his mind again. He could feel her now. She was close. Very close. She was no longer hiding from him. Kylo glanced down at his mother, wondering if it had been her instigation that made Rey keep her distance from him. Leia felt the heat of his enquiring gaze and she paused, nodding her affirmation as if she had read his mind.

“Yes, I told her to keep away from you.” She said aloud. “Call me selfish, but I wanted some time alone with you first.

Kylo caught the glimmer of sadness in her eyes. She looked so vulnerable. It frightened him suddenly how frail she looked when she let her guard down. When they resumed walking, he matched his pace to hers with difficulty, eager as he was to see Rey in the flesh again, he was mindful of his mother’s fragility. It seemed like an eternity until they reached the entrance to the large oblong tent that served as a canteen. Leia leaned heavily on him as they went inside. The canteen was empty except for the twenty long, folding tables that sat unoccupied. Only a lone figure sat at one of the tables near the back. Kylo found himself suddenly unable to breathe.

_It was Rey._

Kylo’s heart ached when he saw her raise her head and smile as his mother approached her. He longed for that smile to be directed towards him. Only at him. He wanted Rey to be smiling because of him. He wanted to bring the same joy; be the source of those lit eyes and dimpled cheeks. She was like a ray of sunshine in a cruel world. He hadn’t realised how cold he had been until he was basking in the reflected warmth of that smile.

But as her gaze slowly slid towards him, her smile faded into nothingness. It was the final blow that broke him. The last remnants of Kylo Ren shattered into a million pieces, leaving Ben Solo behind, feeling raw and exposed. His heart on show for everyone to see. He made eye contact with Rey again, and he noticed hers widen slightly as he sought that connection with her. A connection that they both needed.

Rey couldn’t look away. His eyes were so different from the last time she had looked into them, softer than she could imagine. They were the eyes of one who loves deeply. If it were anyone else looking at her like that, she would have dropped her gaze immediately, but with him she was drawn in closer, always wanting more, and hating that she wanted it so much at the same time.

Leia watched them silently, their intense gazes confirming that her son’s feelings were not one-sided. She was intrigued to know just how far things had gone between them. She cleared her throat to regain their attention. “We have a lot to discuss.” She said, taking a seat.

**_A/N-thanks for reading! Please review._ **


	4. Breakdown

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Four-Breakdown **

“I’ve been to Exegol. I confronted Sidious.” Ben explained. He was forced to stop and he exhaled slowly as he tried to stave off the dark memory of his time on the cursed Sith planet. It didn’t work. It tormented him anyway.

_"Kill the girl. End the Jedi. And become what your grandfather Vader could not. You will rule all the galaxy as the new Emperor."_

Ben closed his eyes against the remembered sound of the Sith Lord’s whispering voice as he painfully relived one of the worst times of his life. He could see himself striding toward the dark figure, cloaked in shadow, and moving oddly with a mechanical gait. It was only when he had drawn closer that he had caught his first glimpse of the disease-ridden creature that seemed more dead than alive. Despite its hideous appearance he had been able to sense great power emanating from it as well. Ben saw himself raising the tip of his lightsaber to the creature’s face, the red light from the humming blade bringing clarity to its ravaged features. He remembered the emperor’s eyes, filmed over with milky blindness. His hand half rotted away, leaving only a few fingers covered with skin like melting candle wax. Ben had seen that Sidious was incredibly frail, his body dangling from an enormous mechanism that he had seen before, while studying the Sith, and again while researching clues about Vader's wayfinder. It was an Ommin harness, a mechanical spine worn by the ancient Sith king Ommin. The vials that punctured the Emperor's neck had also been familiar to Ben. He had seen this apparatus in the past, back when he studied the Clone Wars as a boy. He had noticed that the liquid flowing into the living nightmare before him was nearly depleted, having fought a losing battle to sustain Sidious' putrid flesh. Ben knew how much Sidious relied on the harness, for he could not live without it, given his current state.

The nightmare image of Sidious continued despite his best efforts to banish it from his mind. Ben felt like he might die from the pain in his brain. He pressed his hands hard on top of the table, his fingers splayed widely. He felt like his eyes were glued shut and he couldn’t open them. In silent panic he tried to shake the putrid image of Sidious out of his head, much like he had tried to shake the dark whispering voices out of his mind when he was a child. He felt gentle fingers overlay his, their touch was featherlight, almost as if they were hovering, not quite connecting. Ben concentrated his mind on that single sensation, knowing deep down it was Rey.

_“You’re not alone.”_

Ben felt his breathing slow down at the sound of the calm, measured cadence of her voice projecting into his mind. The plume of his breath billowed out, quickly dissipating in the humid air. He was in control again. The ghastly image of Sidious faded from his mind. Ben let his eyes rest for a moment, to allow his other senses to rise. When he opened his eyes, he immediately directed his gaze toward her lovely face. She was like a brilliant beam of light, making everything around her seem dull in comparison.

“Ben!” The sound of his mother’s worried voice drew his reluctant gaze back to her. He blinked and Leia’s face came into focus; her hand was reaching for his face, finally settling on the exact same spot on his cheek where Han had once touched him. The memory of the last time he had seen his father overwhelmed him, pushing him over the edge. Ben blinked again, finally becoming aware of the wetness soaking his lashes. He was crying. “Oh, Ben, my son!” Leia whispered as she drew him into the comfort of her arms.

Ben sobbed into her chest unceasingly, hands clutching at her jacket. Rey immediately withdrew, giving him and Leia privacy. Leia held him in silence, rocking him slowly as his tears soaked her jacket. A tiny lapse let him pull away, blinking lashes heavy with tears, before he collapsed again, his pain worsening. The pain came in waves, there were minutes of sobbing broken apart by short pauses for recovering breaths, before hurling him back into the outstretched arms of his grief.

* * *

Rey was deeply affected by Ben’s breakdown. She had felt it building up in him as soon as he started talking about Exegol. He had become lost in the nightmare of his memories; Rey had gotten a glimpse of them when his control slipped and he unintentionally projected an image of Sidious’ twisted and distorted features into her mind through their Force bond. Those hideous memories of the dark lord had become so entrenched in his soul that he had struggled to wake up from them. It was only when she had reached out to him through the force that he had finally snapped out of them. Her fingers had hovered above his, barely touching as she reached into his mind, telling him that he wasn’t alone.

When Ben cried, there was a rawness to it. When he had first opened his eyes and looked at her, he seemed oblivious to his mother’s attempts to reach him. He had refused to look away from Rey, even as his lips trembled and his shoulders heaved with emotion. His dark lashes had brimmed heavy with tears; his hands clenching into shaking fists, in a desperate attempt to battle his grief. Rey remembered the lone tear that traced down his cheek as he continued to focus on her face as if she was all that he could see, and just like that the floodgates had opened. He had finally seemed to hear Leia’s entreaties as she tried to gain his attention. He turned to face his mother and wept as she drew him into the comfort of her arms. Rey had left them alone, her own emotions spiralling out of control as she gave them some privacy.

Rey pressed her palm to her forehead as she felt her own eyes drip with tears. Ben’s pain was her pain. She closed her eyes, reassuring herself that this emotional breakdown was cathartic for Ben. Instead of letting his pain out in another angry outburst, he had chosen a different path. A better one.

“Rey!” Poe’s demanding voice was an unwelcome interruption.

Rey, angry at her solitude being broken, whirled around to face him. “What?” She snapped.

Poe wasn’t alone. Finn was with him. It was Finn who noticed the tracks of Rey’s tears and he immediately pushed Poe to one side as he went to comfort her. “What did Ren do?” He asked as he tried to draw Rey into the circle of his arms.

Rey shied away from him. “ _Ben_ , didn’t do anything.” She corrected him.

“So, its Ben now?” Finn placed his hands on his hips, doing little to hide his hurt at her rejection.

“See, what did I tell you?” Poe said to Finn impatiently. “He’s even got her fooled.”

Rey wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and matched Poe’s annoyed glare. “Shut up! You have no idea what’s going on.”

“Well maybe because we keep being frozen out.” Poe argued. “We should be in on this meeting.” He gestured between himself and Finn.

Rey wanted to scream. Sometimes Poe got on her last nerve. He was brash, cocky and arrogant to the point of recklessness sometimes. She knew Leia held him in high regard-he was also brave and selfless, and a good portion of the Resistance fighters admired him just as much as Leia. But his overconfidence tended to grate on Rey’s nerves. They often rubbed each other up the wrong way, with Finn often having to act as peacemaker, when they engaged in one of their petty arguments.

“And you will be.” She finally said, rubbing her aching temples. “Just be patient. I know patience is something you struggle with, but for once maybe you could just try.”

“I’m sorry, Rey, but that’s just not good enough.” Finn backed up Poe, his own patience waning. “We’ve gone through hell to get this intel back here and now the General can’t even give us a few minutes of her time. I know Ren is her son, but I know that guy, he’s toxic. Whatever he’s filling her head with, its all lies. You should know that better than anyone. Why are you tolerating this?”

“Yes.” Poe added. “Have you forgotten what happened on Crait? I haven’t.”

His taunt found its target. Rey flushed, her eyes widening slightly, her breathing coming in static bursts. Poe had overstepped the line. She was just about to issue an acerbic retort, when the tent flaps to the canteen parted and Leia appeared. She had to have overheard the heated exchange. Poe and Finn’s postures completely changed when they met the imperious gaze of their general. Rey loved the way that Leia was always able to put them in their place with a simple look or gesture.

“Do we have a problem here?” Leia asked calmly.

Finn scratched the back of his neck as he struggled to meet her gaze. “Um…we were just wondering….” He began.

“We want an audience, General.” Poe finished for him. “We want to know what’s going on?”

“And you will, Dameron.” Leia responded, her tone softening slightly. “Look, I am aware of your concerns, but you have to trust that I know what I’m doing.” She continued gravely. “And you do trust me, don’t you?”

Poe knew when to give up the fight. He huffed out an impatient breath as he nodded. There was no one he trusted more than Leia. She had been mentoring him since he joined the Resistance. And after his recent experiences with Holdo, he had learned when it was wise to take a step back. “Yes.” He muttered.

“Good.” Leia’s lined face broke out into a weary smile. “Like I told you before, Dameron. Get some rest. You look like hell.”

Rey tried to hide her smile as Leia managed to cut through Poe’s bluster and quickly quash his rebellious streak. She watched as he spun on his heel and walked away, with Finn trailing after him. Rey’s smile faded when she saw Finn cast a hurt glance in her direction. She had upset him. Despite the friendships she had made in the year since the attack on Crait, Finn still remained her closest friend.

Leia touched her arm gently to regain her attention. “Ben is asking for you.” She said softly.

“How is he?” Rey asked, swallowing thickly. She was suddenly nervous to face him again after seeing him such a vulnerable state.

“He’s composed again.” Leia’s expression turned grave. “He’s let me in, but I know there is still much he’s keeping from me. It worries me. I don’t know whether its to protect me or himself.” She sighed heavily, shaking her head. “Will you speak with him?” She asked.

“You mean alone?” Rey said in surprise.

“Yes. He said he needs to tell you something in private. I’m going to freshen up and get Ben a change of clothes.” Leia gave her a sympathetic glance as she stroked Rey’s shoulder before walking away.

* * *

Ben took the moment alone to try and sort through his tangled thoughts. His mini breakdown had gone a long way to purge some old ghosts. Finding solace in his mother’s arms had been cathartic for both of them. His tears had kept his soul alive in the furnace of his pain. They couldn’t extinguish what had been, only carry him forward until a time came when the searing pain was distant enough for him to forget more than remember, and maybe one day erase itself from his brain completely. He was glad he had found that emotional release after being numb for so long. Perhaps it was weird that he should be glad he had shed those tears and be proud that he’d cried, if allowing that emotional release saved him from becoming a monster, a person indifferent to suffering and sorrow, then crying was the smartest thing he could do.

Ben sensed Rey before he saw her. He raised his head, watching in silent admiration as she appeared in his line of sight, carrying a tray filled with all the delicacies that Ajan Kloss had to offer. He watched as she walked gracefully toward him. She remained pensive, her eyes avoiding his watchful gaze. He wondered if she was embarrassed at witnessing his emotional breakdown, but soon swept that thought aside. There was no one more compassionate than Rey. She finally reached him, setting the tray down carefully in front of him.

“I thought we could eat while we talked.” She murmured.

“Thank you.” Ben pushed through the huskiness in his voice as he gazed up at her. “Food would be good.”

“You’re welcome.” Rey briefly made eye-contact, before looking away again just as quickly. She sat down opposite him and began to share out the food. “You wanted to talk.” She said while concentrating on sharing out the portions as evenly as possible. “So, talk.”

**_A/N-thank you for reading. I was going back and forth whether to include Ben’s emotional breakdown or not, wondering whether it was too out of character for him. But I don’t know, it just felt right. Please review._ **


	5. Battle

** Paralyzed  **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Five-Battle **

The food was so bland that it was almost tasteless. Ben didn’t even know what half the stuff was, and by the dubious look of some of the things Rey had divided evenly on his plate, it was better that he didn’t know. The food sat dejected as he picked at it. It looked like it had been reheated too many times and had wilted from the excess heat. Instead he focused all his attention on Rey instead. He watched as she brought a slice of some kind of doughy bread like concoction to her nose, and inhaled deeply. To Ben it smelled dull and unappetizing, but Rey was acting like she had been given the greatest gift in the whole galaxy. Picking up a knife, she applied a copious amount of thick, creamy sauce. She then ripped off a chunk, stuffing the piece into her mouth. She suddenly became aware that he was watching her. She paused, mid-chew, her cheeks flushing a dull red with embarrassment.

Ben immediately felt ashamed for being caught staring. He picked up his knife and fork and began to cut up some of the gristly meat that had been balanced precariously on the corner of his plate. It was so tough that his knife hardly made a dent. He frowned, becoming irritated when he ended up chasing the unappetizing morsel around the plate with his knife, before he gave up on trying to cut it and just stabbed it with his fork instead. He felt Rey’s eyes on him as he placed it gingerly on his tongue. He waited for it to bite him, but it just tasted as tough as it looked. He closed his mouth and tried to chew, grimacing the whole time.

“Not up to your usual standards?” Rey said, sarcasm clear in her tone.

“I’ve had better.” Ben muttered as he swallowed. The meat left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth. He tried not to show his disgust. “But I’ve also had a lot worse.”

“I doubt that.” Rey added more of the creamy sauce to her food and was just about to use her fingers, when she paused, gazing non-plussed at her unused cutlery.

Ben saw her hesitate and hated that she felt so uncomfortable. He could only imagine what sort of hellish food she had managed to scavenge on Jakku just in order to survive. He wondered how often she had come close to starvation. No wonder she treated the food on her plate like a delicious feast. The thought sobered him up. He shoved his knife and fork to one side and grabbed the same piece of unappetizing dough like substance that she seemed to find so wonderful. He dolloped a huge blob of the creamy sauce on it and shoved it whole in his mouth. He wasn’t prepared for the kick back from the sauce. It was hot. Very hot! He coughed, chewing quickly as his eyes began to stream. He saw Rey fighting a smile as she passed him a tin mug filled with water.

“The sauce is an acquired taste.” She said in amusement. “And not for the faint hearted.”

Ben gulped down the water, sighing with relief as it eased the burn in his throat. “Some warning next time.” He gasped.

“Where would the fun be in that?” Rey wore a teasing smile as she tore off another chunk of the doughy bread and stuffed it in her mouth. She showed no reaction as she chewed.

Ben had never seen this side of Rey before. The mischievous glint in her hazel eyes made her whole face glow. He was captivated. She had a kind of understated beauty, perhaps because she was so unaware of her prettiness. Ben admired her flawless skin. Rey was all about simplicity, making things easy, helping those around her relax and be happy with what they have. Perhaps that’s why she glowed so much, it was her inner beauty that lit her eyes and softened her features. When she smiled, really smiled, like she was doing now, Ben couldn’t help but smile along too, even if it was only on the inside. To be in her company made him feel that he too was someone, that he had been warmed in summer rays regardless of the season. It took him a moment to analyze the emotion, to realize what it was that he was feeling in that instant, and when he understood what it was, it was shocking to him. He was…. _happy_?

Rey finished eating before him. She gulped down the last of her water and pushed her plate to one side. She was all seriousness now, the brief glimpse he had gotten of her happy face, fading right before his eyes. He was already missing the warm glow of her smile and felt suddenly bereft.

“Leia said you wanted to speak to me.” Rey said carefully.

The last of his food tasted like ashes in his mouth. Ben suddenly didn’t want to talk anymore. He wanted to rewind the last ten minutes and relive it all over again. He wished he could bottle the memory of Rey looking so relaxed and happy. As soon as he opened his mouth, he was going to shatter her world and he didn’t think he could bear it. But he couldn’t keep it to himself and lie to her, either. She deserved to know the truth, no matter how much it hurt.

“Ben?” Rey prompted him when he didn’t answer her. She gazed at him warily the longer he battled his inner turmoil. “What is it? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Rey.” Ben edged his hand across the table toward hers, but stopped halfway across when her eyes dilated with fear. He could see she was petrified, absolutely scared to death of what he was about to say. “I don’t want to hurt you.” He said roughly. “But you have to know.”

“Know what?” Rey sat taut in her seat, her whole posture rigid with suppressed tension.

“I know who your parents are.” Ben’s eyes latched onto hers, a pleading quality to his tone as he spoke.

“Haven’t we already had this conversation?” Rey retorted bitterly. “You told me my parents were nothing, no-one. They were junk traders who sold me for drinking money and left me to rot in the Jakku desert.”

Ben flinched as the memory resurfaced in his mind of their confrontation in the throne room after he had assassinated Snoke. With Snoke's personal guards dead, he had offered Rey the chance to join him and "let old things die" and bring a new order to the galaxy, but when she pleaded with him to join the Resistance and to not give into the dark side, he stood behind his convictions. To his frustration, he could see that Rey was still clinging to that futile hope of hers. He had urged her to "let go," to admit the truth about her parents—a truth she had always known but hidden away for years. He had watched as she struggled to control her emotions when she admitted that she knew this, that her parents were simply "nobody," but the revelation that she came from nothing had completely shattered her. The scene continued to haunt Ben as he saw himself admitting that Rey was not "nothing" to him. He heard the pleading in his voice as he held out his gloved hand toward her. He was selfish, the worst kind of monster. The way he had so unconsciously hurt her with his poor choice of words bit into his soul. He remembered the utter pain and devastation on her face when he stripped away the last remaining hope she had that her parents were coming back for her. She had been clinging to this ideal all her life and he had completely shattered it in the cruelest way possible, all in a vain attempt to get what he wanted.

“Please, Rey.” Ben begged. “I don’t want to hurt you, but you have to know.”

Rey shook her head. Why did it always have to be him who destroyed her world? Her lower lip quivered, her eyes glazing over with tears as she tried to delay the inevitable moment. Her heart sounded loud in her ears as she dropped her gaze to her hands. They were literally shaking in her lap. “Just say it.” She whispered brokenly.

Ben cast his own eyes down to the half empty plate of food in front of him. The carefully prepared speech in his head sounded hollow to him now. Whatever play he put on the words; it was still going to cause her unimaginable pain. “You are a Palpatine.” His voice was thick with pain as he delivered the crushing blow that rocked her world. “You’re his granddaughter.”

“Liar!” Rey screamed at him as she jumped up, her chair smashing to the ground behind her.

The desolation he felt on her behalf was all consuming. His mind became an icy wasteland, the wind howled in his soul and wrapped icy tentacles around his heart so tightly it almost stopped beating. “I’ve never lied to you.”

“No, just to yourself!” Rey bit back at him. The news of her true parentage passed through her like a hurricane. Everything she had worked and struggled for lay in ruins. She was upset, angry, devastated, which caused her to lash out at Ben in the worst way. She imagined the moment when she saw Ben murder Han Solo and transmitted that thought to him through their bond. Seeing his father reaching out to touch his face, gazing at him with love even as his dying body slumped over the red lightsaber that had skewered him, caused Ben to flinch with pain. His eyes widened as he stared at her with wide, haunted eyes.

It was like she had shot him right through the heart. In his torment he wanted to wound her like she had wounded him. He retaliated by throwing an image back at Rey, reminding her of all the days she marked while waiting for her parents to return after abandoning her on Jakku.

“Why did you have to come back!” Rey cried hoarsely. She felt emotionally bankrupt. There was nothing left to feel, nothing left to say, nothing left but the void that enveloped her mind in swirling blackness. She knew Ben spoke the truth. She was a Palpatine. The granddaughter of an evil Sith lord-Darth Sidious.

The emotional turmoil surrounded them like a Tsunami. Just like it had in Snoke’s throne room, when they battled each other for the legacy lightsaber, it needed an outlet. It started as a low hum in the background, as if the very air around them was beginning to vibrate. Their gazes met and melded together. Ben saw Rey raise her hand, fingers extended toward him, and he raised his in kind to defend himself as he quickly read her intentions. Through the Force, he could feel her straining to telekinetically blast him backwards, but he fought against her resolve, trying to push past her pain and anger toward him, to make her see reason. As the raw power emanated between them, the table separating them wobbled violently-the plates, along with the plastic tray and tin mugs- flying off the top and smashing to the ground.

_“You’re not alone, Rey.”_ Ben projected desperately into her mind. _“I understand. I know you.”_

“No one knows me.” Rey responded through gritted teeth. Tears pooled in her eyes as she pushed harder against him.

“I do.” Ben argued. “Your father was the son of the emperor. But my mother was the daughter of Vader. I’m Vader’s grandson. I know what its like to be cursed with a legacy that you don’t want. I’m the only one who can understand. I only found out about Vader when I was twenty-three years old. Not long after I woke up to find Skywalker about to kill me in my sleep because- “

“THAT CAN’T BE TRUE!” Leia’s anguished cry cut through the chaos. The power swirling around Ben and Rey instantly died as they turned in unison to find Leia standing at the entrance of the tent, the spare clothes she had brought for Ben clutched tight to her chest. Her brown eyes flew to her son, wide and glassy with tears. “Tell me its not true.” She pleaded with him. “Tell me that Luke didn’t…he…” She faltered, her world spinning on its axis.

“Mom.” Ben’s chin quivered as he whispered her name.

Leia found Rey by her side. She leaned on her for support as the air returned to her lungs. She breathed heavily as Rey guided her toward one of the only chairs still standing and helped her sit down. Leia tried to regain her composure as she stared around at the chaos caused by Ben and Rey’s confrontation. The table was upended, chairs, plates and other cutlery littered the ground. Finally, she refocused her attention back onto Ben and Rey. They were standing literally side by side, looking guilty and ashamed.

**_A/N-thanks for reading. The ‘talk’ between Ben and Rey went all kinds of ways and I wasn’t satisfied with any of them. I always imagined this confrontation being very emotional when Ben finally told her about her true parentage. She was never going to react well to the shocking revelation. I kept seeing their confrontation in Snoke’s throne room in TLJ in my mind when I wrote it and based it on that. I hope you all feel it is in character. Anyway, drop me a review and let me know._ **


	6. Remorse

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Six-Remorse **

Rey and Ben took a few minutes to clear up the mess they had made to give Leia time to compose herself after the latest shocking revelation about her brother. The disarray they had managed to cause just reminded Ben of how powerful their Dyad powers had become…and Rey didn’t even know about that part yet. He had handled things badly, like always. He hadn’t meant to blurt it out like that, but however he phrased it, the truth was always going to hurt Rey. He couldn’t blame her for lashing out at him, he knew he shouldn’t have retaliated. But when she had forced that image of Han dying on him…he closed his eyes briefly, sucking in a deep breath as he bent down to pick up one of the fallen chairs.

_“I’m sorry.”_

Rey’s unexpected apology blew his mind. He stood up slowly, wondering if he had really heard her voice in his head. He looked over in her direction to find her gazing at him remorsefully.

_“I’m sorry, too.”_ Ben answered guiltily. _“I handled it all wrong.”_

He caught her wavering gaze and held it, his wayward emotions seeking more of a connection. He watched as Rey’s breathing softened, the tenseness in her shoulders lessened as she maintained eye-contact with him. Her eyes were beautiful, he thought, they were the softest brown infused with green, as if she held the new spring growth inside. They were the forest floor and the gentle flowers, somewhere to rest and breathe.

_“We’re okay, you and me. Okay?”_ Ben said.

Rey nodded. Ben felt his relief ease the burn in his lungs. He felt able to breathe again. He continued to look her way, reluctant to be the first to break the fragile peace they had found together. He was unaware that Leia had sat silently observing their interactions, becoming fascinated by the way they seemed to be speaking to each other without words. Rey was the first to turn away when she accidentally dropped the plate she was holding. The resultant bang when it hit the floor made them both jump like startled rabbits.

“Leave it.” Leia said to attract their attention.

Rey hastily rushed to Leia’s side and pulled up another chair to sit by her side. “Are you feeling better?” She asked in concern.

“I’m not sure what that even means anymore.” Leia tried to smile but it came out a little forced. Her gaze drifted toward her son. Ben was hovering in the background, second guessing himself whether to join them or not. “Come here, Ben.” Leia held out her heavily ringed hand toward him.

Ben accepted her invitation as he hesitantly took her offered hand and sat down on her other side. Leia wrapped her fingers around his and looked up at him sorrowfully. “What you said about Luke…?” She exhaled slowly, unable to finish the rest of her sentence.

Ben’s jaw locked when she mentioned Skywalker. He didn’t want to think about the man, let alone revisit the events of that night. “I don’t know what you expect me to say.” He ground out.

Leia’s fingers tightened around his hand when he tried to withdraw his. She held on tightly, refusing to let him look away from her. “I need to know why Luke would do such a thing.”

“Only he can tell you that and he’s dead.” Ben responded bitterly.

“I can.” Rey revealed hesitantly. “I confronted him about it.” She paled when Leia and Ben’s eyes immediately snapped to hers.

“You knew about this? You knew what Luke did?” Leia demanded, her tone rising slightly in anger. “And you never thought to tell me.”

“It wasn’t my place to say.” Rey replied defensively. “I was hoping he would. I never thought we would lose him the way we did.”

Leia rubbed her aching temples with her free hand. Her other one was still clutching tightly to Ben’s, as if reminding herself that her son was really there. “I’m sorry, Rey.” She apologised tiredly. “I shouldn’t be taking things out on you. Please, can you just tell me what my brother said to you.”

“Okay.” Rey glanced uneasily toward Ben. “ _If you can’t deal with this, then you should step out for a while.”_ She said through their Force bond.

_“No_.” Ben argued stubbornly. “ _I need to know what miserable excuse Skywalker gave you for what he did. You can tell my mother, but you can show me!”_

Rey sighed heavily, already regretting speaking up at all. _“You might not like what you see.”_

“ _Just show me_!” Ben demanded. His outward expression remained impassive, even as he fought to control his anguish on the inside. “ _I’ll deal with it. I promise.”_ He deliberately softened his tone to reassure Rey that he could cope with whatever her memory about her confrontation with Skywalker showed him.

_“Fine!”_ Rey sighed, giving in. With her outward attention focused solely on Leia’s face, in her mind she dived right back into the past as she allowed Ben access to her memory in all its full technicolour glory.

* * *

_“Did you do it? Did you try to murder him?” Rey’s voice was flush with anger as she stood angrily over Luke with his own saber clutched tightly in her hands. Rain pelted down on her from above, the sharp droplets also striking the cowering figure at her feet. She stepped back and shut down the glowing plasma blade when Luke collapsed against the ground; his weary eyes swimming with a lifetime of regret._

_“"I saw darkness. I'd sensed it building in him. I'd seen it in moments during his training. But then I looked inside, and it was beyond what I ever imagined. Snoke had already turned his heart. He would bring destruction, and pain, and death, and the end of everything I love because of what he would become. And for the briefest moment of pure instinct, I thought I could stop it. It passed like a fleeting shadow. And I was left with shame... and with consequence. And the last thing I saw were the eyes of a frightened boy whose master had failed him."_

The image of Skywalker’s devastated face faded slowly from his mind, leaving Ben feeling regret washing him like the long slow waves on a shallow beach. Each wave was icy cold and sent shivers down his spine. How he longed to go back and take a different path, but now that was impossible. There was no way back. There was no way to make it right. If only his uncle hadn’t taken the cursed vision at face value, and tried to look deeper, maybe he would have recognised Sidious’ manipulations going on underneath.

* * *

Ben saw Rey shoot him another concerned glance as she finished explaining to Leia what had happened on Ahch-to between her and Luke. She only told her as much as she had showed Ben in her memory. She didn’t feel able to share the moments leading up to her confrontation with Luke. She wanted to keep the last intimate Force bond she had shared with Ben private. By then, their bond had reached an unprecedented level in strength and raw power to the extent that Rey compared it to touching a live wire. She had always secretly wondered what else would have happened between them had Luke not come and interrupted their connection.

Leia’s face was grave as she contemplated what Rey had told her about Luke’s emotional confession about the night had attacked her only son. She continued to hold Ben’s hand the whole time she pondered why her brother would do such a thing. Instead of attacking, why didn’t he talk to Ben? If he didn’t feel able, then why hadn’t he come to her with his concerns about the darkness he sensed growing inside of her son. If he had, she would have staged some kind of intervention, tried with all her might to pull her son back from the brink. Leia raged silently at Luke for his rash actions, as well as trying her best to understand them.

“Master, can I get you anything?” Rey said gently when she saw Leia press her lips together in silent anguish. She noticed Ben’s eyes widen slightly in surprise when she addressed his mother as ‘master.’ _“She’s been training me.”_ She told him through their bond. “ _What else did you think I was doing for the last year?”_

Leia reached up with her free hand and touched Rey’s cheek gently. “Water will suffice.” Rey left briefly to get some for her, upon returning she pressed the tin mug in Leia’s shaking hand. “Thank you.” Leia raised the water to her dry lips and sipped it slowly. She took a deep shuddering breath before facing Ben again. Her brown eyes shone with compassion as she looked deep into his. “Even as I try to understand what Luke did that night, I can’t forgive him for it. All I know is what happened between him and Vader scarred him in ways I cannot possibly explain. He helped Vader back to the light, but before that, everything that passed between them….” She paused, taking another sip of the water.

“I’m not condoning Luke’s actions, Ben.” Leia continued when she felt him tense as he tried to withdraw his hand from hers. “I’m just trying to understand what led up to them. Luke and I only spoke about Vader once after he died. After that it was a closed subject between us.” She called upon what Luke had told her of their father’s last hours. He had renounced darkness, saved Luke, and become Anakin Skywalker again. “Maybe we should have. I locked away the fact that Vader was once Anakin Skywalker. I had a father. A good one. Bail is the only man I recognise as my father. I wanted nothing to do with Vader or his twisted legacy. I thought if I could bury all knowledge about my familial connection to Vader, it would somehow make it not true. It was my biggest mistake.”

Leia took another sip of the water to ease the dryness in her throat and looked in despair at her son. “I hated him so much. Sometimes I felt as if the only thing that kept me going in the aftermath of Alderaan was my hatred for Vader.” She gasped as her chest tightened with regret. “I was wrong to keep it a secret. I was wrong to keep it from you. I was scared, Ben. So scared. That feeling got worse when I became pregnant with you….” She trembled slightly as she saw his eyes dilate with anguish. “I sensed darkness in you, Ben. I sensed it even when I was carrying you. It brought all my fears about Vader rising to the surface again. When you were born, I loved you intensely, but I was also scared for you. I worried that I couldn’t protect you from the same darkness that consumed my birth father….”

“So, you labelled me a monster before I was even born!” Ben accused as he snatched his hand out of his mother’s tight grip. “I remember all those whispered conversations you had with Han about me.” He fought his old triggers of rejection and tried to stem the tide of his growing anger. He owed his mother a chance to explain even if it meant opening up old wounds. “That darkness you sensed wasn’t coming from me…” He said hoarsely. “It was Palpatine. Just like he manipulated Vader, he manipulated me, and in the end you as well.”

“I see that now.” Leia agreed as a single tear slipped out of the corner of her eye and dibbled down her weathered cheek. “I was so fixated on my hatred of Vader it blinded me to everything else. Vader made me watch my planet die, Ben. He froze Han, your own father, in Carbonite and sold him to Jabba the Hutt. He cut off my brother’s hand, and nearly took his life. And he tortured me. He tortured me until I screamed and shook and thought I would die from the pain alone. And in the end to realize the person who had done all of this was your father? Can you imagine how terrible it is to realize all you will ever know of your birth father is how much he enjoyed making you suffer? That is what I had to live with. I sent you to Luke because he brought Vader back to the light, and I was so convinced he would be the best person to guide you, to nurture you in the ways of the force. It was the worst choice I ever made. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for sending you away. I’m sorry for projecting all my ambivalent feelings about Vader onto you. I’m sorry that you felt you couldn’t come back to me after what Luke did….”

Seeing his mother break, broke Ben all over again as well. The things she was accusing Vader of, he was guilty of some of them, too. His head bowed with the weight of his remorse. How was he to atone for all the hurt, pain and suffering he had caused. For the deaths of so many innocents. He couldn’t. Nothing he did going forward would bring those poor tortured souls back. Seeing his own mother, remembering the torture she had endured at the hands of her own father, was like an arrow straight to his damaged heart. He could try and hide behind the excuse that he had been fighting a war. That some of his actions had been a necessary consequence of that. He had used his power to interrogate many, Rey among them, though she had fought back valiantly and pushed right back. But he had still invaded her mind against her will, even if he had done it in a gentler fashion than he had on her comrade, Poe Dameron. He remembered Rey’s tortured screams when Snoke had used the dark side of the force to rip Skywalkers location out of her head as well as everything she knew about the Resistance. He remembered having to kneel in front of his former master, emptying his mind of all feeling just so Snoke wouldn’t detect his secret plan to kill him. Oh, how he had suffered when he was forced to watch Rey being tortured. To think his mother had suffered the same at his grandfather’s hands. He hated it. He hated himself…

“ _Ben_.” Rey’s voice was like a gentle wave as it broke through the dam of his self-hatred. The strength of his remorse seeped through their force bond. She was privy to all his thoughts and feelings, all his self-condemnation. She reached out to him in the only way she could while his mother was there-through the force. “ _You’re not alone. When I said I would help you, I meant it.”_ She promised him.

After everything he had done, in her compassion, Rey was still offering him her support. He wasn’t alone. He could atone. As long as he was with her, he was on the right path. When the guilt came again to haunt him, he took in a breath. He called upon the mental strength that had sustained him during his early years-when he had resisted the evil voices in his head-right up until the night he had awoken to find Skywalker standing over him with a raised lightsaber. After all this time the memory still cut deep, but he had to let it go, he had to forgive. He took in another breath and opened his eyes to find Leia’s hands on his face, her eyes filled with nothing but love, for him. His mother loved him. She always had. Sidious had made him believe that no one did. He had made him believe that he could never go home to her. But he had. Sidious had lost in more ways then he realised.

_Love had called Ben home._

**_A/N-thanks for reading! Phew, that was one angsty chapter, but I feel everyone turned a corner, especially Ben. Well I hope it came across that way anyway. I always tried to imagine how the conversation between Leia and Ben would go. I hope they were all in character???? Ah, I have never been so nervous posting a chapter, LOL. Let me know what you think. All criticism welcome. I need it to grow as a writer…._ **


	7. Confrontation

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Seven-Confrontation **

As Leia stood in front of the small band of Resistance fighters, watching their accusing faces, she felt like she was back in front of the Senate the day that one of her political opponents broadcast, not just for the public record, but the cameras as well that she was the daughter of the universe’s greatest villain-Darth Vader. The memory had haunted her all her life, the aftermath having ended her political career.

“Please, calm down.” She said loudly as the uproar swirled around her. She could hardly hear the shouts, stamps and derogatory comments above the blood pounding in her ears.

“You heard the General. Quiet!” Poe Dameron’s voice rang above the chaos. Leia glanced in his direction and smiled her thanks. Poe nodded his acknowledgment as, with Finn’s help, he managed to get the rag tag band of fighters in order.

Leia bit the inside of her cheek, struggling to keep a small measure of her composure as she met the many pairs of angry eyes facing her. Some, like Rose Tico’s and Harter Kalonia’s, shone with compassion, others were more resentful. Leia noticed Chewbacca towering in the background. She wondered what the Wookie was thinking right now. If anyone should feel animosity toward her son, he would be one of them. Losing Han had a profound effect on Chewie, made worse by the fact that it was his surrogate nephew who had committed the deed. Leia’s lower lip wobbled slightly as she made eye-contact with Chewbacca. He looked back at her with his warm brown eyes, there was no accusation or blame in them. He understood her difficult position. Feeling a little reassured Leia drew upon her years of experience and stifled her own conflicted feelings as she faced the crowd and prepared herself for the difficult meeting ahead.

* * *

The shouting rose again, even louder then before. Leia had just announced the bad news about Palpatine’s return. She was suddenly faced with a thousand questions and demands for answers. Once again, Poe and Finn came to her rescue, as they kept the agitated crowd under control and calmed them down so their General could make herself heard above the noise. Both of them wanted answers themselves, but they reined in their disquiet to support their beloved leader. They planned on expressing their concerns later on when they held their own private meeting with Leia.

As the meeting dragged on and on, Leia began to tire. Her health had been worsening of late, though she had managed to keep the worst of her symptoms secret, even from those closest to her. Only Harter Kalonia, the resident doctor, knew how bad Leia’s condition really was. When the doctor noticed the slight tremor to Leia’s voice when she spoke, she called upon Poe to bring the meeting to a close. He agreed, already noticing how weary the General was looking.

* * *

“Where’s Rey?” Finn asked Poe when the crowd finally dispersed. The General had retired to the medical tent with the doctor. “She should be here.”

“She’s babysitting the Supreme leader!” Poe said sarcastically.

Finn frowned heavily. “He shouldn’t be her responsibility. I don’t like this. Any of it!”

“You said it.” Poe narrowed his eyes as he looked over toward the canteen where Ren and Rey had been hiding out while the meeting took place.

It had been Leia’s idea that Ben keep his distance while she took charge of the meeting alone. She wanted to put across her side of the story before anyone could make their own judgements. Ben had argued that it wasn’t her place to defend him, that he could take care of himself. He was expecting hostility. Hiding out while his mother faced the angry mob alone didn’t sit well with him, but with Rey backing Leia up, they made him realise that his presence would likely just inflame an already tense situation.

Poe stroked his chin thoughtfully. He had been itching to confront Ren himself ever since he had found out he had returned. The memory of his own encounter with Ren, when he had been captured by the First Order, was forever burned in his memory. He had been brought aboard the Star Destroyer Finalizer and strapped to an interrogation chair and interrogated about the whereabouts of the map piece leading to Luke Skywalker. He had held up under severe torture until Ren himself had stepped in and painfully extracted the information from his mind.

“I would like a word with the Supreme leader myself.” Poe said rashly as he began to march toward the large canvas tent housing the canteen.

“Poe, that’s not a good idea. You’re not in the right frame of mind. Remember what the General said…” Finn warned him as he hurried to keep up with his friend’s frantic pace.

Poe wasn’t listening. He brushed Finn’s concerns aside and strode through the entrance to the canteen, his keen eyes searching for the black cloaked figure of his nemesis, Kylo Ren. They landed on Rey first. She jumped up from her seat as soon as he and Finn entered the canteen. “Is the meeting over? Where’s Leia?”

“In the med-tent.” Poe threw at her carelessly.

“What happened? Is she okay?” Rey demanded, there was a panicked edge to her tone.

“She’s just tired, Rey.” Finn rushed to reassure her. He warned Poe in a hushed whisper to calm down, but Dameron was beyond listening. Poe was already striding toward the black clothed figure that was still seated just across from where Rey was standing. Finn scowled in frustration as he followed Poe, getting ready to haul his friend out at the first sign of trouble. Even though his feelings matched Poe’s, he was being decidedly more level-headed about the situation.

“Too cowardly to come out and face the baying crowd yourself, Supreme Leader?” Poe sneered when he reached the table. Hate welled up in his heart, fury itself burning up as he faced down the man who had wronged him and so many others.

“Back off, Poe.” Rey said testily. “This is not the way.”

“She’s right, Poe.” Finn argued. “This isn’t doing any good.”

Poe’s expression hardened as he ignored both of them. His hate for the guy sitting as silent as the grave before him was buried so deep in his heart that it was ingrained in his tissue. “Have you lost your voice?” He demanded as he glared at Ben. “Are you deaf? Say something?”

“I heard you.” Ben replied carefully.

Ren wasn’t reacting at all to his angry taunts and it just infuriated Poe even more. He tried to goad Ren some more, but it wasn’t working. Ren just remained sitting in his seat, wearing an emotionless mask. It was like the guy had locked his emotions down in a steel box and any angry words of his just bounced off him. Ren’s lack of reaction made Poe snap. All that rage came out faster than magma and just as destructive. He wanted Ren to shrivel before him, but when he remained motionless, Poe just kept on going, stopping just short of physical violence but doing far more damage with his words.

“The only reason any of us are tolerating you at all is because of our deep respect for your mother.” Poe seethed. “I don’t know what your real agenda is, but when I find…”

Ben finally reacted. He stood up, scraping his chair back and standing to his full height. He towered over Poe, appearing intimidating, whether intentionally or not. Dameron stood his ground boldly, a glimmer of triumph lighting his eyes as he waited expectantly for the angry, rage-fuelled outburst that Kylo Ren was famous for. He felt Finn come to stand protectively on his other side as he backed him up against the Supreme leader. When Poe glanced in Rey’s direction, he was surprised to see her standing a few feet away, her face as expressionless as Ren’s had been a few minutes ago. His brows drew down in a puzzled frown.

“My agenda is the same as yours, Commander Dameron.” Ben said coolly. “Sidious’ death and an end to this infernal war.”

“You want to use us to help get rid of Palpatine so there will be no challenger for your rule.” Poe replied sarcastically.

Ben’s knuckles turned white from clenching them too hard; the only outward sign of the tension boiling away inside him. Once again, he heard Rey’s voice inside his head, counselling him to remain calm and not to react to Dameron’s continued taunts.

_“Don’t let him provoke you. That’s what he wants. He wants you to kick off because it will prove that he was right not to trust you.”_

_“He won’t even give me a chance to explain.”_ Ben argued as he kept his eyes trained on Poe.

_“Are you surprised? You hurt him, Ben. You hurt all of them. Why would they trust you? Baby steps, remember!”_

When the guilt came to haunt him again, Ben paused to take in a breath. After all this time it still cut just as deep. He reminded himself that that whilst he couldn’t undo his past misdeeds, he needed to dedicate his life to making things right.

Resolved, Ben looked Poe Dameron straight in the eyes when he spoke. “I can spend a lifetime trying to make amends for the pain and hardship I have caused you and everyone here, and it still won’t be enough to make up for what I’ve done. I can’t undo the wrongs in my past, or change what I’ve done. I didn’t come here seeking forgiveness for my past crimes; I can’t forgive myself so I would never expect it from any of you. But right now, you are facing a bigger threat-one much more powerful and evil, then you perceive me to be.”

“I’ve been to Exegol. I confronted Sidious.” Ben revealed harshly as he watched Poe and Finn’s eyes widen slightly in horror. “The emperor lives, albeit with his spirit sheltered in a vessel that has been cloned from his original body.” He winced at the memory of the dark emperor’s decaying form. “The emperor’s cloned form is an imperfect host, unable to contain Sidious' immense power, and clearly won’t last much longer. Sidious knows this, and as such he revealed his intention to execute the final stage of the First Order's conquest of the galaxy, with myself acting as the instrument of his revenge.”

“Damn.” Poe swore under his breath.

“Sidious showed me the extent of his power.” Ben continued now he had their full attention. His heart raced as he remembered the incredible sight of the Sith Eternal fleet that the emperor’s disciples had laboured for a generation to create. “He showed me a vision of a starfield of Star Destroyers, numbering in the tens of thousands. They were all Xyston-class Star Destroyers, modelled to an extent on the Imperial Star Destroyers of yesteryear, but outfitted with axial super laser cannons that are capable of destroying entire planets.”

“Fuck.” Poe’s face had gone pale. He glanced at Finn, who appeared equally as horrified.

“Once deployed, it would be the largest fleet the galaxy had ever known and it was the emperor’s intention that I should inherit the Sith legacy by leading this armada against the galaxy.” Ben left out the part regarding Rey and her connection to the dark Sith lord.

“And you’re expecting me to believe that you walked away from all that?” Poe demanded hoarsely. “That you came here to warn us?”

Ben felt an immense weariness consume him. “Search your feelings, Commander Dameron. I think you already know the truth.” He said tiredly. “If you don’t believe me, then no more words of mine will ever convince you.”

“Rey?” Finn asked, turning to his friend. “You believe all of this?”

“I do. Everything he has told you is true.” Rey said gravely. “I believe him, Finn.”

Finn sank into one of the chairs and held his head in his hands. “Shit.” He muttered.

**_A/N-thanks for reading! Wow, that was a hard chapter to write. I admire any writer who manages to capture so many personalities perfectly in one scene. I am not very adept at writing Finn and Poe, so have no idea whether they were in character or not. It’s a very tense situation. I went back and forth whether Poe confronted Ben publicly in the meeting, but felt he wouldn’t do that out of respect for Leia. So, he did in private instead. Was his initial hostility too much or not enough? LOL, as you can see, I have no idea of what I’m doing! Please review._ ** **_😉_ **

****


	8. The Healing of the Scar

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Eight-The Healing of the Scar **

The weather had turned. Rain beat against the canvas roof and sides of the tent that had been hastily erected to become Ben’s temporary quarters. Drips of water ran down the sides, as well dripping inside from the many holes in the roof. The diffuse light of a stormy evening shone through the droplets, throwing its brindled radiance onto the saturated cloth, the sides rippled in the gusting wind, straining against the rope and pegs, edges flapping wildly, feeling flimsy and inconsequential against the encroaching squall.

Rey was searching for another empty container to use to catch the water dripping through the holes in the roof of the tent when she encountered Finn coming toward her. From the determined look on his face, she sensed he hadn’t sought her out just to have a friendly chat. She grimaced, rising to her feet as she waited pensively for him to reach her.

“You’ve been avoiding me.” Finn said as he approached.

“Not purposely. I’ve been busy.” Rey gestured toward the disheveled tent. The ropes that should have been tight had plenty of give in them and the bottom should have been pulled out more when they pegged it.

Finn looked at the drooping canvas and smiled grimly. “It should be good enough for the Supreme leader.” He sneered.

“Now you sound like Poe.” Rey sighed. “And you wonder why I’ve been avoiding you.”

Finn relaxed his annoyed expression. He hadn’t come to fight. “I’m worried about you, Rey.” His voice was soft with concern.

“You don’t need to be.” Rey told him again. She wondered when he would stop seeing as her some sort of helpless little girl being preyed on by the big bad Kylo Ren. When had she ever been that? Almost a lifetime spent scavenging for scraps on one of the toughest planets in the galaxy had killed the little girl inside her. “I can take care of myself, Finn.”

“Can you?” Finn put his hands on his hips and gazed at her worriedly. “In any other situation I would say yes. But with _him_ …I’m not so sure.”

“ _He_ has a name.” Rey adjusted the container under the worst of the leaks in an attempt to catch the falling water.

“Kylo Ren.” Finn said stubbornly.

“Ben Solo.” Rey answered simply.

“Give me a break, Rey!” Finn scoffed.

“No.” Rey spun to face him, her irritation toward him rising. “You give me one!”

Rey was tired of arguing. It was all so pointless. Finn would never understand, and she didn’t have the words to explain about her connection to Ben. They would just go around in circles if she let this conversation go on. She would try and defend herself; Finn’s retort would be based in his own emotions than the quality or intention of her response. She decided the best thing she could do was nip the argument in the bud, replying that context is everything and Finn needed to abandon his black and white opinions about the situation. It was far more complex than he realized. She knew it wasn’t his fault. He didn’t have all the facts, but sometimes she wished he would rely on his own instincts instead of letting Poe’s guide him all the time.

“It’s getting late, Finn.” Rey said tiredly. “And don’t you have a date to keep with Rose?” She added teasingly, wanting to break the tension between them.

Finn ducked his head, fighting a slight smile at the mention of Rose’s name. “You know its not like that between us. Rose and I…. we’re friends. Just like you and me.” He glanced up at her again, the softness in his eyes belying the truth of his words. “And that was a great way to change the subject.”

“Goodnight, Finn.” Rey reached out to him and gave him a quick hug. He put his arms around her to hold her in place as soon as she tried to break free. She hesitated, closing her eyes briefly as she allowed herself to settle in the sanctuary of his embrace for a minute longer. “Be careful with Rose’s heart, Finn.” She whispered before she stepped out of the circle of his arms.

“And you be careful with yours.” Finn countered as his brows drew down in a deep frown when he saw Leia and Ren walking toward them in the distance. The ailing Resistance general was holding onto her son’s arm for support. Finn said no more as he left Rey alone with her thoughts.

* * *

A fire crackled in the corner of the campsite, projecting long shadows on the surrounding area. The light cast by the flames danced across the dark trunks of the trees, twisting and curling in obscure shapes and providing a small radius of light. The fire itself was pulsating, the glowing embers seemed to move in rhythm with the flames, matching every dip and sweep. It was mesmerizing to watch, colors of orange and red gave way to yellow and white near the center, where the emanating heat was the greatest.

It had finally stopped raining. Ben and Rey sat a few feet apart on separate chairs, both of their gazes drawn toward the fire. The colors were brilliant reds, oranges, and faint yellows. They were too far away to revel in the heat; the tent erected for Ben had been placed in the furthest part of the campsite, well away from any of the others. Rey was his only guard.

“Its peaceful here.” Ben was the first to break the silence.

“Yes. On night’s like these I forget why we’re really here.” Rey agreed as she turned toward him.

She was surprised to see his face was totally relaxed. He was almost smiling-something she had never imagined him capable of. The half-smile softened his features which only served to enhance his good looks. Rey had never allowed herself to really reflect on that before. But with all the elements of Kylo Ren stripped away, she decided to allow herself the small pleasure of letting her gaze linger on his face. A strange lizard like creature ran past their feet. She watched as Ben dipped his head so he could get a closer look at it, his thick, midnight black hair falling forward. His expression had turned curious as he lifted the creature up into the dull light cast by the distant fire. It wriggled impatiently in his gentle grip as he examined it carefully, before he set it back down on its stubby legs. The lizard quickly scuttled away into some nearby cover.

“What was that?” Rey asked.

Ben shrugged, the same half smile returning to his lips. “I have no idea. I was just wondering if it would be good to eat.”

Rey actually considered his suggestion, taking it seriously at first, before she caught the teasing glint in his dark brown eyes. “Very funny.” She rolled her eyes at him, fighting her own smile. “On Jakku that thing would be considered a delicacy.”

Ben’s eyes fixed on her face as he watched her smile fade at the mention of her former home. Now she looked sad. He held her gaze for a split second before she turned away and looked down at her hands which were planted in her lap. He remembered the glimpse he had gotten into her mind of her life on Jakku during the time he had interrogated her on Starkiller base-the daily fight for survival on a barren desert planet, fighting for scraps, scavenging every day for usable parts to trade in order to stave off starvation. The devastation, the utter loneliness as she waited day after day for her parents to come back for her....

“Please, don’t look at me like that, Ben.” Rey whispered tearfully.

“Like what?” Ben dragged his fingers through his hair in confusion.

“Like you feel sorry for me. I don’t need your pity.”

“Rey, that’s not…” Ben fumbled for the right response. “That’s not what I was doing.”

“Then what were you doing?” Rey demanded.

“I was looking at the strongest, bravest, most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.” Ben said earnestly.

Rey’s hazel eyes widened slightly in surprise at his emphatic response as a pink blush coated her cheeks. “Oh.” She breathed.

The tips of Ben’s ears turned red as he shared her embarrassment. That was the last thing that he expected to come out of his mouth. What was wrong with him? This was the second time in days he felt like an awkward teenager. He shifted in his seat, stretching his long legs out in front of him, before pulling them back and fidgeting again. “Damn, these chairs are only fit for younglings.” He complained in a fit of pique.

Rey tried not to laugh as he tried to contort his long body into a more comfortable position. It was true, the chairs were small. They were definitely not built for a six-foot something guy with the muscular build of a…. Rey felt her cheeks grow warm again as she realized where her thoughts were leading.

_This was his fault! Why did he have to call her beautiful?_

She wasn’t beautiful. She was perfectly average. There was nothing unique about her at all. Now Rose was pretty, with her shiny black hair, high cheekbones and glowing smile. Or Kaydel Connix with her alabaster skin, blonde hair and warm brown eyes. Rey’s thoughts continued to skitter out of control as she listed in her head all the reasons why she wouldn’t be considered beautiful. She didn’t even have the ability to braid her hair like Kaydel did. She admired the way the comms Lieutenant wound her hair into perfect coils on the back of her head. She still wore her hair in the three ridiculous buns that had been her signature hairstyle since her parents had abandoned her on Jakku. She had kept it that way all these years, stupidly thinking it would be one way her parents would recognize the grown woman she had become when they came back for her. It was a childish notion she should have grown out of years ago. Her parents were dead!

Frustrated tears, borne out of an immense sadness, pooled in Rey’s eyes as she yanked at the bindings in her hair. The only time she had changed the style slightly was when she had delivered herself to Ben on the Supremacy. For some bizarre reason she thought having her hair half down would make her look older and that he would take her more seriously. She had been an idiot. She foolishly thought she would be the reason he turned back to the light. _What a naïve, stupid_ …. she wrenched the last of the bindings out of her hair and threw it onto the ground.

Rey’s conflicted emotions seeped through to Ben through their bond with the strength of a blaster bolt straight to the heart. He looked at her in confusion, trying to make sense of the storm raging inside her. He didn’t understand what had set it off. He watched as she tore at the bindings in her hair, setting the fine brown strands free to curl around her heart shaped face in soft waves. Her hazel eyes were deep pools of sadness as she averted her gaze from him, her breathing coming in static bursts.

“Rey.” Ben pushed himself to his feet and went to stand in front of her. He said her name again, but she refused to engage with him, mortified as she was by her emotional loss of control. “I’m sorry.” He apologized, even though he wasn’t sure what he was apologizing for. “Rey.” He said again. “Please tell me what I did wrong so I can fix it.”

His tone was thick with pleading. Rey sucked in her lower lip, biting down on it hard as she tried to compose herself. Why did he always get to see her in her most vulnerable moments? She wished she could explain her near breakdown to him, but how could she when she didn’t really understand the root cause of her mental anguish.

“I’m okay. I am.” Rey murmured as she avoided making eye-contact with him.

“You’re not.” Ben said huskily. He hunkered down in front of her. “Are you upset because of what I said?”

Rey exhaled slowly as she slowly found the courage to raise her eyes to his. There was so much compassion in his unwavering gaze that brick by brick her walls came tumbling down. “I was thinking of my parents.” She confessed shakily. “My hair!” She gestured to the bindings that had fallen to the ground at her feet. “I kept it in the same style for years, childishly thinking that it might be the only way they’d recognize me when they came back.”

“Rey.” Ben sighed softly in understanding. He picked up the abandoned bindings and held them in his open palm, staring down at them briefly, before returning his attention to her lovely face. He reached up with his other hand and gently tucked a lock of wavy hair behind her ear. His breath hitched at the feel of the soft strands under his fingers. He felt as shaky as a newborn. She really was so beautiful. “I can braid your hair.”

“What?” Rey’s eyebrows rose almost to her hairline at this surprising offer. “You can braid hair?”

The same glimmer of a half-smile lit up Ben’s face for a minute as he gave a very Han Solo like shrug of his shoulders. He dragged his fingers through his shaggy shoulder length hair. “Its been a lot longer than this at times.” He revealed. “I had to do something with it to get that damn helmet on my head.”

Rey’s tears retreated as she felt unexpected laughter bubbling in her throat. She didn’t know whether to believe him or not, but either way, his attempt to lighten the mood had worked. “Go on then.” She challenged him. “Braid my hair.”

Ben spun gracefully to his feet and stepped behind her chair. Slowly and carefully, he lifted small sections of her hair and used his long fingers to comb through the knots in the ends. Her hair was thick and luxuriously soft and fine as a baby’s. Ben divided her hair into three sections and braided it, tying it off with one of the bindings. Rey sat docilely while he did her hair, enjoying the sensation of being pampered.

Neither he or Rey noticed Finn escorting Rose back to the tent she shared with Kaydel. Rose was talking enthusiastically about their ‘date.’ She was on cloud nine after Finn presented her with some wild blooms he had discovered growing at the jungle’s edge. Finn hardly heard her as he stared toward the tent that was supposed to be Ren’s temporary prison/quarters. He strained his eyes as he attempted to see what was going on. The tent was some distance away, but he could still make out two figures outside. He narrowed his eyes, squinting a little as he tried to make out what they were doing. When Ben and Rey came into focus, he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. What the hell!

“Finn?” Rose asked in concern when she noticed the odd look on his face. “Is something wrong?”

“I have to speak to Poe.” Finn stated harshly. “I’ll catch up with you later.”

“Huh?” Rose said in confusion as she watched him stride off in the direction of Poe’s tent.

* * *

Rey gently ran her fingers over the neat braid that wound down the back of her head and over one shoulder. “Wow.” She said. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Ben gave another Han-like shrug, trying to act like it was no big deal as he sat back down across from her.

Rey leaned across, closing the gap between them. To his astonishment, she reached out and cradled his cheek in the same way that his mother had done earlier that same day. It seemed like a lifetime ago. He was so touch starved that the feel of her gentle fingers on his skin left him breathless. Soft wisps of her brunette hair had escaped the braid and swept past an ear and caressed the skin of her neck. She looked at him with liquid eyes framed with thick, long dark lashes that brushed her cheeks every time she blinked, those same eyes that seemed to bore into him every time he looked into them and nearly lost himself. He looked back at her, his own eyes filled with suffering, loneliness, longing, desire; they held all those deep-seated emotions and many more. Ben felt warmth emanating from her touch as she traced her forefinger along the scar that she herself had inflicted during their first fight on Starkiller base.

“It’s getting late. You should get some sleep. Goodnight, Ben.” She said as she rose from her seat, swiftly taking her hand away from his face and walking away from him toward the waning fire in the distance.

Ben lamented the loss of her touch. He raised his own hand to his face as he watched her walk away from him. He searched for the faint indent of his scar, only for his eyes to widen in stunned surprise when he realized it was gone. Rey had healed him.

**_A/N-thanks for reading! This was the scene that haunted me when I first started the story. I hope you liked it. I am really winging it with this story, LOL. As always guys, thanks for reading, and let me know what you think in the reviews. I accept all criticisms. If there’s something I missed please feel free to tell me. Any pointers where you think this story could lead are welcome._ ** **_😊_ **


	9. Rey's Offer

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Nine-Rey’s Offer **

Sympathy shone from Major Harter Kalonia’s light brown eyes as she looked at Leia. “We’ve been friends for a long time, Leia.”

“Just give it to me straight.” Leia pleaded. She shook slightly when Harter took her trembling hands in her own to steady them. She stared at the moisture welling in the doctor’s eyes and she sucked in a deep breath. “My conditions worsening.” She guessed when the other woman didn’t say anything.

“Leia, you need to rest more.” Harter begged. “Let some of the others take the strain.”

“I am going to see this through, Major.” Leia insisted stubbornly as she carefully pulled her hands out of Harter’s gentle hold. “I am determined to survive long enough to see Sidious destroyed. The universe owes me that, doesn’t it?” She clasped her trembling hands in her lap. “He has tortured my family enough. I deserve retribution.”

“Oh, Leia.” Harter sighed sadly. “You have to tell Ben.”

“No!” For the first time real fear showed in Leia’s eyes as she shook her head in denial. “I just got him back. I can’t risk telling him…”

“Leia, you are gravely ill. Isn’t not telling him more of a risk?” Harter persisted.

“We’re all about to face the biggest fight of our lives. I won’t have him, or anyone else, distracted worrying about my ill health.” Leia rose unsteadily to her feet as she spoke. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I am about to have breakfast with my son.”

The good doctor knew when it was wise to give up the fight. As Leia got ready to leave, she reached out again and gently reached for her hand, pressing some sedatives into her palm. “To help you sleep.” She murmured.

A single tear drifted down Leia’s weathered cheek as she locked eyes with Harter. “I don’t need them anymore.” She said with a weary smile. “Since Ben came home, I’ve been sleeping like a baby. I’ll check in with you later, Major.” She promised as she finally took her leave.

* * *

“Wow, Rey, girl you are rocking those braids.” Rose teased when Rey slid into the spare seat beside her. “Have you been picking up tips from Kaydel?”

Rey felt her cheeks grow warm with embarrassment. She hated being the centre of attention at the best of times, she preferred to remain unnoticed in the background. She couldn’t believe a simple change of hairstyle was garnering so much attention. Rose wasn’t the only one to comment on it. Rey patted the back of her head and concentrated on her food. “I just fancied a change that’s all.” She murmured.

“The new look suits you.” Rose complimented her with a wide smile. Rey smiled back at her shyly. “What do you think, guys?” She turned to face Finn and Poe, who were eating their breakfast rations in stony silence. Rose frowned when Poe just rolled his eyes while he stuffed more food into his mouth. “Finn?” She prompted him instead. “What do you think of Rey’s new hairstyle?”

“I preferred her old look.” Finn muttered with barely a glance in Rey’s direction. “Ow!” He complained when Rose kicked his leg under the table. He glared at her, but didn’t retract his statement as he stubbornly continued to chew the unappetising food.

Hurt clouded Rey’s eyes as she sucked in an unsteady breath. She knew things were tense between them, but she never thought that Finn would say something to willingly wound her. She couldn’t believe that he was being so cold. He was acting like she had crossed some invisible line in the sand. Instead of trying to understand, he was forcing her to take sides. Rey pushed her chair back and picked up her tray.

“Where are you going?” Rose asked.

“Its nice outside. I’ll finish my breakfast out there.” Rey forced a smile onto her face to reassure Rose.

“But you’ll be swarmed with bugs as soon as you step outside.” Rose paused as she noticed the pained look in Rey’s eyes. She glanced at Finn and Poe, who were still stubbornly refusing to look in Rey’s direction. Her eyes narrowed as she picked up her own tray and stood up. “Actually, I feel like some fresh air too. It stinks of hypocrisy in here.” She accused as she slipped her arm through Rey’s and led the way out of the canteen.

* * *

The food tasted like ashes in Leia’s mouth as she took breakfast with her son. She shivered violently in the humid air. Her stomach lurched in protest as she tried to force more food down her throat in an effort to appear normal. She noticed Ben glancing at her in concern when he noticed her hand trembling slightly when she held her spoon. She brushed aside his worries when he commented on how pale she was looking.

“I’m perfectly well, Ben.” Leia smiled at him. “Well apart from the usual aches and pains. I’m not a young girl anymore.”

“Are you sure that’s all it is?” Ben wasn’t convinced. He glanced at her shaking hands again, forcing Leia to clasp them in her lap. “I know my presence here has made things very difficult for you. I was thinking, perhaps I should- “

“NO!” Leia practically shouted. She lowered her voice to a more normal level. “You are not going anywhere. I’ve only just got you back.”

Ben pushed his plate away and sat forward in his chair, studying his mother carefully. Her complexion had gone completely grey. He wasn’t a fool. He could see she wasn’t well, and he knew the added pressure his presence in the camp was only adding to her stress. “We both know I can’t stay here indefinitely.”

“You can’t go back, Ben.” Leia pleaded. Ashen faced, she reached out and took his hand, clinging to him like a life raft.

“We both know I have to. I can’t be away too long or those under my command will become suspicious that something has happened to me. I suspect many of them are under Sidious’ control.” Ben felt a cold chill run through him at the thought of going back to the Steadfast and returning to his old life. He could already feel the empty void opening up inside him; the darkness waiting to swallow him whole.

“You can’t, Ben.” Leia begged again. “Stay here. Work with us. We’ll find another way to defeat Sidious.”

“I have to start dismantling the First order from the inside. We can’t let Sidious suspect anything. We have to let him continue to think he has me in a chokehold. It will buy us all time.” Ben placed his other hand over hers and looked directly into his mother’s frightened eyes. She looked so vulnerable, so fragile suddenly, that it panicked him. He wasn’t used to seeing her this way. She was sicker than she led him to believe. He could sense it. He was suddenly afraid that when he left, that this would be one of the last times he would see her alive. A hollowness opened up in his soul that nothing could fill. He watched as Leia bent forward, until her forehead was resting on their joined hands. There was a subtle shake of her shoulders as she sobbed quietly. “Mom.” He choked out.

There was a desperation about Leia as she raised her tear-filled eyes to his. The pain was visible on her face as was her grief at losing him all over again. For she was thinking the same as him. “I’m dying, Ben.” She finally admitted. “I’m afraid…I’m afraid if you go. I won’t live long enough to see you again.”

Ben had never experienced grief this bad before. Every childhood memory he had of Leia and Han played like a song in his head, repeating itself for what seemed like forever. He couldn’t get that part of his life back, the sweeter moments, he wanted it so badly, but it was all gone, vanished into thin air. He felt Leia’s arms go around him again as she rested her head on his shoulder. “Ben, my son. I’m selfish. I don’t want to let you go. But I know that I must.”

* * *

Rey stumbled away from Rose, and with each step her stomach tightened and ached all the more. She kept swallowing, and her throat kept clenching, but no matter what she could not stop the warm feeling rising through her chest. Something was wrong. Ben’s despair consumed her soul as the depth of his grief and pain seeped through their Force bond.

“Rey! Rey!” Rose’s anxious voice faded into the distance as Rey ran toward Leia’s quarters.

Streaming tears cleansed her cheeks. Few droplets remained, forgetting their way as the path was swept from beneath them, consequently blurring Rey’s vision with waves of sadness only the broken encounter. The salty release calmly flowed into her mouth so that she could taste her own sorrow. When she burst through the tent flaps to find Leia clinging to Ben for dear life. His devastated expression as his dark brown eyes sought hers, made her feel wretched.

Rey’s abrupt arrival broke through the dam of Leia’s grief. She composed her features into a dignified mask as she let go of Ben and settled back down in her seat. “Rey, come here, sweetheart.” She said, holding out her heavily ringed hand toward her.

Rey hastened to her side and took her hand. “What can I do?” She pleaded.

All Leia felt was sadness. Every other emotion was pushed from her being. Where there was once hope, there was an aching hollowness. She looked upon the distressed faces of the two young people sitting before her and she felt nothing but love for them. For such a long time she had been living in the moment, she measured each day from the moment of waking until her body could do no more, until sleep came to rest her weary mind. Each day she greeted the sun like a climber greets their rope, fingers holding on fast despite the pain. Now she was going to have to let go of that rope. She was too tired to hold on anymore. Others would have to take the strain, just like Harter had said.

“What can I do?” Rey begged again when Leia drew her further into the circle of her family.

“I need you to look after my son.” Leia confessed as she looked upon Rey’s stricken face. “I sense the connection between you. I felt it as soon as I saw you together. I don’t understand it and I can’t explain it.” She watched as Ben and Rey’s gazes clashed; the intensity of their looks confirming her suspicions. “He needs you, Rey. I think you need him, too.” She paused, drawing in a ragged breath. “Ben’s leaving, Rey. He’s going back.”

Rey felt her heat plummet. She maintained eye contact with him as she shook her head in denial. “No.”

“I have to.” Ben answered despairingly. “Sidious has spies everywhere. If I don’t return, he’ll know that I have betrayed him. If I go back it will buy us all time. I can start dismantling the First order from the inside.”

“There has to be another way…” Rey cast a desperate glance in Leia’s direction. When the Resistance general subtly shook her head, she turned back to Ben. “You can’t go alone. It will be suicide.”

“I’m the Supreme leader.” Ben responded bitterly. “I’m the only one who can find out who Sidious’ spies are. I can feed them false information which will get back to him. The delay will give the Resistance time to build up the fleet, to put the call out to their allies across the galaxy to come and help in the fight. We’ll lure the emperor into a trap. He will be expecting the First order’s fleet to back him up against the Resistance, he will be sorely disappointed.”

“You can’t go alone.” Rey insisted. “You need someone with you that you can trust.” She looked directly into Ben’s eyes as she spoke, the conviction clear in her voice. He got the shock of his life with what she said next. “Kylo Ren offered me his hand once. I refused to take it. But I’ll take yours, Ben Solo. I’m coming with you.”

**_A/N-thanks for reading! Wow, these characters have taken on a life of their own. I can’t seem to control where they’re taking this story! That is not what I was expecting Rey to do when I started this chapter. I have no idea how that happened. But our girl is very strong willed and has a mind of her own, it’s not like I have any say of what comes out of her mouth. We all know she would never contemplate letting Ben go back to the First order without her, LOL_ ** **_😉_ **


	10. Leia Takes Control

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed._ **

** Chapter Ten-Leia Takes Control **

Ben’s heart immediately leapt with joy at Rey’s unexpected offer. While his brain shouted a resounding yes, his mouth said a firm. “No.”

“No!” Rey flinched as if his refusal had physically slapped her.

“Its too dangerous.” Ben said aloud. _“You know why_.” He projected into her mind. “ _You are Palpatine’s granddaughter. He’s looking for you. I have no idea how many spies he’s planted in the First order.”_

Rey tensed up when he mentioned her familial connection to Palpatine. “ _That is all the more reason for me to be involved. This is my fight, Ben!”_

Leia observed their silent argument with interest. She was intrigued by what Rey had meant when she said that Kylo Ren had offered her his hand once. It sounded like some kind of dark side proposal. Once again, she wondered what had gone on between her son and the former scavenger. Rey and Ben’s eyes were still locked together in an intense standoff. Leia was captivated by the many emotions that crossed their faces as they kept up the silent exchange. It seemed like their connection went much deeper than she had realised. It was obvious they were communicating telepathically.

_“You won’t change my mind, Rey_.” Ben insisted, completely unaware that he was being observed by his mother. “ _I won’t allow you to put yourself at risk.”_

_“Allow me_!” Rey was incensed. _“If my kicking your ass several times hasn’t shown you that I can take care of myself, I’ll gladly do it again if you need the reminder.”_

Ben nearly smiled at her pointed rejoinder, but his amusement was fleeting. _“I know you can take care of yourself. That’s not the issue.”_

_“Then what is?”_ Rey demanded petulantly.

_“You know_.” Ben retorted impatiently.

“ _No, I don’t_!”

Ben’s fists clenched at his sides in frustration. He wished she wouldn’t look at him like that, with beautiful eyes holding total anger, it hurt. _“Don’t make me say it!_ ” He was in agony.

_“Say what_?” Rey’s eyes flashed with indignance and anger.

Ben’s jaw pulsed with tension. Why did she have to keep pushing? Why couldn’t she just let it go? He remembered the emotional intensity of their last true Force bond connection on Ahch-to, before Skywalker had interrupted them. That was the day Rey had gotten a true glimpse of Ben Solo when he let his guard down for a moment as he reached for the hand she offered him. She had seen into his very soul. She knew his fears; she was everything. Why couldn’t she see that? Why….?

“I could really knock your heads together!” Leia’s impatient voice broke them out of the spell that they had cast upon one another. They turned at exactly the same time, their movements so synchronised-each breath, look, feeling in perfect harmony with one another. Only their chaotic emotions remained at odds. “I wish Han were here right now. He would do it for me.” Leia continued, sighing.

“What are you talking about?” Ben was the first to ask.

Leia actually rolled her eyes. She eased her tired body into one of the empty chairs and motioned for them both to sit. She thought it was quite comical when Ben and Rey simultaneously reached for the same chair at exactly the same time. Their fingers accidentally brushed, Rey quickly jerked hers away, causing a flash of pain to cross Ben’s face. His look sent Leia over the edge. They were acting like a couple of younglings.

“You really are your father’s son.” She said to him in disbelief. “Let Rey have the chair and you get another one.”

Ben scowled, feeling mortified at being reprimanded in front of Rey by his own mother. He sensed she was getting a kick out of it when she sat down in the chair and failed to hide her smirk. He shot her an annoyed glare as he grabbed another chair and tried to fold his long body into it.

“Take the scowl off your face, Ben.” Leia scolded him.

“Can you just not…” Ben raised his forefinger in an impatient gesture at his mother, then paused when he realised, he was imitating his father again. He shifted in his chair awkwardly, feeling exposed under the knowing gaze of his parent.

“Like I said…you are your father’s son.” Leia’s eyes were soft; her tone wistful when she referenced Han. She felt Ben’s pain when she saw hurt flash in his dark brown eyes. She wasn’t bringing up Han to upset him, it was the exact opposite. “I miss him.” She continued sadly. “Just like you do. And you are like him, Ben. In so many ways. And that is a good thing…. mostly.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ben grumbled.

“It means that you’re terrible at expressing yourself. Just like Han.” Leia’s tender smile took the sting out of her words.

“We can’t all be politicians.” Ben muttered.

Leia so wanted to laugh at her son’s grumpy expression. He looked more like Han than ever. It brought both pain and joy to her heart at the same time. She refrained from teasing him further, but turned her attention to Rey instead. The young Jedi straightened in her seat when she caught Leia looking at her. She gave the older woman a faint smile.

Leia returned her smile, hoping to put the former scavenger more at ease. “Han always wore his heart on his sleeve, he just had difficulty expressing it properly sometimes.”

“I remember.” Rey agreed sadly. She had learned that very quickly in her short acquaintance with Han Solo. She remembered the round about way he asked if she wanted to become part of his crew on Takadona- “ _Chewie likes having you around_.” He had said, to cover the fact that he was talking about himself.

Leia reached out and placed her hand over Rey’s and gave it an affectionate squeeze. “I remember when we got captured by Vader on Bespin.” Her gaze turned inward as she reminisced about one of the most emotional moments she had shared with her late husband. “Han was always fine with flirty banter, but when things got serious…” Leia’s tone turned wistful again. “When Vader sold him to Jabba the Hutt, and I was forced to watch as he was about to be frozen in Carbonite…” She paused, swallowing thickly.

“You don’t have to talk about it.” Rey said as she saw how much hurt the painful memory was causing the seasoned general.

“I do!” Leia said with difficulty. Her astute gaze encompassed Ben as well as Rey as she continued on with her story. “We’d been having silly fights, neither of us willing to be the first one to express how we really felt about each other. But seeing him selflessly sacrifice himself like that, just to keep me and everyone else safe…all our petty arguments suddenly seemed so stupid, all that wasted time! I had to tell him. I had to tell him that I loved him. So, I did. And what did he say in response?” Leia closed her eyes briefly to compose herself. When she opened her eyes again, she looked directly at Rey. “Han said, ‘I know.’”

Rey was expecting some kind of big love declaration or something. She waited for the punchline, for Leia to tell her that those two words were followed by the three most important ones. If she were Leia, she would have been so desperate to hear them in that fraught moment.

Leia emitted a weary sigh. “Of course, I knew he loved me, too. It was written all over his face, but right then, and afterwards, in the months it took for us to come up with a plan to rescue him, those two words haunted me. Why couldn’t he just say he loved me back?” She let go of Rey’s hand and sat back in her seat as she appraised both of them carefully, before her gaze slowly drifted to Ben, who was now looking guarded. “Don’t waste time.” She said to him earnestly. “If Luke and I were too late to rescue Han, all I would have been left with were those two words. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Have the courage to do it now, Ben. Tell her how you really feel, before its too late.” Leia slowly rose from her chair, struggling slightly as she regained her footing. She brushed away Rey’s attempts to help her. “Talk to each other.” She commanded. Her hand brushed the top of Ben’s hair in a tender caress, before she took her leave.

* * *

Ben felt like he had been stripped bare. A violent struggle began to take place in his heart as he wrestled with himself. He was afraid. So afraid. He wasn’t worthy of Rey. He didn’t and would never deserve her. He tried not to look at her lovely face, but the invisible string that tied them together, the strength of their force bond, wouldn’t allow him a grace period to gather his thoughts. Against his will, he raised his head and slowly met her eyes. As soon as he did, he lost the ability to speak, to function. His fragile hold on his guard dropped and he let her see.

Rey was aware of his internal struggle. She waited out his reaction, glad of the extra few seconds to regain control over her own tumultuous emotions after Leia put them on the spot. She could tell the exact moment that he let his guard down. His whole demeanour changed, his body relaxing with a soft sigh as he let the floodgates open. As she looked into his eyes, she saw his humanity, the person he really was, Ben Solo. She had first seen it that night on Ahch-to, when she had reached out to him in her loneliness. She saw the love that burns there, the sort that goes on for an eternity. She let herself bask in in the feeling, like a fire giving just the right amount of warmth. She had seen it die too, the flames almost extinguished, when he was under the gun of guilt, shame and fear. She knew that wasn’t him then, not the real version, the person she loved with every fibre of her being. Rey dropped her own barriers, letting him see the real version of her too, the girl who messes up, but would do anything in her power to keep him safe, to keep him emotionally healthy. Ben had allowed her to see the vulnerable side of himself, and in return she let him see that part of her, too.

Rey saw Ben move closer with those incredible eyes of his that looked so deeply into her own. “Hey.” He said.

Rey’s breathing became softer, her pensive look melting into a smile as soft as the morning light. Her body squirmed just a little as her muscles relaxed. There is something about that gaze of his she knew that she would never find in another man, as if in that moment their souls had made a bridge. “Hey.” She said back to him.

“I….” Ben hesitated, one hand reaching out to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear. Why couldn’t he just say it? It was because he was still afraid. She had rejected him once before. He had to remind himself that it was Kylo Ren and all he stood for that she had rejected. Not him. Not Ben Solo. “Rey.” He tried again. Finally, the words burst forth, straight from his heart. “I love you so much.”

“I know.” Rey whispered as she put her hand over his.

Ben exhaled slowly, his body trembling with the strength of his emotion. “Don’t. Don’t use the words Han said to my mother. Rey, I need to hear you say it.”

Rey didn’t get a chance to respond as the tent flaps were pushed apart abruptly and Finn barged in unannounced. His brows drew down into an angry frown when he saw them standing so close together. “I knew it!” He exploded as if his worst fears had been realised. “I knew this whole time that something wasn’t right.”

**_A/N-thanks for reading! Please review._ **


	11. The Plan

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Eleven-The Plan **

Rey read Ben’s intentions before he even had a chance to raise his hand and use the force to blast Finn backwards out of the tent in annoyance at the interruption. _“Don’t you dare!”_ She warned him telepathically. “ _Let me deal with him_.”

“ _Fine_.” Ben answered irritably. He struggled to get his frustration under control and he thought he might explode-he took a deep breath. He wanted to shout at the former stormtrooper, relishing in the opportunity to vent, let it out, but he held back. He would only say words he didn’t mean, be hurtful. It was always so easy to be cruel in that moment and then the damage is done. So many times, he wanted to unsay things, take it back. He was learning how to deal with his quick temper, but slowly. Ben schooled his features into a disinterested expression as he turned and walked away from Rey and Finn in order to let her deal with him.

Rey let out a sigh of relief as she grabbed Finn’s hand and pulled him outside with her. Immediately she was hit with a wave of humid air, causing perspiration to break out on her skin. The usual bugs immediately returned to plague her, and she swatted at one irritably when it landed on her upper arm. “You need to back off, Finn.” She warned him.

“Back off?” Finn shook his head, his hands finding their way to his hips as he glared at her. “I’m trying to look out for you. That’s what friends do.”

“And I thank you for that. I do. But, Finn, I can take care of myself.” Rey was getting tired of repeating the same old mantra.

“I know you can hold your own in a fight.” Finn agreed, his glare died to be replaced with a worried frown. “That’s not the problem.”

“Then what is?” Rey demanded as she swatted another bug that she caught crawling up her leg.

“Ren! He’s the problem.” Finn lowered his voice, not wanting the occupant of the tent to overhear what he said next. “You can’t trust him, Rey. But I see you letting your guard down around him and he’s taking advantage.”

Rey felt her cheeks grow warm at what Finn was implying. Since they had literally dropped into each other’s lives, Finn had stuck up for her in front of others (Poe mostly), even when he knew she was wrong. Then privately he'd let her know what he really thought and how she could have behaved differently, who she should apologize to, how to avoid repeating the mistake. She listened to his advice because he listened to her when she returned the favour. But since Ben had arrived in the camp, something in their friendship had shifted. He was acting very territorial and she didn’t like that. She wasn’t some naïve little girl, who just happened to know how to wield a lightsaber. She had survived in one of the galaxy’s toughest environments alone, had dealt with many unsavoury characters, including men who thought because she was young that they could take advantage of her in ways she didn’t like to think about. She knew how to look after herself. It upset her that Finn didn’t realise that. He thought that the big bad Kylo Ren was trying to seduce her for his own gain, and in her naivety, she was falling for it. It didn’t occur to him that Ben might have genuine feelings for her.

“You really don’t know me at all.” Rey said, a little sadly.

Finn seemed confused by her answer. He scratched the back of his neck and looked directly into her eyes. “I do know you, Rey.”

“You don’t. No one here does.” _Only Ben_ , she thought as she cast her eyes around the busy camp.

“Come on, Rey.” Finn scoffed. “Look, Poe thinks…”

“Poe!” Rey cut in sharply. “He sent you here.”

“I was coming to find you anyway.” Finn denied. “Look, Poe and I had a long talk last night, we both agree…”

“I don’t want to hear it, Finn.” Rey interrupted him again impatiently. “If Poe has a problem with me, then he should come here and tell me so himself instead of using you as his mouthpiece.”

“That is not what he is doing.” Finn retorted. “Don’t you see Ren has already got inside your head. He’s trying to separate you from your friends. He’s not a healthy influence on you, Rey. You just don’t see it.”

“All I see is my so-called _friend_ s ganging up on me. I know my own mind, Finn. I am not an innocent little girl that you need to protect from the bad guy. Ben is not…”

“Ren. His name is Kylo Ren.” Finn said pointedly.

“His name is Ben Solo. He is the son of General Leia Organa Solo, your leader. I don’t see you questioning her motives when she spends time with him. Why do you just assume she knows what she’s doing, but I don’t! Don’t I deserve the same level of respect and trust that she does?” Rey felt intensely weary all of a sudden. She hated fighting with Finn. She missed their easy friendship. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” She said before he could respond to her question. “I have things I need to do.”

“Rey.” Finn caught her arm as she turned to go. His warm brown eyes looked sadly into hers. He opened his mouth as if he was going to say more, but then his expression hardened as he looked over her at shoulder at the solitary figure waiting in the entrance of Leia’s quarters. “You don’t want to keep the Supreme leader waiting.” He muttered sarcastically as he let go of her arm and stalked off in a huff.

Rey felt her heart break a little as Finn walked away from her. She wanted to run after him, to try and fix their fractured friendship. But she had run out of words to say. There was no way to explain the conflict going on inside her. “ _He doesn’t know the real me.”_ She said in her mind.

_“I do.”_ The low rumble of Ben’s voice was comforting as the promise it held wrapped around Rey and carried her off to another world. She cast one last sad glance at Finn’s retreating figure, before turning around and making her way back to Ben.

* * *

Leia came across Finn as she made her way slowly back to her quarters. She noticed the direction he was coming from and realised it was from her own tent. She noted the dejected slump of his shoulders and the disconsolate expression on his face. Leia guessed he must have had a difficult encounter with Ben and Rey. She felt irritation rise within her, worried that her attempt to get her son and the young Jedi to express their feelings for each other had been interrupted by the former stormtrooper. Leia thought about hailing him to find out what had happened, but thought better of it when she saw Poe hovering in the distance waiting for his friend. She’d already had a difficult encounter with Dameron; the pilot wasn’t shy at expressing his disquiet at the huge amount of trust she was placing in her estranged son. Just like he had on the Raddus with Holdo, he had already rallied a few of the other Resistance fighters to his cause. She understood his misgivings about Ben, but she wished he would trust her judgement. Unlike him she could see into her son’s heart, just like Rey. There was no deception, but convincing others of that was always going to be difficult if not impossible.

Leia found Ben and Rey sitting together, and by the tense look on the young Jedi’s face, Leia could tell she was correct in her assumption about Finn. When she stepped into her quarters, Ben immediately stood up to help her. Leia gratefully took his arm as he helped her toward his vacated seat. She sank into the chair gratefully, glad to take the weight off her feet.

“Well?” She asked as she looked at them both expectantly.

“We’ve reached an understanding if that’s what you mean.” Ben assured her as he met Rey’s eyes briefly before focusing his attention back on his mother.

“Good.” Leia felt relief wash over her.

“Rey’s coming with me.” Ben continued much to Leia’s surprise.

“Wow, you have made more headway than I thought.” She looked over at Rey. The young Jedi gave her a small smile of acknowledgement. “How did you manage to convince him?” She teased lightly.

Rey’s smile turned into a smirk. “He knew he was never going to win that argument.”

“I am here you know.” Ben complained as the two women exchanged an amused glance. “The problem remains the same. How am I supposed to sneak Rey on board with me without one of Sidious’ spies reporting back to him? She’ll need to be disguised in some way.”

“I have an idea about that.” Rey said, surprising him.

“What idea?” Ben asked dubiously.

“I was just about to tell you before Leia arrived.” Rey had their full attention now. She sat forward in her chair eagerly as she outlined her plan to disguise herself as one of the Knights of Ren. “Meet your newest darksider recruit. I can be your personal bodyguard.” She teased with a grim smile.

Ben’s eyes widened slightly at her outrageous plan to impersonate one of his knights. It was dangerous. The knights of Ren were a tight knit group, they wouldn’t welcome a new addition. He could force them to accept her of course, but he didn’t trust that they wouldn’t try and cause mischief, let alone contain their suspicions about why he was adding to their numbers. “Its too risky.” He said, dismissing the idea at once.

“Every plan has an element of risk.” Rey argued.

“She’s right.” Leia added.

“They’ll know.” Ben insisted.

“Send them on some fools mission.” Leia suggested. “Lay some false trails that you need them to follow. With them out of the way and occupied elsewhere in the galaxy, who will question you keeping one of them back to act as your personal bodyguard.”

“It might work.” Ben conceded reluctantly. “You’ll need to be covered completely at all times. We’ll need to make you a mask…” The thought of covering Rey’s lovely face with one of the Knights of Ren’s hideous helmets made him feel nauseous. He remembered his own mask, the one he had destroyed when Snoke had humiliated him after the death of his father. He didn’t want to have to subject her to that, but there wasn’t any other option.

Rey sensed his internal struggle. “ _It’s the only way_.” She projected into his mind. “ _We can do this, Ben. I can do this.”_

Ben always thought that trust must come before love, yet he had learned it is not so, for love and trust can arrive at the same moment. When love is given in this way, immediate, no explanations, the trust arrives too. Perhaps that is why people advise caution or call it foolish, but to him it made complete and utter sense. There was no one he loved or trusted more than Rey. If she was confident that she could pull off the disguise, then he would be, too.

_“Okay_.” He responded with as much confidence as he could muster. _“Let’s do this_.”

Rey rewarded his faith in her by gifting him one of the prettiest smiles he had ever seen. It extended to her eyes and deep into her soul. Ben basked in the radiant glow of it, his cheeks burning slightly when he caught his mother giving him a knowing look. He was grateful that Leia couldn’t actually read his thoughts right now, then he would really be embarrassed. He shifted in his seat awkwardly as the three of them came together to expand on their daring plan.

**_A/N-thanks for reading! Rey as one of the Knights of Ren in disguise. Mmmm…what outfit would she wear I wonder?_ **

**_Please review._ **


	12. Training

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-than you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Twelve-Training **

In the year since the battle at Crait, Rey had resumed her Jedi training under Leia’s guidance. When the Resistance had settled in the jungles of Ajan Kloss-which also happened to be where Leia had taken her own steps into the force-the primeval rainforests formed a natural obstacle course to challenge Rey’s physical and mental skills. She also utilized Skywalker's old tools that the former princess once used while honing her own Force abilities—training helmets and practice remotes that had lain unused for years. Leia had served as a mentor to Rey, whose compassionate nature and admiration for inner strength caused her to revere the general. 

A typical training regime concocted by Organa involved Rey capturing coloured ribbons tied to trees that were defended by a trio of color-coded remotes. These training remotes tested Rey's evasion and deflection skills by flying about her on repulsorfields, firing sting-beams to distract her. The red remote was the most persistent, and therefore the most challenging to Rey's temper. Which was proving just as irritating as it always was as she let her frustration overwhelm her. She had come to train by herself in an attempt to relieve the tension that was building to dangerous levels after yet another challenging encounter with Finn and Poe. Rey raised Skywalker’s saber to deflect yet another one of the stinging beams from the red remote as it swung around in a wide arc and fired at her again. Rey twirled the saber in her hand, before ducking down, rolling backwards to avoid the stinging beam, before gracefully regaining her footing and deflecting the beam with the lightsaber’s shimmering blue blade.

Fleet of foot as she always was, Rey took off in a fast sprint, the remote keeping pace with her all the way. The jungle folded around Rey like it was trying to take possession of her. The heat and humidity pressed down on her skin, making sweat pointless. The sounds of the insects, the birds and the larger animals created a symphony of nature calling her deeper. The leaves brushed up against her and her feet sprung up with each step. The air tasted both sweet and fresh, like flowers blooming on her tongue. Almost at once she sensed him among the trees; the red remote wasn’t the only one keeping pace with her.

Rey swung around and swiftly changed direction in an attempt to outrun him. The leafy arms of the surrounding trees got in her way and blocked her motion in every direction. The red remote fired at her when she was distracted looking for her pursuer. The stinging beam found its target and she scowled as it hit her upper arm. Rey ignored the pain and refocused her attention on the man following her. She sensed he was close, his silent footfalls hardly stirring the ground foliage as he crept up on her from behind. A slight smirk lit up Rey’s face at she spun on her heel, the Skywalker saber raised defensively in front of her. She frowned at the resulting silence that greeted her.

“Huh!” She muttered before spinning around in a slow circle.

Suddenly her pursuer appeared under the dense canopy of trees. His booted foot shot out, curling around her lower ankle, and pulling her off balance. Rey yelped, losing her grip on the lightsaber. It powered off as it clattered to the ground. Rey did a neat backflip, using the force to summon the fallen weapon at the same time. It returned to her hand just in time for her to deflect the crackling red blade of her pursuer. She pushed it away from her, retreating slightly as she smirked at the tall man standing a few feet away.

_“Smooth, Ben. Very smooth. You almost had me.”_

Ben answered her with a mocking smile as they slowly circled one another. He swung his cross-guarded saber in a slow circle; his fingers gripping the haft tightly. The whole time he kept his gaze trained on the young woman across from him as she mirrored his exact movements.

_“So, this is where you train_?” Ben projected into her mind. _“Nice set up. Not very challenging, though.”_

Rey’s hazel eyes narrowed as she bit back an angry retort. “ _Your mother set up this obstacle course.”_

_“She’s been mentoring you.”_ Ben answered as he easily deflected one of the red remote’s stinging beams as it unwittingly fired on him. Rey scowled at how easily he had sensed the remote’s targeted beam. He hadn’t even been looking at it. She watched as he did it again, then again. “ _But there’s no better training then against a live opponent_.” He taunted her as he swung his red saber around in another slow circle.

Rey narrowed her eyes as she focused her attention on Ben, letting the force flow through her mind and body. When the red remote fired on him again, she swung her saber down in a high arc. Ben quickly met her shimmering blue blade, in his haste, forgetting all about the remote. The beam found its target this time as it hit his skin like a stinging reprimand. He watched as Rey’s lips formed another smirk.

_“You really need to pay attention_.” She jeered, revelling in her small victory. 

_“And you really need to concentrate_.” Ben countered as he used the same manoeuvre he had on her earlier. She wobbled as he slid forward, ducking her slicing blade, as he hooked his foot around her ankle again and yanked her off balance.

Rey scowled as she was forced to do another quick back-flip as she sought to maintain her equilibrium. At least this time she hadn’t dropped her weapon. Ben didn’t give her much time to regain her composure. He charged toward her; his own weapon raised to strike hers. Gritting her teeth, Rey kicked out, the heel of her boot hitting his solar plexus and sending him staggering backwards.

Ben’s jaw pulsed and he huffed out a sharp breath as he and Rey circled each other again. “ _Impressive_.” He complimented her.

_“I’m glad you think so.”_

They began to spar in earnest. The sweet jungle fragrance was almost cloying. Moving between the dense vegetation tested their patience as they fought one another. The moisture was so thick that sweating had become obsolete, it just ran warmly into their already drenched clothes, only achieving further dehydration. Everywhere lay water, water in pools and water caught on leaves as large as a two-seater couch. Surrounding them were more noises than their ears could separate. From every direction came the hums and chirps of insects, the song of birds and the calls of mammals.

An hour later, with neither victorious, they both decided to call it quits. Breathing heavily, Ben took the water flask that Rey offered him. Their fingers brushed, sending a tingling sensation rippling through his nerves, almost like an electric shock. Ben sucked in a sharp breath as he tried to calm his racing heart. Even doused in sweat, with her hair and clothes clinging to her body, Rey was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He watched as she subconsciously fussed with her hair, suddenly becoming shy under his intense scrutiny. She was such a contradiction at times, that it just made her all the more captivating.

Ben closed his eyes, tilting his head back slightly as he lifted the flask and poured the sparkling water over the top of his head. He didn’t hear Rey’s quiet gasp of appreciation as she greedily drank in the sight of him. His tousled black hair, which was thick and lustrous, clung to his scalp in damp tendrils as he dragged his fingers through the wet strands while using the water to cleanse his face and skin. His eyes were a mesmerising deep brown, like melted chocolate. Rey couldn’t stop staring. His face was strong and defined, his resemblance to Han in that moment was striking. His dark eyebrows sloped down in a serious expression when he noticed her looking at him.

“What?” He asked curiously.

Rey’s cheeks grew warm in embarrassment at being caught staring. She shrugged it off with a half-smile. “Do we call it a draw?” She asked in an attempt to distract him.

“I can live with that.” Ben agreed as he drew closer to her. Rey’s gaze slid to the side. He pulled her against his chest. His nose tickled her ear. She let out a tiny gasp of surprise. Rey felt his lips softly graze her slender neck. Her face grew warmer. She summoned enough courage to meet his gaze. His dark brown eyes bore into hers for a minute, before they fell to her parted lips.

Rey felt her stomach fluttering with anticipation as she watched with eager eyes as his head inclined toward hers. “Ben.” She murmured. She leaned in until her forehead rested against his. They closed their eyes. Both their breaths shaking with the intensity of the moment.

“Thank you.” Ben said, his voice low and husky.

“For what?” Rey whispered.

“For being you.” Ben’s voice wavered, exhilarated by the tension between them. “Ow!”

Rey’s eyes fluttered open in surprise when he suddenly stepped back from her, one hand clutching the back of his head. She took deep shallow breaths, feeling slightly disorientated. It was only then she noticed the red training remote hovering above Ben’s head. While they had been absorbed in one another, the thing had crept up on them and fired off a stinging beam to the back of Ben’s head. Sweet, joyful laughter bubbled in Rey’s throat as she watched Ben capture the annoying remote and send it flying into the nearest tree in his frustration.

* * *

“Will this do?” Rose Tico asked Leia as she handed her an old starfighter pilot helmet.

“Perfect.” Leia said as she examined it. “Thank you for sourcing this for me.”

“What do you want it for?” Rose was intrigued by General Organa’s thoughtful expression.

Leia didn’t respond to her question, but instead asked one of her own. “Do you think you could use your engineering skills to adapt this helmet into something a bit more intimidating for me?”

Rose was all curiosity as Genera Organa handed her a blueprint for what she had in mind. “Wow, really?” She asked. “This design looks like something a soldier in the First order might wear.”

“I’m glad you think so.” Leia replied with a cryptic smile. “How long do you think it will take?”

“No more than a few hours.” Rose replied.

“Good. Off you go then.” Leia said as she returned back to examine the swathe of black material that Kaydel had brought from her own wardrobe. It had once been part of one her most treasured outfits, having once belonged to her late mother, Padme Amidala. A lot of Padme’s extensive wardrobe had been lost over time. This was one of the last outfits that remained. Leia had kept it for purely sentimental reasons. But there was no time for sentiment now. With a heavy heart she had taken it apart as she attempted to rework into an appropriate costume for Rey to wear in her new role as a Knight of Ren.

Rose hovered in the doorway as she tried to summon up the courage to ask the General what she was planning on doing with the adapted helmet, but seeing the pained look on Organa’s face as she gazed sadly in front of her, changed her mind. She left quietly, leaving Leia alone with her troubled thoughts.

* * *

“Hey, Rose.” Finn called out to her.

Rose halted, a small smile forming at the corners of her mouth as she waited for Finn to catch up to her. She hadn’t seen much of him, he always seemed to be deep in conversation with Poe when she sought him out, or was busy chasing down Rey. “Hey.” She greeted him when he finally reached her.

“Hey.” Finn puffed out an impatient breath. “I saw you coming out of General Organa’s quarters. What did she want?”

Rose frowned, slightly annoyed that was the first thing to come out of his mouth. “I’m fine, thank you. How are you?” She responded sardonically.

Her sarcasm was lost on Finn. “Well?” He asked again. “What did Leia want? Is it about Rey?”

Rose’s jaw tensed as she gave him a sour look. “It’s classified.”

“Huh?” Finn looked at her oddly. “But its me.” He said. “You can tell me.”

“Afraid not.” Rose said haughtily as she clutched the soon to be adapted starfighter helmet to her chest. The blueprint for Leia’s design was safely tucked in the back pocket of her tan overalls. “Its on a need to know basis. And guess what, Finn. You don’t need to know.” She turned and walked away from him, leaving Finn staring wordlessly after her.

**_A/N-thanks for reading! A slower chapter overall, but I had fun writing the training session. Please leave a review if you have time._ ** **_😊_ **


	13. Knights of Ren

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you very much to everyone who kindly reviewed this story!_ **

** Chapter Thirteen-Knights of Ren **

It was raining. Ben lay on his bunk-an improvised bed that had been scavenged by Rey in order for him to have somewhere comfortable to rest in his temporary quarters-with his hands clasped behind his head. He stared moodily up at the leaky roof. A steady stream of water dripped through the gaps as the rain beat against the canvas roof and sides of the tent. The canvas rippled in the gusting wind, straining against the rope and pegs as it battled the encroaching squall. This was the first time he had been truly alone since he had arrived at the Resistance base. Rey was with his mother as they tried to nail down the design specifications for her Knights of Ren outfit. Two guards stood uneasily outside his tent, they were purely for show, it wasn’t like they could do anything if he tried to escape. He could stroll out any time he wanted, using the old Jedi mind trick to simply walk right past them.

Being alone was giving him too much time to brood. Ben had been analysing everything in his mind, going over every little detail about their risky plan to smuggle Rey on board the Steadfast with him, disguised as one of the Knights of Ren. There were so many flaws, so many things that could go wrong. Just thinking about the dark side users who made up the Knights was enough to make his blood run cold. After Snoke’s death at his hands, the Knights presence had become more common within the First Order’s ranks. Where they once travelled the galaxy as marauders and mercenaries, the Knights became enforcers of his reign as the new Supreme Leader. Only he had the authority to command them, as the knights answered to no one else. The knights’ singular devotion to their leader had caused a lot of friction with the members of the Supreme council.

The Knights of Ren lived by a code, to which they were flexible in following: living life the way they wanted, taking what the galaxy gave them, and consuming what the dark side sent them. The Ren, a lightsaber possessed by Ben’s predecessor, also known as Ren, epitomized the Knights' code. The nature of the Ren, according to Ren, was that it just existed. It had no conscience, neither acknowledging or expressing concepts such as morality, regret or concern for what it might destroy. The Knights devotion to the way of the Ren was matched only by their allegiance to the shadow—the dark side of the Force. The Knights did not search for just any Force-sensitive individuals to join the ranks; they wanted those who had a strong affinity for the shadow. 

For this reason alone, it was imperative that Rey didn’t come into direct contact with them at all. Their suspicions would be aroused as soon as Rey joined their ranks. Ben knew even if he ordered them to accept her, behind his back, they would demand that she exact a price for becoming a member. He felt his heart quicken as old memories of the sacrifices he had been forced to pay in order to join their group unfurled in his mind.

Having renounced the ways of the Jedi after Skywalker’s attempt on his life, and the subsequent destruction of the sacred Jedi temple, feeling he was left with no options left, Ben had gone to Snoke and confided his interest in joining the Knights of Ren. Snoke showed his approval and encouraged him to seek out the Knights, telling the young boy that he would not have to keep his power in check like he did while training with the Jedi. When he warned Ben that the Knights of Ren would not accept a recruit who was on the path to becoming a Jedi Knight, Ben revealed the hatred he harboured for his own identity and the legacy attached to it. By joining the Knights, he not only saw a chance to learn new things about the Force, but also an opportunity to reinvent himself by adopting a new name.

Snoke had warned Ben that the Knights would exact a heavy price in exchange for admission into their ranks, but at the time he did not care and was willing to pay any cost in order start his new life and bury everything about himself that he wanted to forget. At the time, however, he was unaware that he would be expected to undergo a particular Sith trial of ascendancy—the sacrifice of someone he cared about.

Ben became overwhelmed as the painful memories of his past tortured him all over again. Once he had set foot on the path into the darkest recesses of his past, he couldn’t escape them, or hide from them; they were the worst kind of monster. Old memories arose in his mind, as fresh as if they had happened yesterday. He closed his eyes in silent terror as he remembered his meeting with the deadly Knights and their former leader, Ren.

_"It's a death—but not a good death. Not good enough." Ren had said coldly._

_"I killed him. I killed Hennix. A Jedi." Ben’s voice was husky as he tried to stifle his pain._

_"Yeah. But you didn't really want it. But Snoke vouched for you, and you're strong in the shadow, and that's not nothing. Let's spend some time, see if you like us, see if we like you. Maybe you'll find that good death after all."_

Ben tried to close the memories down. But try as he might he couldn’t escape their chokehold. They were pin point needles, piercing his skin. He couldn't scream or fight back, he had to just endure the pain as he watched Ren and the Knights surround his younger self. Ben had experienced pain before. But nothing amounted to this. He could neither hide or run or fight them. His memories were indeed his worst enemy and the thing that would most likely destroy him.

A cold sweat broke out all over Ben’s body as he relived the encounter in his head like it was happening in real time. He heard himself explaining to the Knights about the origins of Voe, Hennix and Tai-the young Jedi who were determined to kill him after blaming him for the destruction of the Jedi temple. How Voe considered him her rival, yet always failed to reach his level of power, whereas Hennix was known for his humour and intelligence. Ben was more cryptic about Tai, who had always empathized with his internal struggle over his heritage as a Skywalker. His long rambling explanation had given Ren a clearer understanding of the three Jedi who confronted his latest potential recruit. Ben also revealed that Hennix had tried to kill him, believing that he had murdered Voe when he had, in fact, saved her from falling to her death. Hennix had been inadvertently killed by his own blade, although Ben took responsibility for that as well to impress Ren and his knights.

Ren, however, was not convinced that Hennix's death satisfied the Knights' qualifications, knowing that Ben had not meant to kill his fellow Jedi. Yet he also took Ben’s inherent strength into consideration, as well as the fact that Snoke had vouched for the young boy. Though he agreed to allow Ben to accompany the Knights on their adventures, Ren found his appearance intolerable for a potential Knight, going so far as to compare his tattered Jedi robes to garbage. Turning to Kuruk, he instructed his fellow Knight to provide the fallen Jedi with a fresh set of clothes. Ben’s new attire was an all-black outfit that more closely resembled the group he sought to join. Black was all he had worn ever since.

Accompanied by Ben, the Knights then went to Minemoon, one of the moons of Mimban, to steal the Mindsplinter in exchange of payment. When the Mimbanese miners refused to cooperate, Ben performed telepathy on one of them to discover that the relic was three levels down in a chamber with a red snake. While Ren praised Ben’s Force abilities, he nonetheless executed the miners despite his promise to Ben that he would release them and announced to the other Mimbanese present on the chamber his intentions to take the Mindsplinter, ordering the Knights to chop all the miners down. While the Knights jumped towards the chamber to fight the miners, Ren stayed behind with a secretly distraught Ben. However, Tai and Voe arrived on the scene, with Tai facing Ben whereas Voe jumped to the chamber to rescue the Mimbanese and fight Ren and the Knights.

While Tai fought against Ben, Voe rescued a Mimbanese woman from getting killed by Ren before lunging at the other Knights. Meanwhile, Ren went to see how Ben was going in his fight with Tai. Angered by the fact that Ben was taking so long to end Tai, and sensing his reluctance to hurt the only other Jedi who had ever tried to understand him, Ren intervened and viciously snapped Tai's neck using the force, before determining that Ben wasn't one of them and that he would eliminate him for his weakness as well. However, unknowingly manipulated by an unknown voice, which Ben recognised now as Sidious, he bested Ren and killed him with Tai's lightsaber before executing Voe with the Ren. With their leader gone, the Knights of Ren had kneeled before Ben after he killed Voe, and accepted him as their new leader.

Ben pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around his shins. He called upon his old meditation techniques to try and expel the painful memories from his mind, but it proved fruitless. Now he had opened the box he couldn’t put them back inside. Whatever he tried; he couldn’t protect himself from the onslaught. He didn’t want to go back to his old life, if he stepped back into the darkness, he worried that he would be consumed by it all over again. He would drag Rey down with him and he couldn’t bear the thought of it. The wretched memories continued swirling around his head, dragging him deeper into despair. No matter what he did, there was no way he could hide from the thoughts in his head.

He was alone.

Always alone.

_“I’m right here. You’re not alone.”_

Gentle fingers sank into his hair as Rey settled down beside him and lifted his head onto her lap. She had been an unwilling witness to the turmoil going on inside his mind. Every dark memory that tormented him, found its way to her. She had relived his painfilled memories of the Knights of Ren right along with him. No walls she put up could stop his despair finding its way to her.

Rey had been in the midst of helping Leia put the last finishing touches to her new disguise. Organa had actually used one of her late mother’s outfits to source the material, as well as adjusting Kylo’s own black cape to go along with it. Rose was still working on the helmet. Rey had just been about to try everything on so Leia could check the measurements, when she had been overwhelmed by a barrage of Ben’s dark memories. Rey had nearly collapsed under the weight of the horror show she was witnessing. She wasn’t only getting a visual display, but a preview of every thought and feeling that Ben was experiencing in his descent to the dark side.

Leia was shocked at the state of Rey as she crouched trembling at her feet. She engulfed the distressed girl into a comforting embrace, gently pleading with her to tell her what was wrong. But there was no way for Rey to describe what was haunting her mind. She tried reaching telepathically out to Ben, but he was too far gone, too lost in his dark memories to acknowledge her.

“I have to go.” She had gasped as she disentangled herself from Leia’s arms and ran out into the night.

* * *

Ben felt Rey’s light surround him. He could breathe again. Her fingers left his hair as she wrapped her arms around him. He sank gratefully into her embrace as his dark memories slowly faded away. Her hug was stronger than anything he’d ever known, as if holding him wasn't quite enough, she needed to feel every ounce of him press into every ounce that was her. In that moment of feeling her so close Ben felt more awake somehow, more alive than he had been in so very long. He felt safe within her arms, protected. No longer alone. He wanted to stay there forever.

Rey let Ben pull her down on the bunk beside him. He pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her. His embrace was warm, and his big strong arms felt protective when wrapped around her slim body. He squeezed her gently. The world around Rey melted away as she squeezed him back, closing her eyes with a soft sigh as they both sank into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

It was a while later when Leia looked in on them. In her exhausted state it had taken her a lot longer than it should have to reach Ben’s tent. Her instincts told her that was where the distressed girl had run off to. The guards were missing, having been dismissed by Rey in her eagerness to get to Ben. Leia pushed the tent flaps aside, peering into the shadows anxiously only to find her son and the young Jedi wrapped in an embrace so tight, that she couldn’t tell in the half dark where Ben began and Rey ended. They appeared to be asleep, their eyes were closed, breathing even. Unwilling to disturb them, Leia backed out of the tent, closing the flaps carefully behind her.

**_A/N-thanks for reading! OMG, this chapter wasn’t meant to go this way. The angst! Ben reflecting about the Knights of Ren wasn’t meant to involve a near breakdown, I was trying to fit in some background info about the knights for any new readers who weren’t familiar with them. Oh well, the characters speak for themselves. I really have no control over them. I wonder how many other writers feel this way? Do you start a chapter or story intending it to go one way and then it goes completely in another direction?_ **

**_Anyway, I’ll stop rambling. Please review if you have the time. Thanks._ **


	14. Sweet Dream

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter!_ **

** Chapter Fourteen-Sweet Dream **

When Rey woke, Ben was still sleeping, his head resting close to hers. The dark fringe of his eyelashes settled softly on his cheeks. She felt his warm breath against her face. His arms wrapped around her protectively, instinctively, even as he slept. He looked so peaceful, and not wanting to disturb him, especially after his near break down the night before, she slipped out of the circle of his arms and pushed herself onto her feet. Rey noticed a slight frown appear on his forehead at the sudden loss of her warmth. He mumbled incoherently, before rolling onto his side away from her. She watched as his face relaxed again as he settled back down. His features were much softer in sleep, making him appear much younger than his years. He looked peaceful. The bad memories that had plagued him the night before had faded away under the heavy weight of his exhaustion. Wanting nothing more than to curl up into the curve of his body again, Rey had to force herself to leave. She crept out of the tent so as not to disturb him, only to be met with a rush of heat from the humid morning air and an anxious droid rolling toward her.

“BB-8!” Rey hunkered down when the little astromech droid reached her. She immediately began to fiddle with the little antenna on top of his head, which had a habit of becoming loose. The droid seemed more skittish than normal as it chirped a warning. “Poe’s looking for me, huh? Thanks for letting me know.”

Rey sighed as she finished straightening the antenna and rose to her feet. She could see Dameron striding toward her. He was wearing an annoyed expression. She wasn’t sure if it was because his faithful droid had just split on him, or because he had seen her sneaking out of the Supreme leader’s tent in the early hours of the morning. Rey wondered why she could never seem to catch a break. BB-8 beeped agitatedly when his master reached him.

Poe scowled down at him. “Nice to see where your loyalties lie, pal.” He muttered.

The little droid’s dome head swivelled between Rey and Poe, before it decided it was probably best to beat a retreat. He quickly rolled away in a flash of orange and silver. Rey envied the droids escape. She wished she could do the same. She was in no mood for another bitter confrontation with Poe. His frustration must have boiled over when his tactic of using Finn as a go-between failed.

“Morning, Poe.” Rey said politely as she decided to take the higher ground.

“Rough night?” The fighter pilot countered sarcastically.

_“Here we go_.” Rey thought in her head irritably, while outwardly she remained indifferent to his taunts. “I slept very well, actually.” So, he had seen her sneaking out of Ben’s tent.

“The state of your hair and your dishevelled appearance says something different.” Poe said pointedly.

Rey felt her cheeks grow warm as she unconsciously touched her mussed up hair. Half of it had fallen out of the braid and was floating around her face in silky tendrils. She refused to lower herself to his level. He was just trying to get under her skin to provoke a reaction out of her. Rey ignored his insinuation and remained composed, which to her immense pleasure, seemed to frustrate him even more.

“Thanks for the compliment, Poe. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to get some breakfast.” Rey answered coolly. She swept past him with her head held high.

Poe muttered something under his breath before trailing after her. “What’s going on with you, Rey?” He demanded. “You’re supposed to be guarding the guy, not climbing into bed with him. Finn was right to be worried.”

Rey halted, her pale skin turning crimson with indignation. “I would stop talking right now before you say something you regret.”

“So, you’re not denying it then?” Dameron said in disgust. “I’m beginning to wonder where your true loyalties lie.”

Every word that came out of Poe’s mouth was just making her angrier. Normally, to avoid conflict, she would swallow her retort and move on. But that just made it worse. That he and Finn felt empowered to micromanage every aspect of her life was beginning to infuriate her. Dameron wanted everything done his way. It was killing him being kept out of the loop. He saw Ben, his perceived enemy, replacing him in Leia’s confidence. He was used to being the one that Organa turned to in times of crisis, she was his mentor, he looked up to her. Rey tried to remember this as she turned around to face the fighter pilot.

“Don’t ever question my loyalty, Poe. That was a low blow and you know it.” Rey warned him.

Poe actually showed a sliver of remorse as he apologised stiffly. “I’m sorry.” He said ungraciously. “But I want to know what’s going on. I deserve to know. All I see is you sneaking about, pandering to the guy. Leia does the same. After everything he’s done. He’s more or less been given the run of the camp. How can you trust the guy so easily? How can you bear to be around him, Rey?” He paused to suck in a sharp breath, his fingers dragging through his curly hair. Poe shook his head as if to clear it. “Even my own damn droid shows more loyalty to you then it does to me.” His tone had a bitter edge to it that Rey wasn’t used to hearing from the cocky pilot. “I can’t believe BB-8 came to warn you that I was coming.”

Rey tried to keep her patience as she let Poe vent. It was obvious his frustration had been building for a while. He was on the verge of exploding. There was nothing she could say to him that wouldn’t just inflame the situation. “Not everything revolves around you, Poe. You’re not being kept in the dark deliberately.” She said tiredly. “You need to take a step back and trust that we know what we’re doing.”

“I want to.” Poe argued. “I should be able to. But I don’t trust _him_. Not one bit. And you can’t expect me to.”

“You’re right.” Rey felt moisture prick at her eyes. “I can’t expect you to trust him. But I am asking you to trust in me. In Leia. Can you do that?”

“Then tell me what’s going on!” Poe demanded again. “Make me change my mind!”

“I can’t.” Rey said in defeat.

They had reached an impasse. Poe shrugged his shoulders, his tone dripping with disappointment. “Then I guess there’s nothing more to say.”

“Poe- “Rey began but gave up when he shook his head at her.

“Well I just hope you’re prepared for the consequences, Rey.” Poe said as a parting shot. He began to walk away.

“What does that mean?” Rey called after him. “Poe?”

Her only answer was stony silence.

* * *

Leia’s hands were frailty and caution, shaking gently as she reached for the jug of water. Harter had brewed her a pot of Caf’. She had added some milk and sugar to sweeten the taste. Leia had only taken one sip, before her stomach rolled painfully and she was forced to stop. Her eyes moistened as she gave up om her favourite drink and opted for the water instead.

“General.” Rey’s gentle voice called to her from outside. “May I come in?”

“Of course.” Leia quickly took a long sip of the water before clasping her hands in her lap to stop them shaking.

Rey slipped inside the darkened tent to find Organa sitting next to a tray of untouched food. “Are you not hungry?” She asked cautiously.

“Not today.” Leia hated the tremor in her voice. She gestured for Rey to sit. “How are you this morning? How’s Ben?”

“You looked in on us last night.” Rey surmised as she felt her cheeks grow warm with embarrassment for the second time that morning.

“I guessed that’s where you went when you ran out of here in such a hurry.” Leia brushed a stray wisp of hair out of her eyes impatiently. “Is Ben okay? Are you?”

“Yes.” Rey gazed at Leia worriedly. She watched the older woman’s sluggish movements. The hand she had raised to brush the hair away was shaking, her skin ashen where a stray beam of sunlight caught it, not ghostly white, just subdued and greyish. Rey realized how vulnerable Leia was and how much of a toll the sickness had taken. “What about you? Are you okay?” She asked cautiously.

“I am being well looked after, Rey.” Leia assured her with a weary smile. “Harter has been a keeping a close eye on me I promise you.” She paused for a second as she studied Rey carefully. “Can you tell me why you were so distressed last night?”

Rey’s lower lip wobbled as she shook her head. “I don’t think I could ever find the words to explain.”

“I won’t push you. I just want you to know I’m here if you need to talk.” Leia promised her. She shivered slightly in the humidity of the room. “I’ve nearly finished your outfit by the way.” Rey glanced at the fine tremors running through the older woman’s hands. Leia caught her looking. “I had help. Rose Tico stopped by to drop off the revamped helmet. She offered her services. She’s a good girl that one.”

Rey’s face relaxed into a warm smile as she thought about her friend. “Yes, she is. And a good friend.”

“I take it you’ve been having trouble with your other friends.” Leia guessed.

Rey huffed out a frustrated breath. She didn’t want to burden Leia with anymore problems, but she was worried about her last encounter with Dameron. “It’s Poe.” She admitted. “And Finn.”

“Ah, Finn. I heard his name mentioned a lot last night from your young friend.” Leia revealed, referring to Rose. “Come on, tell me what’s troubling you? What has Poe done now?”

* * *

Ben’s heart thumped in accordance with slow, shallow breaths. The Force flowed around him. Serenity was plastered across his face as he slept. At peace, his consciousness swirled in the land of dreams, oblivious to the physical world. In his dreams he heard the sound of children's feet, of their laughter and impromptu song lyrics. Then he heard Rey. Rey was the one who was singing-her tone was slightly off-key but all the more joyful because of it. Ben followed the sound of her sweet voice. In his dream the sky was blue, the birds were singing, insects buzzed above exotic flowers of varying colours. To his astonishment he felt small fingers close around his, the small fingers of a child. He looked down. Next to him was a small boy, with hair as black as midnight and a smile as radiant as the morning sun. “Daddy.” He said.

Ben woke suddenly, every thought in high definition. He reached out for Rey only to find her gone. He rolled onto his back in disappointment, his eyes taking in every ray of light and without a doubt he knew he had slept too long. He couldn’t remember the last time he had slept so soundly…until that dream.

_That wonderful dream…._

Suddenly he heard the sound of raised voices in the distance. He rolled off the bunk and landed on his feet. In the shadows he moved slowly enough to make no sound, fast enough to reach his lightsaber. After so many years of living on the edge, his every action was automatic, reflexive, efficient. Ben reached the entrance to the tent and carefully pulled apart one of the flaps to peer outside. It was as he expected. An angry mob was making its way toward him. At the head was Poe Dameron.

Ben waited for the length of a heartbeat before he stepped outside to face them.

**_A/N-thanks for reading! Please review._ **


	15. Lynch Mob

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter. There are a lot of angry emotions flying around in this chapter…._ **

** Chapter Fifteen-Lynch Mob **

The mob moved like a multi headed beast that shared only one brain. Their thoughts were in lockstep as well as their feet. Their angry, accusing eyes reminded Ben of the Jedi students- Voe, Hennix and Tai-when they judged him guilty before he even had a chance to defend himself the night the Jedi temple burned. They hadn’t listened to him then and this same angry mob wouldn’t listen to now. They were judge, jury and executioner.

Ben remained aloof as he stood silently in front of them. His casual stance seemed to infuriate Poe, who had probably expected him to come at them with lightsaber swinging. Dameron’s brows drew down into an irritated frown when he heard the muttered whispers behind him. Already some of the group were beginning to express doubts. This was Kylo Ren unmasked. They were expecting to see a monster, not an attractive young man in his prime. Ben Solo had the kind of face that stopped a person in their tracks. With his tousled black hair, which was thick and lustrous; his eyes were a mesmerising deep brown, the imperious gaze he shot toward the baying mob a replica of his mother, Leia Organa Solo. His resemblance to their beloved general seemed to throw some people. They began to get restless.

Poe’s jaw pulsed with aggravation as he stepped forward and began to make a speech in order to gee up the jittery mob of people. He demanded silence, the strident timbre of his voice booming over the top of the crowd. Poe was an engaging public speaker. It was how he got people to follow him in the first place. He launched into a passionate tirade, reminding everyone why they had come together in the first place. He started with a long list of Kylo’s crimes-some warranted, others completely fabricated, only learned through rumour and Ren’s scary reputation, which had been hyped up across the galaxy during his short rein as Supreme leader.

Dameron’s tactic worked. He soon had the crowd worked up into a frenzy. His speech ended in a cacophony of sound-cheering, whooping, hollering, clapping, stamping of feet, palpable excitement buzzed through the charged air. Poe stared triumphantly at Ben, feeling re-energised by the overwhelming support coming from the baying crowd.

Throughout the fighter pilot’s rousing speech Ben had maintained a stony silence. He was lost in his own head, the ghosts of his past rising up to haunt him once again. He was the villain. The monster. The big evil Kylo Ren. These foolish people had no idea of what really simmered beneath his brooding surface. They were too swept up in their righteous anger to listen to reason. Anger boiled deep in his system, as hot as lava. It churned within, hungry for destruction, and it was getting too much for him to handle. Ben was like a pressure cooker waiting to explode and it was Poe’s arrogant look that finally sparked the flame of his ire.

His weapon flared to life; the crackling red blade of his cross guarded lightsaber matching the turmoil festering like a poisonous wound inside him. Shocked gasps rippled through the crowd, some even retreating in fear as he stepped forward, his eyes blazing as intensely as his fierce weapon. He then upended the saber, jabbing the red plasma blade directly into the ground at Dameron’s feet, where it remained vibrating like a nest of angry vipers.

Ben locked eyes with Poe. “You’re baying for my blood? Then take it, Dameron!” He demanded as he stepped back from his weapon, leaving himself defenceless. “Kill me if that’s what you want! Do it!”

With his jaw locked tight with tension, Poe immediately drew his own weapon. The fighter pilot pointed his blaster at Ben, aiming directly for his heart.

“Poe, this is not the way.” Finn warned him quietly as he stepped up beside his friend. “He’s taunting you. Making you look like the aggressor.”

“What are you waiting for, dammit!” Ben roared. “Do it! That’s what you all came for isn’t it?” He glared toward the mob of people, who had now fallen deathly silent.

Fires of fury and hatred were smouldering in Poe’s narrowed eyes as he weighed the pros and cons of the various and creative means available to him for exacting revenge on Kylo. He barely heard Finn, who was still trying to talk him down.

“You deserve to pay for your crimes!” Poe spat as he kept his blaster trained on Ben.

“And what about yours?” Ben countered harshly.

Poe’s finger hovered over the trigger, his breathing coming in shallow pants. “Stop talking.” He seethed.

“How many people have you killed, Dameron?” Ben demanded. “Plenty. You have blood on your hands. Just like I do. Every life you took… that person was someone’s mother, father, son or daughter. You can try and stand there and justify it to yourself that you took that life because of a good cause, but in the end, it comes down to the same thing. This is war. You fight and win or you die.”

Poe’s finger landed on the trigger. “Don’t you dare compare me to you.”

Ben turned his laser like stare onto Finn. “And you.” He said to the former stormtrooper. “You stand there and act all self-righteous, but how many have you killed. How many of your fellow stormtroopers have you obliterated? Some of those whose lives you ended were probably just like you-desperate to escape and start a new life. You claim that you didn’t want to kill those villagers on Jakku, but you had no trouble in slaughtering those same stormtroopers-those people you worked with, lived with, some who were probably once your friends-when it suited you. You are not just a traitor but a hypocrite as well!”

Ben’s accusations pushed Finn to reach for his own blaster. “You bastard!” He yelled as he and Poe fired at the same time.

* * *

Waves of anger settled on Rey like a silent huntress looming in the night, ready to strike when she least expected it. It hovered over her like morning fog over the jungle. The force of it left her traumatised. Those waves of anger and despair were coming from Ben. They seeped through their force bond, like a rolling black cloud. She moaned with the intensity of it.

“Rey?” Leia said in alarm when she saw the colour drain from Rey’s face. “What is it?”

“Ben.” Rey gasped.

“What about Ben?” Leia demanded.

Rey didn’t have the strength to answer Organa. She pushed her way out of the general’s tent in a panic and hotfooted it to Ben’s quarters. She heard the jeering crowd before she saw them. They had found their voices again. Some yells were eager, others jittery. Rey rounded the corner and was faced with what could only be described as a lynch mob. In the grip of silent panic, wild eyes, pupils dilating and with her brain on fire, she ploughed into the frenzied crowd and clawed her way to the front. To her horror she saw Poe and Finn at the head of the howling mob with their blasters aimed to kill. Their target was Ben.

“STOP!” She screamed at them.

Her cry was a beat too late. Both men fired simultaneously. Rey watched as Ben extended one hand and called upon the force to stop the two streaks of red from reaching their target. The blaster bolts hovered in mid-air, completely frozen in their tracks. Gasps of surprise came from the crowd at this seemingly magical display. Ben’s actions just seemed to infuriate Poe and Finn even more. While Ben was preoccupied keeping the blaster bolts at bay, they fired again.

Watching her friends continue to fire at an unarmed Ben pushed Rey over the edge. With Ben’s anger fuelling hers through their force bond, her rage began to build up inside her like deep water currents. She had done everything she could stop it building up to this. She did everything right-everything-and still they chose to squander it all away like ill-raised children. Why couldn’t they have just trusted her. Trusted Leia. That’s when her anger comes, unleashed without thought or consequence. Even those who didn’t earn her wrath today earned it at some point. In one smooth motion Rey found herself moving forward, one arm raised, fingers extended. A bolt of blueish purple force lightening erupted from her fingertips. It lit up the sky like a streak of angry fireworks, smashing into the blaster bolts that were still vibrating in mid-air as Ben kept them at bay. There was a shower of colourful sparks, followed by a loud sonic boom.

The mob scattered like a pack of frightened children; their hands pressed against their ears as they fled the scene in terror. Only Rey, Ben, Finn and Poe remained. Rey stared at her hand in horror. Adrenaline flooded her system; it pumped and beat like it was trying to escape. She felt like her heart was going to explode and her hazel eyes remained wide with fear at the power her anger had unleashed. Her body wanted to run fast for the safety of the hills, but instead she remained stock still. Her adrenaline surged so fast she almost vomited, she could taste saliva thickening in the back of her throat and beads of sweat trickled down her brow. She knew at some point she was going to have to move, but she couldn’t get her limbs to function.

_“I’m here_.” Ben’s voice broke through the fear clouding her mind. _“You’re not alone.”_ Aloud, he shouted at Poe and Finn. “Are you satisfied? Is this what you wanted? You have no idea of what you’ve done, you stupid fools!”

Poe and Finn remained silent, their faces flushed with fear and shame as they stared at Rey like they had never seen her before. 

Rey began to shake with the enormity of what she had done. She could have hurt someone, killed someone even. It was just sheer luck that no one had been injured. Ben could feel the pain swirling in her brain. He wrapped his arms around her waist, feeling her calm down instantly at his touch. Rey rubbed her tears away with her fingers before burying her face in Ben’s chest. She couldn’t bear to look at Poe or Finn. Ben reached up and cradled the back of her head. The simple gesture sent a wave of butterflies coursing through her veins, their fluttering wings easing the dread that had settled inside her.

_“Its okay. I’ve got you.”_ Ben’s soothing voice whispered in her mind.

“Rey…” Finn began hoarsely.

One fierce glare from Ben silenced him. “Don’t you dare say her name.” He ground out.

In the distance he could see his mother approaching. Ashen faced, Leia was leaning heavily on Harter Kalonia’s arm as she moved slowly toward them. Next to them strode a tall Wookie, Chewbacca, and two men that Ben didn’t recognise as being part of the mob who had been baying for his blood only moments ago. The air left Ben’s lungs as he caught his first proper glimpse of his surrogate uncle. His grip on Rey tightened, causing her to pull away slightly and look up at him in concern. “ _My mother_.” He communicated to her telepathically.

Rey tensed again. She glanced at Finn and Poe. The fighter pilot’s face was almost as ashen as Leia’s, he looked utterly deflated. Finn didn’t look much better. When Organa and her entourage finally reached them, she let go of Harter’s arm, her whole demeanour changing. She straightened up, her dignified bearing in striking contrast to Finn and Poe’s despondent appearance.

“I am ashamed of both of you.” Leia said in disgust. “I warned you several times, Poe, that I won’t tolerate or condone this type of behaviour. Your actions could have had severe consequences today. I had hoped you had learned your lesson after what happened with Vice Admiral Holdo.”

The tips of Poe's ears reddened as she reprimanded him. “General….” He said huskily.

“Silence.” Leia commanded. “There is nothing you can say to me that will defend your actions today. Perhaps a few nights in the brig will give you ample time to reflect on the consequences of your actions, Lieutenant.”

“You’re demoting me?” Poe questioned in disbelief.

“You can’t be surprised, Dameron.” Leia answered imperiously. She turned to Chewie and the other two men. “Escort them to the brig, please.”

“Alright!” Poe complained as he shrugged off the guard’s hands as they moved him forward. “I’m going.”

Chewie roared his disapproval as he roughly pushed Finn and Poe in front of him. Finn cast one remorseful glance in Rey’s direction before turning to follow the others.

**_A/N-thanks for reading. Phew, that was a hard chapter to write. I have no idea if it came across as believable or not. I hope so. Writing so many characters in one scene is so hard. Anyway, tell me what you think in the reviews if you have the time, thanks._ **


	16. Rey's Secret

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Sixteen-Rey’s Secret **

The incursion led by Poe Dameron had delayed Ben and Rey’s plan by another day. Another day lost was another day wasted. The consequences were still being felt across the Resistance camp. Leia had rounded up everyone else involved and spoke to each of them individually. The very fact that Poe had managed to garner that much support for his foolish plan meant that there were many in the Resistance who agreed with his views. The general’s declining health had prevented her from really engaging with those serving under her command of late. She felt she needed to connect with them again and explain her position without giving too much away. Harter had cautioned Leia that she was taking too much upon herself, but Leia had dismissed her concerns. She was insistent that she needed to do this, everyone needed to pull together. They would soon be facing the fight of their lives and had to be united if they were ever going to have a chance of defeating Palpatine for good this time.

* * *

Ben woke from another nightmare. Wide eyed, heart pounding, mind empty, he sat up in his bunk. He felt as if a hypodermic of adrenaline had been emptied into his carotid. He strained into the utter darkness, breathing rate beginning to steady. As he always did now, he reached out to Rey through their force bond, but was shocked when he hit nothing but a brick wall. Panic fluttered in his chest as he searched for any signs of her force signature. Again nothing. Ben swung his legs off the bed until his bare feet hit the cold ground. He was so used to feeling Rey on the edge of his consciousness, even if they weren’t directly interacting or communicating telepathically, that the sudden loss of their connection sent chills running through his body.

Ben dressed quickly, pulling his black tunic over his head before frantically searching for his boots. He found them tossed carelessly under his bunk. He yanked them on, while automatically reaching for his lightsaber, only to find it gone. Just like Rey. His panic grew stronger as his mental faculties give way to emotions. The only person who could have taken his weapon while he slept was Rey. But why? He felt like a child again, shaking, terrified as he tried to reinforce his connection with her. But his attempts just disappeared into the ether. It was like their bond had been completely severed.

Ben dragged his fingers through his hair. His constricted feelings grew, as if he was being strangled by the very air he was breathing. He felt paralyzed. He hadn’t realised until the moment it was gone, how much he relied on his bond with Rey. Now he felt like he was adrift on a sea of loneliness without anyone to pull him back to shore. Losing her was his biggest fear. Ben forced himself to focus, to try and combat his fear. The only way out was to order this brain to function, to demand solutions instead of this crazy-making circling anxiety. So, though it felt as if his bones had no more strength and his muscles were all out of power, he concentrated his mind, relying on old mediation techniques to calm his mind.

* * *

Ben used the Jedi mind trick to influence the Resistance fighters standing guard outside his tent. He simply told them he was leaving and they let him pass without protest. Ben had already figured that Rey wasn’t in the main camp. He wondered if she had gone to the training ground to burn off some steam after the stressful events of the previous day. He tentatively reached out with the force, hunting for the comforting familiarity of her force signature, but it remained elusive. In frustration he plunged into the jungle and began his search. It didn’t take him long to realise that Rey wasn’t training. He found the training remotes and helmet abandoned on the ground. The red remote that had been giving Rey the most difficulty was cracked in two. Ben frowned as he studied it uneasily.

_“Where are you, Rey? Talk to me!”_

He was once again hit with a telepathic wall of silence. He mentally tried to breach those walls, but his attempts just ended up in a painful headache. He was going to have to continue his search for her the old-fashioned way. Venting his frustration under his breath, Ben continued onward. He pushed his way through the dense, suffocating undergrowth, fighting through the very air, which hung heavy, moist and still. Trees tall as cathedrals surrounded him, and a strange green light - almost holy - shimmered through the vast canopy of leaves.

Leafy arms fell over the way he'd come and blocked his motion in every direction. Every view was unique but the same all at once. Ben let out a long sigh; he walked deeper into the jungle, stepping over the twisty vines irritably in order not to trip over them. He feared he'd have to slice his way out a step at a time. He should have brought a knife. It was going to take just as long to get out as it took to get in, perhaps more so. He stretched the fingers of his right hand repeatedly, feeling the loss of his lightsaber. If he had it, he would have been able to cut a clear path.

In the distance he could now hear the sound of running water. He pushed his way through another dense patch of vegetation and suddenly found himself in front of a flowing river. It passed through the jungle wide and opaque. The water was green, darker in the shadows and paler in the light, but still green. Against the noise of the birds that welcomed the new day the gentle murmur of the water could only just be heard, a backdrop to the musical notes coming from above. As Ben’s eyes adjusted to the brighter light, he looked across the river to find Rey sitting on the other bank with her back to him. He noted a fallen log that acted as a bridge across the flowing river. Feeling lighter of heart now that he had found her, Ben quickly scampered across the log, easily able to maintain his balance as he called Rey’s name.

* * *

Ben’s jedi lightsaber originally had a blue coloured blade. Like all Jedi lightsabers, Ben’s had a kyber crystal at its core as a power source, and contained a diatium power cell cradled within the grip as an additional power source. The blade was ignited using a sliding activation switch located near the top of the hilt. After he fell to the dark side and adopted the name Kylo Ren, he continued to use the same weapon, modifying it to suit his new preferences as a dark force user.

The new modified crossguard lightsaber was modelled on weapons that were used in the Great Scourge of Malachor, an event that occurred millennia before the New Republic Era. Despite its ancient design, Ben's lightsaber contained modern components within it. The lightsaber was crudely assembled and its unstable condition was evidence of his inexperience in constructing such a weapon. It was built around a dangerously flawed kyber crystal; therefore, the lightsaber relied on its lateral vents to prevent the cracked crystal from overloading. Its focusing crystal activators served to split the lightsaber's red-yellow plasma stream into three channels, creating the crossguard blades, or quillons, which appeared after the ignition of the main blade. The lateral vents, from which the quillons emerged, diverted the extra heat produced by the crystal to either side of the hilt, giving the crossguard lightsaber an unstable and serrated appearance. Though he was capable of repairing his lightsaber, Ben favoured its unstable and volatile nature. Its partially exposed inner workings allowed for easy modifications and upkeep.

Rey moved hastily from her sitting position, and spun gracefully to face him. “How did you find me?” She asked warily. Apprehension clouded her eyes as she tried to conceal with her body what she had been working on.

Ben paused as tension began to build in his stomach. “I couldn’t feel you. It scared me.” He admitted honestly.

His sincere response seemed to throw Rey. Her mouth ran dry and she was forced to lick her lips to moisten them. When she met his worried gaze, her apprehension had been replaced with remorse. “I’m sorry.” She whispered apologetically. “I had to cut you off.”

“Why?” Ben’s voice was thick with pleading. “I thought we understood each other.”

Rey wanted to walk right up to him and tell him she loved him, that she would do anything for him, that he was what she wanted, flaws and all. But she couldn’t. Before the words even formed in her mouth or her feet took her to his vicinity where speech would be possible, her heart racing, the words dried up in her throat. She was scared, apprehensive.

“Rey, sweetheart, open up to me.” Ben held out his hands toward her, trying to reach across the unfathomable distance that had suddenly opened between them.

His words were the jolt she needed to move. She knew she was walking into a storm, but not so much that her steps would be hindered. If anything, it gave her the courage she needed to make them, knowing that few good things in this life come without a cost to the self. She carefully lowered her defences, allowing the security of their force bond to flow freely between them again.

As her mind opened up to him again, Ben immediately began to relax. He caught her hands, pulling her toward him. Her arms wrapped right around him brought him a peace he’d never known before she came into his life, a calming of the storms in his heart. He held her close, resting his chin on top of her head as she moulded her body to his. After a minute Ben drew back a little so he could see her lovely face. He leaned in a little closer, until their foreheads were touching. He tried to control his emotions; he couldn’t fight against the thoughts that were going through him. Her very smell was flooding his senses now. “Rey.” He whispered huskily. He wanted to kiss her so badly….

_“Ben, I took your lightsaber.”_

Rey’s telepathic communication broke through his jumbled thoughts. He had completely forgotten about that. He stifled a groan as one hand slid down her lower back. “Why?” He murmured; his whole focus was on her mouth. Her lips were so pretty, it was the imagined feel of them that was sending his mind into a sensual state of intoxication. He reached toward her face and touched them lightly before the urge to kiss her became too overwhelming.

“Ben.” Rey stilled his hand with hers. She turned her head away from him slightly, her eyes now trained on the ground.

Ben reluctantly took his eyes off her face and followed the direction of her gaze. They opened wide when he saw his lightsaber lying on the ground, the cracked red kyber crystal having been removed. The crystal glowed crimson, like a bleeding heart. The red hues glinted dangerously in the light filtering through the canopy of trees.

His brown eyes slid back to Rey; his mind was a tangled mess of confusion. That mess felt endless and at most times unyielding. He heard her emit a soft sigh as she captured his hand and pulled him down to the ground with her. It was only then he noticed his saber wasn’t the only one whose crystal had been removed. The legacy saber-once belonging to his grandfather, then his uncle-lay next to his. During her sojourn on Ajan Kloss, Rey had successfully repaired it.

“I’ve been using your uncle’s lightsaber but I don’t feel like it belongs to me. I took the ancient Jedi texts from Ahch-to with me, without Luke’s knowledge, when I left. I’ve been studying them for the past year in an attempt to gain enough knowledge to build my own.” Rey revealed. “But I lacked a kyber crystal and had no time to search for one.” She had already made a start; the hilt was built of salvaged materials from her quarterstaff and had a cloth handgrip. Ben took the hilt from her and studied it carefully. “What do you think? “She asked nervously.

“Impressive.” Ben murmured as he curled his fingers around the shaft and studied the engineering. “But why did you feel the need to take my lightsaber apart?” He raised his eyes back to hers.

To Rey’s relief his gaze was all curiosity and showed not the slightest bit of anger that she had pulled his saber apart. “I had this insane idea that I could combine part of the kyber crystal from your saber and part from Luke’s to make my own.” She said in a rush. “I just wanted….”

“What?” Ben prompted gently when she hesitated. Her luminous hazel eyes were filled with trepidation. “What did you want, Rey? You can tell me.”

“I just wanted a part of you.” Rey admitted in a low voice. Red coated her cheeks as she continued in barely a whisper. “Because I love you.”

Ben couldn’t wait anymore. He kissed her and the world fell away. It was slow and soft, comforting in ways that words would never be. His hand rested below her ear, his thumb caressing her cheek as their breaths mingled. She ran her fingers down his spine, pulling him closer until there was no space left between them and she could feel the beating of his heart against her chest.

When their lips parted Rey hesitantly looked up at him. The swirls of emotion she saw there made her gasp. Lust and desire. However, before she could ponder about it further, he yanked her back to him and covered her mouth with his in a hungry kiss. As their lips crushed together, she felt like she was walking on air. It was magic, the way his lips connected with her own. His mouth was so warm, the caress of his lips softer than she could ever have imagined.

**_A/N-thanks for reading! I have no idea if you can combine two kyber crystals. I have been researching to find out how Rey made her yellow lightsaber but so far none of the official sources that I could see have confirmed how she did it, or where she got the kyber crystal from. I have only come across fan theories. I have gone with one of those. So, in this long and round about explanation, for the purposes of this story, it is possible to combine two crystals._ **

**_I mean Ben and Rey are a dyad after all, LOL_ ** **_😉_ **

**_Please let me know what you think in the reviews._ **

**_(Runs and hides)_ **


	17. Talks

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._ **

**_I think I completely confused everyone in the last chapter regarding Rey combining the kyber crystals. She’s not taking the whole crystal from Ben’s saber, just a piece, and adding it to a piece from the legacy saber. Ben will still have enough of the crystal to power his own saber. Rey just wanted to have a symbolic part of him with her. And don’t forget that she needs her own darkside weapon if they’re going to pull off this ruse-combining red and blue (according to the light spectrum) creates magenta, which is often described as a purplish red or mauvish crimson. I hope this clears up any confusion. Sorry._ **

** Chapter Seventeen-Talks **

After their passionate encounter, Ben and Rey spent the next few hours working contentedly side by side as they carefully removed a small piece of Ben’s red kyber crystal.

“I need to ask you something.” Ben was the first to break the comfortable silence. 

Rey glanced up at him curiously, puzzled by the slight apprehension in his tone. She thought she had finally chased away all his worries concerning her feelings for him. It had taken a lot of courage on her part to openly declare her love for him. Now he looked worried again. She sighed, downing her tools as she turned to face him properly. “What’s wrong?” She asked.

Ben could feel his pulse pounding in his temples. He tried to calm his rapid breathing. While they worked together, he had been busily constructing scenarios in his head on how to broach the subject with her, only to come to the conclusion that his mother had been right all along when she had told hm that he was as bad as Han at expressing himself.

“Ben, unless you want me to reach inside your head and pull out what’s troubling you, then just tell me.” Rey said exasperatedly.

“Are you always this impatient?” Ben tried to lighten the mood by teasing her a little, but his attempt fell flat when Rey just glared at him. “Okay. Fine. I just want to know why you shut me out. I couldn’t feel you, Rey. It….” He sucked in a sharp breath. _Just say it!_ “It scared me.” He finally admitted. 

“Oh, Ben.” Regret washed over Rey like the long slow waves on a shallow beach. Her intention hadn’t been to scare him when she closed herself off from him. She had simply put up her walls in order to keep her secret. She had wanted to surprise him with her feat of engineering; gleefully imagining his reaction in her head when she presented him with her new saber made from a piece of his own kyber crystal. “I didn’t think it through properly.” She apologised earnestly. “I was so desperate for it to be a surprise. I guess I wanted…” She hesitated for a heartbeat before continuing. “I guess I wanted you to be proud of me because of what I achieved on my own.”

A brief smile of relief stretched across Ben’s face. “I’m an idiot.” He leaned in and kissed Rey’s warm lips. They pulled apart and took shaky, shallow breaths. Unable to contain themselves anymore, Ben held Rey’s head in his hands and pulled her into a fiery and passionate kiss. Her hands worked their way around his body, feeling each crevasse, each line along his perfect physique.

She lay on her back and he matched her body's form. Ben’s hands ventured over her curved body, exploring. After a while they pulled apart and opened their eyes. They stared at each other, deep into each other's eyes. Ben's full of wonder and love, Rey's full of curiosity and passion. No words were exchanged but a story worthy of them was communicated all the same.

* * *

“Finally!” Finn said in annoyance when the door to the room he was being held in, slid open, revealing Rose on the other side. “What took you so long?”

Rose paused, a slight frown marring her forehead as she looked at Finn. A stray lock of her silky black hair fell out of the clip she used to tie her hair back, and she tucked it behind her ear. “I’ve brought you some food.” She answered, glancing down at the tray she was carrying. “I sourced your favourites. They weren’t going to let me bring them in but I pulled a few strings.”

“Thanks.” Finn muttered, barely even glancing at the food. “When can I get out of here?”

“General Organa said a few days.” Rose said cautiously as she tried to hide her disappointment at his lack of appreciation for all the effort she had gone to in order to bring him his favourite food. It hadn’t been easy. She had given up some of her own rations to bring him his. “How are you holding up?”

“I’m going out of my mind.” Finn complained as he began to pace. “Rey hasn’t even been in to see me. I expect they’ve kept her away on purpose.”

“I doubt that.” Rose muttered as she dumped the tray of food on the bench seat.

“What does that mean?” Finn’s brows drew down. “Rose?” He prompted impatiently when she didn’t respond immediately.

“It means why would Rey come and see you after the stunt you and Poe pulled.” Rose felt her own impatience rising to match his. He didn’t even seem to care about her feelings. It was all about him. In her many and varied imaginings of how this meeting was going to go, she had not once thought he would not sweep her up into his arms and declare how much he had missed her. Or in another scenario, he would be all apologies, his remorseful stance drawing her toward him as she embraced him to tell him she understood and it was going to be okay. But now she could see she had been a fool. Finn really didn’t feel for her what she felt for him. Right now, she was just a means to an end. He hadn’t even asked her how she was.

“Why would you say something like that? Rey has always had my back. We’re friends. She knows I was trying to look out for her.” Finn argued.

“Look out for own self-interests you mean.” Rose countered harshly. “You think of her as more than just a friend.”

“You’re being ridiculous.” Finn denied, but his inability to look her in the eyes told Rose a different story.

Disappointment was a bitter pill to swallow. Rearranging her face into something she hoped was nonchalant and casual looking she stared at Finn. “I’d take the time to really think about how much you’ve hurt Rey by what you’ve done. And me as well.” Rose’s tone was cold. “I deserve better then this.”

A glimmer of guilt lit up Finn’s brown eyes as he tried to deny the truth of her words, but nothing came out. Instead he tried to draw her into the circle of his arms, but she evaded his touch as if it burned. “Rose.” He whispered. “I’m…”

“Sorry?” She cut in sarcastically. “I’m sure you are, Finn. But I’m worth more than a half assed apology. You still haven’t learned, have you. The only way we’re going to win this war is not fighting what we hate, but saving what we love. I hope you enjoy your food.”

With that parting comment she drew herself up into a dignified stance and left with her head held high. It was only when the doors slid closed behind her that she let her tears fall.

* * *

Poe Dameron was sitting with eyes closed and back pressed against the wall when the doors to his room slid open. He slowly opened his eyes to find Leia Organa standing in the entrance. Her countenance gave nothing away as she walked slowly inside. Behind her came Harter Kalonia, carrying a chair. The doctor placed the chair directly in front of Poe, before helping the Resistance General to sit down. Then she quickly left, leaving Leia and Poe alone.

Poe straightened on the bench seat as he looked at the proud woman sitting regally in front of him. It was only when his eyes lingered on her face that he realised how waxy her skin was. In her movements was still so much of the woman she was and still is, but for the first time he realised how vulnerable she was and how much of a toll the sickness was taking.

As if she could read his thoughts, Leia looked him directly in the eyes as she clasped her trembling hands in her lap. “I am dying, Poe.” She stated flatly.

Her blunt statement cut through Poe’s bluster and he was left reeling. He shook his head slightly in denial, before rising and hunkering down in front of her. “No, General.” He whispered.

“It’s the truth, Dameron. It’s for certain that I won’t live to see the end of this infernal war.”

Poe’s despair was profound as his eyes skimmed Leia’s face and his heart sank into his shoes when he recognised the truth of her words. “What can I do?” He pleaded thickly. He felt his eyes moisten as his gaze remained on her face. Leia had mentored him since he had joined the Resistance, but she was much more than just his teacher-she was his friend. He loved her. There was no other person alive he revered more than Leia Organa.

“Stop fighting against me, Poe.” Leia replied wearily. “Trust that I know what I am doing. I have not deliberately kept you out of the loop to spite you, but your actions keep proving to me that I am right to do so. I know your sentiments regarding my son. That is your prerogative. But he and Rey are about to undergo a dangerous mission that could turn the tide of this war. Its being kept secret to ensure their safety. If it has any chance of succeeding, Poe, I need you to stand united with me, with everyone. Can you do that?” She reached out and placed one of her heavily ringed hands on the top of his bowed head in a sign of affection.

Poe was too emotional to verbalise his feelings. Instead he nodded his head in agreement as he tried to hold back his tears.

* * *

It had been a monumental effort on both their parts, but they were finally done. Ben clasped his reassembled crossguard lightsaber in his hand and ignited it. The red plasma blade shot out- the lateral vents, from which the quillons emerged, diverted the extra heat produced by the crystal to either side of the hilt, giving his saber its familiar unstable and serrated appearance. A slight smirk lit up his face as he directed his knowing gaze toward a nervous looking Rey. “Your turn.” He said.

Rey took a deep breath to give herself a confidence she didn’t feel. “On the count of three…” She replied as she grasped the hilt of her newly reconstructed saber.

“One.” Ben began.

“Two.” Rey followed him.

“Three.” Ben finished for her.

Rey ignited her saber. A magenta blade shot outwards. She stared at it in wonder, awestruck that she had managed to create something so unique. She marvelled at the different hues in the plasma blade, depending on how the light struck it-it sometimes glittered a purplish red, on occasion darkening to a mauvish crimson. “Ben.” She looked up at him in delight. “We did it.”

“You did it.” Ben said proudly as he looped one arm around her waist and pulled her tight against him. He leaned down to kiss her. As soon as their lips connected his brain lit on fire and the warmth spread throughout his entire body. He was addicted, he couldn't bare not to be with her and could barely breathe when she wasn’t around. Those kisses were both his salvation and his torment. He lived for them and would die with the memory of them on his lips. He dedicated his life to being with her, for he knew that if he lost her, he would lose himself entirely. She was the half that made him whole.

**_A/N-thanks for reading! Please review if you have the time._ **


	18. Leia and Rey

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Eighteen-Leia and Rey **

Rey was in Leia’s quarters getting last minute adjustments to her outfit. She was feeling shy in front of the general, having never been fully unclothed in front of another person before-male or female. She curled in on herself when she heard Leia’s small gasp of surprise at the myriad scars running down her upper and lower back, the result of the many lashings she’d received as a young child when the ruthless junk boss, Unkar Plutt, sent his thugs to punish her for even a minor misdemeanor. He used his hired thugs to enforce his stranglehold on barter, sending them to punish any scavenger who dared dabble in unauthorized trades or negotiated too aggressively. The Blobfish—as scavengers called him behind his broad back—had collected all manner of weapons, gears, and ships over the years, including a battered Corellian freighter he kept under a tarp on the outskirts of Niima Outpost. From his Concession Stand in Niima Outpost, he ruled over the lives of the scavengers, buying and selling scrap and doling out survival rations.

“Rey.” Leia murmured; her eyes full of compassion as she gazed at the mortified young Jedi.

“Please, I don’t want to talk about it.” Rey whispered as she pulled the black tunic over her head and slipped her arms through the long sleeves. “It happened a long time ago. I soon learned how to defend myself.”

Leia knew when to back off. She gave Rey a tender smile before carefully adjusting the tunic, pinning it here and there to better conform to the former scavenger’s slim frame. The tunic matched the black capri length pants and boots that made up the rest of the outfit. Fine silver stitching wound around the seams of the tunic, subtly catching the light when she moved. A floor length black cape, with voluminous hood attached, completed the ensemble. Leia stepped back and examined Rey with a critical eye.

“Well?” Rey asked cautiously. Her nerves needed a break. She was feeling restless, and couldn’t stop prowling around, but it didn’t help. She still felt like her skin was on too tight. She felt like an imposter. “How do I look?”

“Just perfect.” Leia gave Rey a reassuring smile. She wasn’t showing it, but she was sharing the young Jedi’s nerves. Ben had gone off-world so he could safely communicate with the First Order without giving their position away. He had already been out of contact for a suspiciously long period of time while he stayed on the Resistance base, and was concerned that they would send scouts out looking for him if he didn’t show them he was alive and well. “I’m sure Ben is fine, Rey.” Leia didn’t know she if she was trying to reassure Rey or herself. She breathed deeply to compose herself as she reached for the revamped starfighter pilot’s helmet. “Now for the last part of your disguise.”

Rey took the helmet from her. It was totally unrecognizable from the original. Rose had done a fantastic job of remodeling the headgear into something dark and forbidding. When Rey placed it over her head, she immediately felt suffocated. Her breathing intensified, her heart beginning to run amok as well as sending her senses spiraling. She tried to slow her breathing down, forcing herself to take slow, measured breaths in order to regain her equilibrium.

“Are you ready to see yourself?” Leia asked cautiously, sensing the young woman’s distress.

“Yes.” Rey’s voice was slightly muffled by the helmet. Though it covered her whole face, Rose’s ingenious design meant that it didn’t impede her ability to see or hear clearly. She slowly turned to face the mirror that had been placed in the darkest corner of the tent. Her long cape billowed around her in a graceful arc as she moved slowly forward, her eyes filled with trepidation with what she was about to see.

Rey felt a cold chill ripple down her spine as she faced the darkest version of herself. The slender, black suited figure, with the long black cape and intimidating mask, was a reflection of what could be if she were ever to give into her inner darkness. Ever since Ben had told her of her wretched origins, she had tried to bury the knowledge deep down inside. Fears long buried came rising to the surface, despite her best efforts to quell them, they consumed her like a vacuum, threatening to overwhelm her. She struggled to breathe and was forced to rip the mask off her head before she choked.

“Rey.” Leia reached out to the tormented young Jedi and drew her into the circle of her arms. “What is it, my child?” She murmured. “Tell me.”

The tears flowed down Rey’s cheeks and dripped down her chin. She was too sad to cry out or wail, too ashamed of her broken will, to accept comfort from someone she held in such high regard. She had never known a mother’s love, and Leia’s sincere and tender affection toward her, only served to make her more desperate and ashamed of her twisted heritage. She bit her lip tightly in a vain attempt to hide any sound that wanted to escape from her mouth; her heart sank.

“The worst thing you can do is hold it inside, Rey.” Leia guided her head to her shoulder and gently stroked her hair.

Rey was strong. She had to be. But right now, she felt as weak as a newborn baby. Helpless. Afraid. She longed to reach out to Ben through their Force bond, but didn’t want to compromise his cover, or distract him in any way while he communicated with the First Order. She knew he would be under enough duress as it was, without being forced to worry about her.

“Rey.” Leia said softly as she continued to stroke her hair soothingly. “Does my son know what’s troubling you?”

“He knows of it.” Rey confessed weakly. “He’s the one who told me.”

“I see.” Leia continued tentatively. She felt a wave if sickness wash over her, forcing her to let go of Rey so she could sit down.

“Are you okay?” Rey asked anxiously, her guilt further compounded by how much stress she was causing Leia. “I’m sorry I…”

“Hush, child. Come here.” Leia held out her hands towards Rey. The young Jedi took them and knelt down in front of the Resistance general, her melancholy overwhelming her again. “Never be afraid of who you are, Rey.”

Nausea swirled unrestrained in Rey’s empty stomach. It was almost like Leia knew. Another glassy wave of tears built up in her eyes as she quailed under the older woman’s compassionate gaze. “I’m a Palpatine. Darth Sidious is my grandfather. The real reason why my parents abandoned me on Jakku was because they were protecting me from him.”

Leia’s sigh was resigned and weary. She squeezed Rey’s hands gently in sympathy. “I know exactly how you are feeling right now. I felt the same when I found out Darth Vader was my real father. No one understands your inner turmoil better than me…or Ben for that matter.”

“Did you know?” Rey asked tremulously.

“I didn’t know…more sensed.” Leia revealed with a sad smile.

“But you still trained me.” Rey whispered.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Leia let the question hang in the air as movement outside her tent attracted her attention. She frowned in annoyance. She had given strict instructions for them to be left alone. “Who’s out there?” She demanded.

“Kaydel, General.” The young lieutenant, Kaydel Connix, answered hesitantly. “I’m sorry to disturb you, but I’ve just received word that the Supreme l…” She cleared her throat nervously. “I mean…. your….um…son…. has just reached our orbit.”

“Thank you, Lieutenant.” Leia didn’t hide her relief at this news. She looked at Rey, forcing a smile onto her face. “I’ll go and greet him and then bring him back here. You wait here.”

When Leia was gone, Rey turned around to face the mirror again. She stared at her reflection, her eyes roaming critically from one feature to another. It was just an outfit. A disguise. That was all. She needed to let her ambivalent feelings about her dark legacy go if she was ever going to pull off this ruse. This was simply a role she was playing. Nothing more. She reached for the helmet again and placed it carefully over her head. Her breath seemed to stutter in her lungs before she let it go, feeling the tension drain from her body. “I can do this.” She said aloud to her reflection as her breathing slowly returned to normal.

_“Rey!”_

_Ben?”_

The low rumble of his voice inside her mind was comforting as it wrapped around Rey like a soothing balm. She took off the confining helmet and pulled her hair from its bindings, allowing the silky tendrils to fall in soft waves around her shoulders, as she waited for him to arrive.

**_A/N-thanks for reading! Please review if you have the time._ **


	19. General Hux

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Nineteen-General Hux **

It was time for them to go. The pain in Leia’s chest was incredible. Having Ben leave was like losing him all over again. Even though she wanted to hold him and keep him by her side for a longer time, she knew she had no choice but to let him go. As much as she knew it needed to be done, for him and for everyone, it killed her to know that she was never going to get the chance to see him again. Time was running out for her. She was weakening more each day.

“I love you, Ben.” Leia said hoarsely as she looked up at his handsome face. “I wish I had told you that every single day.”

“Mom.” Ben’s voice was tight with pain as he leaned down and embraced his mother. In his strong arms she felt more fragile than ever. “I'll never forget the moments you laughed with me, cried with me, helped me.”

Time slowed, as if Leia’s brain needed a snapshot of Ben, a keepsake to give her strength in the rough times to come. Then, after time unmeasurable, a bird sang, bringing her back into his moment, as if this feathered friend was the clock, the only time-keeper that mattered. The musical sound was a balm to her mind, a seed of nature's peace given so freely.

“I am so grateful that we got to have this time together.” Leia clung to him a little longer, unwilling to let him go.

“I love you, Mom.” Ben murmured into her hair, before he gathered himself together and released her. When his guilt came to haunt him again, he took a deep breath. After all this time it still cut deep, but its visits were becoming less frequent and softer in duration, especially where it concerned painful memories of his father. Reconnecting with his only remaining parent had gone a long way to heal the void in his soul, to know he was loved by her, that she had forgiven him for his past misdeeds had allowed him to slowly come to terms with his dark past. He reminded himself that while he couldn’t undo those misdeeds, he could dedicate himself to walking into the light.

Leia reached up and touched his cheek tenderly one last time, memorising his every feature and imprinting his face into her mind for what remained of her life. Before the tears she was holding back flowed and gave away the depth of her despair, she turned to face Rey. The young Jedi stood pensively by Ben’s side, the fraught emotions crossing her face matching Ben’s. Leia wondered again at the depth of their bond. They seemed more in synch with each other every day, almost like they shared one soul.

“Rey.” She said with a soft smile as she embraced the former scavenger.

Rey walked into her opened arms, curling hers around Organa’s frail frame. She was afraid if she held the older woman too tight, she would break. Rey had never experienced grief quite like this before. In the past year, Leia had become like a mother to her. Every memory they had built together replayed like a sad song in her head. She was too emotional to hide them from Ben. She glanced over Leia’s shoulder at him, only to find a single tear rolling down his cheek. He met her sorrowful gaze and quickly brushed it away before his mother had a chance to see.

“I love you, Rey.” Leia murmured as she gently cupped the back of the young woman’s head with a shaking hand. “I didn’t know your parents, but I know that they would be proud of the young woman you’ve become. I am.” She lowered her voice even more as she whispered close to Rey’s ear. “Take care of my son.” She pleaded. “And yourself as well. Promise me.”

Rey closed her eyes as she whispered back. “I promise.”

Leia finally released Rey and took a step back. A glassy layer of tears upset her vision. She had grieved so many times in the past, for so many people. And now she was grieving for herself, for a lifetime of regrets, for all those lost opportunities. “I’ve never liked the word goodbye.” She smiled wearily. “It always sounds so final. So…until we meet again.”

“Until we meet again.” Rey echoed as she put her hand over Leia’s.

“Until we meet again.” Ben said huskily; his larger hand easily encompassing both of theirs.

* * *

Hux stalked down the dark corridor leading from the conference room. He was internally fuming at the dressing down he had just received from the First Order Allegiant General Enric Pryde in front of the Supreme Council. He had dared to express his disquiet about Supreme Leader Ren’s current plans regarding the Resistance. After being out of contact for several says when he went off alone to chase down old ghosts, Ren had resurfaced, making direct contact with Pryde, and ordering him to pull back their fleet and stop wasting time in a fruitless search for the remaining survivors of the Resistance. He had a new focus-to find the Scavenger girl. Hunting her down was their new priority. Ren had delivered the shocking news that his suspicions had been proven correct, the rumours were true-the Emperor still lived.

Ren had gone further, he ordered that Pryde despatch the Knights of Ren, demanding that they search the far corners of the galaxy for any sign of the scavenger. They were to chase down any lead they could find on the young Jedi, to follow any rumour, even if it was just hearsay or gossip. He wanted the scavenger found by any means possible. He was going to pour all their resources into the hunt.

Hux smoothed his hair down as he continued to walk off his anger. To him appearance was everything; believing it was a vital part for maintaining discipline, he would always wear a parade uniform designed to broadcast his authority as general. Even his posture was affected by this belief, as Hux would often pose in a formal parade stance. In addition to his uniform and bearing, Hux's hair was coiffed to his exacting standards.

Hux had little understanding or patience for the mystical ways of the Force. While he did not doubt the Force's existence, having witnessed its power in action and even experienced it in the form of a punishment, Hux nonetheless regarded it as the centre of an obsolete religion belonging to a bygone era. The future, Hux believed, would be ruled through industry and innovation, and as such he regarded himself as a man of science and technology. Notwithstanding his lack of faith in the Force, Hux had once considered it his destiny to sit on the throne that would rule the galaxy. After Snoke’s demise that throne had been usurped by none other than his hated rival, Kylo Ren.

How he loathed the new Supreme Leader! Hux’s lips thinned as he raged at the injustice of it all. Under Snoke’s rule a tense competition was formed between him and Ren, with the latter representing the mystical side of the First Order that Hux cared little for. Despite their mutual contempt for each other, a part of Hux respected Ren and his Force abilities, although Ren had little if anything to say about Hux's fighting skills. Ren regarded Hux as a craven coward, a view reinforced when Hux, on one occasion, turned and fled from a hostile animal, leaving his rival to defend himself while he hid under the cover of tall grass. In loathing Ren, Hux took pleasure in his adversary's failures and Snoke's anger with his apprentice. The fact that Ren required rescuing from Starkiller Base after losing to a lightsaber battle to a novice particularly delighted the young general. His hatred for Ren extended to his followers, the Knights of Ren, despising them for their unkempt appearance as well as their tendency to tread dirt into the polished halls of First Order capital ships.

Just thinking about the despicable creatures seemed to conjure them up in front of him. Hux snarled his contempt when one of the Knights materialised in his line of sight. “Shouldn’t you have left already?” He sneered to the grenade helmeted monster. “The Allegiant General relayed the Supreme Leader’s orders to you directly, did he not?”

The knight raised his forbidding weapon-an annealed phrik scythe. The scythe featured an ultrasonic vibro-tech setting that allowed the blade to rend flesh with the smallest of glancing blows. “Watch who you’re talking to, Hux!” The knight, his unique weapon revealing him to be Vicrul, warned testily.

Hux felt a cold shiver run down his spine as he hastily put more distance between them. The Knights were known for their unpredictable behaviour. They answered only to Ren. It had been a foolish move on his part to provoke Vicrul. “I’m merely reminding you that time is of the essence. I doubt that the Supreme leader would be best pleased if he finds you have delayed your pursuit of the _scavenger_.” He spit the word scavenger as if it was poison.

A throaty laugh erupted from Vicrul’s throat. He advanced on Hux, his weapon raised in a threatening manner. To his horror, the First Order General found himself pinned to the wall of the corridor, with Vicrul’s scythe hovering just under his chin. “Are you aware that there is a spy among the First Order’s ranks, General?” He questioned darkly.

Hux felt cold perspiration break out all over his body. His skin turned pasty white as he forced an ingratiating smile onto his face. “Of course. I’m heading the investigation myself.”

“Mmmm…” Vicrul mused as his wicked blade ghosted across Hux’s quivering throat. A thin line of blood appeared, causing Hux to gulp heavily with fear. “It seems your beloved Supreme leader doesn’t trust you with even that simple task, General Hux.” He drawled. “Our orders weren’t only to track down the damned scavenger, but the spy as well.”

Another one of the knights stepped out of the shadows. “Vicrul, stop toying with that scum and come help prepare the ship!” His belligerent tone revealing himself as Ushar. “You can mess with him later.”

“Until next time, General Hux.” Vicrul laughed cruelly as he dropped his weapon and followed after his comrade.

Hux, feeling breathless and weak with relief, tugged at his collar. That had been a close call. He took a few minutes to compose himself as he thought about his next course of action. Although he continued to observe military protocol, he no longer did so in spirit—and although he was given a seat on the Supreme Council, Hux maintained an uncharacteristically silent presence, always being careful not to provoke Ren's temper as he had done in the past. Without Snoke's protection, Hux began addressing Ren with the deference due to the latter's power and rank. In private, however, he strongly disapproved of Ren's leadership of the First Order as well as his handling of the war, and was convinced that Ren had gone mad for diverting his attention from the Resistance to investigate Darth Sidious' return. His latest obsession with tracking down the scavenger was further proof of that.

Even as Hux was forced to watch his career trajectory veer wildly off course, he did not completely abandon his scheming nature. His hatred of Ren had led him to commit treason by spying for the Resistance. However, he was not motivated by regret for his actions or a newfound belief in the Resistance's cause. Hux was remorseless to the end; all he had left was his rivalry with Ren, whose reign he sought to undermine until it ended in defeat. Even though the chances of discovery were now much higher because Ren had put his blasted knights on the case, he was still determined to go ahead with his plan to bring Ren down to his knees. Feeling resolved, Hux shook off his frightening encounter with Vicrul, and composed his features into a stern frown as went to make ready for the Supreme Leader’s imminent arrival.

**_A/N-thanks for reading! Please review if you have the time._ **


	20. Aboard the Steadfast

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Twenty-Aboard the Steadfast **

“I did not order a damn parade, General Hux.” Ben did not fail to notice the slight smirk that Hux immediately hid when his narrowed eyes landed on him. The pasty-faced little wretch had organised the whole spectacle deliberately in order to wind him up. His fingers twitched inside his thick black gloves as he fought the urge to teach Hux a lesson.

“ _Ben, you’re giving him exactly the reaction he wants. Don’t give into it.”_ Rey’s calm voice entered his mind, soothing his irritation.

Ben relaxed, discreetly glancing at the slender black clad figure standing slightly behind him. He noticed Hux and Pryde looking curiously at the newest recruit to the Knights of Ren. Her feminine frame seemed to confuse them. Their eyes were full of questions, but both men knew when it was wise to keep their mouths shut. Allegiant General Pryde immediately snapped to attention when he noticed the Supreme Leader’s gaze focused on him. An obsequious smile lit up his thin face as he immediately began to apologise for the showy display that his comrade had organised.

“I was totally against it, Supreme Leader.” Enric sneered as Hux’s complexion turned almost puce with suppressed outrage. “I did tell General Hux that we had more important things to focus on, like trying to track down the spy within our ranks for instance. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll dismiss them and send them back to their duties.”

“Well done, Pryde.” Ben praised him.

The Allegiant General gave the customary salute before he began barking orders at the rows and rows of stormtroopers who had been hastily gathered together to greet the returning Supreme Leader. Like one entity, the troopers marched out in organised lines, their booted feet echoing around the hangar like a beating drum.

Ben returned his attention to Hux, who hastily rearranged his sharp features into a deferential smile. “Ren, I can assure you…” He quickly tried to defend himself, he hesitated when he realised his mistake. “I mean Supreme Leader.” He corrected himself. “I can assure you, I…”

“I am tiring of your excuses, General Hux.” Ben warned him as he raised his gloved hand and jabbed his forefinger in Hux’s face. Hux took a few steps back. Ben heard muffled laughter coming from behind him and tried to keep his own face straight. “ _What’s so amusing?_ ” He asked Rey in his mind.

_“You are. Every time you do that, I see Han. Maybe you should tone it down a bit.”_ Rey cautioned him as she tried to keep her own mirth under control.

_“Maybe you should take your own advice.”_ Ben reminded her. He could almost imagine her scowling at him from under her forbidding helmet. Immediately he felt a grin forming at the corners of his mouth, but quickly turned it into a glare as he tried to refocus his attention on Hux when he caught his former rival looking at him oddly. “I am heading to my quarters to freshen up. Unless it is of extreme importance, I do not want to be disturbed. Can you manage that at least, General Hux?” He finished contemptuously.

“But I’ve already taken the liberty of assembling the Supreme Council. They are in the conference room waiting for you.” Hux was completely blindsided by the changes in Ren’s usual habits. Whenever Ren was away for any length of time, the first thing he did was summon the council. The Supreme Council was a deliberative body of high-ranking officials in the First Order. It was created by Ren himself, who usurped the title from his master, Supreme Leader Snoke, to create a plan for the future of a galaxy ruled by the First Order. The officers who composed the Supreme Council were Allegiant General Enric Pryde, Admiral Frantis Griss, and the Generals Amret Engell, Bellava Parnadee, and Domaric Quinn. Hux also had a seat at the table, but he knew it was only so his hated rival could keep a close eye on him. As members of the Supreme Council, their closest aides had direct access to the highest levels of authority in the First Order, including the Supreme Leader.

Ben was incensed. Hux had overstepped the mark. He swallowed the anger that was like a fire-seed growing inside his stomach. “I am losing patience with you, Hux.” His knuckles turned white under his gloves from where he was clenching them too hard. His jaw flexed as he gave Hux a withering stare. “I suggest you tell the council that they are in for a long wait then, General. And don’t you dare overstep your bounds again, otherwise there will be severe consequences. Do I make myself clear, Hux?”

“Yes, Supreme Leader.” Hux’s relief at escaping Ren’s wrath was barely concealed as he watched his hated rival and his silent black clad companion sweep imperiously past him.

* * *

The air was so brittle, it could snap, and if it didn’t, Ben might, Rey thought to herself as she observed the simmering tension between him and Hux. Even though Ben had told her about their rivalry, to witness it first hand, to see the repressed hatred in Hux’s eyes as he endured the verbal dressing down from Ben was quite chilling. She didn’t need to see inside the First Order General’s mind to know that he was plotting to stab Ben in the back at the first opportunity. Would he even go so far as to betray everything he believed in just to get his own back on Ben-like spying for the Resistance perhaps?

“ _I think Hux is the spy_.” Rey used their telepathic connection to voice her concerns as she matched Ben’s fast pace as they strode through the Steadfast’s shiny black corridors. She made sure to keep one step behind him, keeping up the ruse as his bodyguard, not his equal.

“ _He wouldn’t have the balls_.” Ben was immediately dismissive of that idea.

_“He hates you_.” Rey answered him. She increased her pace to keep up with him. _“Can you please slow down, Ben?”_ She complained. “ _It’s stifling inside this helmet. I can’t breathe.”_

_“Wait until you try fighting while you’re wearing it_.” Ben’s voice held a hint of amusement, even as his face remained stern as he glared at some passing stormtroopers.

Rey groaned. “ _How did you stand it?”_

_“It was an experience_.” Ben mused.

_“Well its an experience I can do without_.” Rey felt perspiration roll down her forehead. “ _How much further?”_

_“We’re here.”_ Ben came to an abrupt halt, nearly causing Rey to collide with him. She muttered an oath under her breath as the doors slid smoothly open to reveal Ben quarters. Her mouth fell open as she was suddenly confronted with a sea of white. It blinded her momentarily, and she blinked a few times while her eyes adjusted to the brightness. This was so not what she was expecting. After so much darkness, to see so much light was bewildering. “ _The colour scheme was not my choice.”_ Ben muttered as he picked up on her confusion.

_“_ I guessed that _.”_ Rey spoke aloud this time as she turned around and around in a circle, her eyes taking everything in around her. Once she got past the blinding whiteness of the room, her next impression was how stark and bare it was. There were no ornaments. Nothing to show the occupiers personality. It was as clean and polished as the rest of the ship. Soulless was the word that sprung to mind. It made her feel kind of sad. Even the AT-AT walker she had lived in on Jakku felt more homely than this. She revolved around one more time, until her curious gaze landed on the hideous sight of Darth Vader’s melted helmet on top of an obsidian pillar. “Is that….?” She couldn’t finish the question as the air suddenly left her lungs.

“Yes.” Ben confirmed bitterly as he followed the direction of her gaze. He felt his soul crumble as he stared at the twisted, charred remains of his grandfather’s death mask. How often had he tried to commune with the wretched thing in a vain attempt to conjure his grandfather’s ghost? To gain an insight into Vader’s descent into darkness. Nothing had ever happened. It just remained an empty symbol to a failed past.

“Ben, your past doesn’t define you. Its who you are now that matters.” Rey reminded him earnestly.

Ben’s emotions turned jagged and his insides tight. He stood in front of Rey, not bothering to conceal his pain. He watched as she removed her helmet, revealing her lovely face to him again. She dropped the helmet carelessly onto the floor as he reached for her at the same time she reached for him. Her arms tangled around his neck as she drew his head down to hers. As their lips locked together the world itself ceased to exist, blurred and indistinct as a wet painting. Ben pushed his lips more firmly on hers and the passionate wave that ran through her was intoxicating, making her head swim as she pulled back to take in his beautiful face. They gazed deep into each other’s eyes, quite soundless, simply feeling each other's presence and revelling in it.

“I love y- “The words got caught in Ben’s throat as he suddenly detected a presence on the other side of the doors. He could tell by the tense look on Rey’s face she had sensed it, too. He put a finger to his lips, motioning for her to put her helmet back on. “ _Someone followed us back here_.” He projected into her mind.

_“Who?”_ She asked as she bent down to retrieve her helmet and placed it back over her head. “ _Hux?_ _Would he be that stupid?”_

_“We’ll soon find out_.” Ben replied angrily as he commanded the doors to open, revealing the shocked face on the other side.

**_A/N-thanks for reading. Please review if you have the time._ **


	21. The Supreme Leader of the First Order

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Twenty-One-The Supreme Leader of the First Order **

One furious glare from Ben sent Lieutenant Dopheld Mitaka scrambling away from the infuriated Supreme Leader. He had been on the receiving end of one of Ren’s rages before when he had been given the exact same task-delivering bad news. After the astromech droid BB-8 had escaped Jakku with the former stormtrooper FN-2187 and the scavenger Rey aboard the Millennium Falcon, Mitaka had been the one chosen for the grim task of informing the former dark side apprentice about FN-2187's role in the droid's escape. In a fit of rage, Kylo Ren had destroyed a nearby computer terminal with his lightsaber, with Mitaka bracing himself beforehand, initially thinking that Ren was going to lash out at him. When Ren had calmed down enough to inquire if there was anything else in the report, Mitaka had been forced to inform him about Rey's involvement. The Lieutenant still had nightmares about Ren using the Force on him. Ren had pulled the unfortunate Mitaka towards him and grabbed him around the neck. He then demanded to know more information about the blasted scavenger girl.

Because he had survived the hair-raising experience once, Allegiant General Enric Pryde had no qualms about sending him to deliver the latest round of bad news, deeming him to be more than qualified. Mitaka knew that Pryde had chosen him purposefully as he was one of General Hux’s faithful followers. And as this latest incident involved Hux, it came as no surprise that the Allegiant General got a kick out of choosing him.

Ben had no idea of the flurry of thoughts running through the panicked Lieutenant’s mind as he demanded answers. “What were you doing outside my quarters? Were you spying?” He demanded.

“No, Supreme Leader.” Mitaka felt perspiration roll down his forehead as he tried to keep his panic under control. “The Allegiant General sent me here.”

“Why?” Ben’s eyes narrowed as he scrutinised the unfortunate Lieutenant’s face for answers. He could smell the man’s fear as sweat soaked through his uniform. The potent smell made his nose wrinkle in disgust.

_“Ben, give the poor guy a chance to explain_.” Rey cautioned him. “ _I really don’t believe he was spying. From the way he’s acting I suspect he spent the last few minutes standing outside your quarters trying not to crap himself. You can be quite scary you know.”_

Ben nearly burst into laughter as Rey projected an image of the unfortunate Lieutenant doing just that into his mind. He had to struggle to keep his face straight. _“I can’t be that intimidating. You didn’t show much fear when I was trying to interrogate you.”_ He replied, reminding her of their first proper encounter on Starkiller base.

_“Of course, I was scared_.” Rey teased him. “ _I was being interrogated by a creature in a mask, and then you took it off to reveal a handsome prince underneath.”_

Ben could feel his cheeks growing warm at her impression of him. He had totally lost his focus. He rearranged his features into am intimidating scowl as he refocused his attention on the hapless Lieutenant. “Why did Pryde send you here? Can’t he deal with whatever it is himself?” He stated coldly.

“It’s the Knights, Supreme Leader…” Mitaka stuttered as he glanced uneasily at Rey’s black clothed figure standing behind Ben. Her face was covered by the forbidding mask and her similarity to the other Knights just made him even more terrified.

“What about them? I dispatched them ages ago to search for the scavenger.” Ben snapped impatiently.

“Um…they had trouble with their ship. They never actually left.” Mitaka explained hurriedly, deciding it was best to get the bad news over with all at once. “Apparently, one of the Knights…. had an altercation with General Hux earlier…and…and…. “

Ben’s gloved hands curled into fists. “Spit it out, man.” He snarled.

This was the worst news possible. He gave a quick glance behind him at Rey. Dread owned him, pushing against him like an invisible gale. His stomach locked up tight, nothing getting in or out. His jaw pulsed as he felt the same feelings emanating from Rey through their Force bond. The Knights of Ren were unpredictable at best. They may follow him, but they weren’t intimidated by him, not like the craven creature bowing and scraping in front of him now. The Knights only true allegiance was to the dark side of the force. Their martial prowess was without equal, and they thrived in violence and strife. This was a confrontation he had wanted to avoid, and the reason he had deliberately sent the knights on a fool’s mission to search the galaxy for the scavenger.

“One of the knight’s is accusing General Hux of being the spy. He was about to dispatch him when the Allegiant General intervened and reminded him that he didn’t possess the authority to make such claims….” MItaka babbled.

“Enough!” With one sweeping gesture of his hand, Ben used to the force to push the Lieutenant to one side.

“ _Ben, calm down_.” Rey cautioned him as she watched the poor unfortunate Lieutenant scrabble quickly away before he endured anymore of the Supreme Leader’s wrath.

_“We’ve spoken about the knights. You know what they are!”_ Ben reminded her harshly. “ _We can’t let them see…”_

It was already too late. Ben tensed as he felt their dark force signatures rolling toward him like a death wave. The Knights of Ren wore battered, hand-crafted armour that, combined with their weapons and battle helms, added to the aura of dread surrounding them. Being well acquainted with violence and strife, they wore the scars and implements of such on their armour. They appeared intimidatingly unified at first glance, but on closer examination each Knight was distinct, expressing preferences in combat style and tactics. All of their gear was custom, created through a combination of originality and heavy modification upon capture. They were a tight knit group and the Knights did not search for just any Force-sensitive individuals to join the ranks; they wanted those who had a strong affinity for the shadow. They would not just accept Rey on Ben’s say so. They would expect her to make a sacrifice just like he had been forced to when he joined their ranks and became their leader. That’s why he was so set on sending them away. Their mission was perilous enough without the cursed knights’ interference.

There was no time to plan, or for Rey to hide. His knights would have already learned about the new recruit. Gossip was rife on board a ship like the Steadfast. Ben cursed under his breath as he warned Rey to be ready. If the worst happened, he would defend her to the death. Keeping her safe, keeping her alive was his only priority.

Vicrul was the first to round the corner. He was the group’s spokesperson and always the main instigator of any trouble. Ben wasn’t surprised that he was the one who had a run in with Hux. Vicrul was the self-styled harvester, the reaper of the fallen, and targeted souls. Every victim felled by his weapons augmented his power in the dark side, which was muted by his lack of Force-training. Yet with each strike his hate grew, allowing the dark side to surge through him. His latent Force talents, though unbidden and uncontrolled, manifested themselves in heightened reflexes and the power to magnify the fear in his prey. His prey this time was Hux. He shoved the unfortunate General in front of him roughly until he fell into a twisted heap at Ben’s feet.

“There’s your spy.” He growled. “I was about to deal with the traitor until that blasted Pryde stepped in and put a stop to it. He’s lucky I didn’t behead him as well.”

“You can’t just go around beheading my officers on a whim, Vicrul.” Ben scowled as he reached down and grabbed the back of Hux’s tunic and pulled him back onto his feet. Immediately Hux began to pour scorn on Vicrul’s accusations, feeling emboldened now that he could hide behind the knights’ leader. Ben soon got weary of Hux’s whining and used the force to freeze him into silence. He returned his attention back to Vicrul, his stern gaze encompassing the other knights standing behind him. “I gave you strict orders to search the outer rims for the scavenger. Why are you still here?”

Vicrul wasn’t intimidated in the slightest by Ben’s imperious glare. “We had trouble with the engine systems on the Night Buzzard.” He sneered. “We needed parts. While the others were busy fixing her up, I thought I would amuse myself by carrying out the rest of your orders… _finding the spy_.”

“And what proof do you have?” Ben demanded arrogantly as he levelled his gaze at Vicrul.

“I caught him in the midst of transmitting a message to the blasted Resistance using a hidden code….” Vicrul paused as he took note of the slender black clad figure standing slightly to the right of Ben. Even beneath his forbidding helmet, it was obvious he was leering at Rey’s obviously feminine form. “We heard you found yourself a new companion. Are you not going to introduce us, Kylo?” He said maliciously as he gleefully tried to provoke a reaction out of his leader for the sheer hell of it.

“Back off, Vicrul.” Ben’s tone was heavy with threat.

“We have a right to know who she is!” Ushar demanded as he backed up Vicrul. He had a reputation for forcing his prisoners to grovel for mercy. He would take his time with the victims who whimpered for help, believing they deserved a slow punishment. While those who fought back earned his respect, Ushar would kill them all the same, but faster as they had earned a swifter death in his view. “We heard the rumours. You can’t expect us to allow just anyone to join our ranks. They need to prove themselves just like we all did.”

“Can’t she speak for herself?” Another knight, Trudgen, said lasciviously as he stepped toward Rey. Trudgen was a collector of trophies from fallen conquests. He incorporated said trophies into his existing armour, weapons and equipment, part of which included a fragment of death trooper armour. He showed this armour off to best effect now as if in a vain attempt to show his superiority over the newest recruit, who had thus far remained silent.

Before Ben could react, Rey did. Calling upon the Force she stopped the brute in his tracks, just like Ben had with Hux, she froze Trudgen mid-stride, putting an end to his posturing. Her actions provoked grudging laughter from the other knights.

Even Vicrul seemed amused. “Ah, I see you have some powers.” He said. “But can you fight? Mmmm?” He pulled out his own weapon, but was immediately confronted by a raging Ben Solo. He found himself with a vibrating red crossguard saber aimed directly at his throat. The tip of the plasma blade burned his skin and he snarled in defiance. “I get it now, Ren. She’s more than just a new recruit. You’ve finally taken on a mistress.” He laughed darkly. “About time. No man can live like a monk forever. Not even the great Kylo Ren.”

There was more guttural laughter from the other knights. “I bet he didn’t find this one in the pleasure tents.” Kuruk joked. He was the most solitary of the Knights. In addition to his role as the group's rifleman, he served as the pilot of the Night Buzzard.

“We’ll back off for now.” Vicrul conceded as he stepped back from Ben’s angry blade. “But whatever she is to you. She still needs to prove herself to us.” He said pointedly. “She needs to make a sacrifice.”

That was the breaking point of Ben’s patience. In that moment, he was blinded by a five-course serving of rage that tasted bitter, yet surprisingly satisfying. He reached out with the Force, drawing Vicrul toward him and grabbed him around the neck. “Do not forget who your master is.” He threatened with cold formality.

_“Ben. Stop!”_ Rey called to him telepathically as she felt his rage in her defence beginning to consume him. “ _You don’t need to protect me. I can protect myself. Let him go!"_

Her desperate plea snapped Ben back into the moment. He released Vicrul, who retreated, muttering curses under his breath as he rubbed his throat, his hostility at being shown up in front of the others obvious in his demeanour. “You had your orders. Now get your ship fixed and carry them out before I really lose my patience.” Ben said icily.

At the same time Rey released Trudgen. Only Hux remained in his frozen state, his eyes wide and staring. The knights trudged off to do Ben’s bidding, their resentment simmering just below the surface.

_“That was close_.” Rey breathed a sigh of relief. “ _Are they always like that?”_

_“Worse.”_ Ben replied wearily. _“I’m sorry you had to see that, hear that. Rey…”_

_“I know_.” Rey said in understanding when words failed him.

_“Now I have to deal with him_.” Ben’s irritated gaze slid to Hux. “ _You guessed he was the spy all along. It seems his hatred toward me trumped his cowardice.”_ He finished bitterly. “ _What am I supposed to do with him now? Showcasing him front of the council will create a spectacle we don’t need right now.”_

_“I have an idea.”_ Rey answered calmly. “ _If Hux is so determined to work with the Resistance then let’s send him to them. I suspect that would be his worst nightmare. And I know just the person who can take charge of him. Can you get me a secure line from your quarters?”_

_“Did I ever tell you that I’m the Supreme Leader of the First Order?_ ” Ben did little to hide his sarcasm as he released Hux from his frozen state and dragged the panic-stricken General along with him as he followed Rey back into his quarters.

_“Hilarious, said no one ever.”_ Rey countered as she and Ben continued to bicker telepathically as the doors sealed shut behind them.

**_A/N-thanks for reading! Please review if you have the time._ **


	22. Kijimi

** Paralyzed  **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Twenty-Two-Kijimi **

Kijimi was a frigid mountainous planet located in the Bryx sector of the galaxy's Mid Rim. It was the homeworld of Zorii Bliss, leader of the smuggling gang known as the Spice Runners of Kijimi, who Poe Dameron once had a close affiliation with before joining the Resistance. This surprising bit of information was supplied by Dameron himself when Rey contacted the Resistance base informing them she wanted to meet up in a secret location to drop off a prisoner. It was Poe who had suggested Kijimi when he found out that prisoner was Hux.

A terrestrial planet, Kijimi had mountainous terrain. The planet had a frigid climate, with thick drifts of snow covering its Mountains. The atmosphere of Kijimi was breathable to a number of inhabitants, including humans, Boosodians, and Anzellans. Kijimi had no central government and was basically an anarchy with some stability. Everyone's self-interests kept the planet from collapsing.

Following the fall of the Galactic Empire, lawlessness ran rampant in parts of the galaxy. The New Republic was too weak to pacify deeply criminalized worlds, and its failure led to widespread apathy. The Empire's collapse also led to a shake up in the spice trade based on Kessel. Competition for the spice trade increased. The pirates of Kjiimi struck a deal with the mine owners that allowed for an exclusive route in an expanded Kessel Run. During the era of the New Republic, the First Order had a brutal occupation on the planet. Martial law was imposed and all major hypersapce routes were blockaded. First Order teams patrolled the city, searching for children to kidnap and turn into stormtroopers.

Poe’s ‘friend’-the scoundrel Zorii Bliss- led the Spice Runners of Kijimi’s smuggling gang. Residing in the Thieves' Quarter, Bliss and the Spice Runners stayed neutral in the ongoing war. It was the Thieves Quarter that Rey was heading to now with a semi-conscious Hux. Ben had given her one of the modified Tie Fighters to secretly transport the former First Order General turned Spy off the Steadfast. The simple explanation for her sudden absence from the Supreme Leader’s side was that she was reconnoitring with the other knights after being tipped off that the scavenger had been spotted on Kijimi. It gave her the perfect cover story if, somehow, she was spotted there by those serving in the First Order’s interests. 

Reluctantly Ben had agreed it was best she go alone to deliver Hux into the hands of the Resistance. They didn’t want to arouse anymore suspicions than they already had. The Knights hackles had already been raised, and the gossip that the Supreme Leader’s new bodyguard was more than just a new recruit to the Knights of Ren, but was actually his mistress as well, had spread across the ship faster than they had anticipated. Ben guessed it was Vicrul who had deliberately started that rumour as petty payback for his humiliating dressing down by his leader in front of the other knights.

Rey’s fur trimmed black cloak swirled around her as she guided a docile Hux down a narrow ally. He had been injected by one of the First Order’s medical droids with some kind of drug that kept him just partially awake so that he wouldn’t put up too much of a resistance. Rey tried to hide her growing anxiety as she pushed Hux in front of her toward one of the darkened buildings. She was certain this was the location that Poe had given her. Where the hell was he?

Suddenly out of the shadows stepped a female dressed in a figure hugging burgundy catsuit. She had gold shields wrapped her upper arms which matched the unique gold coloured helmet she wore, complete with dark visor covering her eyes. Rey tensed, pushing Hux slightly to one side as she prepared to defend herself against any sudden attack. “You must be Zorii Bliss.” Rey was the first to break the tense silence. “Poe told me about you.”

“I bet.” Zorii responded sarcastically. “I have to say you were not what I expected.”

“Neither are you.” Rey said ungraciously as she wondered what the other woman meant by that comment.

“Take off your helmet so I can see your face.” Zorii demanded.

“Why don’t you take off yours?” Rey countered harshly.

Zorri laughed quietly in amusement. “Poe said you would say something like that. Come with me.” She melted into the shadows again, forcing Rey to quickly grab a swaying Hux and drag him along with her as she followed the other woman into one of the darkened buildings.

* * *

Ben zoned out as Allegiant General Enric Pryde droned on about their latest operations on Pasaana. Ben had fed Pryde false information himself that the Resistance’s presence had been detected on the desert planet. Scouting Pasaana in the Expansion Region’s Omkabond sector, located in the Middian system, kept his officer’s attention away from dwelling too much on what might be occurring right under their noses.

Ben sat in his leather chair, his fingers templed together as he brooded. He was concerned about Rey. She had been out of contact for hours now. He didn’t like being separated from her. He was missing her terribly. Her absence left him with an intense ache in his heart that would come and go, always returning in quieter moments. He had been reluctant for her to undertake the dangerous mission to Kijimi alone. He was insistent on going with her, until she forcefully reminded him that it would be more perilous if he came along for the ride. His presence would attract unwanted attention, there would be questions. Ben knew she was also thinking of her friends in the Resistance who wouldn’t welcome seeing him at her side. His last encounter with Poe and the others had been fraught with tension, Rey didn’t want a repeat of that.

“Supreme Leader?” Pryde said questioningly as he tried to regain Ben’s attention.

Ben snapped out of his introspection and focused his gaze on the older man’s thin face. “Do what you think best, Allegiant General.” He snapped irritably.

“As you wish, Supreme Leader.” Pryde pursed his lips in a sign of disapproval. It was clear to him that Ren hadn’t listened to a word he had just said. The other council members exchanged knowing looks.

“May I ask a question, Supreme Leader?” General Domaric Quinn asked tentatively.

“What is it?” Ben drummed his gloved fingers on the table, already impatient to wrap the meeting up.

“Its about Hux.” Quinn continued, oblivious to the growing tension swarming around the Supreme Leader at his mention of the former First Order General.

“What about him?” Ben demanded, his eyes narrowing.

“I mean I know you informed us that the Knights discovered he was the spy and executed him, but I was wondering if they were too hasty in their presumption that he was the actual informant. I personally cannot believe so myself. He should have been interrogated first….”

There was a collective groan around the table, while Pryde huffed out an annoyed breath. Quinn never did learn to hold his tongue. Soon the unfortunate individual was slammed against the opposite wall of the conference room as Ben impatiently swept him aside using the Force. He groaned as he slid down the wall and onto the floor.

“Never question my or my Knights authority again, General Quinn.” Ben sneered as he glared at each individual in the room. “Anyone else have anything to say?” The other council members quickly shook their heads, cowering slightly under his fierce glare. Pryde was the only one who didn’t quail. Ben studied the Allegiant General thoughtfully. In Rey’s absence he had been doing his own investigations, drawing up a list of possible candidates in his mind who might be the double agent operating under Sidious’ control on the ship and reporting back to the Sith Lord. Pryde had not been one of those candidates, but Ben was slowly beginning to suspect that the newly promoted Allegiant General had the capability of being duplicitous. He decided then and there to keep a closer watch on Pryde.

* * *

“Rose!” Rey cried in delight as soon as she spotted her friend. She whipped off her forbidding helmet and quickly embraced the other girl, squeezing her tight. “Its so good to see you.”

“You, too.” Rose squeezed her right back.

“I’m so glad you’re here.” Rey said as she finally let the pretty young mechanic go.

“Look at you.” Rose’s eyebrows rose almost to her hairline as she inspected Rey’s darksider outfit. “Now I understand why you needed that remodelled helmet.” She laughed. “You look quite intimidating wearing it.”

Rey laughed as she hugged Rose again. Rose was soon replaced with Poe, and then to Rey’s surprise Finn stepped into the light. The two of them stared at each for a long minute. The last time they had seen each other had been fraught with tension. Rey hadn’t been able to exchange a proper goodbye with Finn before she left with Ben. It had hurt to leave Ajan Kloss with such resentment simmering between them. She missed her best friend. It seemed Finn was thinking the same thing. He grinned sheepishly in silent apology as he held out his arms towards Rey. She smiled back at him in relief as she walked right into them, hugging him as tight as she had hugged Rose.

“What a blissful reunion!” Zorii’s sardonic observation broke up the party and sobered them all up again. “Unless you’ve all forgotten this planet is crawling with First Order agents. Can we hurry this up, please?” She tagged on at the end sarcastically.

“Alright, Zorri, jeez.” Poe intervened quickly. He rubbed his hands together. “She’s right, though. We should get moving.” He glanced over at Hux, who was propped against the far wall of the building. Hux’s eyes were only half open. He appeared dazed and confused. “What the hell did you drug him with?” He asked Rey in amusement.

“Some kind of mind-numbing sedative. It will wear off soon.” Rey answered, frowning slightly.

“I still can’t belief he’s the spy.” Finn muttered.

Rose glared at Hux as she remembered her last encounter with the former First Order General. After their capture on the Supremecy, Hux had stood in front of her and Finn gloating. Hux had recognised Rose’s medallion as being from the Otomok system and took the opportunity to taunt her, mocking her home system as vermin. Refusing to be cowed, Rose bit his hand hard enough to draw blood, humiliating the general in front of his troops and leading him to call for their execution. Rose pulled out an electro shock prod similar to the one she had once used on Finn.

“Rose, what are you doing?” Finn asked dubiously when he noticed the hand-held device in her hand.

“Welcoming the spy into the fold.” Rose muttered as she used the device on Armitage Hux to shock him awake. The electrical charge surged through him, jolting Armitage into a brief state of consciousness. His eyes opened wide in horror when he saw Rose’s angry face hovering inches away from his. He recognised her at once. Ever since she had bitten him, she haunted his dreams nightly. “You!” He cried hoarsely.

Rose smirked again as she deliberately stunned him again, causing him to lapse back into unconsciousness.

“Are you done?” Poe asked, smirking.

“For now.” Rose murmured sweetly as she hid the electro shock prod in one of the inner pockets of her thick jacket. “It will be my pleasure to take charge of this prisoner.” She said.

“He’s all yours until we get back to base.” Poe promised her. He turned to face Rey. “How are you holding up?” He asked in concern. “Leia hasn’t really told us much about what’s really going on.”

“I’ve been better.” Rey said wearily. “How is Leia?” She felt her heart constrict as she thought about her last emotional goodbye with Organa.

Poe’s eyes met Finn’s and Rose’s briefly before returning to Rey. “She’s holding on, Rey.” He swallowed thickly as he ducked his head to hide the moisture brimming in his eyes. “I just hate seeing her like that. You know, she’s always been so strong.”

Rey nodded in understanding and her own eyes glazed over with tears. Even though she was expecting it, the news still hit her hard. She was forced to compose herself when Zorii pointed out once again that they really needed to draw the meeting to a close.

Finn was the first to hug Rey. He pulled her into his strong arms and embraced her fiercely. “I wish you were coming back with us.” He mumbled.

“I’ll miss you.” Rey hugged him back just as hard.

“Me, too.” Finn took a deep shuddering breath as he finally released her. He stepped back and let Rose take his place. She was soon followed by Poe.

“Take care of yourself.” Poe said when he let go. “You should go first.”

Rey knew that if she dwelled even for a fraction of a second on leaving her friends, her face would be wet with tears. Her gaze encompassed them one last time, before she placed her helmet over her head, and slipped back out into the snowy night.

**_A/N-thanks for reading. Please review if you have the time._ **


	23. Sweet Love

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter. I have been reading some other Reylo fanfic by some fantastic authors. There are so many talented writers out there. I hope that one day my stories can be as good as theirs…._ **

**_Anyway, on with the story._ **

** Chapter Twenty-Three-Sweet Love **

Ben stepped from the shadows of the landing bay, stealing Rey’s breath and the heat from her skin. He was glorious. She had missed him so much, the constant tug on her heart, the longing to be reunited with him, was like an abominable ache that was only soothed when they were together again. How had she managed to exist for so long without him, she didn’t know. Before she could draw air, his arms wrapped around her and she melted into his form. She could feel his firm torso and the heart that beats within. Ben’s hands folded around her back, drawing her closer. Rey could feel her body shaking with longing for him. To her surprise her eyes are wet with tears. When did she start crying?

“I feel it, too.” Ben whispered to her as he gently wiped her tears away. His own eyes were glassy. It had been sheer torture without her by his side. He pulled her back into the shadows with him, well aware that were risking discovery with their overly emotional display. But he couldn’t help it. He needed to feel her, to touch her. They were in a secluded part of the hangar, only the small repair droids ever ventured to this part of the landing bay.

Ben gently pulled Rey’s brunette hair out of its tight braid and watched in silent admiration as the silky strands fell in soft waves around her face. He loved her hair. He loved her. He adored everything about her. He drank her in with greedy eyes, his long fingers cupping the delicate curve of her cheek. “I don’t think I can bear another separation like that. I feel like I’ve been going crazy without you.”

When he leaned down to kiss her, it was sweet, gentle and tasted of her tears. He savoured the feel of her soft lips against his, he let them linger, not wanting to end this sweet moment. “Don’t go again.” He found himself begging. He didn’t care how needy he sounded. He just needed her. All of her. When she was away from him, he didn’t feel whole, like a vital part of him was missing. When she was gone, he realised he had been feeling like that all his life. He tugged her closer. “Let’s get out of here and go somewhere we can really be alone.”

A soft smile crossed Rey’s face as she nodded eagerly, reluctantly reaching for the loathed helmet and placing it back over head to maintain her disguise.

* * *

As soon as the doors to his quarters slid closed behind them, Ben grabbed Rey by the waist, pulling her up close against his chest. He carefully lifted the forbidding mask over her head, revealing her lovely face again. So much beauty hidden beneath such ugliness, he thought, as he tossed the helmet like so much unwanted trash onto the floor. His hand gently glided through her hair. Rey’s luminous eyes were like candles in the night, their light a spark of passion, of desire. They showed complete trust. In him. Ben vowed to spend the rest of his days trying to be worthy of her. In a slow, sensual dance they made their way toward the bedroom, eyes remaining on one another, their clothes tossed carelessly in their wake.

There was something so disarming about seeing Rey semi naked. There was a vulnerability in her eyes Ben couldn’t resist. His eyes travelled from her face to her collar bone, delicate in the semi-darkness, then to her breasts, each so perfect and moulded to her form. He didn’t let his gaze linger too long, just enough for her to see how beautiful she was to him. It was her eyes he wanted to see. He would let his hands tell him the rest.

* * *

His warm hands were on Rey’s hips as he kissed her. His mouth pressed gently but firmly against hers, his tongue sliding lightly just past her lips. As he backed away to breathe Rey trembled. She couldn’t think straight. Then his mouth was back on hers, he caught her lip between his teeth and released it slowly. Rey gasped. Ben shifted, his head dropping lower so he could kiss one of her breasts, his hand caressing the other. He breathed more heavily as her skin tightened under his touch.

Rey tried to reach for him, but with his free hand Ben pulled her arms above her head. “No.” He shook his head, backing away from her.

“Ben…” Rey felt exposed standing half naked in front of him. She shivered without his warm touch to chase away the cold. Her hazel eyes roamed his handsome face, her breathing coming in short bursts.

Ben was still holding her arms above her head. “There’s no rush.” He whispered. “I want to take this slow.” He eased Rey back on the bed until she was lying on her back. Her body was electrified everywhere his skin brushed against hers. She wanted him now, wanted to feel his weight pressed against her body as he lay between her legs. The sweet ache in the pit of her stomach built up slowly.

Ben was kissing her breasts again. His lips swept across her chest as he took her breast in his mouth. Rey shuddered in response, then gasped and arched her back. He raised his head for a moment and watched her carefully. “You like that?”

“Yes.” Rey struggled to speak as his hand trailed down her stomach, just under the waistband of her black capri pants. He teased her for a while, leaving her gasping and moaning with need. Then he ran his hand over her thigh and suddenly yanked them off. Rey was shocked at how much she wanted him. His touch was sweet torture. One moment he would go slow, then things would speed up, he would then slow the pace down, increasing her need and longing for him.

Ben’s fingers skimmed over the soft cotton of her panties. He laughed darkly as Rey struggled to breathe. “You want me?” He said huskily as his tongue delved into her mouth, claiming her, owning her. Rey was so turned on she was struggling to breathe. Her back arched, and his hand slid under her ass and pressed her against his hardness. “I asked you a question.” His dark brown eyes bored into hers.

Rey stared up at him. His heated gaze was branding her soul. She couldn’t form words. She could feel the very air surrounding them vibrating with the heat of their passion. Their force bond intensified every touch, every feeling. She gasped with the burning need she had for this commanding man hovering above her. His hand was on her hip, massaging the sensitive skin on her inner thigh. Her eyes nearly rolled in her head as his hand reached lower, his nimble fingers finding her sweet spot, stroking her, stoking up the fires within until she felt the burn. He continued to rub, soft and slow. It sent a jolt through Rey’s body as she arched up from the bed again. Her hips fell against the mattress and she bucked against his hand, her breathing ragged.

His tongue was on her breast again, scorching against her nipple. The sensation was almost too much and Rey felt like she might burst. She moaned as the pleasure washed over her. “Please.” She begged.

Suddenly Ben was face to face with her. His lips fused with hers. The kiss was slow and languid as his tongue tasted hers. He shifted again, moving agilely between her thighs, even as he continued to kiss her. His hands never stopped moving, caressing every inch of her exposed skin, building her up, stoking the raging need inside her until she was screaming his name. She wrapped her legs around him as she tried to fulfil the aching need inside of her. She grabbed his tunic, and he helped her pull it over his head to be tossed into the corner of the room. She tried to reach for him again, but he shook his head, smirking. He wasn’t done teasing her yet. Balanced above her, he caught her hands in his and left a trail of kisses from her lips, over her chest, down her belly and lower.

“Ben.” His name was like a prayer falling from her lips.

Rey’s body caught fire, every nerve end tingling, burning in a blissful agony. Her desire rose to fever pitch. “Please.” She begged again. Ben shook his head, his tongue still exploring her sensitised skin, his lips drawing heated trails down her body. Rey pitched forward, seeking more, seeking release. But still he refused her. She moaned as his body suddenly left hers. She stared at him, confusion welling in her eyes, only to see him reaching for the last of his clothing. Rey raised her hand to help him, he smirked, catching her fingers in his and allowing her to feel him for the first time. She felt his coarse hair against her wandering fingers; his warm flesh was hard in her hand. Ben groaned, quickly shimmying out of his undergarments until he was as naked as she was.

Ben moved Rey’s hand over his hip and placed his on either side of her, supporting his weight as he held himself above her. He paused, gazing into her wide eyes, glossy with lust and desire. Finally, he thrust inside, still gazing into Rey’s eyes. Her legs wrapped around him. He dove deeper; with each lunge Rey whispered his name. He paused again, trembling as he tried to keep still, watching her carefully. Rey’s fingers strayed to his handsome face and stroked his hot skin. “Please.” She whispered.

He lowered himself close enough to kiss her and filled her again, his body pulsing against hers. Rey’s body quivered, again and again, as he moved slowly inside her. She was barely able to breathe; she lost all control, her legs gripping him as her thighs tightened with pleasure. Every move he made sent electrical surges through her, igniting her nerves. She was melting with his heat and revelling in it. Ben groaned, his body shuddering as his gained his release, his body pulsing with hers. Spent, he rolled onto his side, his lips finding hers as his hands roved once again over her body. Rey gasped for air as she struggled to come down from her high.

Neither spoke. Ben threw one heavy leg over hers and tucked his arm under her head. He gazed into her eyes for a long time, looking deeply, as if he was trying to seek reassurance from her. Eventually his eyelids drooped and he fell into a light doze. Rey soon followed him.

* * *

Upon waking, Rey burrowed himself into the warm, soft sheets. She rubbed the remainders of sleep from her eyes to find Ben looking at her with soft eyes filled with love. Rey, her cheeks growing warm under the strength of his adoration, leaned in for a kiss, the kind she wanted to last forever, but after a time she drew back to gaze at the face she loved so much. Ben glided his hand over her skin to her face, brushing a lock of hair away from her forehead. “Have I ever told you I love you?”

Rey felt a smile forming at the corners of her mouth. She would never get tired of hearing him say it. “Uh huh.”

Ben's hand had migrated to her hair again, pushing it back from her face. "Well, I do. And you know what?" Rey heard the words before he said them, folding her lips inwards. "I always will." As always, her gaze met his, there was an intensity to it, like his love was kerosene and she was his only flame.

They were jarred out of the warm glow of their mutual love by the rambunctious blaring of a small alarm going off in the main quarters. “Damn.” Ben swore as he rolled off the bed and reached for his tunic.

“Ben, what is it?” Rey quickly clambered out of the bed and reached for her own clothes. “What does that alarm mean?”

“It means Sidious’ informant is trying to contact him.” Ben explained hurriedly. The alarm rotated between about six different annoying noises of varying pitch and volume. “While you were away, I rigged the comms system. Anyone making contact outside the fleet using an unauthorised code would trigger the system and I’d be notified.”

Rey’s eyes opened wide in astonishment as she quickly pulled on the rest of her clothes. “So, you’ll be able to tell who it is?” She asked.

“No.” Ben sighed regretfully. “But I’ll least be able to find out what console is being used to make the call and find out who would have access to it.” He revealed as his eyes met hers again. “And more than that, it will record the whole conversation.”

**_A/N-thanks for reading! Please review, I would like to hear your thoughts._ **

****


	24. A New Plan

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Twenty-Four-A New Plan **

Ben sat in front of the console with Rey balanced snugly in his lap as he tapped into the Steadfast’s communication systems and brought up the coded message that had tripped up the alarms. To his and Rey’s mutual surprise, he was able to pull up a holographic image of the sender, although to their chagrin the traitor’s face was hidden within the shadows of a deep cowl, even his voice had been heavily disguised to maintain his anonymity.

_“As I served you in the old wars, I serve you now.”_

_“Good, my faithful servant.”_ Darth Sidious’ raspy voice sent chills down Rey’s spine. This evil spectre was her grandfather. She turned her head toward Ben and hid her face in the crook of his neck. He stroked the back of her hair comfortingly as he paused the message.

“Would you rather I listen to the rest of this alone?” He asked gently.

Rey took a moment to recover. Inching her nose a little nearer to his neck, Rey breathed in his comforting scent and immediately felt much better. “No, carry on. I’ll be alright.”

“Are you sure?” Ben checked. His first concern was always her wellbeing.

Rey raised her head and looked at him, reaching out so stroke his face tenderly. “I’m sure.”

Ben sensed that she was more composed now through their Force bond. He leaned in to giver he a quick peck on the lips before re-starting the holo-image. The sender repeated everything to the Emperor that had been discussed in the meeting Ben had attended with the Supreme Council. That whittled down the suspects to those who had been at that meeting-that included Allegiant General Enric Pryde, Admiral Frantis Griss, and the Generals Amret Engell, Bellava Parnadee, and Domaric Quinn.

_“The Supreme Leader’s obsession with finding the scavenger girl continues to disrupt The First Orders occupation of the galaxy. He is unstable, immature and I….”_

Darth Sidious’ laughter interrupted the informant’s tirade. “ _I did not expect you to be so easily fooled, my faithful servant_.” He spat sarcastically _. “You know how I like to punish those who disappointment me.”_

“ _Of course, your excellency_.” There was a faint tremor in the informant’s voice now.

_“I have been every voice in that boy’s head since the moment he was born. I saw inside his mind when he confronted me here on Exegol. He thought he was strong enough to hide his every thought and intention from me…but where she is concerned, he is weak….”_

_“I don’t understand_.” The informant quavered.

“ _He has turned_.” Sidious sneered. “ _I knew as soon as he left that he would seek her out and pledge his life to her like the pathetic lovesick fool he is. His grandfather, the indomitable Darth Vader was a fool for love, just like your weak Supreme Leader. He fell because he wanted to save his wife’s life.”_ Sidious cackled at the memory. “ _The Skywalker men have always been so easy to manipulate.”_

“Ben, he knows.” Rey said in a blind panic when he paused the image again.

Ben clutched her to him, his arms wrapping tight around her. He should have foreseen this. He had been an idiot to think he could fool the master manipulator himself. The emperor had delved inside his mind and pulled out the one thing that mattered to him most. The evil Sith lord must have known as soon as he left the cursed planet that he would go straight to Rey and do everything in his power to protect her.

“What are we going to do?” Rey cried as she held her face in her hands. “He knows that everything we’ve done since we came here has been a ruse.” She couldn't breathe, it felt as if someone was choking her. Her heart was racing and all she wanted to do was curl up into a ball and hide from the world. A choked cry for help forced itself up her throat, and she felt a teardrop run down her cheek. It seemed like this was the end of the road for them. All their carefully laid plans lay in ruins.

Even though Ben was quietly falling apart himself, his first priority remained Rey. His gentle touch on her face sent a wave of butterflies coursing through her veins, their fluttering wings easing the dread that had settled inside her. “We’re stronger together.” He reminded her.

Rey sucked in her lower lip and nodded. “Stronger together.” She whispered, holding on to those words like a life-line.

“We should listen to the rest.” Ben said, while rubbing her lower back in comfort. Rey settled back into the security of his arms as he played the rest of the message.

* * *

Gods, how had his life been reduced to this? He couldn’t believe how far he had fallen. Armitage Hux glanced in distaste at the oily grey overalls he was being forced to wear. They were a far cry from the pristine, cleanly pressed uniform of the First Order. He missed the charcoal grey general's uniform, black gloves, polished officer's buckle, traditional flared-hip breeches, and insulated boots he used to wear. He also wore a crested command cap emblazoned with the insignia of the First Order and a gaberwool officer's greatcoat.

After spending so much of his time inside a ship, his pale skin was now raw with sunburn. The humidity of the jungle moon’s atmosphere was doing him no favours. Ajan Kloss was swarming with all kinds of monstrous insects and fungi. He had been bitten so many times by all various kinds of creatures that he was surprised he had any blood left to suck out of his body. He was covered in bacta patches, one strip even covered his nose where he had received a particularly nasty bite.

“Haven’t you finished cleaning those parts yet?”

And there she was again. His torturer. Armitage was sure she was getting a kick out of treating him like a slave. He grimaced as Rose Tico’s shadow fell across him as she inspected his work. She picked up one of the parts he had just finished cleaning and studied it closely. “Mmmm…not bad.” She mused.

Not bad? It was perfect! Armitage was nothing if not fastidious with his cleanliness. “I think you’ll find there is not a spot of grease left on that part.” He defended himself.

A small smirk lit up Rose’s face as she accidentally on purpose let the part slip through her fingers and fall onto the muddy ground. “Oops!” She said. “I can be so clumsy sometimes. It looks like you’ll be cleaning that again, Armitage.” She continued as her infuriating smirk widened.

Hux hid his scowl as he picked up the damnable part and began to clean it all over again. He had learned very quickly not to complain. Rose Tico was an expert with that wicked electro-shock prod she was so fond of using-especially on him. The woman who had haunted his dreams nightly was now haunting his days too. She was the only one who spoke to him at all, everyone else in the Resistance just ignored him completely, finding him nothing but a nuisance. At least she noticed him, even if it was mostly just yelling at him.

“Rose!”

Armitage groaned in annoyance when he heard the deep baritone of FN-2187’s voice calling out Rose’s name. The former stormtrooper, or Finn as he was calling himself now, was always hanging around. It grated on his nerves. It was obvious that the guy had a serious crush on her. Rose appeared to be keeping the former stormtrooper at arms-length for now, much to Armitage’s satisfaction. It was clear that FN-2187 had fallen out of Rose’s good graces and was trying to ingratiate himself with her again.

“I’ve brought you a little something to brighten your day.” Finn produced a colourful bunch of wildflowers and passed them to Rose, smiling brightly.

_“I’ve brought you a little something to brighten your day_.” Armitage imitated him sarcastically under his breath. Rose Tico was a formidable woman. She deserved better than a few half dead flowers. Now, if he gave her a gift, it would be much more….

Armitage’s thoughts were broken when Finn’s head whipped around and he snapped. “Did you say something?”

“Oh, ignore him.” Rose said dismissively as she claimed Finn’s attention again. She lifted the flowers to her nose and smelled them. “These are lovely, Finn. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Finn said as he gave Hux a warning look. He drew Rose away from the former First Order spy. “How do you put up with him under your feet all day? You know you shouldn’t be shouldered with the responsibility of keeping an eye on him all the time when he’s not in his cell.” He leaned in; his warm lips close to her ear. “I can pull some strings. I’m sure we can unload him on someone else for a while. It would mean we could spend some quality time together.”

Armitage had inched closer in order to overhear better. He was outraged when he heard Finn’s plan. He wasn’t having that. Surely a woman as lovely and intelligent as Rose Tico wasn’t going to fall for that. He was alarmed when he heard Rose let out a girlish giggle. This wouldn’t do. Not at all.

Since being captured by the Resistance, Armitage’s world had become very narrow. His days were monotonous. He was put in a holding cell overnight; a bland breakfast would be provided at dawn, he would choke the unappealing gloop down until a guard arrived to escort him to Rose, where she would set about giving him the most menial tasks possible. Then as evening drew in, he would be escorted back to the same cell where another bland concoction was waiting for him. His nights were filled with lucid dreams of his torturer. It was fair to say that Armitage Hux was becoming a tad obsessed with Rose Tico. As much as he pretended otherwise, being around her, even if she was constantly criticising or yelling at him, was the bright spot in his day. Now the former stormtrooper was invading his territory. He wasn’t having that.

“Ow!” He howled in a pathetic attempt to draw Rose’s attention back to himself. “I’ve been bitten again.”

Finn scowled while Rose emitted a weary sigh. “I’ve never known anyone get bitten so much. Or whine so much when it happens, either.”

“Ah, who cares about him!” Finn gave her the full force of his big brown eyes. “Join me for dinner?” He asked.

“We’ll see.” Rose said, laughing as she drew away from him. She wasn’t going to make it that easy for Finn. “I’ll see you later.”

Finn grinned at her, pleased that he was finally making some headway after screwing up so badly. He sauntered away on a high, leaving Rose to deal with her difficult patient. She stripped off another bacta patch and slapped it over the bite that Hux had deliberately scratched until it bled.

“There.” She said. “Now get back to work. Those parts aren’t going to clean themselves, Armitage.”

Feeling pleased with himself, Armitage went back to furiously scrubbing the parts until they were gleaming. He would do anything that would please the goddess that was Rose Tico. For the first time Hux began to understand Ren’s obsession with the scavenger girl.

* * *

_“I suspect the scavenger girl is closer than you think_.” Sidious rasped to his loyal servant. “ _He will want to keep her near him. Keep your eyes and ears peeled, my faithful servant. Report anything you find suspicious, no matter how small, to me at once.”_

_“Yes, your excellency_.” The informant promised.

That was the end of the transmission. Ben turned off the holographic projection of Sidious’ servant and returned his attention to Rey. Her eyes were the colour of milk chocolate edged with a deep forest-green. They were so beautiful, just like her, and right now they were filled with trepidation and fear about what lay ahead.

“What do we do now, Ben?” She asked. “He knows that you’ve turned. He knows that you’ll keep me somewhere close. How long before that informant figures out that the newest recruit to the Knights of Ren is me. We’re running out of time.”

“I know.” Ben ran his fingers up and down her arms in a soothing motion. “We need to lay a trap for Sidious’ informant. It is definitely someone on the council. That conversation gave us some clues. Whoever it is served the emperor during the old wars. That narrows it down quite a bit.”

“Who are you thinking of?” Rey asked, her curiosity piqued. She felt all of the Supreme council were capable of stabbing each other in the back.

“Enric Pryde or Amrett Engell. They are both around the right age to have served under Sidious in the old wars. The others are too young.” Ben explained. “I’m going to confide a different piece of alluring information to each one of them as bait. As soon as they try and contact him again and tell him the specific lie that I’ve entrapped them with, their identity will be revealed and we’ll have them.” He finished grimly.

**_A/N-thank you for reading. Please review._ **


	25. In the End

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Twenty-Five-In the End **

Leia knew she was about to faint when her stomach gave out. It felt like her innards were being replaced by some kind of black hole. Then nausea crept from her abdomen to her head and the world went black. She swayed for just a moment before Poe caught her and lowered her to the ground.

“We need some help here now!” Poe yelled as his face turned ashen.

Kaydel Ko Connix quickly leapt into action as she darted off to the find Major Harter Kalonia. Poe gazed down at Organa’s pale face, even her lips were bloodless. Her eyelids fluttered as she emitted a faint moan. She finally managed to open her eyes but her eyesight blurred, but not because tears were welling up. She mistook Poe leaning over her for Ben. “My son.” She murmured, her fingers aching to caress his cheek.

Poe’s voice was tight with fear as he reached for her left wrist to check her pulse. It was so faint; it was like a half dead butterfly trying to flee its cage. “General? Leia? Can you hear me? It’s Poe.”

“Poe?” Leia’s tremulous response was strained. His outline shimmered in front of her, everything becoming fuzzy; then she saw nothing at all. Her consciousness was floating through an empty space filled with a thick static. Throughout the inky space her heartbeats pounded loudly, echoing in her ears, alongside fading pleas for help. From a great distance she could hear Luke telling her it was time to let go.

_“Not yet!”_ Leia raged at her twin in her mind _. “I’m not ready to go yet!”_ In her head she heard her brother’s weary sigh as she called upon the Force to grant her a bit more time.

“Make room. Give her some space.” Harter commanded testily as she fought her way through the gaping Resistance fighters surrounding their fallen General. She finally reached Poe, who shook his head, his grief evident in his eyes. Harter felt her throat tighten as she gazed down at her fallen friend. “Can you carry her to the medical bay, Poe?” She asked him.

“Yeah.” He agreed thickly as he wiped at the moisture that had escaped from his eyes.

* * *

In the end it wasn’t dying that scared Leia, but the thought of never seeing her son again. She grieved for the loss of all those lost years she never got to spend with him. She let her guard down completely as she cried in Harter’s arms until her eyes ran dry and her chest heaved violently. She was not over it. She knew she never would be. She wanted to see Ben again in the flesh, but even that was going to be denied her. She was filled with regret and so much anger that Harter found it difficult to comfort her and it pained her deeply. Leia worked herself into such a state that Harter was forced to administer a mild sedative to calm her down enough to sleep.

Harter fought down an involuntary sob as she pulled a thin blanket over Leia and tucked it gently around her body to ward off the chill. She had never seen her friend so distressed and it was killing her. She may be able to offer pain relief to make Leia’s last few hours as comfortable as possible, but there was no drug she could offer to cure the pain in her heart. Harter walked out of the tent; her arms wrapped around her body as she tried to hold herself together. Poe was waiting for her outside. She couldn’t look at him, her eyes shifted to the side and became glazed with a glassy layer of tears.

“What can I do?” Poe pleaded. “Whatever she needs, I’ll make it happen.”

“Can you magic her son here?” Harter said bitterly. “Because that’s all she wants right now. She just wants to see Ben one last time.”

Poe’s bottom lip quivered as he watched Harter walk back inside the tent. The tears began to flow unchecked down his cheeks and dripped down his chin as he imagined how his own mother must have felt in her last moments, all alone and unable to see her only child one last time. No mother should have to go through that. He didn’t want Leia to go through that. She had been forced to make hard choices and sacrifices her whole life, never asking for anything in return. She deserved this one small thing. No matter how he felt about her son personally, Poe knew that he couldn’t live with himself if he didn’t at least try and do this one thing for her. Resolved, he left the med tent and went in search of Rose Tico.

* * *

Rose smiled to herself as she touched the red flower in her hair and began to hum happily. She had found it laying on her console that morning, it was clearly a present from Finn. He really was going all out to make things right with her. She had finally given in and gone on another date with him the night before, and it had been like something out of a dream. They had even shared a kiss, and this time he was the one to initiate it. She continued to daydream about Finn as she continued with her maintenance check on one of the X-wings, until Hux’s whiny voice interrupted her.

“Ow!”

“What now?” She snapped impatiently as she glared down at him.

Armitage showed her the blood welling from the deep cut on his finger. He was crouched down cleaning one of the lower panels on the X-wing Rose had been working on and snagged his finger on a sharp piece of metal. She rolled her eyes at him as she reached for the obligatory bacta patch and slapped it over the cut. He was covered in the things. “There. All better?” She asked sarcastically.

“Shouldn’t we clean it first? It could get infected.” Hux asked, anything to prolong the conversation. She had been ignoring him all morning, lost in her own little world. He bet she was thinking about the former stormtrooper, FN-2187, and grimaced. That traitor didn’t deserve someone so wonderful. He glanced at the crimson flower in her hair and got the same secret thrill he had when he first saw it. When he first noticed the vibrant red flower growing outside his cell, he knew it would be perfect for her. He had managed to pluck it and secret it away, leaving it somewhere prominent the first chance he got so she would see it. He never would have imagined she would wear it in her luxurious hair. He admired the way the dark red petals of the flower complimented the black silky strands so perfectly….

“Armitage?” Rose snapped at him again. “Did you hear a word I just said?” She was beginning to regret turning down Finn’s offer to let someone else share the burden of keeping a strict eye on the First Order spy. It had been fun at first, she had enjoyed tormenting him a little by giving him the most menial tasks possible and watching him squirm. But the fun didn’t last long. She was a compassionate person by nature and didn’t like being so vindictive. The man clearly brought out the worst in her. She resolved to talk to Finn and tell him she had changed her mind. “Just finish cleaning this side.” She sighed listlessly when she caught the hangdog expression on his pale face.

They were interrupted by Poe. As soon as Rose took in the distraught expression on Dameron’s face she knew that it had something to do with Leia. They all knew it was coming, but still weren’t prepared. Empathy burned bright in her dark eyes as she looked up at him. “Is she…?” Rose hesitated as she sucked in her lower lip. She didn’t have the words.

“I need your help.” Poe’s voice was heavy with grief.

“What can I do?” Rose asked gently. The pain that flowed from the fighter pilot was palpable. She tried to contain her own tears but they spilled out anyway.

“She’s desperate to see him…. _her son_ …one last time.” Poe continued with difficulty. In his sadness he was oblivious to Hux hovering like an unwanted interloper in the background. “Is there any way we could contact him or Rey?”

“Not without giving them and ourselves away. They have to be so careful to cover their tracks. They have to be the ones to contact us. And because they don’t know….” Rose felt her heart break. It was such a small request and it pained her that she couldn’t even do that one thing. She felt so useless as she shook her head and watched the faint hope fade in Poe’s eyes.

Hux stepped forward, clearing his throat to gain their attention. “Pardon me, but I may be able to be of some assistance.” He offered.

“Not now, Armitage!” Rose yelled at him in frustration as she tried to blink away fresh tears.

“What do you mean you can help?” Poe demanded as he glared at Hux with intense dislike. He thought the man was a craven coward, and like Finn, wondered how Rose managed to put up with the snivelling wretch day after day. He hadn’t even realised the guy was standing there listening in.

Hux stood tall-his back ramrod straight and his hands clasped behind his back- much like he would if he was back on the bridge of one of the First Order ships. He addressed only Rose; his watery blue eyes fixated on her. “I can hack into the comms system of the Steadfast and send a coded message to Ren. Every officer on the Supreme Council has their own unique pass code known only by the Supreme leader himself. As soon as he detects my unique signature, recognising it as mine, he will be immediately suspicious, prompting him to investigate and contact the Resistance base directly to find out why my code is being used.”

Poe laughed derisively. “You think we’re going to fall for that?” He sneered. “You’ll just use the opportunity to contact your First Order buddies and give away our location.”

Hux tried to keep the answering sneer off his face as he focused his livid gaze on Poe. “You have conveniently forgotten that my _First Order_ _buddies_ as you call them, see me as a traitor. I am hardly going to give away my location so they can come and execute me, am I?”

“Poe.” Rose put her hand on the fighter pilot’s chest to calm him when she saw his fists clench. She turned back to face Hux and studied him carefully for any signs of duplicity. She had gotten to know him a little and had learned that the one thing he did value was his own life, pitiful as it was right now. Obviously, he wanted to help because he thought there would be something in it for him. She just didn’t know what that thing was. “Why would you bother to help us, Armitage?” She asked suspiciously.

“Because it is the right thing to do.” Armitage answered with an obsequious smile _. And to impress you_ , he thought to himself.

Rose and Poe exchanged a dubious glance. They knew they were taking a big risk trusting Hux, but their desperation to fulfil their beloved General’s last wish overrode their concerns.

“Do it!” Poe muttered.

“As you wish.” Armitage murmured as he approached the nearest console and set to work.

**_A/N-thanks for reading! Please review._ **


	26. Sick

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Twenty-Six-Sick **

Ben held Rey as she slept. From time to time she murmured, “Can’t lose you. Ben…. Ben.” He tried to reassure her that he was there without actually waking her. She had barely slept as it was, neither had he. Sidious haunted her nightmares, just like he did his. They had put their plan in motion and now it was a game of wait and see, but the waiting was taking its toll, especially on Rey. Ben stroked Rey’s hair back from her face as he tried to soothe her troubled dreams. At least she had stopped trembling.

Despite his best efforts she stirred in his arms, her eyes fluttering open. She whispered his name, her cheek rubbing against his chest. “You’re here. You’re really here.” She said in relief as she fought back the tears glimmering in her eyes. She turned her head and laid it against his shoulder, closing her eyes again. “I had such a bad dream.” She confessed shakily. “I can’t lose you. I love you so much.”

“You’re not going to lose me.” Ben promised as his arms tightened around her possessively. She said she loved him. He would never get tired of hearing it. “I love you, too.”

Rey leaned up to kiss him, her sweet lips causing the heat of his body to increase. He wanted her so much. He could go on kissing her forever…

And then the alarm went off.

* * *

Rey saw the shock register on Ben’s face as she rested in the security of his arms. “It’s Hux.” He said in disbelief.

“Hux?” Rey echoed him in surprise. “How do you know its him?”

“When I set up the council, to avoid duplicity, I gave every officer on the Supreme Council their own unique pass code known only to me.” Ben explained hurriedly.

“Does that mean Hux has escaped?” Rey’s face turned ashen at the thought. “Is he trying to contact someone in the First Order?” She felt panic descend, robbing her of the ability to think straight.

“If he was then he wouldn’t be using this pass code. We should touch base with the Resistance.” Ben paused in his work to concentrate on Rey. She looked like she was about to faint. For the past few days, she had become increasingly jittery, which was unlike her. When they made love, she clung tightly to him as if afraid he was going to disappear. When she tried to sleep, she was constantly plagued with nightmares. When Ben questioned her about them, she refused to tell him what they were about, but by the way she sobbed his name in her sleep, it was clear to him that he played a starring role. “I wish you would talk to me.” He pleaded with her. “But you’ve put up walls and I can’t understand why.”

Rey didn’t have the words to reassure him, not when she didn’t understand what was wrong herself. She felt like she had the most terrible hangover all the time. She was nauseous and liable to vomit at the slightest provocation. How many times had she had been forced to swallow it down in an effort to hide it from him? She didn’t want him to worry more than he was already. He had enough to deal with. But they were constantly together, there was no way he wasn’t picking up on the signs that there was something more than just stress making her feel sick all the time. And the sickness lasted all damn day, even the smell of certain foods made her want to retch.

“I’m fine.” She lied, quickly shielding herself from him.

Ben looked at her searchingly, knowing she was hiding from him again. He reached out through their Force bond, eager to get a glimmer of what was really going on in her head, but he encountered the same mental barriers as she kept him out. He ground his teeth in frustration that she wouldn’t completely open up to him, he thought they were past this. She said she loved him all the time. So why?

“Ben.” Rey murmured as she touched his face in the gentlest caress. “I promise that I’m okay.”

Her words did little to ease his anxious thoughts, but he knew pressuring her to tell him what was wrong would only result in her retreating from him further. He reluctantly tore his eyes away from her and concentrated on the task at hand as he logged into the comms system and began to key in a series of security codes in order to ensure a secure connection to the Resistance base.

* * *

“They’re coming.” Poe broke out into a relieved smile as he ended the transmission. He saw an answering smile on Rose’s face and he put his hand on her shoulder. “Good work.”

“It wasn’t me. It was Armitage.” Rose reminded him as she glanced in Hux’s direction. He was vigorously washing down the side panels of the X-wing, pretending to be oblivious to the emotional conversation that had just taken place between them and Ben and Rey.

“Yeah.” Poe conceded reluctantly. “I wonder what he expects to get in return.”

“Maybe he doesn’t want anything.” Rose felt compelled to give Armitage the benefit of the doubt for once. “Maybe he really meant it when he said he felt it was the right thing to do.”

“Don’t be fooled, Rose. Men like Hux never change. They only do things to further their own cause. We all know he loathes Ren.” Poe warned her as he gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. “I’ll catch up you later. I’m going to tell Harter the good news.”

Rose frowned as she watched Poe leave. She supposed he was right. She liked to believe that everyone had some good in them, even men like Armitage. But maybe she was just being naïve. But whether his offer of help came from a good place or not, he still deserved a small reward for his efforts, she decided.

Much later, when Hux returned to his cell for dinner, he didn’t find the same bland offerings as usual. A piece of ripe fruit had been added as well as a steaming pot of Caf.’ Armitage settled down to eat with a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, happy in the knowledge that it was Rose who had put them there.

* * *

Ben barely had the patience to deal with Pryde as he caustically informed the Allegiant General that he was leaving to rendezvous with the Knights of Ren. “They’ve received a particularly intriguing lead on the whereabouts of the Scavenger. I am joining them to investigate further. Until I return, I leave everything in your capable hands, Allegiant General.”

“You can rest assured that I have everything under control, Supreme Leader.” Enric gave him a particularly obsequious smile which grated further on Ben’s nerves. He was desperate to be gone.

“Good.” He muttered before called out to a passing officer to prepare his ship.

_“We’ll get there in time, Ben.”_ Rey said to him telepathically as she tried to quell her rising nausea. She didn’t know whether she was trying to reassure him or herself. Leia’s impending demise had thrown everything into chaos. Even though they knew it was coming, both of them had still held out for the faint hope that she would recover. They had left knowing that it would probably be the last time they saw her alive, but now that it was actually happening, they were both struggling under the emotional onslaught. It was a risky time for Ben to leave, but they both mutually decided that the risk was worth it if he could be with his mother in her last moments.

* * *

The heat and humidity of the jungle moon pressed in on them as soon as they stepped off the command ship. Rey, in particular, felt her stomach clench in protest. She swallowed vigorously, fighting the urge to vomit. She couldn’t be sick. Not now. Ben needed her. She felt his arm flex around her slim waist when she saw Poe, Finn and Rose running to meet them.

“I’m glad you made it.” Poe said directly to Ben when they reached him. There was no animosity in his eyes as he regarded Ben with sympathy. Whatever issues remained between them were laid to rest in their mutual grief over Leia Organa.

“Thanks.” Ben replied huskily.

“She’s in the med tent. Follow me.” Poe walked beside Ben as he explained how the knowledge of his impending arrival seemed to have roused Leia from her torpor. “Your mother is a strong woman.” He said to Ben.

“I know.” Ben managed to summon a grateful smile in Dameron’s direction. “Thank you for looking after her.”

Rey walked behind the two men, breathing deeply as she tried to contain her nausea. Whatever bug she had picked up wasn’t going away anytime soon. She decided to seek Harter Kalonia’s advice before she left to see if the doctor had anything that she could take to stop the queasiness.

“Rey, are you okay?” Finn whispered in concern when he noted how wan she was looking. “You’re so pale.”

“I’m fine.” Rey promised as she wiped at the perspiration coating her brow.

“You don’t seem fine. You don’t have to pretend for my sake.” Finn lowered his voice as he pulled her to one side out of earshot of the others. “I know you, Rey. Did Ren do something?”

“Ben hasn’t done anything. Leia is dying and this is what you’re focusing on!” Rey whispered angrily. “I said I’m fine.” The queasiness came over her in waves again as she brushed Finn off and hurried to catch up with Ben and Poe.

Finn let out a frustrated sigh as he suddenly found Rose beside him. “She just won’t listen.” He complained to her.

“Maybe you should.” Rose answered sourly as she left his side and followed in the others wake, leaving him staring after her in confusion.

**_A/N-thanks for reading. Please review if you have the time._ **


	27. The Passing of Leia Organa Solo

** Paralyzed  **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Twenty-Seven-The Passing of Leia Organa Solo  **

The pain that had once burned like fire had faded away to icy numbness thanks to the strong pain medication that Harter had administered. Leia’s breath came in ragged, shallow gasps. Seconds passed as she lay there, then, she heard voices. One of them was Ben’s. He had come at last. The quiet despair and suffering she had gone through to reach this pivotal moment suddenly seemed a small price to pay to see her beloved son one last time.

“Ben! Ben!” Black filled the edges of her vision as she clawed at the empty air in front of her in a vain attempt to reach him. Then to her relief she felt his long warm fingers close around hers, her name a whispered sob on his lips. “Ben, please, come closer. I can’t see so well anymore.”

“I’m here, Mom. I’m right here.” Ben mumbled as he knelt down by her side. Her hand trembled in his. He bent his head and kissed her dry cheek; her paper-thin skin was as delicate as a butterfly’s wing. She seemed so small and fragile, no longer the proud indomitable woman he remembered from his youth.

“Is Rey here?” Leia asked anxiously as she reached out with her other hand.

“I’m here.” Rey promised, quickly clasping Leia’s hand and cradling it in her own. Her other hand rested on the top of Ben’s head, her fingers carding through his thick black hair in a soothing motion. She felt his arm slip around her waist and tug her closer as he desperately sought comfort from her in his grief.

“My children. I love you both so much.” Leia murmured as she finally felt herself relax. The Force flowed around her, wrapping her up in its comforting familiarity. With the last of her strength, she called upon it, drawing upon its energy to extend her last moments with the two people dearest to her. She could rest easy knowing that her precious boy had returned to the light and found a good woman to love him. She could feel the love flowing between them, it shone brighter than any star in the galaxy. Leia closed her eyes and bathed herself in the warmth of it. Their bond was so pure, the strength of it like life itself.

From a great distance Leia heard her brother’s voice telling her to let go. She had been resisting Luke for so long, even near death she was still struggling to forgive her twin for what he had done to Ben. Her fragile human heart fluttered painfully in her chest as she summoned the strength to look upon Ben and Rey one last time. Her son’s face was awash with tears, he was crying openly now, his voice hoarse with a lifetime of regret as he told her over and over how much he loved her. Leia hushed him, letting go of his hand so she could rest it on his cheek instead. He leaned into her touch and closed his eyes with a choked sob.

Leia looked up at Rey’s face. The young woman’s complexion was very white, almost the colour of a moonbeam, or an ivory carving. Tears spilled from her helpless eyes and down her cheeks. Leia concentrated the last of her energy on Rey, certain that there was more than grief at her imminent passing that was plaguing the young Jedi. She reached out with the Force, feeling Rey’s subliminal Force energy stroking hers like a loving caress, and she could sense something else-another tangible energy coming from Rey-almost like…

Leia knew what it was. She had felt the same unmistakable energy when she was carrying Ben. Rey was with child. Leia’s eyesight started going blurry. Luke’s voice was louder now, telling her it was time. “ _No_!” She panicked as she fought to remain in her mortal body. “ _I’m not ready_.”

Luke’s response was a weary sigh….

“Mom?” Ben’s anxious cry sounded far away as he tried to hold her still when her arms began to flail desperately, clutching him to her. Her mouth opened as she tried to speak, she was tiring so quickly. She stared up at her son’s handsome face as he peered down at her with worried eyes. “What can I do?” He pleaded thickly.

“I need to speak to Rey. Alone.” She whispered through bloodless lips.

“Why?” Ben’s voice was rough with grief.

“Please, Ben. Please.” Leia begged.

Ben sucked in a quavering breath as he tried to stem the salty tears that flowed unchecked from his eyes. He didn’t understand. Even near death his mother was keeping secrets from him. What did she need to say to Rey that he couldn’t hear? Despite the growing emptiness in his heart, he couldn’t refuse her last request. His legs buckled as he rose to his feet, but managed to remain upright as he cast a devastated glance in Rey’s direction before striding from the tent.

Rey stared at him with her heart in her eyes. She felt every bit of his anguish as he walked away from his dying mother’s bedside. She didn’t understand why Leia would send him away like that, knowing how much it would kill him. Rey was overcome with queasiness and was forced to sit down before she fell down.

“It’s the morning sickness.” Leia gasped. “I was the same with Ben. When you’re carrying an extremely force sensitive child it starts almost right away. I didn’t know that, not until I went through it myself.”

Rey suddenly lost the ability to breathe. The more she tried, the more the air wouldn’t go in. Her lungs felt like they had metal bands wrapped around them. Rising panic made her feel dizzy. She felt Leia’s hand capture hers in a weak grip.

“You didn’t know.” Leia looked with sympathy at the stricken young woman sitting beside her. “Of course, how would you? You’ve had no mother to guide you.”

Rey had lost the ability to form words. She gazed at Leia, her hazel eyes leaking endless tears.

Leia looked back at her; her own vision becoming increasingly blurred. “Oh, Rey, fate is so cruel.” She lamented. “I so long to be the one to guide you, to see my grandchild grow. Don’t make the same mistakes I did, Rey. Be there for your child always, nurture him or her, let them know every day how much you love them. The young life growing inside you is going to be incredibly strong with the Force, how could he or she not be with you and Ben as parents.”

“Leia…” Rey whispered brokenly when she felt the dying woman’s hand tremble in hers like a baby bird.

“You must protect your child, Rey. They will be a target. Just like Ben was. I failed to protect him. I should have known. I should have tried harder. If Sidious finds out you are carrying the next generation, I fear….” Leia’s voice faded away as her hand suddenly went limp in Rey’s.

Panicked, Rey screamed Ben’s name as she tried to revive Leia long enough for him to say his final goodbyes, but by the time Ben came bursting back into the tent, Leia Organa Solo was already gone.

* * *

Harter Kalonia looked with sympathy at the distressed young Jedi. “You are no more than a week or two I’d say.” She confirmed.

“Oh.” Rey let out a long-held breath. She was a maelstrom of emotions-happiness, pride, excitement, relief. Every emotion considered good. But mixed in with those was pain and despair. What was she supposed to do now? She felt overwhelmed. “I have to get back to Ben. Thanks for all your help.” She mumbled as she slipped off the examination table.

“You stay there and rest. I’ll go and get Ben.” Harter offered.

Rey shook her head. “No.”

Harter was troubled. “You are planning on telling him, aren’t you? You are going to need his support and plenty of rest.”

“Ben is grieving. He doesn’t need anymore pressure right now.” Rey stated firmly. “I’ll tell him when the time is right. Like you said its early days. And I won’t show for a while yet?” She double-checked her facts. How ignorant she felt about her own fertility.

“As its your first pregnancy you’ll probably start to show between twelve to sixteen weeks. Rey, I strongly advise you to tell him.” Harter insisted. “You are putting undue stress on yourself by keeping it a secret. That is not good for you or the baby.”

“I can look after myself. I’ve been doing it all my life.” Rey answered wearily. “And as my doctor you can’t tell Ben, right?”

Harter let out a frustrated sigh. “No, I can’t.”

Rey looked pleadingly at Harter. “I’ll tell him soon. I promise. You have to understand if I tell him now, he’ll insist I stay behind on the base in order to protect me, while he goes back to the Steadfast alone.”

“I think you should both stay here, but you’re clearly not going to listen to me.” Harter said in annoyance. “You are as stubborn as Leia always was…and look where that got her.” She warned Rey with tears in her eyes. “Just be careful. You are thinking for two now.”

* * *

Armitage blinked in surprise when the doors to his cell slid open, revealing Ben on the other side. He was even more surprised when Ben asked for permission to come in.

“It’s a prison cell.” He sneered. “You hardly need me to grant you leave to enter, Ren.”

Ben tried to contain his anger, wondering why he had ever thought it was a good idea to come and see Hux in the first place. But something inside had compelled him to visit his former rival when he learned about Hux’s involvement in contacting him on the Steadfast. If Hux hadn’t intervened and sent him that coded message, he would never have had the chance to reconcile with his mother one last time. It seemed such a selfless thing for Hux to do, and Ben was intrigued to know why he had done it, considering how much the guy loathed him.

“I want to say thank you for what you did.” Ben said grudgingly.

Armitage felt no sympathy toward Ren. He’d grown up in the First Order. His father was one of the key Imperial Officers who helped the remains of the Empire resurrect itself as the First Order. As a result, Hux had been a true believer. Kylo Ren, or Ben Solo as he was calling himself now, was the scion of the galaxy’s most famous family of smugglers, royalty and mysticism. Basically, everything that Hux had learned to hate and condemn under the First Order’s focus on order and authority. Their relationship was never going to be harmonious. Their intense rivalry and mutual animosity had only grown over time, made worse when Ren had become Supreme leader and quashed all of Hux’s dreams of power as he was forced to serve under a man, he both loathed and despised in equal measure. 

“I didn’t do it for you, Ren.” He replied sourly.

“Then why did you do it?” Ben wasn’t surprised by Hux’s response. He was merely curious.

A sardonic smile crossed Hux’s pale face. “Because after all this time I find myself in the strange position of having something in common with you, Ren.”

Before Ben could question Hux further about his cryptic response, they were interrupted by Rose, who had come searching for Ben on Rey’s behalf. She didn’t hide her surprise at finding him in a stand off with Armitage in his cell. “Um…I’m sorry to interrupt, but Rey is looking for you.” She said awkwardly to Ben. She hesitated a beat before continuing. “And I just want to say how sorry I am about your mother.”

“Thanks.” Ben said thickly as his grief threatened to overwhelm him again. He was desperate to get back to Rey now she had finished talking to Harter. As he was about to leave, Ben cast one last glance at his former rival, only to find Hux’s watery blue eyes trained intensely on Rose. There was something akin to adoration on Hux’s pasty face as he looked at her, but the object of his affection remained totally oblivious as she continued to express her condolences about Leia. Ben now realised what Hux had meant by his strange remark.

**_A/N-thanks for reading. Please review if you have the time._ **


	28. Change of Plan

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Twenty-Eight-Change of Plan **

Every memory of his childhood with Han and Leia played like a song in Ben’s head as he went to find Rey. He had never experienced grief on this scale before. This was the first time he had really allowed himself to feel it. Ben realised it was a double onslaught of grief, he wasn’t just mourning his mother, but was finally allowing himself to mourn his father as well. He had lost a big part of himself, a part that he could never get back. And he wanted it so bad, but it was all gone, vanished in thin air. He could never get back all those wasted years.

“ _Rey, where are you_?” He called to her telepathically.

_“The training ground_.” Rey answered him dully.

She sounded tired and out of sorts. Ben knew that she was grieving too, but this apathy had been going on for a while. There was something seriously wrong and the knowledge only increased his stress. His grief came in waves and threatened to consume him entirely. It was his master, for now. He was at the mercy of its whims and at times it bit at him with such ferocity that it only compounded his fears that not only had he lost his mother, but he was slowly losing Rey as well. He couldn’t think of any other explanation as to why she would shut him out so completely.

Fear gripped his heart, the numbness pounding his brain, the sheer terror that took hold of his soul threatened to engulf him entirely. If she left him, he would be left with nothing, he would be nothing. As much as he dreaded facing her, his legs still carried him forward. He would hear what she had to say, even if it killed him. She was right where she said she would be. The leafy jungle folded around Ben like it was taking possession of him as he stood quietly falling apart in front of her. Whispering her name was all he could manage before his legs buckled, his knees sinking into the sodden earth as the tears began to fall unchecked from his eyes.

Ben’s collapse pulled Rey from her melancholy. She ran to him, wrapping her arms around him, feeling him calm down instantly at her touch. He swept her up in his embrace as he pulled her onto his lap and hugged her tightly. Her fingers found their way into his hair as he rocked back and forth.

“Ben, oh, Ben.” Rey said sadly. “I’m so sorry.” She kissed his temple and tried to gather as much of him in her arms as she possibly could in order to hold him together. “I’m here. I’m right here.”

He sobbed unceasingly, hands clutching at her like a man drowning. Rey continued to hold him, letting his tears soak through the thin material of her tunic. A tiny lapse let him pull away, blinking lashes heavy with tears, his breathing shallow. “I’m losing you.” He said hoarsely.

His words took Rey completely by surprise. She stared at him, dumbfounded, confused at how he had come to that conclusion. “Why would you think that?” She asked, the pain evident in her voice. “Actually, I can’t believe you would think that! After everything!” She escaped his stranglehold on her and climbed off of his lap.

“Rey?” Ben breathed as he looked up at her lovely face. She was angry. Raging in fact. “What am I supposed to think? You continually shut me out. You’ve put up walls around yourself and I don’t understand why.”

Rey felt the tension and the intensity of his tone. His words were raw with emotion. It was true. She had been shutting him out. Not purposely. She needed time to think, to gather her thoughts and absorb everything that had happened to her. She tried to dampen down the irrational anger and resentment that made her want to verbally lash out at him. Her pitiful attempt not to burden him with more worry had backfired and was causing him unnecessary suffering. So instead of being defensive she reached out to him, telling him that she accepted and understood what had caused him to think that way, that if the situations were reversed, she would feel it too.

“You’re grieving, Ben.” Rey explained as he stood up and she walked right into his open arms.

“And so are you.” Ben reminded her with a gentle kiss on her forehead as he cradled her in his strong arms. “I don’t want you to think that you have to hide things from me. I hate secrets, Rey. Whatever you’re thinking or feeling, even if you think it’s going to hurt me, I want to know.”

Rey hid her face against his broad chest and closed her eyes. She felt his love surround her like a warm cocoon. She felt safe. Protected. She snuggled closer and his arms squeezed a fraction tighter. Rey breathed more slowly, her body melting into Ben’s as every muscle lost its tension and she finally dropped her guard and let him in. “ _I’m pregnant_.”

* * *

Ben knelt in front of her, hands resting on her hips, his eyes closed and cheek pressed against her abdomen. Rey ran her fingers indulgently through the thick strands of his silky black hair. She revelled in the inner peace that was flowing from him to her now that she had completely opened up their bond again. Even though he hadn’t spoken any words since he had dropped to his knees in front of her, his joy brought with it a soft happiness, a feeling that was akin to gratitude and awe.

“It was why Leia wanted to speak to me alone. She knew. She felt the baby through the Force.” Rey confessed.

Ben raised his head and looked up at her, smiling through the tears that remained suspended in his warm brown eyes. Happiness flowed through Rey, warming her skin like the rays of an early summer sun. Her customary cautious grin exploded into a radiant smile that she had never worn before. Everything was going to be alright now, she had Ben and he had her. They were a team. She should have trusted him with the truth right away instead of hurting them both with her silence.

“I was scared.” She admitted with a soft sigh.

“I don’t want you to feel that way.” Ben responded gently as he climbed to his feet and pulled her back into the sanctuary of his arms again. “I promise I’ll look after you, Rey. Both of you.” He touched her stomach with reverent fingers as he reached out with the Force. He felt the strength of Rey’s Force energy tangled with his, and underneath that he sensed something else, another energy…. _no more than one_ …he pulled back in surprise and Rey gazed up at him with wide, innocent eyes.

“What is it?” She asked tentatively.

“Rey, I think….” Ben paused, checking again in case he was deluding himself. No, he was certain he could sense twin Force energies emanating from Rey.

“Ben, what?” Rey demanded anxiously. His silence was freaking her out.

“I think you’re carrying twins.” Ben answered carefully as he waited out her reaction.

Rey stared at him, looking for any sign that he might be teasing, but he looked deadly serious. “You’re not joking?”

Ben shook his head. “If you really focus, you’ll be able to feel it, too.” Rey’s face paled. “Are you okay? Rey, tell me you’re okay.”

“I feel sick.” Rey gasped as she turned away from him.

And she was.

* * *

“Are you feeling better now?” Harter asked Rey kindly.

“Yeah.” Rey still felt a little queasy, but other than that she was fine.

“Good.” Harter smiled. “I’m glad you decided to tell him.” She said, glancing toward Ben, who was pacing anxiously up and down outside the cubicle.

“You were right.” Rey conceded grudgingly.

“I usually am.” Harter’s laugh quickly turned to a grimace when Rey began to retch again. She hastily passed the poor young Jedi a bowl. “There, there.” She soothed, rubbing Rey’s back gently.

“I can’t go on like this.” Rey moaned as she clutched the bowl tightly in her hands.

“I can give you a shot that will help ease the queasiness, but the morning sickness will go on for a while yet.” Harter was full of sympathy as she continued to rub Rey’s lower back in gentle circles. She motioned for Ben to come in.

He hastened to Rey’s side, taking her hot face in his hands. “Are you okay?” He asked in concern.

“She will be.” Harter assured him quickly. “May I have a word?” She asked quietly.

Ben felt his heart rate pick up again as he followed Kalonia outside the cubicle again out of earshot of Rey. “You said there was nothing wrong.” He accused her in a low voice.

“And there isn’t…yet.”

“What does that mean?” Ben demanded.

“She can’t go back with you.” Harter told him. “It’s too dangerous for her. She needs to rest. Any undue stress could put the baby at risk.”

“I know that.” Ben’s dark brown eyes flicked to Rey. She was lying back on the examination table, her arm covering her face in exhaustion. “But she won’t stay behind if I go. I know her, she’d just follow me anyway.”

“She’s as stubborn as your mother always was.” Harter complained irritably. “What are you going to do?”

“I honestly don’t know.” Ben ran his fingers through his hair restlessly as he pondered his next course of action. “Can you stay with her for a while?” He asked after a while.

“Of course. But where are you going?” Harter looked at him curiously.

“To talk to Dameron.” Ben revealed. “I think its time for another change of plan.”

**_A/N-thanks for reading. Please review if you have the time._ **


	29. Poe and Ben

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Twenty-Nine-Poe and Ben **

The lingering light was obliterated by the rapidly falling night. The once warm blue sky transformed into a vast expanse of jet-black that engulfed the jungle moon. A canopy of luminous stars materialized amongst the ocean of blackness. Some were dull, merely flickering into existence every now and then, but there was an adequate number of shimmering stars to illuminate the dark as Ben made his way toward the tent that housed his mother’s body. Her corporeal form still lay beneath the thin pristine white sheet that covered it. Her body had yet to become one with the Force, still lingering in this world as if reluctant to leave it.

Ben paused outside the tent when he heard Dameron’s voice coming from inside. “I can’t tell you…I don’t really know. How to do this. What you did. I’m not ready.”

This was the first time that Ben had heard the normally brash starfighter pilot doubting himself. With Leia gone the burden of leading the Resistance had fallen onto his shoulders. Ben knew that Dameron was considered a courageous hero of the Resistance. From the few conversations he’d had with his mother, and what Rey had told him about the guy, though cocksure, Dameron had great charisma and limitless respect for the founders of the Resistance, particularly Leia. Ben had seen as much for himself during his telepathic interrogation of Poe on the Finalizer, when he had forcefully extracted the information about the location of the missing piece of the map to Skywalker from his mind. Leia had confided to Ben before he left that she was sure that Poe would be a great leader one day, but he still had a lot to learn, even if Dameron didn’t think so. The guy was clearly thinking along those lines now as the weight of leadership began to make him question everything about himself.

Ben could relate to that. He was reluctant to intrude on Dameron’s privacy, but felt he was left with little choice. He took a deep breath to compose himself before parting the tent flaps and stepping inside. Poe was on his feet at once. Ben noted the glimmer of moisture in Dameron’s dark eyes before he quickly rearranged his features into an impassive expression.

“I didn’t mean to disturb you.” Ben apologised hastily.

“You didn’t.” Poe replied coolly. “I was just leaving.”

Ben levelled his gaze to Poe’s as he tried to think of the best way to start the difficult conversation. His history with this man had been fraught with tension from the very beginning. Enemies, on opposing sides of an infernal war, the cycle of violence repeated endlessly through the generations, now they faced each other as something else…allies? Ben doubted that Poe would ever consider him that, but right now that was exactly what they had to be.

“I need to talk to you.” He said eventually.

“I’m listening.” Poe responded warily.

“Rey’s pregnant.” Ben blurted out. That wasn’t what he had meant to say at all. He heard Poe’s sharp intake of breath, but to his relief Dameron didn’t immediately launch into an interrogation. His surprising confession had completely blindsided the newly anointed Resistance leader.

“She okay?” Poe asked as he rubbed the back of his neck to ease the ache in his shoulders.

“She’s shocked just like I am. But happy.” Ben was touched that Dameron’s first thought was Rey’s welfare.

Poe let out another long exhalation. “Wow, you guys don’t hang about, do you?”

“It wasn’t planned.”

“I guessed that. I presume this means whatever plans you were working on have gone up in smoke.”

“Yes. Rey can’t go back with me. Its too risky. And I can’t leave her. She won’t endure it.” Ben admitted wearily.

“Is her worrying about you the only reason you won’t be going back?” Poe questioned astutely. He sensed that there was something more to it then Ben was letting on.

“My mother trusted you.” Ben was troubled as he looked Poe straight in the eyes. “I’m going to have to tell you things about myself, about my past that I’ve only ever shared with Rey. Can I trust you, Dameron?”

Poe regarded Ben thoughtfully for a minute before answering. “I don’t think you have a choice. Just like I don’t. For better or for worse it appears we’re on the same side now.”

“It seems so.” Ben agreed in a low voice. He was both relieved and grateful that Poe was willing to put aside former hostilities in order to work together towards a common goal. His mother’s faith in Dameron’s ability to carry on the cause now she was gone hadn’t been misplaced. Already Ben could see that Poe was thinking deeply, his mind several moves ahead as he tried to come up with another strategy.

“This sounds like the kind of deep conversation that calls for a drink.” Poe suggested with a tired smile. “I’ve got a bottle of Riosan liqueur in my quarters that I haven’t opened yet. Care to share?”

Riosan liqueur was not as strong as Port in a Storm, but was noxious nonetheless. “Just don’t tell Rey.” Ben said dryly.

“As if I would?” Poe’s smile turned into a smirk as he led the way outside.

* * *

Finn had just had an unsatisfactory conversation with Rose. He had asked her to join him for dinner. He wanted to talk about his growing concerns for Rey with her, but to his surprise Rose had flatly refused. She had barely been able to look at him as she rushed off. Finn had gotten a glimpse of the tears glistening in her eyes and was about to go after her when he caught sight of Poe and Ren walking towards the former’s quarters. They appeared to be deep in conversation about something, which immediately rankled him that he was being kept out of the loop. Considering Poe’s animosity toward Ren, he was irked that his friend seemed all buddy buddy with the guy all of a sudden. This didn’t sit well with Finn. Determined to find out what was going on he followed them at a distance intending to eavesdrop on their conversation.

* * *

“That’s vile.” Ben complained. His eyes began to water as the Riosan liqueur burned his throat. “How can you drink this stuff?”

“It’s an acquired taste.” Poe gave Ben a challenging look as he threw his head back and downed his shot in one go.

“You are trying to kill me.” Ben muttered, feeling irritated that the fighter pilot didn’t seem to be suffering with the same aftereffects of the disgusting liqueur as he did. He took up Poe’s challenge and downed the rest of the rancid liquid. He coughed violently, shooting Dameron an annoyed glare when the fighter pilot howled with laughter at his discomfiture. “I’m going to be sicker than Rey after this.”

His comment sobered Poe up. He actually looked a little guilty as he poured some water into a glass from a jug on the table in front of him. He pushed the glass toward Ben with an apologetic smile. “Perhaps this wasn’t such a good idea. The poor girl has enough to cope with just being pregnant without having to look after your sorry ass in the morning if you get a hangover.”

Ben snatched the glass up in his hand and quickly chugged down the water. The cold liquid soothed the burn in his throat and he breathed a sigh of relief. “I appreciate the sentiment, though.” He conceded as he put the empty glass back on the table.

Poe was all seriousness now. He leaned forward in his chair, his palms resting on his knees. “So, start talking.” He said to Ben.

Ben swallowed. How was he supposed to start this difficult conversation? He didn’t have the words, but he knew he needed to find them. He composed himself as he looked directly at Poe. The man was all attentiveness, he showed a kindness and concern that made Ben relax his guard a little more. He could do this, he decided, for Rey’s sake and for the sake of his unborn twins he was going to do something he never thought possible-place his trust in another man.

* * *

_Rey was pregnant!_

Finn stumbled away from Poe’s quarters and into the dark night. He couldn’t bear to listen to anymore. His brain stuttered for a moment as he struggled to absorb what he had just overheard. Every part of him went on pause while he waited for his thoughts to catch up. It was like all his worst fears had been realised.

_Rey…sweet, innocent, loving Rey._

_It wasn’t possible._

_It couldn’t be true._

_Pregnant?_

_Rey?_

_His Rey!_

Finn wandered around the outskirts of the camp, his brain struggling to compute what his heart was telling him was only too true. Ren had taken advantage of her and now she was suffering the consequences of it. His fists began to clench and his jaw rooted. Gods, he need to calm down if he was going to be any help to Rey in her hour of need…. _as for Kylo Ren_ …. Finn left this thought unfinished. He blamed himself. He should have spoken up earlier, shown Rey his true feelings, instead of waiting for her to realise hers for him.

_Now this!_

_Pregnant!_

_How were they going to get past this?_

Finn didn’t know, but he resolved, no matter what came in the future, he was going to be there for her every step of the way. Now he just needed to find her.

**_A/N-thanks for reading! Sorry that this chapter is so short. I didn’t have the time to edit the rest. Please review if you have the time._ **


	30. Rey and Finn

** Paralyzed  **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Thirty-Rey and Finn **

When Finn entered the med-tent he found Harter Kalonia reclining in a chair, her medical journal resting on her raised knees. She raised her head and pulled off her reading glasses as she looked at him curiously. She noted the sheen of perspiration coating his dark skin, a response to the jungle moon’s constant humidity. He seemed slightly agitated, his eyes were darting around as if he was searching for something or someone.

“Can I help you with something, Finn?”

“I was speaking to Kaydel…she said that she saw Rey being brought in here earlier.” Finn answered, sounding strained. “Is she okay?”

Harter frowned as she closed her medical journal and rose slowly to her feet. “Yes, Rey is perfectly fine. She’s sleeping now.”

“Can I see her?” Finn asked eagerly.

“Didn’t you hear the part where I said she’s sleeping?” Harter countered.

Her words seemed to flummox Finn for a minute. He floundered, trying to come up with a reasonable excuse as to why it was so imperative that he see her right now. “Um…I just really need to see if she is okay.” He said lamely.

“Why? Did Ben send you to check up on her?” Harter scrutinised him carefully. “I’d rather she wasn’t disturbed unless its absolutely necessary.”

“Yes, he sent me.” Finn lied, quickly latching on to the convenient excuse that she had unwittingly provided for him. He was feeling irked that even the normally astute doctor had fallen into the familiar pattern of calling Kylo Ren by his birth name. But then Kalonia had been a close friend of Leia’s, so he supposed it was just a natural progression for her to refer to Organa’s son by his given name out of respect for the late general. “He thought you could use a break, so he asked me to sit with Rey for a while.” He gave Harter the benefit of one of his warmest smiles, hoping that she wouldn’t question him too much. It wasn’t a complete lie; he and Rey were close friends.

Harter began to waver as she regarded him thoughtfully. “I did miss dinner….” She said hesitantly, before coming to a final decision. “I won’t be gone for long. Just sit here and don’t disturb her. She needs to rest.”

“Of course.” Finn promised faithfully as he settled down in her vacated seat.

* * *

Rey’s pleasant dream of Ben cradling a tiny infant in his strong arms was ended abruptly as she was shaken back into reality. Her eyes opened, eyelashes faintly batting against her lids when she blinked. She let out an exasperated sigh, groaning as she turned her head to the side to find Finn sitting beside her, holding her hand.

“What time is it? How long have I been asleep? And why are you holding my hand?” She said testily, firing off the questions one after the other as she slipped her hand out of his.

Finn was perturbed by her sharp tone. “I was worried about you…”

Rey tuned Finn out as a wave of nausea overwhelmed her. She had a crick in her neck from where she had slept awkwardly, she was still feeling tired and grumpy. She kept swallowing, and her throat kept clenching, but no matter what she could not stop the warm feeling rising through her chest. Then she could taste it at the back of her mouth. Rey fought down the sickness and flung an arm over her face to shield herself from Finn. She was in no mood for visitors, even if it was Finn. She was surprised that Harter had allowed it.

_“Ben.”_ Rey continued to ignore Finn as she reached out to Ben telepathically through the Force. _“Where are you?”_

_“I’m still with Dameron.”_ He responded immediately. His growing concern surrounded her like a comforting blanket. “ _Are you okay, sweetheart?”_

_“No_.” Rey whined pitifully. Despite feeling like crap, a small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth at the sweet endearment. “ _I feel awful. Finn’s here.”_

_“What’s he doing there_?” Ben’s irritation seeped forcefully through their bond, matching Rey’s own feelings. _“You’re supposed to be resting. Where’s Harter? She promised to stay with you.”_

_“I have no idea where she is or why Finn’s here, but if you don’t come and rescue me soon, I am in danger of being sick all over him._ ” She pleaded.

_“I’m on my way_.” Ben promised. “ _I love you.”_

_“I love you, too_.” Rey let out a relieved sigh as she raised her arm and glanced at Finn. She felt a little guilty that she had been ignoring him. It wasn’t his fault she was feeling so wretched. He was obviously worried. His mouth was still moving as he spoke, she wondered what he had been talking about this whole time. She rolled onto her side as she tried to focus on what he was saying.

“I should have been open about how I felt from the start.” Finn said fervently. His warm brown eyes were fixed on hers as he reached for her hand again. “I’m here for you, Rey. Every step of the way.”

Rey shivered violently in the humid room as she looked at him in bemusement. Her stomach lurched and she avoided his attempt to hold her hand as she struggled to rise.

“Rey? Rey?” Finn said in alarm when he helped her to sit up. “What can I do?”

_Leave me alone so I can be sick in peace_ , she thought. Aloud, she said. “Pass me the bowl.”

Finn quickly grabbed the small bowl and held it out to her. Ashen faced, she took the bowl and clung to it tightly as she was sick. She felt Finn smooth her hair away from her fevered brow as she slumped back against the pillows and closed her eyes. He continued to stroke her hair soothingly as she took deep shallow breaths to calm her weak stomach. Rey longed for Ben to get there…and why did Finn keep touching her? First he was constantly trying to hold her hand, then her hair, and now his fingers were lingering on her cheek. She irritably batted his hand away and closed her eyes. She wished he would get the hint and give her some space.

“Oh, Rey, it hurts me to see you suffering like this.” Finn lamented as he sat back down beside her.

“I’m fine, honestly.” Rey responded through clenched teeth. _And I would have still been fine if you hadn’t woken me from my blissful dream,_ she added in her head. He really needed to leave now. She was fast losing patience with him.

Finn was talking again. “It angers me that Ren took advantage of you like this.” He said bitingly. “If I- “

“No one took advantage of me.” Rey cut in sharply. “And his name is Ben.”

“Rey…” Finn hurriedly tried to placate her. “You need to stay calm. Especially in your condition.”

“What do you mean by that, Finn?” She stared at him in panic. Surely, he didn’t know. How could he? She could feel her stress levels rising as well as her heightened emotions. She felt out of control and was desperate for some space. When he tried to reach for her hand again in order to calm her down, she reacted instinctively, the Force running through her fingers like an electric current as she sent him flying backwards.

* * *

Poe accompanied Ben so they could continue their conversation as they walked toward the medical tent. Dameron was intrigued by Ben’s revelation about his Force bond with Rey and how it allowed them to communicate telepathically with one another across the vast distances of space. Of course, that was only a simplified version of their bond, Ben hadn’t elaborated on it more than that. There was only so much he felt comfortable telling the other man. Poe had a lot of questions about the First Order as well as Sidious and Ben had tried to answer them as honestly as he could. He felt he was slowly beginning to gain Dameron’s trust as they strategized together to form a new plan.

“How many allies do you actually have?” Ben asked.

“The number is growing every day.” Poe revealed. “After the battle of Crait….” He paused when he saw a pained look cross Ben’s face at the memory of his crazed behaviour in the aftermath of Rey’s rejection. He and Poe had briefly touched on the difficult subject of Skywalker’s sacrifice, which had allowed the small band of Resistance to escape in the Falcon. The tale of Skywalker's last stand against the First Order had quickly spread across the galaxy, inspiring many to support the Resistance and stand against the First Order. Before his death, Skywalker had also acknowledged Rey as the last Jedi, giving birth to another new hope for both the Jedi and the galaxy as she became the new poster girl for the Resistance. “Let’s put it this way.” Poe continued after a brief silence. “We’re in a better position then we were a year ago.”

“Good.” Ben murmured as he locked the bad memory away with the others. He needed to focus on the here and now. The past was the past, he couldn’t change it. Only atone going forward.

“We were talking about the storm trooper programme.” Poe prompted him. They had just touched on the subject before Rey’s telepathic interruption. “You really think there’s more of them out there like Finn?”

“More than we could possibly know. Many probably too scared of the consequences to revolt like your friend.” Ben replied thoughtfully. “I wasn’t really involved in that side of things. Hux would know more.”

“Why him?”

“The First Order secretly began its own stormtrooper program under the supervision of his father, General Brendol Hux and Captain Cardinal, and later Hux and Captain Phasma took over.”

“It figures that bastard would be involved.” Poe said derisively. “I don’t trust him.”

“You might not have any choice but to trust him. If we want to move forward with our plan on freeing as many troopers as possible, then he will be integral to our plans. If we can get more of them to revolt like your friend did, then the First Order will begin to collapse from the inside.” Ben pointed out tiredly. “You’ve had to trust me. And you may be surprised where Hux’s loyalties lie these days.”

“To himself.” Poe muttered.

“Maybe not so much anymore.” Ben said cryptically. “It seems that Hux has grown attached to your young engineer.”

“Rose?” Poe’s eyes opened wide in disbelief as he stared at Ben. “You have got to be kidding me.”

Ben suddenly felt a powerful surge of anger and frustration shoot through him that about took his breath away. It was coming from Rey. The med-tent was straight ahead, he was about to take off in a fast sprint to come to her aid, when he saw Finn fly through the tent flaps, his arms flailing, before landing heavily on his backside.

“What the hell is going on here?” Poe said from behind Ben when Rey appeared at the entrance visibly fuming.

“That’s what I would like to know.” Ben muttered darkly as he marched toward the tent.

**_A/N-thanks for reading. Please review if you have the time._ **


	31. Working Together

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Thirty-One-Working Together **

Rey bit down hard on her bottom lip as she tried to stop shaking. She was mortified at her loss of control. Finn was already climbing to his feet, suffering from nothing worse than a bruised ego. Rey couldn’t look at him, she was too ashamed. Even though he had crossed the line, he didn’t deserve that reaction from her. She should have handled it better. She should…

Then Ben was there. He moved close, with those smouldering eyes that looked so deeply into her own. “Hey, its me. It’s okay. You’re okay.” Her breathing became softer now he was with her, her pensive look melting into a smile as soft as the morning light. Her body squirmed just a little as her muscles finally relaxed. There was something about that gaze of his she knew she would never find in another man, the strength of their bond bridging their souls together. “Can you tell me what happened.” He asked carefully.

Rey’s gaze darted briefly to Finn. Poe was with him now, probably asking the same question as Ben. “He caught me at a bad time. It was nothing.”

“You can’t expect me to believe that, Rey.” Ben countered, his voice hardening slightly. “You used the Force to send him flying out of that tent. What did he do?”

Rey could feel Ben’s anger rising. She touched him, intent on calming him down. Finn would suffer worse than a Force push if Ben got hold of him. She ran her fingers over Ben’s face, letting them sink into his obsidian hair that fell in tousled locks around his face. Gods, she loved his hair. She loved that he was so fiercely protective of her, but it was up to her to handle Finn, not him.

_“You don’t need to get involved. I handled the situation.”_ She projected telepathically into his mind. _“Let it go. Please, for me.”_

_“Fine.”_ Ben answered reluctantly as he pulled her into the protective circle of his arms. His warmth seeped into her being, bringing her a sense of comfort she got from nowhere else. She was grateful that he was listening to her, him kicking off would have only aggravated the situation and she didn’t need more stress than she was under already. “ _Let’s get out of here. I don’t think I can keep my cool much longer with him around.”_

_“K’”_ Rey agreed she as tucked herself under his arm and snuggled into his side.

Ben’s hostile glare in Finn’s direction was a clear message for him not to mess with her again or there would be severe consequences. Finn was the first to break the intense stare as he his gaze slid to Rey, the hurt in his eyes at her perceived betrayal clear. She couldn’t look at him, feeling as equally betrayed herself.

As Ben led her away, Poe flashed them an apologetic smile. “We’ll finish talking tomorrow.” He said to Ben. “Have a good night.”

Ben’s expression softened slightly as he nodded at Poe in acknowledgement. As they began to leave, Harter Kalonia appeared. She smiled when she saw Rey back on her feet, but it faltered when she immediately picked up on the obvious tension.

“Is everything okay here?” She asked warily.

Rey put her hand on Ben’s chest before he could issue a bitter retort. He frowned, tightening his arm around her shoulders as he remained silent and allowed Rey to answer for them. “I’m feeling much better. Thank you for everything.”

“You’re welcome.” Harter glanced uneasily in Finn’s direction. He was glaring daggers at Ben. “Just make sure you rest.”

“Will do.” Rey promised hastily as she resumed walking, tugging Ben along with her.

Harter watched them go with a puzzled frown. “What am I missing?” She asked Finn and Poe.

“You don’t want to know. Good night, Harter.” Poe said testily as he gave Finn a severe look. “Let’s take a walk.” He snapped at him.

“I don’t need a lecture, Poe.” Finn replied stubbornly.

“I don’t care.” Poe snapped. “You’re going to get one anyway.” He grabbed Finn’s arm and pulled him along with him.

Finn shrugged him off, scowling. “You could have backed me up there. Nice to know where your loyalties lie.”

“Stop being an idiot.” Poe was slowly losing his patience. “You need to sort your head out and accept that they’re together.”

“She doesn’t know what she is getting herself into with him! How can you be okay with this? She’s your friend, too.” Finn accused.

Poe rubbed his aching temples. “Stop treating Rey like she is some kind of damsel in distress. She can look after herself. She knows what she wants and she wants him. She is never going to see you as anything other than a friend, and if you continue acting like an ass, she won’t even see you as that. Do you really want to risk losing her completely?”

Finn’s eyes glimmered in the darkness as he tried to hold his emotions in check. His fists clenched as he stared at Poe for a long minute, before taking in a deep breath and walking away.

* * *

Rose felt like the heat was bleeding into her bones, the intense humidity radiating outwards into the bright day. The ground smouldered and sent up a disorientating haze. Even the birds were silent and the grass stood still as if too hot to move. The dripping moisture from the intense humidity had fried the electrics again. Even though the technicians remained as vigilant as possible and double proofed everything on a regular basis, there was always going to be something that slipped their notice. And as usual it fell on her to fix the mess.

Rose felt frustrated tears well in her eyes as she pulled out the messy wiring from the console and found it had completely melted. She clumsily wiped the perspiration coating her brow with the sleeve of her tan shirt. It did little to ease her discomfort, only heightened it. The heat was making it difficult to concentrate, the brightness of the day stung her eyes and made them water. At least that was the excuse she made to herself as she took her unhappiness out on the unfortunate wiring. She yanked the circuit board out, accidentally slicing her palm open on one of the sharp corners.

“Oh hell.” Rose blinked away her tears as the crimson wave of blood seeped out of the deep cut. It was like watching her hopes and dreams bleed out right there in front of her. _Her dreams of Finn_ …she had to accept that for him she would always be second best.

“That looks nasty.” Hux’s concerned voice pulled her out of her stupor. She hadn’t even been aware he was standing in front of her. His head was bent as he examined her wound, the bright daylight turned the red strands of his hair almost orange. He cupped her hand in his and reached for a sterile wipe to dab at the blood. Rose watched listlessly as he took care of her, carefully cleansing the wound before applying one of the obligatory bacta strips to cover it. “There you go. All done.” He declared.

Even though she was surrounded by light, Rose’s mind remained clouded with grey. Her heartache was killing her. Her mood ricocheted between low and lower. She had no energy or motivation to get done the mountain of work that awaited her. Her head swam with half formed regrets. She was never going to put her heart out there again; she didn’t think she could take another rejection.

“We better get back to work.” She said dully, turning away from Hux and tugging half heartedly at the messy wiring.

“Allow me.” Hux put his hands on her shoulders and guided her away from the console so he could take her place.

“You don’t know what you’re doing, Armitage.” Rose was roused from her apathy a little as she peered around him, watching as he carefully disentangled the wiring and began to repair the damaged circuitry. “Okay, maybe you know a little.” She conceded grudgingly.

Hux hid his smile at Rose’s faint praise. He would take what he could get. He kept stealing glances at her as she worked quietly alongside him. Her pretty face was tense with concentration as she focused all her attention on the task at hand. Her emotions were not easily hidden on her innocent face. Her pain was evident in the crease of her lovely brow and the down-curve of her full lips. Hux knew that it was that ungrateful scoundrel Finn who was the root cause of her pain. It just made him despise the former stormtrooper more than ever.

Their peaceful endeavours were interrupted by the arrival of Ben and Poe. Armitage immediately scowled at his former rival. Ben looked back at him impassively. “A word, Hux.” He commanded.

Ben’s authoritative tone grated on Hux’s nerves. “You are not the Supreme Leader anymore, Ren. You cannot order me to do anything.” He seethed; hating being shown up in front of Rose.

If he expected to rouse Ben’s ire, he was severely disappointed. Ben merely shrugged and nodded his head in agreement. He stepped back and motioned for Poe to take his place. Dameron smirked as he put his hand on Hux’s shoulder and pushed him forward. “Why don’t you take an early lunch, Rose. We’re just going to have a quick chat with old Huggsy here.” He said to her.

Rose looked at them all curiously for a minute before shrugging. “I guess I’ll see you all later then.” She replied as she watched them tow a protesting Hux along with them out into the bright daylight. She sighed, feeling a little sorry for Armitage. She resolved to get him a treat, maybe some extra fruit and a pot of that Caf’ he loved so much. That was sure to cheer him up.

* * *

The First Order Stormtrooper Corps were formed during the New Republic Era, following the collapse of its Imperial-era predecessor in the aftermath of the Galactic Civil War. Though the Galactic Concordance banned the mobilization of stormtroopers, the First Order secretly began its own stormtrooper program under the supervision of General Brendol Hux and Captain Cardinal, and later Armitage Hux and Captain Phasma. Throughout its time, the program was centred on training human conscripts from early childhood.

As the commander of the stormtrooper legions, Phasma endeavoured to mould the stormtroopers into the finest soldiers in the galaxy and was constantly vigilant against any signs of weakness or disobedience. To this end, behavioural and personality conditioning was critical in the training of First Order stormtroopers. In an effort to control their psychological development, the First Order provided its trainees with a steady amount of subliminal sleep messages and First Order propaganda, resulting in the production of soldiers who were completely loyal to the First Order. In addition, rigorous combat exercises and psychological conditioning, the First Order strongly emphasized the values of uniformity and conformity. They were therefore given alphanumeric designations instead of names. As such, their emphasis of uniformity and conformity was strict enough that Stormtroopers weren't allowed to even remove their helmets unless specifically ordered to do so, with the penalty of doing so usually being mandated psychological counselling. A trooper that displayed "erratic conditioning" could be scheduled for a full mental wipe and reprogram, also known as a brain scrape. Likewise, stormtroopers were not allowed to initiate contact with First Order officers.

Not every trooper was a successful product by the First Order's standards. There were many like Finn, who even though he was a capable soldier, did not possess the same devotion that his comrades felt for the First Order. His lack of zeal for the First Order's cause, combined with his unwillingness to execute unarmed prisoners, led him to doubt his loyalties before ultimately forsaking his allegiance to the First Order. And there were many more like him, their numbers growing every day.

“You were in charge of the programme, Hux. I know how fastidious you and Phasma were for keeping precise records.” Ben matched Armitage’s icy stare. “If we can access those records, we can get a clearer picture of how many showed signs of defecting like Finn.”

“You expect me to help you?” Armitage sneered through bloodless lips.

“I told you this was a bad idea.” Poe complained to Ben as he threw his hands up in the air in frustration. “We’re wasting our time with this guy.”

“You’re right.” Ben agreed coolly. “I guess we need to go back to our fall-back plan.”

“Huh?” Poe looked puzzled for a second, before comprehension dawned. “Oh, yeah, that plan. Explain it to me again.”

“We’ll sneak Rose and Finn onto the Steadfast. They’ve done it before. I am sure they can….” Ben began.

Armitage’s eyes blazed with anger as his posture became rigid. “You leave her out of this!” He snarled at Ben viciously. “I’ll get you what you want.”

“Good.” Ben kept his expression stern as Hux was escorted back to his cell.

“That guy really hates you.” Poe said, stating the obvious.

“You think?” Ben replied sarcastically as he ran his fingers through his hair, feeling weary at having to deal with Hux’s continued animosity. He longed to be back with Rey again. “ _How are you doing, sweetheart_?” He reached out to her through their bond.

_“All the better hearing your voice. Did Hux agree to help?”_ She asked hopefully.

_“After a little persuasion.”_ The warm glow of their Force bond surrounded him, putting a big smile on his face. Ben turned to find Poe smirking at him. “What’s so funny?” He demanded irritably.

“Nothing. Nothing at all.” Poe laughed.

**_A/N-thanks for reading! Please review if you have the time._ **


	32. Fight

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Thirty-Two-Fight **

Rey was in a state of sexual bliss. Ben had spent the last hour worshipping her body like the queen she was, leaving her feeling completely sated and relaxed. She let out happy sigh and smiled up at him. He was handsome from the depths of his eyes to the gentle expressions of his voice. She loved him so much.

“Feeling more relaxed now.” He asked.

“Yes.” Rey breathed another happy sigh as she reached for him, intending to pull him back down beside her. When he avoided her touch, she pouted like a small child. “Where are you going? Come back here right now.”

Ben laughed quietly as he began to pull on his clothes. He loved it when she got all bossy. “No can do, sweetheart. You need to eat, remember.”

“I don’t need stupid food. I just need you.” Rey continued to whine as she sat up, her messy bed hair falling around her slim shoulders in gentle waves. Ben groaned, already beginning to cave. She looked so damn sexy with her flushed cheeks and pouty lips swollen from his ardent kisses.

“You need food. You’re eating for three now.” He reminded her as he leaned down to give her a quick kiss on her delicious lips.

Rey looped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer, so their gazes were on the same level. Ben looked into her eyes, they were a deep pool of restless reddish brown, almost like burnished gold. All the beauty of the universe could not even hope to compete with how simply stunning she was. “You’re beautiful.” He said honestly.

“Not beautiful enough to tempt you to stay?” She wheedled.

“Nice try, sweetheart.” Ben laughed as he unhooked her arms from around his neck and reached for his tunic.

“No.” Rey grabbed the other end and they engaged in a playful tug of war with the garment. “I much prefer you without it.”

“Are you sure?” Ben teased as he won the tug of war. “I’m sure it was you who told me to put on a cowl once.”

Rey fought a smile as she shook her head. “Nope. That wasn’t me. That was the other Rey. She was a bit of a prude.”

“Didn’t stop her staring at my chest though.” Ben countered, smirking.

“Well the view was nice.” Rey conceded as she drew herself up onto her knees and scraped her fingers lightly over his pectoral muscles, making him groan again. He captured her lips in a heated kiss, his arm winding around her waist to pull her tight against him. “I thought you were leaving.” She murmured when they broke for air.

“Another few minutes won’t hurt.” Ben mumbled as he rolled onto his back, pulling her with him.

* * *

“Right, I am going to get you some food. And you are going to eat it.” Ben declared a little while later as he pulled his tunic over his head.

“I love it when you’re being masterful.” Rey pretended to swoon as she stretched her arms above her head and smiled up at him.

Ben laughed. He was enjoying seeing this more relaxed, playful side to her personality. “What do you want me to get you?”

“A little bit of everything.” Rey answered as she tried to stifle a yawn.

“You better still be awake when I get back.” Ben joked.

Rey fought her drooping eyelids. “I promise.” She curled up on her side, the smile dying on her lips as her expression became troubled. All playfulness was gone now. “Ben, do you remember the vision…the one we had when we touched hands. What do you really think it meant?”

Ben was confused by her train of thought, wondering why she was bringing that up now. “I don’t think it meant anything in the end.” He tried to sound reassuring as he hunkered down beside her. “I’ve come to the conclusion that Force visions are subjective. In that moment, when we touched hands, I think our emotions were so heightened that we saw what we wanted to see.”

“You really think that’s all it was?” Rey asked in a small voice. “Us projecting onto each other what we wanted to happen?”

“I think we just both wanted to be together so badly, and the only way either of us could see it happening at that time was one of us giving up everything for the other.” Ben explained.

“You to the light and me to the dark.” Rey murmured.

“Don’t dwell on it, sweetheart. Look at us now.” Ben leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss on her forehead. He felt Rey relax and rose to his feet. “I won’t be too long. Love you.”

“Love you, too.” Rey answered as she watched him leave with worried eyes.

* * *

Rose stood beside Hux as she watched his nimble fingers programme the console to do his bidding as he hacked into the Steadfast’s computer mainframe. She stared at the contrasting white pixels appearing on the viewscreen in wonder. Fragments of code clogged the screen, putting a strain on the overheated wiring. The jungle of algorithms played a laser show in her eyes as she glanced to the side at Hux. His eyes monitored the screen closely, moving from side to side rapidly like the eyes of a dreaming person but wide open. A tense silence enveloped them, broken only by the sound of Hux’s fingers tapping a regular rhythm on the console.

In the air, the scent of Caf’ and hot electronics was replaced by sweat as the tension increased tenfold. It solidified until Hux suddenly broke out into a triumphant smile. With one last determined click, file after file pertaining to the Stormtrooper programme began to download. 

“Wow, Armitage, you are a genius!” Rose breathed in awe.

“Yes, I am.” Hux agreed without a hint of modesty. Despite his ambivalence at the prospect of doing anything that might benefit Ren, he had to admit he was enjoying the subterfuge, just as he had when he had worked as a spy in the First Order. Rose referring to him as genius also benefitted in stroking his ego, which had taken a lot of knocks of late.

“I think this calls for a celebration.” Rose said as she picked up the carafe and poured a generous amount of Caf’ into two tin mugs. She passed one to Hux before picking up her own. “Here’s to a job well done, Armitage.” She toasted as she tapped her mug against the side of his.

The tips of Hux’s ears turned slightly red with pleasure at her high praise. He thought Rose was looking even more beautiful today. Something radiated from within that rendered her irresistible. She had a kind of understated beauty, perhaps it was because she was so disarmingly unaware of her prettiness. She was all about simplicity, making things easy, helping those around her to relax and be happy with what they have. Perhaps that is why her skin glowed so, it was her inner beauty that lit her eyes, he decided as he took a sip of the hot drink. His inner musings were interrupted by the arrival of Finn. Armitage cussed under his breath when he saw the happy smile on Rose’s face fade as she turned to face her erstwhile suitor.

“Rose, can we talk?” Finn asked huskily.

“I don’t think so.” Rose said, dipping her head as she avoided his intense gaze.

“Please.” Finn persisted.

“I’m not ready.”

Finn let out an impatient sigh as he gently took hold of her arm and steered her away from a glowering Hux. “Why does that guy always seem to be hanging around when we’re trying to have an important conversation?” He complained.

“Armitage isn’t hanging around. We have been working together on something important.” Rose huffed as she yanked her arm out of his hold.

“Working together?” Finn scoffed contemptuously. “The guy is a devious bastard.”

Rose’s eyes narrowed. “You should leave.” She responded sharply.

Finn knew he had screwed up. He ducked his head, looking at her despondently. “Please, Rose, I’ve missed you.” His voice was a soft as velvet as he tried to persuade her to forgive him. “Come with me so we can talk.”

“I said no.”

“Rose…” Finn tried again.

“The lady said no.” Hux stated icily as he decided to intervene. He stepped in front of Finn, blocking his view of Rose. “I suggest you do as she asks and leave.”

“Are you for real?” Finn looked up and down Hux’s thin, wiry frame derisively. “Stay out of this. Its none of your business.” He was about to shove him to one side when Hux’s fist shot out and bopped him on the nose.

* * *

The canteen was a cacophony of loud chatter, each table a cosseted huddle of people raising their voices to be heard above the din. The food was secondary to the information that was being exchanged there. Ben was standing in the queue, filling up his tray with a varied choice of food to take back to Rey, when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to find Poe smirking at him. “I thought it was you.” He said.

Ben refrained from rolling his eyes. “I’m hard to miss when I’m head and shoulders above everyone else.” His height still surprised him.

“You are freakishly tall.” Poe agreed amiably.

“So I’ve been told.” Ben added some more fruit to his tray.

“I take it all that is for the mother to be.” Poe said as he lowered his voice in order not to be overheard. “How is she?”

“Glowing.” Ben’s eyes softened as he thought of Rey.

“Good to hear.” Poe drew Ben further away from the many pairs of curious eyes. “Just to let you know Rose and Hux are working on that thing we spoke about.” He looked over his shoulder to check no one was within earshot. “Fingers crossed we get a break through soon.”

“If I know Hux it will be sooner rather than later. He’s good at what he does.” Ben conceded reluctantly.

They were interrupted by a kerfuffle at the front of the canteen. Kaydel Ko Connix came flying inside, arms flailing as she tried to slow her forward momentum. When she saw Poe and Ben standing together, she changed direction and came hurtling toward them.

“Poe” She cried breathlessly when she reached them. Poe had to grasp her arms in order to stop her slamming into him. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere. They’re f…f…fighting.” She stammered.

“Hey, slow down.” Poe could hardly understand what she was saying, she was so excitable.

“Fighting.” Kaydel said again as she took deep, shallow breaths to calm herself down.

Poe exchanged a quick glance with Ben. “Who’s fighting?” He demanded.

“Rose.” Kaydel gasped.

“Rose is fighting?” Poe was completely confused now.

Kaydel shook her head. “Not Rose. She’s trying to stop them.”

Poe wanted to shake the information out of the breathless girl. “Who is fighting?” He asked again sternly.

“Finn and Hux.” Kaydel finally revealed.

Poe’s eyebrows rose to his hairline in surprise as he exchanged another shocked glance with Ben. “Hell.” He muttered as he let go of Kaydel’s arms and rushed out of the tent with Ben one step ahead of him.

**_A/N-thanks for reading! Please review if you have the time._ **


	33. Mourning

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter. This chapter has undergone several revisions so I apologise in advance for any mistakes._ **

** Chapter Thirty-Three-Mourning  **

“Are you deliberately trying to cause trouble, Hux?” Ben demanded as he glared down at Hux’s pasty face. The former First Order general was now sporting a split lip and bruised knuckles. After breaking up the fight between him and Finn, Ben had hastily escorted Hux back to his cell in order to get him out of the limelight.

Hux slumped down on the wooden bench in his cell and gingerly touched his swollen lip. “Is this the part where you Force choke me, Ren? Isn’t that the usual punishment you dish out when your subordinates disappoint you?” His tone was filled with loathing as he wiped the welling blood with the back of his hand.

Armitage’s bitter accusation found its mark. Ben flinched as a host of painful memories, deep and horrible, began to torture him. Every word Hux said was true. How often had he hurt and humiliated the man? Just like Snoke had done to him, he had done the same to others who had dared defy him. Hux had every right to loathe and despise him. Those painful memories remained sharply in focus as Ben changed tack and tried to reason with his former rival.

“Why did you hit him?” He asked in a gentler tone.

“Why does it matter?” Armitage countered.

“You are not a fighter, Hux.” Ben persisted. “Something pushed you over the edge to make you lash out like that. What made you hit him?”

“For the same reason you cut Snoke in half to save the scavenger. It’s just a pity it wasn’t you. I would have gotten more satisfaction.” Hux sneered, before lowering himself on his bunk and closing his eyes to indicate he was done answering questions.

* * *

A similar conversation was going on between Poe and Finn. The two friends sat side by side outside the med-tent watching as the cloudy night rolled in, covering the last of the twilight sky, as if the blackness failed to come fast enough. The rolling grey rapidly became as invisible as the stars it concealed, but the air remained humid. The low sky imparted a claustrophobic tension, heightening the one between the two men.

“I don’t understand where your head is at, Finn. I wish you would talk to me.” Poe pleaded. “You’ve got me worried, buddy. Even though we’ve all had the urge to wipe the smug smile off of Hug’s face, you’ve always showed more restraint.”

“You’re forgetting he hit me first.” Finn replied angrily.

“But why would he hit you?” Poe questioned.

“Ask Rose.”

“I’m asking you.” Poe rested his hand cautiously on Finn’s shoulder. He half expected his friend to shrug his hand away, but instead Finn’s head dipped as he rubbed a hand over his face. “Whatever is troubling you, just tell me. I’m all ears.”

Finn shook his head as he let out a weary sigh. “How can I tell you when I don’t understand myself?”

“Is this about Rey?” Poe asked carefully. “I know how you feel about her.”

Finn’s jaw locked as he cast a despairing glance in Poe’s direction. “Partly…but its so much more than that. I don’t know where I fit in anymore. I used to…but not anymore.” He paused as he tried to find the right words to explain the growing turmoil inside him. “I escaped the First Order only to have it follow me right here. This was supposed to be my safe place, Poe.” He sighed heavily. “Seeing Kylo Ren having the run of the camp with no thought or consequence just because he’s Leia’s son….” He stopped again when he saw the glimmer of repressed grief in Poe’s eyes at the mention of his beloved general. “I’m sorry I know how much she meant to you. I admired her too.”

“Uh huh.” Poe’s mouth worked as he tried to contain his emotions. With the burden of the Resistance’s future landing squarely on his shoulders, he had hardly had the space to mourn. In public he hid behind his usual cavalier attitude, but in private he struggled with the depth of his grief. When Ben had opened up to him the other night, the two of them had a long and heartfelt discussion about Leia. It felt good to be able to talk about her so openly and had been cathartic for both of them, but he felt unable to share this with Finn. His friend wasn’t in the right mindset for him to defend his perceived enemy. “It upsets me that you feel isolated, Finn. I don’t want you to feel that way.”

“I know I’ve acted badly…. I just…” Finn took another deep breath as he looked up at the grey sky. He was feeling increasingly claustrophobic. The low sky had become a ceiling of grey black rock above. Only the wind and the first drops of rain made him feel able to breathe.

With her hair swept up into a side braid and wearing a turquoise tunic that highlighted the swirling green among the brown in her hazel eyes, Rey materialised out of the shadows in front of them. She was beautiful, stunning even. For the first time it hit Finn how much she had moved beyond the shy, slightly reserved scavenger girl he had first met on Jakku. She was always strong and self-sufficient but her adventures had changed her, moulded her into the woman she was now. She had matured, grown comfortable in her own skin. He had allowed his hatred of Kylo Ren to distort his view of her and he was ashamed. She didn’t need him to rescue her.

“Rey.” Finn stepped up to meet her; his brown eyes shone with remorse. “I’m sorry.”

Rey’s compassionate gaze found his and she smiled tentatively. “I’m sorry, too.”

Finn finally found the strength to smile for the first time in days. Maybe everything wasn’t totally lost. He just needed to find his new purpose, and with his friends’ support, maybe he would finally find it.

* * *

Finn found Rose sitting listlessly outside her quarters. Streaming tears cleansed her cheeks. Few droplets remained, forgetting their way as the path was swept from beneath them, consequently blurring her vision with waves of sadness. The salty release calmly flowed into her mouth so that she could taste her own sorrow.

Finn hunkered down in front of her, reaching for her cold hands and wrapping his warm fingers around them. “I am so sorry for hurting you, Rose.” He said earnestly. He tried to get her to look at him but she avoided his sincere gaze, still not ready to accept his apology with her feelings so open and raw.

“I’m not ready.” Rose’s voice trembled with every word she spoke.

“I know.” Finn swallowed thickly as he hung his head. “I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

“You shouldn’t have used me. I deserve better than always being second best.”

Rose’s words couldn’t make Finn feel worse than he already did. “You deserve the world, Rose Tico. I wish I could be the man you deserve…but I’m so messed up. I need to find out who I am before I could ever hope to be that.”

Rose drew in another shaky breath as she gently slipped her hands out of his. "I wish you well, Finn.” She said as graciously as she could. “But can you go. I really need to be alone right now.”

“Okay.” Finn agreed sadly. As he stood, he pressed a gentle kiss into her hair. “Goodnight, Rose.” He murmured, before walking away.

* * *

Ben sat next to his mother’s body. The soft silken sheet that covered her lifeless form glowed ghostly white in the darkness. It had been days and she still wasn’t one with the Force. Ben could sense her restless spirit; something was still chaining her to this plane of existence and somehow, he felt it was because of him.

“I miss you, Mom.” His grief surged with every expelled breath, reaching higher and higher peaks. All pretence of quiet coping was lost as his head sank into his hands.

Since his encounter with Hux, a heavy feeling descended on him, like the weight of his past legacy was once again resting on his shoulders and there was nothing he could do to get out from under it. He was full of regret. He longed for his mother’s wise counsel. He wished he had gotten to tell her he loved her one last time. He didn’t get to hold her close, before she slipped away. He never even got to look into her loving face before she died. To see her faith in him renewed.

“Ben?” The tent flaps parted and his reason for existing walked inside. He looked up at Rey, his grief and despair etched on his face. “Oh, Ben.” Rey sobbed as she cried the tears that couldn’t find their way out of his eyes. He opened his arms to her and she slipped into them, resting her head on his shoulder, holding him together like she always did as he mourned.

**_A/N-thanks for reading!_ **


	34. Rey's Revenge

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter. This story has been heavy on the angst. I need some lightness…_ **

** Chapter Thirty-Four-Rey’s Revenge **

The men were getting on Rey’s last nerve and she was fast losing patience with both of them. Ben and Poe had been exchanging pointed barbs for most of the morning out of sheer boredom and frustration. They each had a datapad balanced on their lap as they trawled through the mounds of information that Hux had downloaded from the First Order’s mainframe computers about the stormtrooper programme.

“Welcome to the real world, Solo.” Poe snarked when Ben let out another heavy sigh of irritation. “You’ve got no subordanites here to do the hard work this time.”

Ben shot Poe a death glare. “I would never have entrusted something as important as this to any of the technicians. Searching through vital reports and data formed a regular part of my daily routine in the First Order.”

“Really?” Poe was disbelieving.

“Yes, really, Dameron.” Ben drawled. “I had to be on top of my game, there were too many ambitious assholes waiting for the perfect opportunity to stab me in the back.”

“Mmmm…” Poe mused. “Like Hux?”

“Especially Hux.” Ben muttered.

“What is the deal with you two?” Poe persisted.

“Poe, enough!” Rey snapped exasperatedly when she noticed Ben’s fingers clench around his datapad too tightly, threatening to shatter the inanimate object completely. “Less talk. More reading.” She ordered him.

“Fine.” Poe grumbled. “I was just trying to make conversation.”

Rey flashed the fighter pilot a sour look. She had been fighting against the persistent queasiness for most of the morning and was already in a foul mood because of it. Poe and Ben’s constant bickering was only adding to her stress. The renewed silence caressed her skin like a cool summer breeze, smoothing her soul, taking away her jagged edges. That was until Poe decided to open his stupid mouth again.

“Ugh, my back is killing me.” He moaned, stretching his arms above his head to ease the ache in the muscles. “I think its time for a break.”

“You’ve had two breaks already.” Rey reminded him pointedly.

“Good to know you’re keeping score, Rey.” Poe did little to hide his sarcasm.

_“Don’t bite, sweetheart. That’s what he wants.”_ Ben warned her telepathically when she opened her mouth to issue a retort.

Rey, still feeling in a bad mood, turned it on him. “ _It’s a pity you don’t follow your own advice.”_

_“What are you talking about?”_ Ben looked at her, genuinely confused.

_“Instead of concentrating on the task at hand, you and Poe have been trading insults all morning just because you’re bored. You’re giving me a headache.”_

Ben stared into her eyes, searching for their customary warmth. “It is not my fault the guy has a planet sized ego.” He slipped up and unthinkingly said the words aloud.

Poe, who had been observing their silent conversation with interest, frowned. “I take it you were talking about yourself when you said that.” He snapped.

“Hardly.” Ben broke eye contact with Rey and glared at Poe. “I’m not the one who’s been bragging about being the best pilot in the galaxy all morning.”

“That is not my ego talking. I’m just stating facts.” Poe bristled. “Rey knows. Tell him.”

Rey fought the urge to bang their heads together. “You are the best pilot in the galaxy.” She deadpanned.

“See.” Poe smirked in Ben’s direction, having completely missed the veiled sarcasm in her tone.

“But then so is Ben.” Rey tagged on at the end.

“Thank you!” Ben crowed as he flung an arm across her shoulders and pulled her into his side. _“I think_.” He added in his head when she threw him an irritated stare.

“Prove it!” Poe challenged him eagerly as he leaned forward in his chair. “We’ll each do one circuit of this cursed moon and see who gets back first.”

“Done!” Ben agreed.

Rey was incensed by their childish behaviour. “ _Don’t you dare, Ben Solo_.” She projected into his mind. “ _Be the bigger man_.”

_“If you’re making size comparisons, I’m already the bigger man_.” Ben quipped. “ _Don’t worry, sweetheart. Its just a bit of fun.”_

_“If you go through with this, you’ll be sleeping alone under the stars tonight_.” Rey threatened him.

Ben began to waver until Poe jeered. “Are you coming or not, Solo? If you’re afraid of showing yourself up, there is still time to back out.”

_“Rey, I can’t back out now_ …” Ben pleaded.

Rey folded her arms across her chest as she narrowed her eyes at him. “ _Fine. Go ahead. Be an idiot. I hope it rains all night!”_ She gathered the abandoned datapads in her arms and stormed off.

“Ooh, someone is in trouble.” Poe laughed.

“You’ll be laughing on the other side of your face when I win.” Ben countered irritably. 

Poe was feeling energised, and despite his grumpy attitude, he could tell that Ben was too. Being cooped up on the jungle moon for so long without being able to flex his piloting muscles had been taking its toll. He needed the release. He sensed that Ben did as well. The guy was like a ball of tension. “Rey will forgive you. She’s good like that.”

“I know.” Ben tried to push his guilt aside as he followed Poe toward the Starfighter landing zone.

“Come on, BB-8.” Poe hollered for his droid.

“Hey, no droids.”

“You’ve got the Force. I’ve got a droid.” Poe smirked as BB-8 rolled toward him, chirping merrily.

* * *

Soft wisps of Rose’s silky black hair swept past an ear and caressed the skin of her neck, falling around her rather beautiful, deep eyes. Hux was mesmerised by the long, dark lashes that brushed her cheeks every time she closed her eyes. Occasionally, she raised those same eyes from the datapad, and he was forced to quickly drop his gaze to his own datapad. He would wait a few seconds before daring to turn his head to look her way just so he could admire her beautiful profile all over again.

“We should break for lunch.” Rose said eventually as she rubbed her eyes. They had been working without stopping all morning and her eyes were beginning to feel the strain. Their diligence had paid off, already having amassed quite a bit of intriguing information out of the encrypted files. One piece in particular sounded promising. At the Battle of Ansett Island, an entire company of stormtroopers-company 77-mutinied rather than fire on civilians. She noted that Armitage had been extremely irritated by this intriguing find, muttering something about _Phasma_ and _coverup_ under his breath. “Armitage?” She said, looking at him with interest.

Hux felt the familiar secret thrill that sent his heart racing when she called him by his first name. “Yes.”

“Tell me something about yourself. Something nice, not horrible. Something that nobody else knows.”

Her request took him completely by surprise. This was the first time she had shown any real interest about him as a person. He became flustered as he tried to think of a suitable answer to impress her-total power and world domination wouldn’t quite cut it.

When he took a long time to answer Rose’s interest began to fade. “Don’t worry about it, Armitage. Lets just get something to eat.”

The tips of Hux’s ears turned red with silent panic as he realised he was losing his only chance to engage with her. “Baking.” He blurted out.

“Baking?” Rose was disbelieving.

Beneath the surface of Hux's pride and ambition existed a burning shame that started with the abuse he endured under his father's care. Though he also enjoyed a life of privilege due to Brendol's elevated position in the early First Order, young Armitage was the object of Brendol's scorn and therefore lived in fear of his father. Brendol considered his son pathetic, weak, snivelling and utterly useless. Hux likewise loathed his father and regarded Brendol as an "old bastard" whose death gave him a sense of relief. However, he had never gotten over the shame of being his father's bastard son by a kitchen woman, rather than a legitimate heir by Brendol's lawful wife, Maratelle. For all of his imperiousness and sense of manifest destiny, Hux never forgot his origins—he was the unloved, illegitimate son of a man who hated him—and he never forgave his abusers. He had no good memories of his father, but did have a few of his mother. One of which was them working together in the kitchens of an evening when he was very young, she taught him how to bake bread for the First Order officers, including his father, to eat the next day.

He became lost in the past for a moment before the remembered humiliation of his dead father’s scathing voice shattered the good memory of his mother.

_"Given you found his mother in a kitchen, you'd think your illegitimate son could at least serve a drink, Commandant Hux."_

_"Unfortunately, I've yet to find anything Armitage isn't utterly useless at, Admiral Brooks."_

“Armitage?” Rose’s gentle voice broke him out of the spell he was under. “Are you okay? You look…I don’t know…sad.”

Hux found himself drowning in Rose’s compassionate gaze. No one had ever looked at him that way before, with such deep empathy. “I was thinking of my mother.” He confessed.

“Oh, is she…?” Rose faltered.

“She died a long time ago.” Hux admitted.

“Is she the one who taught you to bake?” Rose guessed.

“She was a kitchen maid.” Hux waited for the usual condemnation at his mother’s low status, but to his surprise Rose just smiled.

“Ah, I bet she was an amazing cook. Sadly, I never had that talent. My sister Paige on the other hand…” Rose stopped speaking, her eyes glimmering with moisture. “Never mind.”

Hux hated seeing the sadness in her eyes. He missed her smile. “Tell me about your sister.” He asked.

“I’ll tell you if you teach me how to bake some of that bread you were talking about.” Rose offered.

“I hardy remember….” Hux murmured.

“I’m sure it will come back to you.” A small glimmer of a smile finally tugged at the corners of her lips. “Come on, Armitage. It will be fun. And don’t we deserve some of that after all our hard work?”

“I believe so. Yes.” Hux finally agreed. He would do anything to please her. His reward was the brightest smile he had ever gotten from her.

* * *

It was a few hours later when Rey crossed paths with the duo. She was confronted with the strange sight of Rose and Hux emerging from the canteen’s kitchens. Rose was carrying a tray filled with the most delicious smelling bread that immediately sent Rey’s taste buds tingling. The tantalising smell chased away the constant nausea that had plagued her all day. She felt her mouth water as she hurried to intercept them.

“Hi, Rey.” Rose greeted her happily.

“Hey.” Rey’s curious gaze flicked between her and Hux. “Where did you get that delicious bread?”

“We made it.” Rose trilled with delight. “Well, actually Armitage did. I helped.”

Rey failed to hide her astonishment at this surprising news. “Really?”

“Yes, really.” Rose said, eyes dancing with mirth.

Rey smiled hesitantly as she glanced at Hux, who was looking with pride at his creation or Rose, she couldn’t quite tell. Rey shook her head to clear it. This was turning into a very strange day. Poe and Ben had returned from their space race pumped and full of energy, claiming neither was the victor. Rey didn’t know why, but their sudden turnaround in mood after bickering all morning, really annoyed her for some reason. Ben had tried to coax her into a good mood, doing his best to get her to forgive him, but she was still feeling highly irritated and left him and Poe together to enjoy their newfound admiration for one another’s awesome piloting skills.

“That bread really smells delicious.” She said to Rose as the freshly baked aroma sent her mouth watering again. She was so hungry.

“Would you like some?” Rose offered kindly.

“Oh, yes, please.” Rey reached for the bread and pulled off a huge chunk. The inside was soft and delicate and when she put it in her mouth it practically melted on her tongue. “This is…this is… I have no words to describe how gorgeous this is.” She said with her mouth full.

Rose could see how much Rey loved it. She generously offered her the whole loaf. Hux was about to protest, but one sharp look from Rose quietened him. “Thank you, Rose.” Rey gushed, taking the tray from her. “I appreciate it so much.”

“You’re welcome.” Rose smiled. She watched as Rey walked off in the opposite direction carrying the tray. She looked up at a glowering Hux, who wasn’t best pleased seeing all his hard work being hauled off by the scavenger. “Doesn’t it make you feel good to do a good deed?” She teased lightly.

“Absolutely.” Hux lied through gritted teeth.

“Liar.” Rose laughed.

* * *

“A peace offering.” Rey declared to Ben and Poe as she placed the delicious smelling bread on the table between them.

Ben smiled, relieved that Rey was no longer angry with him. He watched happily as she carved up the bread, placing two slices on Poe’s plate and two on his. “Thanks, sweetheart.”

“You’re welcome.” Rey said sweetly.

Both men tucked in heartily, still buoyed with adrenaline from their race. She watched as they savoured the taste, letting the delicious light bread melt on their tongue. It wasn’t long before they were reaching for more.

“Rey, that was…. just…sublime.” Poe was practically salivating. He cut off another generous chunk and passed half to Ben. He stuffed it into his mouth and Ben followed suit. “Who made this? I’ve got to thank them.”

“It was Hux.” Rey revealed, laughing as the two of them immediately began to choke on the bread as if it was poisoned. Revenge really did taste so sweet, she thought to herself with a satisfied smile.

**_A/N-thanks for reading! Please review if you have the time._ **


	35. Traitor

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you very much to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Thirty-Five-Traitor **

A natural limestone cave close to the starfighter landing zone was used as a hangar for the Tantive IV, and the command centre for the Resistance. The Tantive IV, also served as a generator, barracks and was the main spot for any major gatherings. The ship was beginning to fill with bodies as the Resistance crew began to arrive for the meeting that Poe had called. He was ready to share with the group what he and the others had been working so tirelessly on for the past few days. Rose stood on one side of him, Ben and Rey on the other. Although the members of the Resistance had reluctantly grown used to Ben’s presence around the camp, they were still very uneasy seeing him mingling so casually with their trusted leader.

Finn was one of the last ones to arrive. He had been keeping his distance from everyone since his fight with Hux. He had been using the time alone to ponder his life’s choices. As soon as his dark brown eyes alighted on Ben standing so boldly at the head of the group along with Rey, he spoke up. “I think I speak for everyone here when I say we’d feel more comfortable if he wasn’t here.”

His brash statement was soon followed by murmurings of agreement from the assembled crowd. Finn pushed his way to the front, his gaze fixed on Rey in silent apology. He wasn’t doing this to deliberately cause trouble or hurt her, although by the betrayed look in her eyes he could tell she was thinking exactly that.

“Finn, a word!” Poe said abruptly as he tried to draw him to one side.

“I am not backing down on this, Poe.” Finn stated firmly. “Look at everyone’s reactions. No one trusts him. It wasn’t too long ago that you felt exactly the same.”

“Things are different now.” Poe argued. “You are just causing division for the sake of it.”

“You know that’s not true.” Finn continued to stand his ground.

“It’s fine. I’ll go.” Ben’s voice came from behind them.

Finn and Poe turned to face him. “This is ridiculous.” Poe muttered.

“It’s the right thing to do.” Finn said at the same time. He avoided looking at Ben as his eyes sought Rey’s. “You can’t expect us all to suddenly trust him like you do.” He said to her. “Not after everything he has done.”

Rey didn’t say anything, but her disappointment in him was clear on her face. Finn watched as she turned to Ren and gazed deeply into his eyes. It always unnerved Finn to see them together like this, like they were having a whole other conversation that no one was privy to but themselves. They were wrapped up in each other to the exclusion of everyone else. His eyes flicked to Poe standing patiently on their other side. He seemed content to wait until they finished whatever silent conversation was flowing between them. Finn wondered exactly what it was that Ren had confided in his friend the night he had overheard the two of them talking together to change Poe’s attitude toward the guy so much.

Eventually Rey and Ben broke eye-contact. Ben raised his hand to touch her face in a tender caress, before finally taking his leave.

* * *

As soon as Poe’s speech ended there was a tumult of noise from the crowd. With Rey and Rose’s help, Poe managed to field the majority of their questions.

“This is all very interesting, Poe.” Beaumont Kin called out. “But what exactly are you hoping is going to happen if we manage to track down these other stormtroopers who mutinied. Are you hoping to recruit them to our cause?”

“This isn’t a recruiting mission, Beau.” Poe responded wearily. “These stormtroopers revolted on their own, some actually laying down their arms because they refused to fire on innocent civilians. From the information we’ve managed to uncover from the encrypted files, it seems that this is something that has been happening more and more often. Rose and the First Order spy, Hux, uncovered a conspiracy by the stormtrooper Captain Phasma. It was Phasma who oversaw the training of the stormtroopers. In order to hide the growing unrest amongst the ranks, and unbeknownst to Hux himself, she altered the records to hide the extent of the problem. Many that mutinied managed to escape, but those that didn’t were forced to undergo a severe mind conditioning programme called a brain scrape.”

Finn found himself under scrutiny as everyone’s eyes turned to him. He ignored them and kept his gaze trained on Poe. “You expect us to trust the word of that traitor Hux.” He demanded. “He could be twisting the information to suit himself. That bastard was complicit with all of it. He’s just trying to divert attention from himself.”

“That’s not possible. I was with Armitage the whole time.” Rose answered before Poe could respond.

“Armitage?” Finn scoffed when Rose referred to Hux by his first name. He saw her cheeks turn pink and he frowned, sighing heavily. He hated upsetting her.

“It wasn’t just Rose and Hux who worked on those files. Ben, Poe and I did, too. There was no way that Hux could have manipulated anything. He didn’t have the chance.” Rey spoke up. She stood next to Poe, surveying the troubled sea of faces looking to them for answers. “We believe that there are many within the First Orders stormtroopers ranks who feel exactly the same as those who mutinied, but just don’t have anyone strong enough to guide them to stand up to the oppressive regime.”

“Are you suggesting one of us goes undercover? That would be suicide.” Beaumont Kin accused.

“No.” Poe glared at Beaumont irritably. He had never liked the guy, though he was friendly enough, there was just something that didn’t sit right with him. Rose and Kaydel knew the guy better. Beaumont was a self-proclaimed historian. A historian who once aspired to become an educator, after the destruction of the Hosnian system Beaumont Kin abandoned his academic career to become a captain in the Resistance's intelligence division.

“Then what?” Beaumont persisted.

“Yeah, what is your thinking, Poe.” Finn added.

“I want to find some of those stormtroopers who mutinied. Not specific individuals, but the ones who were part of a whole company. I want to understand what made them collectively decide to lay down their arms. I think that knowledge could prove really useful in the future when faced with them in battle.”

“I see where you’re going with this.” Finn said eagerly. “I was alone, but these others were part of a large group. There is a possibility that other companies of troopers could be persuaded to lay down their weapon or turn them on their oppressors.”

“Exactly.” Poe agreed.

“You’ll need volunteers….” Finn held Poe’s gaze.

“We already have some. Chewie, Kaydel and….”

“I want to head the mission.” Finn said fervently, finally feeling like he had found his purpose. “I need to do this, Poe. I’m the best person for the job. You know it.”

Poe’s eyes glimmered with suppressed emotion. “I never doubted it for one minute, buddy.” He agreed with a small smile.

With everyone’s attention focused on Finn and Poe, no one noticed Beaumont Kin sneaking out of the meeting early.

* * *

Rey hung back while the others said their goodbyes to Finn and the others. After the decision was made, everyone collectively came to the conclusion that there was no time to wait. They were taking the Falcon to Ansett Island to try and track down the troopers who belonged to Company 77, the ones who had mutinied and collectively laid down their weapons when ordered to shoot innocent civilians.

“ _Are you okay, sweetheart_?” Ben’s voice was like a soothing balm in her frazzled mind. “ _I can feel your reservation.”_

_“I just hate goodbyes_.” Rey tried to stem the tide of her rising sadness.

_“This is about Finn_.” Ben guessed.

_“He was my first friend_.” Rey felt the tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down her face. Her chin trembled like a small child’s. “ _My best friend_. _I hate this distance that has grown between us.”_

_“He’s in love with you.”_

_“You’re wrong.”_ Rey’s denial was weak. “ _We’ve only ever been friends_.”

A feeling of love and tenderness washed over Rey as Ben wrapped her in the security of their love. “ _Maybe that’s true for you….”_ He let out a soft exhalation. “ _I mean how could he not love you? You’re perfect!”_

_“I’m yours.”_ Rey cried fervently.

_“I know_.” Ben answered gently. “ _That’s the part he can’t accept. That you would choose to be with someone like me.”_

“ _Don’t say it like that, Ben_.” Rey pleaded. “ _You…you’re my everything_.”

“ _And you’re mine_.” Ben promised as his voice faded out. “ _I love you, sweetheart.”_

And then Finn was in front of her. Rey looked up into his expressive dark eyes and she finally allowed herself to see the love that was hidden in their depths. She trembled when his arms wrapped around her in a gentle hug of goodbye for a while. “Take care of yourself, Rey.” He whispered in her ear. “You may not believe it, but I really am sorry. I just wish things could have been different. He doesn’t deserve you…”

“But he’s the one I’ve chosen.” Rey was almost choking on her tears. “I love him, Finn. I always have.”

Finn’s eyes closed in pain at her words. It was like she was stabbing him in the heart. “Fine.” He said tensely, taking in a deep shuddering breath as he released her. “Goodbye, Rey.”

As soon as Finn stepped away, she was engulfed in Chewie’s strong hairy arms. The Wookie lifted her up high in the air, whining softly. “Goodbye, Chewie.” She whispered, relaxing into his embrace as she hugged him back.

Chewie’s arms were soon exchanged with Kaydel’s. Rey hugged the younger girl’s slim body against her own briefly, before giving her up to Rose. In the distance she saw Finn and Poe exchange a few last words and a hug, before the small group walked up the ramp of the Falcon together and disappeared inside.

* * *

Rose’s lower lip quivered as she tried to contain her emotions. She bit her lip tightly in attempt to hide any sound that wanted to escape from her mouth. Watching Finn leave had torn her in two. If things hadn’t been so tense between them then she would have been the one to go on this mission with him. Instead Kaydel had taken her place. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed Armitage glancing often in her direction. To her relief he had been very discreet, not asking any questions about why her eyes were so red from crying.

“I think we could do with a break.” She said shakily as she pushed herself back onto her feet. They had been trawling through the last of the encrypted files to double check anything they might have missed. “I’ll go and get us something to eat from the canteen.”

Hux stood up, preparing to come with her, but Rose shook her head and told him to carry on working. “You’re going to leave me here unguarded?” He asked in surprise.

“I trust you.” Rose said with a small smile. “Anyway, I won’t be long. I’ll bring back some of those starfruits you like.”

Hux watched her shoulders slump dejectedly as she walked away and felt a spike of anger surge through him. This was the former stormtroopers fault he was sure of it. He hated to see Rose hurting and even more he hated the man who was the root cause of her pain. In an attempt to divert his growing resentment onto something more productive, he picked up one of the datapads and began to skim through it. As Hux shifted his body into a more comfortable position, he noticed Beaumont Kin looking around furtively as he stood in front of one of the consoles. For the moment the area was completely deserted as the other personnel had gone to lunch. Hux immediately shielded himself behind another console as he spied on Beaumont, his curiosity piqued by the guy’s strange behaviour.

* * *

Beaumont cast another furtive glance around the area before hastily using the console to key in a coded message. He was so intent on his task that he was totally unaware that Hux had sneaked up on him. It was only when he felt Hux wrest his blaster from its holster and point it to the back of his head that he realised he was in dire straits.

“Its not what it looks like.” He said shakily, slowly revolving to face a smirking Hux.

“I think it’s exactly what it looks like.” Hux sneered as he took the safety off the blaster and directed it firmly against Beaumont’s left temple. “Who are you working for? Mmmm…Pryde? Engell? Come on, speak up! I can be very trigger happy when I want to be.”

“You’ve got it all wrong.” Beaumont was beginning to sweat. He licked his lips, his eyes darting from side to side as he tried to find an avenue of escape.

“I don’t think so.” Hux pressed the barrel of the blaster harder against the side of Beaumont’s head. “I’ll ask you one last time. Who are you spying for?”

Beaumont cowered as he stared up into Hux’s steely green eyes. “We can cut a deal. I know you want out of this place. You could prove very useful to my master. He’ll reward you well. What do you say, Hux?”

“Master?” Hux felt a cold shiver run down his spine as it dawned on him who Beaumont was really working for. He grabbed the traitorous wretch by the back of his shirt and hauled the smaller man upright, always making sure to keep the blaster trained on the back of his skull. “Don’t you dare move or I’ll blast a planet sized hole in your head.” Hux threatened as he began to download a copy of the coded message that Beaumont had transmitted.

* * *

Rose felt like her world had dissolved around her when she returned with a tray of Armitage’s favourite food to find him gone. The tray dropped from her nerveless fingers, crashing to the ground violently as she began a frantic search for him. Despite her best efforts he was nowhere to be found. Her despair was like a heavy blackness, the notion of hope becoming meaningless, her broken trust twisting inside her like some cruel trick. She felt utterly betrayed and used. Her eyes dripped with tears. The walls, the walls that held her up, made her strong just... collapsed. Moment by moment, they fell. Salty drops continuing to fall from her chin, drenching her shirt. Rose struggled to pull herself together as she left to find Poe, to tell him she had failed in her duty…. failed to realise that….

Rose stopped that train of thought as she hastened toward the command centre where she had last seen Poe. She ran blindly, totally unaware of her surroundings, pushing past anyone who got in her way. “Poe! Poe!” She screamed in distress. “He’s gone. Armitage is gone!”

Poe seemed to materialise out of the ground in front of her. He wasn’t alone. Rey and Ben were with him. She slammed into Poe, forcing him to steady her. “Rose, just breathe.” Poe said gently.

“You don’t understand. Its Armitage. He’s….” Rose paused for breath when she realised the whole camp had fallen silent. She turned in Poe’s arms to find the cause of the sudden deathly silence.

It was Armitage. Armitage walking through the centre of the camp with a blaster trained to a quivering Beaumont’s head. Rose couldn’t believe what she was seeing. This couldn’t be happening. Why would Armitage take Beaumont hostage? None of this made sense. She heard Poe yelling at Armitage to put the blaster down and let Beaumont go. But Armitage wasn’t listening. She could see his lips moving but couldn’t process what he was saying.

And then Rey…Rey was stepping forward, one arm outstretched, her fingers splayed wide, with hazel eyes sparking with fury. Rose watched in horror as Armitage began to choke, the blaster dropped from his clawing fingers as he was physically hoisted in the air by the strength of Rey’s power.

“Stop! Please stop!” Rose suddenly found her voice as she pushed Poe away from her and ran toward Armitage. In the background she heard Ben urgently pleading with Rey to let go. Suddenly Armitage dropped to the ground at Rose’s feet like a sack of wet noodles. His eyes were almost bugging out of his head, his breathing harsh and shallow as he looked up at her in fright. “Why Armitage? Why did you do it?” She pleaded as she dropped to her knees beside him.

Armitage could barely speak. “He’s a traitor.” He rasped as he shakily pressed something small and solid into the palm of her hand. It was a flash drive.

Poe, Ben and Rey surrounded them. Rey looked horrified at what she had done. She was shaking badly, her hazel eyes filled with remorse as she sought comfort in Ben’s arms. Rose could hardly see through her tears as she handed the flash drive to Poe, before pulling Armitage’s head into her lap. “You are such an idiot.” She scolded him through her tears as she stroked her fingers through his damp hair.

**_A/N-thanks for reading! Please review if you have the time._ **


	36. Guardian Angel

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you very much for the kind reviews._ **

** Chapter Thirty-Six-Guardian Angel **

Remorseful. Guilty.

The feelings just wouldn’t go away. Rey wished she could turn back time and rectify her mistake. However, it was impossible. She had to live with it. But she couldn’t. Remorse etched at her heart. Guilt gnawed at her stomach, the waves of nausea making it impossible to eat. A tear trickled down her cheek, the same old memories continuing to torture her.

When she had seen Hux pointing the blaster to the back of Beaumont’s head, her first instinct hadn’t been to negotiate, but to attack. Burning rage had hissed through her body like deathly poison, screeching a demanded release in the form of unwanted violence. The Force had swept through her like a volcano erupting; fury sweeping off her in ferocious waves.

_“You need to stop thinking about it, Rey.”_ Ben hated seeing her beating herself up like this. _“Hux will be fine_.”

_“But I could have killed him. I was totally out of control. If you hadn’t stepped in to stop me….”_

_“You were acting on instinct, Rey. I felt it. You felt threatened and the first thing you did was act to protect the babies.”_

Ben could feel the pain swirling in her brain, she was mentally torturing herself. Her thoughts going around in endless circles. She was going to drive herself crazy if she didn’t give herself a break. “ _People do things because their emotions are driving them that way... you thought he was going to hurt someone, sweetheart. You are hyper emotional right now. Stop blaming yourself.”_

Ben wrapped his arms around her waist, feeling Rey calm down instantly at his touch. The simple touch sent a wave of butterflies coursing through her veins, their fluttering wings easing the dread that had settled inside her stomach like a heavy weight.

_“Ben, I’m afraid.”_ Rey admitted as she tucked her head under his chin. _“What if its something in my genes. Something I inherited from Palpatine….”_

_“No, you are not going down that road, Rey. I was right there with you. I felt what you felt. It was a mother’s instinct to protect. Nothing more.”_ Ben insisted.

_“Are you sure you’re not just trying to make me feel better?”_

_“I’ve never lied to you. I wouldn’t do that now. Not over something as important as this.”_ Ben tipped her chin up as he leaned down and pressed his lips onto hers. He felt her body loosen further, her arms finding their way around his neck. After a moment he pulled back, their faces hovering close, quite soundless for so long, simply finding comfort in each other's presence.

* * *

“How is she?” Poe asked a little while later when Ben joined him on the command ship.

“She’s sleeping now.” Ben said wearily.

“You look like you could do with some sleep yourself.” Poe looked at Ben’s tired face in concern. “We can do this later.”

“No, I want to get this over with.” Ben’s eyes glinted with determination. So far no one had been able to get anything out of Beaumont. The guy was locked in a cell, refusing to speak to anyone. The traditional methods of extracting the information they needed from him weren’t working, so Ben was going to probe his mind. “You can leave if you want.” He said to Poe. “I’ll be as gentle as I can with him…. even though I want to be the complete opposite.” He added darkly. “But this might bring back painful memories for you.”

“I’ll be fine. Do what you need to do.” Poe said grimly. He wasn’t entirely comfortable with the idea of Ben using the same technique to telepathically extract information from Beaumont’s mind that had been used on him, but with Rose struggling to crack the encrypted code that had Hux had been able to download onto the flash drive, they were running out of time and options. Hux was unconscious in the med-bay under the watchful eyes of Harter Kalonia. No one had any idea how long it would take for him to come around again.

“Let’s do this.” Ben activated the control panel outside of Beaumont’s cell. The door slid open, revealing the prisoner inside. He exchanged one last glance with Poe before crossing the threshold.

* * *

Ben tried to stay calm as his eyes met Beaumont’s slumped form. He wasn't moving and he was bleeding profusely from a cut on his head from where he had fallen to the ground. Ben narrowed his eyes. He knew Beaumont was faking it. He stepped forward, only stopping when he was a few inches away from the guy. Ben extended his arm, reaching out with the Force, his fingers hovering close to the traitor’s face.

“We can do this the easy way or the hard way. Its up to you.”

Beaumont’s eyes slowly opened. He ignored Ben as his frantic gaze found Poe’s. “Are you really going to let him do this, Poe? General Organa would never have sanctioned anything like this. Don’t you see he’s already corrupting you? Corrupting everything the Resistance stands for!”

“Tell us what we need to know then.” Poe snapped. Beaumont’s words had found their target. It was true. Leia would never have authorised anything like this, no matter how desperate the circumstances were. “Answer me, Beaumont! How could you betray us all like this?” He demanded, fists clenching at his sides.

Ben shot Poe a warning look. Poe’s lips thinned as he held Ben’s stern gaze for a moment, before jerking his head for him to continue. Ben focused his attention back on Beaumont, knowing this was what the traitor was aiming for. Hoping to divide them. He raised his hand, using the Force to push his way into the man’s mind. It was surprisingly easy. Most individuals always put up some semblance of a fight, a natural reaction as they tried to protect themselves from the unwanted intrusion. It was almost like Beaumont wanted him to see….

The backlash drove Ben to his knees. A powerful wave of evil rocketed toward him, freezing him in place. He couldn't believe his eyes. He didn’t want to anyway. He had never experienced anything like that even in his worst nightmares. But that was only because his brain always woke him up before such a horror covered his mind. The adrenaline flew over his veins like a fish through a river, but he couldn’t move a single muscle, not even to scream. The absolute horror completely paralyzed him.

“ _My boy_!” Sidious crooned as he tried to bridge his mind with Ben’s using Beaumont as a willing vessel. Ben didn’t remember being this scared in his life. And this was just the beginning. That idea only made it worse. If that was even possible. His mental anguish was indescribable as Sidious tried to pull him further into the void, sucking his soul dry. “ _Did you really think you could betray me?”_ Sidious’ evil laughter rolled around his head. It felt like his brain was splitting apart as he tried to resist the evil Sith Lord’s machinations.

Sidious’ manic laugher eventually died, his voice turning more sinister and threatening as his patience began to wane. _“You are not strong enough to defeat me, boy. You will tell me what I need to know. Now you will experience the full power of the dark side!”_

Ben screamed in silent agony as Sidious unleashed the full extent of his power, drawing his most precious memories of Rey from the deepest recesses of his mind. The dark Emperor’s exultation increased as he felt Ben’s will begin to crumble….

A strange orb of pulsing light began to form, growing brighter and brighter with every passing minute. It wrapped Ben in its comforting aura. He could sense Sidious’ rising frustration as the glowing light created an impenetrable shield between their minds, slowly separating them. The pulsing light began to take sentient form in Ben’s mind until it coalesced into a familiar shape of his mother. Leia was dressed all in white. She looked like an angel.

“ _Mom?_ ” Ben sobbed as he mentally tried to reach out to her.

Leia smiled sadly, her mouth forming words he couldn’t hear. Then he saw her turn her head, her eyes opening wide in fear as the rolling evil began to pierce through the protective shield she had placed around her son. She turned back to face Ben, her face a picture of determined resolution. As the darkness reached out to snare her, she sacrificed the last of her spiritual energy to break the last of Sidious’ frenzied hold on Ben’s mind, releasing him.

* * *

Ben woke up to find Rey and Poe staring down at him. His first instinct was to reach for Rey. She pliantly melted into his form when he wrapped his arms around her. He didn’t care that Poe was right there. He didn’t care that Beaumont was lying dead in the corner of the cell, the effort of being the vessel for his master’s sick games having killed him. Ben’s hands folded around Rey’s back, drawing her closer. He could feel her body shake, the slow release of her tears wetting his skin.

“I felt all of it.” She sobbed against his neck. “I tried to reach you but I was powerless to do anything. Then I sensed Leia…” She paused, fighting for breath. “She saved you Ben. She saved you.”

Ben pulled his head back and wiped her tears with a calloused finger, his touch bringing more relief than Rey’s heart could hold. He was eating her with his eyes, running his hand through her hair, as if he couldn’t quite believe she was not part of an almost forgotten dream. When he kissed her it was sweet, gentle, and it tasted of her tears.

Ben wanted to hold Rey in his arms forever, but he was very aware that Poe was still in the room. He pushed himself to his feet, pulling her with him. He was surprised he could still stand. He noticed Dameron standing a few feet away, his skin paler than normal.

“I have never seen anything like that in my life before. And I never want to again.” Poe ran his fingers agitatedly through his hair. “What the hell just happened? You were frozen like a statue, your face….and Beaumont….” He fell silent, shaking his head to try and clear it of the horrific memory.

“Beaumont was a trap to reel me in. Sidious used him as a vessel to try to bridge our minds and nearly succeeded.” Ben explained hoarsely. He folded Rey in his arms again, needing to feel her comforting warmth.

Poe’s dark brown eyes widened in horror. “You can’t be serious?”

“I am.” Ben felt completely drained of energy. He swayed on his feet. If not for Poe reaching out to help him, and Rey steadying him against her side, he would have collapsed to the ground.

“Come on, Solo.” Poe said, taking some of Ben’s weight as he helped Rey guide him out of Beaumont’s cell. “Rest first. Talk later.”

**_A/N-thanks for reading. Please review if you have the time._ **


	37. Reflections and Realisations

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Thirty-Seven-Reflections and Realisations **

Waking up can be really harsh, especially when dreams are better than reality. And so it was for Hux as he opened his sore eyes to find Ren sitting by his bedside instead of Rose. He scowled as the remnants of his pleasant dreams of Rose tending to his every need began to fade into the ether, and all he was left with was a lonely feeling of detachment.

“What do I owe the pleasure?” He sneered hoarsely.

Ben sighed, quickly tiring of dealing with Hux’s continued animosity. After the nightmarish ordeal he had recently endured, he lacked the patience to put up with his former rival’s sarcasm. “Like it or not, Hux, we are once again on the same side.”

“I am on no side. Especially yours.” Hux snarled as he struggled to rise into a sitting position. His vision began to swim and he was forced to pause his movements to stop the world spinning on its axis.

“You can keep lying to yourself if it makes you feel better, but your recent actions prove otherwise.” Ben said pointedly.

“Force choking me is your way of thanking me, is it?” Hux rested his aching head back on his heaped-up pillows. Never in his lifetime would he ever consider Ren an ally.

Ben sighed in aggravation as his apology got stuck in his throat. “What happened was unfortunate…but you have to see how it looked from our perspective. You were holding a blaster to Beaumont’s head…”

Hux turned his head to the side and stared at Ben with disdain. “It must really stick in your craw that I was the one who discovered the spy and not you… _the mighty Kylo Ren.”_

“You can be a real bantha’s ass, Hux.” Ben snapped as he finally reached his limit with the guy. He watched as Hux narrowed his eyes with contempt as the insult found its mark. “You are the most unpleasant, ungrateful, disagreeable…”

_“Ben!”_ Rey’s voice admonished him in his mind as she cut through his tirade. “ _You are supposed to be thanking Hux not giving him a run down of his better qualities.”_

His soulmate’s veiled attempt at humour caused Ben to smile. _“Believe me, sweetheart, those are his better qualities.”_ He saw Hux looking at him oddly, probably thinking he was deranged after his rapid change in mood-angry one minute and smiling to himself the next.

_“Now thank him_.” Rey ordered as her voice began to fade out. “ _Nicely_.”

Ben huffed out an irritated breath. “I came here to say thank you for what you did.” He forced out through gritted teeth.

“Say it like you mean it, Ren.” Hux answered scornfully.

Ben rose to his feet as he matched Hux’s hostile glare. “I’m done here. I’ve said what I had to say. Like it or not, Hux, we are going to have to work together, so I suggest you pull your head out of your backside and get used to it. _And you are a bantha’s ass.”_ He added under his breath as he finally took his leave.

* * *

Having completed the unpleasant duty of thanking Hux, Ben joined the others in the command centre. He found Poe and Rey trying to comfort Rose. The distressed young engineer had finally managed to crack the code, but as soon as she had done so it had triggered a counter security measure, the encrypted file began to delete itself, rendering everything Hux had managed to download onto the flash drive practically useless.

“I am so sorry.” She apologised over and over again.

Rey reached out and embraced Rose, letting her cry on her shoulder. “Its not your fault. You did the best you could. It was always going to be a long shot.” She comforted her.

Rey knew it was more than just the deleted files that had Rose so upset, it was the knowledge that one of her friends had turned out to be a traitor. She and Kaydel had been the closest to Beaumont, having worked with him on an almost daily basis. She was blaming herself for not discovering that there was something shifty about him. If she had then Armitage wouldn’t have put himself in danger to expose Beaumont’s duplicity.

“H…how…is Armitage?” Rose stammered as she pulled away from Rey when she saw Ben arrive.

“Disagreeable as ever, so he must be feeling better.” Ben responded irritably.

“What?” Rose sniffed as she wiped away her tears with the back of her hand.

_“Ben!_ ” Rey scolded him telepathically. “ _Rose is really upset_.”

Ben rearranged his features into a something resembling a smile as he looked at Rose. “He’s back to his old self.”

“Oh, that’s good.” Rose still looked downcast. “I was planning on visiting him now that’s he awake, but…” She sighed heavily. “I don’t have the heart to tell him he risked his life for nothing.”

Ben’s expression softened further when he realised just how much Rose was blaming herself about the whole thing. “I don’t think that will matter to him in the slightest. He’ll just be glad to see _you_.” He placed the emphasis on you, but Rose was still too upset to pick up on it.

“Maybe.” Rose replied sadly, still unconvinced. She looked around at them, her eyes still glistening with tears. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ll just go and freshen up.” She quickly walked out of the command centre with her head down.

Rey really hated seeing Rose so down on herself. She had done nothing wrong. Rey made a mental note to go and visit her friend later to check that she okay. She felt Ben’s arm slip around her waist and leaned against him for support. It felt like they were continually tumbling from one disaster to another without being able to pause for breath. She was just so tired. Already her eyes were drooping.

Poe had remained silent thus far. He put his hands on his hips and studied Ben and Rey thoughtfully. Despite resting for almost twenty-four hours, they still looked wiped out. Ben was very pale, but Rey was paler. She looked exhausted. There were dark circles under her eyes. He had noticed how sluggishly she moved, normally so strong and graceful, she had been leaning on Ben more and more for support. Poe was convinced it couldn’t just be the pregnancy draining all of her energy, it was still early days. But what did he know? He wasn’t a trained medic.

“That was a harrowing experience you went through yesterday. Maybe you should rest some more.” He suggested. “Or at least get checked out by Harter.”

“I’m fine, but Poe’s right about you, sweetheart.” Ben looked down at Rey worriedly. Every thought concerning Rey that had passed through Dameron’s mind was passing through his tenfold. He had already tried to persuade Rey countless times to go and see Harter, but she stubbornly insisted that nothing was wrong, that it was the morning sickness that was making her feel under the weather. “Please, do it. For me.”

Rey opened her mouth to insist that she was perfectly fine, but she couldn’t resist the pleading look on his face. “If it makes you feel better. I’ll pop by and see her later.” She agreed grudgingly.

“Thank you.” Ben gave her a relieved smile as he leaned down to kiss her. He let his lips linger on hers for a few seconds before pulling back, mindful that Poe was still there with them.

* * *

Ren’s visit had unnerved Hux. Despite his sarcastic response to Ren’s half assed apology, their conversation had forced him to examine some harsh home truths. Whether he liked or not, fate’s cruel humour had decided to place them on the same side once again. He mulled over what had led him to spy for the Resistance in the first place. After Ren’s ascendancy to Supreme Leader he had continued to observe military protocol, but no longer did so in spirit—and although he was given a seat on the Supreme Council, he made sure to maintain an uncharacteristically silent presence, being careful not to provoke Ren's temper as he had done in the past. Without Snoke's protection, Hux had been forced to address Ren with the deference due to the latter's power and rank and it galled him.

In private, however, he strongly disapproved of Ren's leadership of the First Order as well as his handling of the war, and was convinced that Ren had gone mad for diverting his attention from the Resistance to investigate Darth Sidious' return. As he watched his career trajectory veer wildly off course, Hux did not completely abandon his scheming nature. In the end, the general who led the vanguard of the First Order's invasion of the galaxy and feeling he had nothing left to lose, had committed the ultimate treason by spying for the Resistance. However, he was not motivated by regret for his actions or a newfound belief in the Resistance's cause. Hux remained remorseless to the end; all he had left was his rivalry with Ren, whose reign he sought to undermine until it ended in defeat. Never in his wildest nightmares would he have envisioned this outcome.

Deep down Armitage knew that his hatred toward Ren was nothing but a transformation of his own private shame and insecurities...he felt weak where Ren was strong. His father’s utter contempt toward him, berating him daily with physical and verbal punishments for being weak, snivelling and a complete failure, only served to enhance his desire to show the galaxy that everything he hated about himself, yet lacked the courage to face, couldn’t possibly be true. It was far easier to lose himself in the theatrics of his mind, casting himself as the victor, than it was to swallow even an ounce of truth.

“Armitage?” The gentle cadence of Rose’s voice brought him out of his bitter thoughts. She was carrying a tray bearing his favourite fruit and a pot of Caf.’ A strange kind of happiness flowed through him as she carefully rested the tray on the bedside table and settled down in the chair beside his bed. It was like something out of his dream.

“I wondered if you would come.” Hux said huskily.

Rose couldn’t quite meet his eyes. She stood again and poured some of the Caf’ into a mug, before passing it to him. “I nearly didn’t.” She admitted hesitantly as she sat back down again.

“Oh…” Hux felt a peculiar sensation behind his eyes and the mug trembled in his hands slightly.

“Armitage, are you okay?” Rose asked anxiously when some of the Caf’ slopped over the side of the mug. “Shall I get Harter?”

“No.” Hux shook his head, the stern doctor terrified him.

“Then what’s wrong?” Rose persisted.

Hux cleared his throat, which had suddenly become tight with the knowledge that she didn’t really want to be there. “I…um…” He fumbled for the right words, the same strange prickling sensation behind his eyes only heightening with each passing second. “I mean why would you want to see me? You’re not compelled to, of course.”

Rose reached out and placed one hand over his when she realised they had gotten their wires crossed. “Oh, Armitage, I thought you wouldn’t want to see me.” She sighed, taking her hand away from his in embarrassment and placing it in her lap. “You risked your life and I messed up.” She felt the traitorous tears well in her eyes again.

Was Rose crying? Hux couldn’t bear to see her crying, especially if he was the cause. She was too precious. Too lovely to be sad. “I am sure whatever it is can be fixed.” He said fervently.

Rose sniffed a few times as she tried to compose herself. She reached into her shirt pocket and pulled out the flash drive and handed it to him. “As soon as I broke the code, the encrypted files started to delete themselves. Its all gone.”

Armitage twirled the flash drive between his fingers as he realised his rivalry with Ren didn’t matter, neither did his change in circumstances, or what side he was on. The only thing that mattered to him right in that moment was putting a smile back on Rose Tico’s lovely face. “Nothing is ever really gone. I’m sure together we can find a solution.”

“Do you think so?” Rose asked hopefully.

“I learned a few tricks when I was spying on the First Order.” Hux bragged in an attempt to impress her.

“Armitage, you were a terrible spy. You got caught.” Rose reminded him, laughing through her tears.

* * *

Their conversation had been going around in circles for hours. Rey had fallen asleep half way through, her head resting on Ben’s shoulder as she dozed. He slipped his arm around her waist, holding her close while he and Poe resumed talking in low voices in order not to disturb her.

“I don’t know how much information Sidious pulled from my head before he was stopped.” Ben admitted tensely. He glanced at Rey, his anxiety only increasing. Poe didn’t know about Rey’s connection to the dark Sith Lord, he had confided a lot of personal information to the new Resistance general, but not that. That was Rey’s story to tell. Not his.

Poe sighed heavily as he looked around the command centre. As much as everyone complained about the humidity of the jungle moon, it had begun to feel like a home of sorts. “We’re gonna have to abandon this place. Find somewhere new.”

“We’ve got no choice.” Ben agreed with a heavy heart. “It’s become too dangerous to stay.”

**_A/N-thanks for reading. Please review if you have the time._ **


	38. Back to Hoth

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you very much to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter. I hope Hoth and the old Rebel base still exists, LOL_ ** **_😉_ ** **_If it doesn’t, for the purposes of this story just imagine it still does._ ** **_😊_ **

** Chapter Thirty-Eight-Back to Hoth **

**_Three months later;_ **

Hoth, a remote, icy planet that was the sixth planet in the star system of the same name. It notably hosted Echo Base, the temporary headquarters of the Alliance to Restore the Republic, until the Galactic Empire located the Rebels, initiating a major confrontation known as the Battle of Hoth. Now it once again operated as temporary quarters for the Resistance.

After Poe and Ben had come to the joint decision that it was time to abandon Ajan Kloss and look for a new base of operations, they immediately set the technicians to work inducting preliminary scans for possible new Resistance bases. Always one step ahead, Leia, before her death, had left behind a possible list of locations-many so remote that neither Poe or Ben had ever heard of them. But in the end, they were pre-empted by an unexpected attack by the First Order fleet. If it wasn’t for Rose and Hux’s hard work trying to retrieve the deleted files, they never would have had any warning at all. But after working together for forty hours straight to retrieve the lost information, Rose and Hux had uncovered vital information that Beaumont had regularly been sending to his contact in the First Order. And that contact was none other than Allegiant General Enric Pryde.

It wasn’t too much of a surprise to Ben that Pryde was Palpatine’s puppet, with knowledge of his defection spreading fast, Pryde had taken over the reins and was now the self-styled new Supreme Leader of the First Order. Beaumont had transmitted to Pryde their exact location, the size of their fleet, and other vital information that gave him enough cause to wipe them out easily if they didn’t vacate Ajan Kloss fast.

The Resistance fleet had only just managed to get off world when the first of the First Order ships appeared in the moon’s orbit. The Resistance fought a running battle all the way, with Ben and Poe heading the defensive squad, allowing the Tantive IV-carrying the rest of the Resistance-to jump to hyperspace and escape. With no time to scan for another location, they were forced to improvise, looking back to the past for inspiration. It was Poe who mentioned Hoth.

Hoth was the arena of a battle between the Galactic Empire and the Rebel Alliance, which had installed its temporary headquarters, Echo Base, on the ice planet. However, thanks to one of the thousands of probe droids they had dispatched throughout the galaxy, the Imperials had discovered the Alliance base within a month of the rebel’s habitation on the planet. Although Echo Base was evacuated in the eleventh hour, the Battle of Hoth resulted in a clear defeat for the Alliance after the elite Imperial Blizzard Force overran it.

In the months following the Battle of Hoth, scavengers established temporary base camps on the planet to scrap the AT-ATs destroyed by the Rebel Alliance during the Empire's attack. None of the Resistance knew just how much of the underground base had survived, they just hoped enough of it had to make it habitable, at least for a while.

Their worst fears seemed to be confirmed at first when they found that much of the outer base had been destroyed, but on further investigation it became clear that the inner network of tunnels housing the former Rebel Alliance’s most vital equipment had survived intact. With Rey’s scavenger instincts serving her in good stead, and with Rose’s help, she managed to rally the weary Resistance fighters into a solid team, scouring the tunnels for old equipment and parts to get the old base functioning to a reasonable level. Ben had been worried about her taking too much on her shoulders, but the difficult challenge seemed to energise her enough to shake off her former apathy, and take on the gargantuan task of outfitting the base with gusto.

* * *

Three months had passed since their near-death escape from Ajan Kloss and Echo base was slowly beginning to come together. The base housed a large hangar where Resistance technicians maintained the numerous speeders that Rey and the others had uncovered not long after their arrival. The hangar was open to the outside with a large door, which could be closed to protect the base from the frigid wastes. Most of the Resistance crew slept in shifts on the Tantive IV, and often had scant rations.

The medical bay had been restored, and to their surprise they found it contained a bacta tank used for healing wounded Rebels in the past. Additional medical facilities in the base included a morgue, which took advantage of the planet's natural temperature to preserve bodies, and an insulated room in which vaccines were stored. Harter soon set about documenting all the medical supplies, pleased at the extent of them.

Echo Base was carved out of a glacier and connected by artificial corridors linked together with structural supports. The base also contained a command centre where the old Rebel leadership, including Princess Leia Organa herself, coordinated Rebel activities, including the eventual evacuation from Hoth. Ben found it odd being at the base. He kept expecting to see Leia or Han Solo around every corner, sometimes he even imagined he could hear his parents talking. Luke Skywalker was the one ghost he tried to ignore, but even his uncle’s spirit seemed to follow him down the hollow corridors, making him uneasy and jittery, especially when he was alone.

Right now, he was in the medical bay with Rey. She was getting her weekly check-up with Harter. She was showing slightly now, the bump more pronounced because she was so thin. Everyone had lost weight due to the sparse rations, but Rey more so. The sickness that had plagued her from the very beginning still hadn’t gone away. She tired easy and was always pale. Ben often gave up his own rations to supplement hers, but when Rey had found out he was going without food some days just so she had more to eat, she had lost her temper with him. It had resulted in a heated argument between them, the first one they really had. Her heightened emotions got the better of her and she ended up sobbing in his arms afterwards, pleading with him not to leave himself short again. To calm her down Ben had agreed, but he still slipped in extra portions from his own meagre rations now and again without her knowledge.

“Your blood pressure is very low, Rey.” Harter said in concern. “And you’re still very anaemic. It explains a lot of your symptoms-the constant fatigue, light-headedness, headaches and so on…I would normally recommend you follow a nutritious diet plan, but that’s impossible here. Are you still feeling nauseous?”

“Every minute of every day.” Rey admitted wearily.

“Being sick all the time isn’t helping. You are reaching your second trimester; I am hoping that the nausea wears off by then.” Harter gave Rey a sympathetic smile. “I wish there was more I could do. We’re down to limited supplies now.”

“I know. I’ll be fine.” Rey slipped off the examination table and immediately felt faint. Ben’s arm wrapped around her waist and steadied her. He hated seeing her suffering like this.

“There must be something you can do.” He begged.

“She needs better food and more of it.” Harter told him.

“Then I’ll find it.” Ben vowed.

“Don’t be rash.” Harter warned him. “You can’t do anything in these blizzard-like conditions. It will take at least another few days to clear. In the meantime, make sure she drinks plenty of water to keep hydrated and rests.”

“Can you please not speak about me as if I wasn’t here!” Rey grouched as she wrapped Ben’s heavy coat around her shivering body. She was wearing his as well as hers to keep warm. Owing to slap-dash construction methods, a single faulty element in the base's electrical system could deny heat to half the base. The medical bay was one of them.

Ben tried to hide his smile. She was even cute when she was grumpy. He had learned early on it was best to agree with her when she was in one of those moods. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead.

“Stop saying sorry.” Rey retorted. “Honestly are all men this annoying when their partners are pregnant?” She complained to Harter.

“He’s not the worst.” Harter agreed with a twinkle in her eyes as she shared an amused look with Ben. “Some just fuss too much.” She continued to pretend to commiserate with Rey.

“Oh, he does that!” Rey replied fervently.

“What can you do?” Harter sighed along with Rey. “Its lucky that you’re so patient.”

“I know.” Rey answered like she actually believed she was the most patient person in the world when her pregnancy hormones were making her the exact opposite. “I mean I appreciate everything he tries to do; he just wants to look out for me, but the constant fussing, always asking me if I’m alright…I mean I would damn well say if I wasn’t, right?”

“Exactly.” Harper nodded her head in agreement as she continued humouring Rey.

Ben rested his hands on Rey’s shoulders and began to steer her out of the med-bay. “As much as I love hearing you list my good points, I think it’s time for you to rest.”

“And you can add bossy to that list.” Rey added irritably.

Harter waited until the couple were out of ear-shot before she collapsed with laughter.

* * *

Rose shivered as she tinkered with the comms system. Due to the worsening weather system the communication signals were patchy. They were expecting to receive an update from Finn. During the past three months, while the Resistance had been holed up in Hoth’s icy wilderness, Finn, Chewie and Kaydel had made contact with the renegade stormtroopers of Company 77. They were on Kef Bir, the ocean moon of Endor, the site of where some of the wreckage of the second death star was located. Their leader, Jannah, a human female freedom fighter, led the now brave and noble warriors, had been intrigued by Finn’s story and had shared hers. She had also shared that she had heard similar stories to hers and Finn’s, and that she had also heard rumours of other mutinying stormtroopers in other parts of the galaxy. Jannah and her warriors had joined forces with Finn, Chewie and Kaydel as they spread out across the galaxy to chase down those rumours to see if they were a reality.

Rose was so deep in concentration that she didn’t hear Hux come up beside her. It wasn’t until she felt his heavy coat drape around her shoulders that she realised she had company. She turned in surprise, the hem of the coat dragging on the floor as she moved. “I can’t take this, Armitage. You’ll freeze.” She said to him as she began to remove it.

“I’m fine.” Hux assured her with a casual shrug of his shoulders. The tip of his nose was red with cold and his breath fogged in the air in front of him as he spoke. “Please, I would be honoured if you kept it.”

Rose knew better then to argue. It always amused her when Armitage spoke to her so formally when he was nervous, like she was some great lady or something to be treasured. She gratefully looped her arms through the long sleeves and tucked the coat around her petite frame. “Thank you very much, Armitage.” She said with a warm smile.

The tips of Hux’s ears turned as red as his nose at her sincere thanks. “My pleasure.” He murmured. “Have you had any luck yet?”

“Not really. I think we’re just going to have to wait until this storm passes.” Rose replied regretfully. “I think I’ll take a break and go and pick up my daily rations.”

“Would you allow me to accompany you?” Hux asked politely. He was standing ramrod straight with his hands clasped behind his back in order to stop them shaking. He didn’t want to give Rose even a hint that he was chilled to the bone. He knew that her compassionate heart would make her hand his coat back to him at once and he couldn’t have that. He would rather freeze then see her go cold. The lovely Rose Tico needed protecting at all costs.

“I would like that, Armitage.” Rose agreed with another warm smile.

With a hint of a rare smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, Hux offered Rose his arm as they preceded to walk side by side toward the mess hall.

**_A/N-thanks for reading! Please review if you have the time._ **


	39. A Revealing Conversation

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you very much to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Thirty-Nine-A Revealing Conversation **

The nightmare was always the same…

Rey was paralyzed, frozen in place as she observed Ben, injured, his ankle twisted, ribs broken, ascend from the pit. Strange blue flashes surrounded him as he staggered, pain and dizziness sent him tumbling to the ground. Rey was forced to continue to watch in silent agony as through sheer force of will he managed to rise, limping forward until he reached the broken body lying crumpled on the ground. The sight of seeing her own body lying motionless on the floor filled her chest with pain far greater than anything she had ever felt before.

Ben was crouched beside her fallen body now. Rey saw him wrap his arms around her limp form, and pull her onto his lap. At first glance, she appeared at ease, as though she were sleeping, but her barren eyes were lifeless and dull. Rey felt tears glaze over her eyes as she watched Ben pull her to his chest and hug her to himself for a moment. His utter despair and grief were etched deep in his eyes and on his face and it was more than she could bear….

_“Ben!”_ Rey began to thrash around in her sleep. “ _Ben!_ ”

_“Rey.”_

_“Ben!”_

“ _I’m here. I’m right here. You need to wake up, sweetheart.”_

_“Ben?”_ Rey felt confused, disorientated.

_“Open your eyes, Rey.”_

Rey shook her head mutely, struggling to open her heavy lids, which felt like they had lead weights attached to them. She felt Ben’s soft lips brush her forehead while he caressed her cheek with gentle fingers. “ _Its just a bad dream, sweetheart. That’s all.”_ He projected into her mind as he guided her back to sentience.

“Oh, Ben.” Rey sucked in a deep, shuddering breath as she finally managed to shake off the remnants of the wicked nightmare and open her eyes. “Did you see?”

“I saw.” Ben continued to stroke her flushed cheek. He kissed her and the world fell away like it always did, until there was nothing left but the two of them. The comforting glow of their bond swirled around them like a warm blanket. Rey opened herself up to him, her trembling fingers sinking into his thick hair as she yanked him closer, wanting to drown in him forever. When he pulled back to look at her face, she clung to him, not willing to let him go just yet. “It was just a bad dream, Rey.” He tried to soothe her.

“You said you saw….” Rey whispered in despair.

“It was only a dream, Rey. It doesn’t mean anything. Just like all those other dreams you’ve had in the past….”

“This one is different. Ben, it’s a sign. Something…”

Ben cut her off with a fierce kiss. Rey hardly had a moment to react before he pressed his tongue to the seam of her lips and, at her grant of access, delved inside her mouth. Her arms reached up and tangled around his neck. In an instant she had pulled away and arched up into his broad chest, moaning in the contact of his body heat against her own, before she drew back into his lips.

“It was only a dream. It’s not some kind of bad omen. Nothing is going to happen to you because I won’t allow it.” Ben stated firmly between kisses.

“But….”

“No buts, Rey.” Ben’s hand drifted to her hip. It settled there and pulled her closer. His breathing quickened as did hers. He began nuzzling her neck with delicate kisses. “You’ve dreamed of so many things. Like that fight you dreamed we had on the wreck of the death star in Kef Bir.”

“I stabbed you.” Rey gasped as her body began to tremble uncontrollably at the memory.

“You never stabbed me because it never happened.” Ben moved up her body, his head angled to one side as his lips came closer and closer to hers.

“It felt so real.” Rey whispered as their breaths mingled. Her heart fluttered inside her chest as Ben drew her into the comforting circle of his arms. “Oh, Ben, what is wrong with me?”

“Nothing.” Ben said soothingly as he placed one hand over the gentle curve of her rounded abdomen. “You’re just a little emotional right now.”

“You really think that’s all it is?” Rey sounded so young and afraid that it tore at Ben’s heart. He leaned in and kissed her again. Rey loved the feel of his mouth so warm against her own, the caress of his lips softer than she could have imagined. She opened her mouth with a low moan as he she let him kiss all her fears away.

* * *

The next day Rey was clinging to him but for a different reason this time. He was leaving her. Not because he wanted to, but because he had to. They were running low on supplies so he and Poe had come to the difficult decision for the two of them to leave Echo base together and go off world in search of some. Rey knew it was imperative that he go, but having to say goodbye hurt all the same. The others withdrew to give them some privacy.

_“I’ll be back before you even have a chance to miss me.”_ Ben said to her telepathically.

_“I already do and you haven’t even left yet.”_ Rey answered as she buried her face against his broad chest in order to hide her tears. She was tired of being so hyper emotional. A day didn’t go by without her crying about something.

_“I won’t really be gone. I’ll still be with you. You can talk to me anytime_.” Ben reminded her as he slipped his hands underneath her thick padded jacket just so he could feel her properly. Ah, there she was. He pulled her flush against him and kissed her soundly, not really caring that they had an audience. It was with great reluctance that he let her go. His gaze remained fixed on her as he joined Poe. “ _I love you_.”

_“Love you, too.”_ Rey’s heart was in her eyes as she watched him leave. She felt Rose come up beside her and give her a sympathetic smile. She sniffed back her tears and returned her smile, doing her best to appear brave.

“I’m always here if you need company.” Rose offered.

The young engineer’s kindness overwhelmed Rey and she found herself hugging Rose’s petite body to her own in gratitude. She wondered how she survived all those years in solitude before Ben and the Resistance had come into her life. “Thank you. I will definitely take you up on that.” She said gratefully as Rose returned her hug.

* * *

After another check up with Harter, Rey met up with Rose and they returned to her quarters, where the two girls spent the evening relaxing and playing the card game Sabacc to entertain themselves. While they played, they talked about inconsequential things, before the topic took a more serious turn and they strayed into the territory of past relationships, or in Rey’s case a lack of.

“So, Ben was your first?” Rose asked incredulously.

Rey looked at the young engineer in amusement, wondering why Rose found that so shocking. “Why does that surprise you?”

“I don’t know.” Rose mused. “You always come across as so self-assured and confident. I just assumed.”

“There wasn’t much opportunity to indulge in relationships on Jakku. I was too busy just trying to stay alive and not starve. And the men I did come across were just rogues and pirates, and I avoided them at all costs.” Rey shrugged as she dealt another round of cards.

“I’m so sorry. It was a crass assumption to make. I didn’t think.” Rose apologised.

“Please don’t apologise, Rose.” Rey hastened to assure her. “I don’t dwell on it and neither should you. Anyway, what about you?”

“Oh, I was no Paige.” Rose sighed, referring to her much experienced older sister. “I had a few dalliances, but nothing serious.”

Rey looked at Rose in sympathy as she saw the flash of pain cross her face at the mention of her dead sister. “You must miss her.”

“Every day.” Rose gave her a sad smile. She swiped at her eyes as she picked up her cards and studied them. She was quiet for a minute, glancing at Rey often as if trying to summon up the courage to ask another question.

It didn’t take Rey long to notice Rose’s enquiring gaze. She pushed her own cards away and looked at Rose speculatively. “Is there something else you wanted to ask me?”

“Its nothing.” Rose murmured, her cheeks flushing slightly.

“It doesn’t look like nothing.” Rey probed gently. “Whatever it is I don’t mind. Ask away.”

Rose exhaled slowly as if reaching a decision. She abandoned her own cards and shifted awkwardly in her seat. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. It’s just that I….” She hesitated, looking troubled. “I just wondered how you managed to get past what Ben did when he was…”

“Kylo Ren.” Rey finished for her.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.” Rose apologised again, her cheeks flaming red now with embarrassment. “Its none of my business.”

“It’s okay.” Rey assured her with a gentle smile.

Reassured that she hadn’t overstepped the mark, Rose decided to carry on. “I mean do you separate them as two different men…Kylo and Ben. One is so different from the other.”

Rey’s expression turned thoughtful. “No, I don’t. They’re the same person. Kylo will always be a part of what makes Ben the man he is. I loved Kylo before he reclaimed his true name of Ben Solo. What he did in the past can’t be changed and won’t be forgotten, he can only grow from those experiences and atone moving forward. The way he is trying to overcome his past just makes me love him even more.”

“So, you believe that a person can change for the better if given the chance?” Rose sounded desperate for reassurance.

“I believe that no one should solely be defined by their past actions, everyone is capable of change. We are what we grow beyond.” Rey said philosophically.

Rose giggled. “Is that a quote you read somewhere?” She teased.

“Probably.” Rey joined in her laughter as she reached for the cards again, but immediately tensed when she felt a terrifying swathe of familiar dark force signatures rolling toward her like a death wave. She paled considerably, her hazel eyes widening in alarm. She didn’t have time to warn Rose as the doors to her quarters slid open to reveal the cursed Knights of Ren in full body armour with weapons drawn.

Rose let out a horrified scream at the Knights terrifying appearance. Rey pushed the frightened young engineer roughly behind her as she called for her own weapon. Her saber flew into her hand at her command. She ignited it, calling upon the Force to aid her as she faced down the intimidating Knights.

One of them stepped forward. “So, the face of Kylo’s mistress is finally revealed to be the Scavenger all along.” The knight sneered, revealing himself as Vicrul. “You’ve led us a merry dance, young lady.” He continued in the same sardonic tone. “You have no idea of the difficulties we’ve had tracking you and Ren to this icy hellscape.”

“How did you even get in here?” Rey demanded as she tried to play for time.

“This place is riddled with tunnels. Once we got down here, it was easy to lock onto your Force signature and it led us right to you.”

“What do you want from me?” Rey tried to keep her voice steady as she spoke.

“A sacrifice of course. We told you that we would exact a price if you were to become one of us.” Vicrul reminded her pointedly.

“Are you insane?” Rey argued, holding her weapon tightly in her clenched fists. “It was all a ruse. An act. I was never going to be one of you.”

“We beg to differ, scavenger.” Vicrul laughed cruelly. “Or should I say Rey Palpatine! Yes, we know who you really are now. You are the granddaughter of the most powerful Sith lord that ever lived. No wonder Kylo wanted you for himself.”

Adrenaline flooded Rey’s system, it pumped and beat like it was trying to escape. Her heart felt like it was about to explode from the pressure. Rey already felt her body betraying her as the nausea began to well at the back of her throat. The adrenaline continued to surge so fast she almost vomited, she could taste saliva thickening in her throat and cold perspiration beaded her brow as she got ready to fight to the death.

**_A/N-thanks for reading! Please review if you have the time._ **


	40. The Pledge

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you very much to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Forty-Pledge **

Ben felt a painful throbbing behind his eyes. He hastily put down the package of medical supplies he was helping Poe load onto their ship. He immediately sensed something was wrong with Rey. He felt the insistent pumping of his heart against his chest. His fingers curled into a fist, nails digging into his palm. He tried to slow his rapid breathing as he concentrated on reaching out to Rey telepathically.

_“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”_

He was hit with wave upon wave of silent panic coming from Rey, as well as a host of blurry images. Ben focused on those images, the throbbing behind his eyes intensifying as he attempted to obtain a clearer visual definition. Slowly the images became sharper, more defined and distinct, almost like putting on a pair of glasses, the specialised lenses enhancing his surroundings. Fear engulfed his conscience, knocking all other thoughts aside at he saw the Knights of Ren surrounding Rey in a threatening circle. His fear tortured his gut, churning into tense cramps.

Poe was unaware of his silent agony as he joined Ben on the ramp. “You feeling alright, Solo? You don’t look well.”

The paralyzing fear for Rey’s safety spread through Ben’s body like icy, liquid metal. He was helpless, too far away to help her. He should never have left her unprotected. He had failed her in the worst way. Despair robbed him of all control as he reached out and gripped Poe’s shoulders. “The base has been breached. The Knights of Ren found a way in.”

The blood drained from Poe’s face and he suddenly looked as sickly as Ben. “How do you know that? How?”

“The bond.” Ben spat as he let go of Poe and bit down hard on his bottom lip. Salty blood filled his mouth as he tried to concentrate. Slowly, the cogs in his brain began to turn as he tried to work out a quick solution to his dilemma. He was too far away physically to help Rey in her battle, but he could reach her another way. He turned back to Poe and looked at him steadily, his resolution pushing through the veil of his fear. “You remember what Skywalker did on Crait?” He said hoarsely.

Poe’s frazzled mind took a moment to catch up. “He fought you, but….” He stopped speaking, his eyes widening slightly. “You can’t be serious!”

“It’s the only way I can get to her.” Ben was barely holding it together. “Skywalker fooled me with his Force projection, I can fool the Knights.”

“But the effort killed him.” Poe reminded Ben forcefully. “What good will you be to Rey dead?”

“I’m younger than Skywalker and stronger. It will take a lot of energy but it won’t kill me.” Ben’s brown eyes were alight with fervour as he stared at Dameron. “It’s the only way.”

Poe knew Ben well enough to know there was no changing his mind. “What do you want me to do, Solo?” He asked.

“Contact the base and send a warning.”

“That goes without saying.”

“And get us back there as fast as you can.”

“I can do that.” Poe watched the zeal die in Ben’s eyes slightly as he swallowed thickly. “And what else?” He coaxed gently.

“Dameron, I know it’s a small chance…. but if something does happen to me….” Ben left the rest unsaid.

“She’ll be looked after, Solo.” Poe vowed as he met Ben’s anxious gaze. “I promise.”

Ben was too choked with emotion to respond verbally so he just nodded. He wondered when he and Dameron had moved from reluctant allies to actual friends, because that’s what they were now, he was sure of it. Until Rey, Ben had been a loner most of his life. He didn’t trust easily, too many in his life had let him down, or used him for their own selfish purposes. Snoke and Palpatine had twisted and warped his perception of other people so badly that he struggled to read their intentions, always jumping to the worst conclusion possible, believing no one could actually like him just for himself. How wrong he had been, about everything.

* * *

Rey had used the time talking to Vicrul trying to assess her opponent’s weaknesses. The Knights of Ren were neither Jedi nor Sith, but members of a new generation of Force-sensitive adepts that emerged to fill the void left by the demise of the last Sith Lords. The Knights' connection to the Force was muted by a lack of formal training. The dark side surged through the Knights during combat, but Rey remembered Ben telling her once that they used the dark side like a hammer, whereas a fully trained Jedi knight wielded the light side as a blade.

While responding to Vicrul’s continued taunts, Rey noticed out of the corner of her eye that Rose had reached for the blaster that was lying on the card table and hidden it behind her back. The girl had gumption. The odds were against them, but when their backs were against the wall, Rose Tico wasn’t one to go down without a fight. Rey felt a familiar prickling at the back of her mind and knew instantly it was Ben trying to contact her, she didn’t have time to answer him directly but instead sent him a confusing jumble of images, her panic rising slightly at the knowledge that he might do something stupid knowing that her life was in imminent danger.

“We’re still waiting for an answer, Rey Palpatine. Who will you sacrifice?” Vicrul sneered.

Rey called upon the Force to steady her nerves as she faced down Vicrul with an imperious smile, imbuing her with a confidence she didn’t really feel. “You are giving me the freedom to choose?” She asked disdainfully.

Vicrul laughed, the cruel sound coming out muffled from under his intimidating mask. “There is no need to choose. We have a perfect candidate right here.” He declared, brandishing his weapon toward Rose. “Take her.” He ordered the others.

Rey felt a cold shiver ripple down her spine at the quiet gasp that Rose elicited. She stepped in front of her, shielding Rose from the Knights view. “Since when did Vicrul become your leader?” She demanded icily. She got the reaction she wanted out of them when she heard their rumblings of discontent.

“She’s right. We don’t take orders from you, Vicrul.” Trudgen shoved Vicrul aside roughly and took his place. “But what he said still stands. Make the sacrifice, Scavenger. We are fast losing patience.”

This was it. She had run out of time to stall. Rey glanced behind her at Rose, warning her to be ready. Rose looked back at her steadily, the forefinger of her right hand slipping the safety catch off the blaster as she prepared to defend herself. Resolved, Rey glared at the Knights disdainfully. “You want a sacrifice. I’ll…”

Rey’s answer was cut off when the doors to her quarters slid open revealing Ben on the other side. But he wasn’t wearing the clothes he had left in, but was in full Kylo Ren battle garb. His black cloak swirled behind him as he marched into the room, his solid presence and steely gaze causing the Knights to naturally part and clear a path for him. When he reached Rey, he looked deeply into her shocked eyes, conveying with his own for her to just follow along and trust him.

_“Ben, what have you done?”_ She moaned in fear when it dawned on her the risk he was taking.

Ben didn’t respond as he reluctantly broke their intense gaze and turned to face the confused Knights. They couldn’t work out how he had managed to conceal his presence from them. They reached out clumsily to the Force, searching for his unique Force signature, but other than an underlying hum, they couldn’t detect him.

“Is this some new trick you’ve learned, Kylo?” Vicrul snarled impatiently as he pushed past Trudgen and resumed his role as spokesman.

Ben ignored Vicrul’s blustering and scowled darkly. “What exactly are you all doing here?” He demanded.

“Following your last orders.” Kuruk piped up. “Hunting the scavenger.”

“But while we were on the hunt, we learned a few interesting facts.” Cardo added. “We heard rumours that our esteemed leader had switched sides.”

“We refused to believe them at first.” Kuruk continued ruthlessly. “So, we decided to do some digging ourselves.”

“And lo and behold they turned out to be true.” Ap’lek finished for them.

Ben’s eyes narrowed as he strode forward, his intimidating presence sending Ap’lek, the smaller knight, scuttling backwards. “You forget that you serve me and me alone.” He roared as he ignited his cross guarded saber. The red plasma blade shot out, crackling like an angry dragon’s flame as he swept it before him, driving the Knights further backwards as they tried to avoid its stinging bite.

But the Knights soon rallied, drawing together in a well-honed group with Vicrul at their head. “We serve a master, but it was never you, Kylo.” He jeered.

This shocking revelation caused Ben to falter. He lost concentration and the image he was projecting to the knights began to flicker. He tried to summon more energy to strengthen it, but his slip up had cost him dearly. With a loud war cry Trudgen leapt forward and struck at him, only to find his weapon going right through Ben.

“What in hell?” Trudgen cussed as he jabbed at Ben again, only to find the same thing happening.

“It is a trick!” Vicrul laughed in triumph as he approached Ben’s wavering image. “You’ll live to rue this day, Kylo.” He threatened as he levelled his scythe in Rey’s direction.

Ben felt himself weakening. He cast a desperate glance in Rey’s direction as his vision began to fade. She met his fearful gaze with equal desperation. Ben knew he was going to pass out at any moment as he lost the strength to maintain the Force projection. “ _Rey!_ ” He cried her name into the empty void as he sank into unconsciousness.

* * *

Rey’s breathing became erratic, deep, then shallow. She tried to fight it as well as fighting the rising fear inside her. Each time this happened part of her became stronger, learning how to cope, part of her weakened. To recover, she gave this new version of fear a name and she crowned it fear of failure. Against it she pit the fear of never trying, of failing through cowardice. This is how she always managed to keep moving forward, why others mistakenly thought she was brave. She wasn’t. A lifetime of harsh living had taught her how to push through fear better than other people.

_“I love you, Ben_.” She reached out to him telepathically even though she could feel him sinking into oblivion.

“Well, Rey Palpatine, we’re right back where we started.” Vicrul taunted her. “It’s time to make the sacrifice or die.”

“If you are so insistent that I make a sacrifice, then I choose you!” Rey cried; she summoned the Force to aid her as she launched her attack on Vicrul.

Behind her she heard a blaster go off as Rose backed her up, already scoring a hit on Trudgen who roared his defiance as the blaster bolt found its target. Rey battled Vicrul furiously, easily deflecting his weapon as he tried to use his greater height and strength to wear her down. Ap’lek came up on her other side and her free hand shot out as she swept him aside with the Force, slamming him into the opposite wall. Rose was using the back of the sofa to shield herself as she kept firing her blaster at the frustrated knights.

Rey sent another one of the knights flying as he came up behind her, froze another one in mid-air as he tried to back up Vicrul. But the effort was taking its toll. There were just too many of them and she wasn’t strong enough alone to maintain the momentum she needed to defeat them. Vicrul managed to get in a cruel strike, if it wasn’t for Rose’s expert marksmanship, she could have lost her hand as the blaster bolt hit Vicrul in his shoulder, forcing him to drop his weapon before it reached her wrist. It gave Rey the chance to sink her saber into his chest, wounding him fatally. He slumped to the ground, his death rattle sounding loud to her ears.

There was a sudden deathly silence. Rey, breathing hard, stared as the other knights drew back together into a tight knit unit with Trudgen taking Vicrul’s place at their head. As one they knelt down on one knee in front of her, bowing their heads respectfully.

“You completed the sacrifice as promised, Rey Palpatine.” Trudgen’s voice came out low and husky from underneath his helmet. “You have earned your place amongst us and we pledge ourselves to you as the granddaughter of the one true Emperor.”

Rey had no chance to respond as the Resistance fighters chose that moment to storm her quarters with Hux among them.

**_A/N-thanks for reading. Please review if you have the time._ **


	41. Palpatine's Curse

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Forty-One-Palpatine’s Curse **

_“You completed the sacrifice as promised, Rey Palpatine. You have earned your place amongst us and we pledge ourselves to you as the granddaughter of the one true Emperor.”_

Every individual member of the Resistance who stormed Rey’s quarters in defence of her had overheard Trudgen’s statement. She suddenly became the focus of everyone’s attention and not in a good way. Her secret had come out in the worst way possible and she was devastated. Rey faced down the many pairs of eyes, some confused, some betrayed, a few openly hostile. The knights had risen to their feet again, their weapons drawn and ready to deliver death to anyone who dared approach their newly appointed leader.

While everyone’s attention was focused on Rey, Hux used the opportunity to sneak over to Rose’s side. He bent down and helped her to rise, his relief palpable when he realised, she was just breathless from her recent exertions and not because she was injured.

“I’m okay, Armitage.” Rose assured him quietly as she looked around in confusion at the assembled group of Resistance fighters. She couldn’t understand why they had suddenly gone so silent and were staring in Rey’s direction with such judgemental eyes. She felt anger rising up inside her on Rey’s behalf as she pushed through the warm bodies separating her from her friend. Hux grimaced as he immediately followed in her wake, sensing that his beloved Rose was about to kick off in a big way.

C'ai Threnalli, an Abednedo male pilot who flew in the Resistance Starfighter Corps, was the first to step forward and question Rey. “Is what we just heard true?” He asked gruffly. His black eyes, small and filled with unease, bored into her.

C’ai’s eyes, and those of many of the others she had once counted as friends, observed her as if she was a total stranger. Rey knew they had already judged her and she hadn’t even spoken a word in her own defence. Her twisted heritage spoke for her. She suddenly knew how Leia must have felt when she was exposed by the Senate to be the daughter of the Sith Lord, Darth Vader. In that instant, Leia had lost all credibility and everyone suspected her-and even Luke-of being evil. The widespread shock and condemnation by those on the Senate she had once considered allies and friends, had killed her political career. Leia had deliberately kept it secret in order to protect herself and her family from condemnation such as this. In the end it had backfired, hurting not only her, but her marriage to Han, and ultimately her relationship with Ben. Rey had hidden the knowledge of her true origins for the same reasons Leia had, and now history was repeating itself and it was breaking her heart.

“Is it true?” C’ai demanded again. “Are you a Palpatine?”

Rey’s complexion had turned white as all the energy drained out of her. “Yes.” She said simply.

There was an explosion of noise as the Resistance fighters began to demand answers. Rey closed her eyes against the onslaught, swaying slightly on her feet. She felt strong fingers wrap around her upper arm to steady her. She opened her eyes wearily to find Trudgen looking down at her. Rey was astonished to see that he had removed his intimidating mask revealing the man underneath. She acknowledged he had done so as an element of trust. She was surprised at how ordinary he looked. His dirty blonde hair was long and fell almost to his shoulders. His skin was almost as pale as Hux’s. The most striking thing about him was his deep blue eyes that seemed to hold an ocean of secrets.

“See how quickly those you once considered friends turn on you, my lady. We’ve all been there.” He said as if giving her a hint of his own dark past. “On your command we will kill them all.”

Rey shook her head at him. She couldn’t even summon the energy to be angry at him. Death was a code the knights lived by. It was how they survived. They took what they wanted by force and woe betide anyone standing in their way. They didn’t even seem to care that she had essentially murdered their comrade in arms. Vicrul’s broken body lay like so much garbage on the ground. The knights hadn’t even given it a second glance since pledging their allegiance to her.

Their attention was caught by Rose who had managed to fight her way to the front. The petite engineer was bristling with anger, making her appear ten times taller than she actually was. Hux was standing guardedly by her side, his expression a mixture of pride and worry, as he fought the urge to pick her up and throw her over his shoulder so he could carry her out of there.

“What is wrong with you?” Rose yelled at the agitated group of Resistance fighters. “This is Rey we’re talking about.”

“She lied to us.” Rylan, one of the most senior technicians, retorted. “She’s a Palpatine.”

There were many murmurings of agreement to that statement.

“And you have bad breath, Rylan.” Rose snapped back at him. “But we don’t hold your personal hygiene against you, do we?”

Rylan blushed red from the roots of his hair to the nape of his neck with mortification. C’ai let out an impatient snort as he shoved the embarrassed technician to one side. “This is no time to make a joke, Rose Tico.” He admonished her. “This is a serious matter.”

Hux counted to ten in his head as he watched Rose’s temper begin to boil over. Once upon a time he had been on the receiving end of it himself. She looked as magnificent now as she had back then when she had defiantly stood up for herself against him and the whole First Order. He wore the scar on his hand where she had bitten him with pride. It tingled now as if warning him that it was time to intervene before she did something she might regret. He cleared his throat to gain her attention.

“What is it, Armitage?” She rounded on him impatiently.

Hux inclined his head so he could whisper into her ear without being overheard. “There are some battles that you cannot win, especially against an Abednedo. They are as tough and stubborn as their thick bluish brown hide suggests. I think it would be in our best interests to withdraw and let the situation simmer down instead of continuing to inflame it.”

Rose slowly calmed down as she let Hux’s words of advice sink in. Of course, he was right. Arguing was pointless and only adding fuel to the flames. The situation needed to be diffused quickly. Maybe once everyone had cooled off, they would actually be able to realise they were letting their stupid fears and prejudices rule their heads instead of common sense. She was about to try another tactic and reason with C’ai and the others when Rey took control of the situation herself.

* * *

Rey felt exposed as she faced the very people who had should have had her back, but were now glaring at her with judgemental eyes. She was tired, so damn tired. Weary to the bone. She reached out to Ben telepathically but there was no response. She could still feel him, their connection flowed around her like fine wine, but he remained unconscious and out of reach for now. She was on her own. Her breaths came shallow in her chest as if the revelation of her bloodline had wound itself so tightly around her that she would soon suffocate.

As Rey stared at the sea of faces, she knew that anything she said in defence of herself was pointless. The way the news had come out about her connection to Palpatine would forever overshadow everything she had ever done for the Resistance. She was the granddaughter of one of the most powerful Sith lords that ever lived. She was tainted by association. They couldn’t hold Sidious responsible for his crimes but they could hold her accountable. Every wrong he did would be directed at her. The damage was done. At this point she was toxic.

“I have fought alongside all of you countless times in battle.” She called out hollowly. “Have you forgotten? Are your memories so short? Am I to be held accountable for an accident of birth?”

“You say that and yet surround yourself with darkside users.” C’ai countered boldly as he became the natural spokesperson for the others. There were a few murmurings of discontent, but most of the Resistance stood with him, their mistrustful glares encompassing the remaining Knights of Ren who stood guard beside her. “We heard them pledge allegiance to you. You are the mistress of Kylo Ren, you invite traitors and spies into our midst and allow them to roam free.” He accused, pointing a quavering finger in Hux’s direction.

Hux suddenly found himself unexpectedly in the spotlight and he glowered silently at all the accusing eyes. Rose’s temper was on the boil again as she prepared to jump to his defence, but Rey claimed everyone’s attention again as she stepped forward, her hazel eyes scanning the agitated crowd.

“So, this is what you think of me?” Rey bit the inside of her cheek as she struggled to keep her composure.

Rylan came to join C’ai, seemingly having gotten over his earlier embarrassment. He glared at Rey balefully. “Your machinations have been exposed, Rey Palpatine. I never trusted you from the start.” He declared spitefully, playing up to his audience. “What better way for a pair of upstart darkside users to gain power over us by infiltrating the Resistance and gaining our trust while slowly poisoning it from the inside. History speaks for itself. Isn’t that exactly how her own grandfather rose to power after all. He rose from being a senator from a relatively obscure planet to chancellor of the entire senate in a short period of time and you all know what happened after that. This one may wear a prettier face, but how long will it be before we are all bowing down before another Sith Lord?"

Rey tuned out the accusing voices as nausea overwhelmed her. Her tiredness came in both forms, physical and mental. Her body needed to rest yet her mind needed it to move, to burn the anxiety right out. She was past the point of endurance.

The voices came back into focus as she concentrated on the crowd in front of her. “Your decision is made.” She said, cutting right through Rylan’s speech. “I leave you with this-General Leia Organa Solo was the natural born daughter of Vader and you trusted and followed her. But still you presume to judge me?”

Everyone had fallen silent now as they absorbed her words. Rey was too weary to see whether her little speech had an impact on them or not. She just wanted to get out of there and put some space between the Resistance and those who had doubted and accused her. She turned to face Trudgen. “Where is your ship?” She demanded in a low voice.

“We left the Night Buzzard on the surface.” Trudgen informed her.

“Then take me to it.” Rey said listlessly. “We leave now to rendezvous with Be…. Kylo’s ship.” She stumbled over her words as she swayed on her feet.

Trudgen caught her arm again to steady her. “Are you ill, my lady?” He asked.

“I’ve been awake for twenty-four hours straight with no sleep and little food. In that time, I’ve had to fight to the death and faced down a hostile crowd. Wouldn’t that make you a little tired, Trudgen?” She snapped at him.

“Good point.” Trudgen conceded with a smirk. “As for the hostile crowd, just say the word and we…”

“No.” Rey cut in sourly.

“As you wish.” Trudgen left her and relayed her orders to the other knights.

“Rey?” Rose said anxiously as she approached. “You’re not really leaving, are you?”

“They’ve given me no other choice.” Rey answered wearily. “When Poe returns to the base, maybe he can make them see reason. But for now, its best if Ben and I keep our distance. The knights will take me where I need to go.”

“You can’t seriously trust them, Rey.” Rose argued.

“I trust them about as much as everyone here trusts me right now. I’ll keep my guard up don’t worry.” Rey caught Rose’s hands in hers. “Take care of yourself, Rose.”

“No, I won’t let you go off alone. I’m coming with you.” Rose stated firmly, her tone brooking no argument.

“Rose, I can’t ask you to do that.” Rey pleaded.

“You didn’t ask me. Its my decision.” Rose gave Rey a wan smile. “I’ll just need a moment to pack a few things, okay.” She gave Rey a quick hug before she could protest further and then left to join Hux, who was waiting at the entrance to Rey’s quarters. “I guess this is goodbye for a while, Armitage.” She explained hurriedly, not quite able to meet his eyes. “I’m leaving with Rey.”

Her confession didn’t come as a surprise to Hux. It was exactly the kind of noble thing she would do. “I would advise concealing several blasters about our persons. The knights are known to be very unpredictable. I should know.” He said sombrely.

“Does that mean you’re coming with me, Armitage?” Rose asked, her cheeks flushing slightly as she finally allowed her eyes to meet his.

“Where else would I go?” Hux said with a small smile.

**_A/N-thanks for reading! Please review if you have the time._ **


	42. Trapped in the Mind

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Forty-Two-Trapped in the Mind **

_"I'm being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain. And I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?"_

Ben was reliving his worst nightmare.

_"Yes. anything_."

Ben was in his own body but he didn’t have any control over it. As soon as Han uttered those fateful words, he knew his father was doomed to die all over again. He couldn’t bear it. He was screaming internally, begging his father to run, to run for his life, but Han remained in front of him. Struggling to stop himself taking out his lightsaber, he watched as his father took hold of it.

Ben knew that Rey was watching him from afar with Finn and Chewbacca. He tried to reach out to her telepathically, begging her to help him stop this madness. As the Starkiller finished draining the star it orbited to power the weapon, and the light on the planet died out, the saber ignited seemingly of its own accord and impaled his father through the torso. A mortally wounded Han touched his face one last time, looking deep into his eyes, before falling to his death in the bowels of the oscillator.

From somewhere high above came Rey’s scream of horror followed by Chewie’s roar of anguish. Ben waited for the enraged Wookie to fire the powerful shot from his bowcaster but it never came. Instead, in the time it took him to blink he found his father standing in front of him again…

* * *

The Night Buzzard was a modified Oubliette-class transport, originally a dungeon ship on Osseriton, a penal world in the Unknown Regions. The vessel was liberated by the Knights during a raid on the planet alongside many prisoners. The Knights made several alterations to the Night Buzzard to better suit their tastes, such as altering the vessel's appearance to match their dark side aesthetic. The vessel's engines were also crudely modified to generate more thrust, although this took a toll on the insulation baffles, causing the Buzzard to spew noxious gas as it flew. It was well armed, with a forward laser cannon turret, a mid ship laser cannon turret, a rear heavy laser cannon turret, and rear-facing fixed laser cannons.

The Night Buzzard served as the home of the Knights of Ren, as well as their transport, which went a long way to explain the absolute state of the inside the ship. Everything was in disarray, with utensils, weapons and even clothing haphazardly strewn about. None of them liked to think about the last time anything had been cleaned. For Hux, who was fastidious about cleanliness and personal hygiene, it was particularly galling. While Kuruk made his way to the cockpit to pilot the ship, the other knights just kicked their way through the detritus to find a seat.

“What were you expecting, my lady?” Trudgen said to Rey when he caught the grimace on her face. “I thought with your background you would be used to roughing it.”

“There’s roughing it and purposely living in squalor because you’re too lazy to maintain an orderly ship.” Rey answered as she tried to contain a sneeze when dust blew up into her face.

“Was that an insult?” Ap’lek sneered as he removed his helmet for the first time. He appeared older than Rey had thought by the sound of his voice, he was completely bald on top, but sported a long shaggy brown beard. “You’re quite welcome to clean the place up if it makes you feel better, your highness.”

Trudgen laughed under his breath when he saw Rey scowl. “I think you’ve upset our queen with that little comment, Ap’lek. Remember she did kick your ass.”

“Not mine. Vicrul’s.” Ap’lek said sourly.

“Didn’t she force freeze you?” Cardo waded into the argument as he removed his own mask to reveal a very boyish looking face, dark skin and a shiny cap of black hair.

“Didn’t she send you flying against the wall?” Ap’lek retorted angrily.

Rey fancied she could smell the testosterone in the air as Ap’lek and Cardo began to face off against one another. Trudgen stood back watching them in amusement. Rey refrained from rolling her eyes as she exchanged an irritated glance with Rose. She guessed these petty fights probably happened on a daily basis. Having a group of darkside force users cooped up together on a ship for extended periods, things were bound to kick off.

Before the two knights had a chance to begin tearing chunks out of each other, Rey swept them apart with the Force, causing them to shoot her annoyed scowls. “You’d be better off spending all your pent-up energy cleaning up the place than fighting each other.” She ordered them.

Trudgen just laughed as he ran his fingers through his dirty blonde hair. “You heard the lady. Start clearing up some of this junk. It was about time anyway.” He kicked a stray piece of metal on the floor to make his point.

“You better be including yourself in that, Trudgen.” Ap’lek glowered ferociously.

“Not me.” Trudgen said with a wicked grin. “I have other duties to perform, like showing her worshipfulness to her new quarters. Have fun, idiots.”

Ap’lek and Cardo bristled with anger, but another glare from Rey had them backing down from another fight. Instead, with many muttered oaths under their breath, they began to reluctantly go about the menial task of cleaning up the ship.

* * *

“Your man used to bunk here in the old days before he became too superior.” Trudgen revealed as the doors slid open. Unlike the rest of the Buzzard, Ben’s old quarters were austere and meticulously clean.

“Thanks, Trudgen.” Rey said wearily as she stepped inside. Rose and Hux had already been shown to their own quarters. Rose’s was perfectly functional but Hux’s were particularly grim. Rey wondered whether Trudgen had done that on purpose considering the former animosity between Hux and the knights.

Trudgen noted the dark circles underscoring Rey’s eyes. She looked thin and drawn. “I suggest you take the time to catch some sleep until we rendezvous with Kylo’s ship. If you should hear any unusual noises just ignore them, you’ve seen how easily things can kick off around here.” He left her then, the doors sliding closed behind him.

When he was gone Rey slumped onto the cot in exhaustion. She felt her lightsaber press into her leg and she reached to bring it out, laying it down on the floor. She was tired as hell, her eyes heavy with a weariness that sank right into her bones. Tears welled in her eyes as she finally allowed herself to drop her defences and have a good cry. Loneliness was like a vice on her heart, squeezing with just enough pressure to be a constant pain. She had reached the limit of her endurance.

“Oh, Ben.” She cried slowly, with tears dripping down her cheeks and the soft hum of her own voice echoing throughout the room. She felt lost, helpless. Without her other half to keep her afloat it was like she was adrift in an endless ocean of isolation.

Rey lay down on her side, one hand drifting protectively over her curved abdomen. She breathed deeply, concentrating on the twins’ force signatures in a vain attempt to ease her loneliness. She could feel their latent energy, humming faintly beneath her fingertips. A single tear slid down the curve of her cheek as she took her hand away, rolling onto her back as her loneliness grew steadily until it dominated her emotions. What started out as a nagging feeling of sadness became so strong that it threatened to break her.

_“Ben! I need you, Ben. Please answer me. I’m drowning without you.”_ She called out to him wretchedly in her mind.

Her only answer was silence.

* * *

Ben was in torment.

_"We're not done yet."_

Ben had followed Rey and Finn into the forests outside of the oscillator, as they made their way back to the nearby Millennium Falcon, where he confronted them, lightsaber drawn. Internally he struggled to force his hand to drop the lightsaber, but he had no control over his limbs, his voice or any part of his body. Instead his soul remained trapped inside, a despairing witness to the crimes he continued to commit.

_“You’re a monster!”_

Rey’s words struck home as she raised her blaster to defend herself. Ben was close to tears, utterly despairing as he raised his arm and used the Force to throw her into a tree, knocking her unconscious. In his anguish at what he had done, he tried to wrest his way out of his own body to get to her, but his efforts were fruitless, the iron bars of his prison trapping his soul inside.

Now it was just him and Finn. Ben was barely aware of the fight that ensued between them, his inner focus remaining on Rey the entire time. The next time he became aware of anything other then Rey he had already overwhelmed and disarmed the former stormtrooper.

With the duel with Finn over Ben stood breathless in the snow, his breath fogging in the icy air in front of him. In frustration he tried to force his body to obey him, but he remained powerless as his attention turned to his grandfather’s lightsaber and attempted to use the Force to draw it into his hand. Instead, it flew past him and landed into Rey’s hands as she used the Force to call it to her-as if it was her destiny to wield the lightsaber of Anakin Skywalker. And it was. She looked so beautiful, so glorious, vital, strong and alive that Ben was completely awed.

He watched Rey ignite the weapon and to his horror he found himself propelling forward to engage her in a duel. He tried to stop himself, to draw back and beg her forgiveness, but he was locked in the intense duel, his body disobeying the chaotic thoughts flowing in his head. He already had the upper hand, remaining on the offense as he pressed his attack on Rey who was retreating from him. In desperation Ben called out to Rey telepathically, begging her to hear him, to understand that he wasn’t in control of what was happening. He saw a flicker of confusion in her hazel eyes as their blades became locked.

His taller frame hovered over hers, his greater strength and experience overwhelming hers. The light from their flickering sabers reflected in their eyes as their gazes locked just as tightly as their blades.

_“You need a teacher. I can teach you the ways of the Force.”_

This was it. This was the moment she would reject him, where the tide of the fight would turn against him and she would strike him down. He was eager for it, if it meant he would no longer be the one to hurt her. But then something changed, he saw the same confusion flicker in her eyes again as she mouthed his name. “ _Ben?”_

* * *

“Ben?” Rey awoke to a body caked in sweat. She stared around blearily, confusion clouding her vision. She’d been dreaming about the past, the night she had fought Ben for the first time on Starkiller base. It had felt so real. She slumped back on her pillows and closed her eyes again, the lingering tracks of her tears coating her cheeks. “ _Oh, Ben, please wake up. I need you. I miss you.”_

_“Rey?”_

His beloved voice was like a whisper on the wind. Her eyes shot open again as she tried to capture it and hold it close to her heart. “ _Ben? Talk to me, Ben. I heard you. Answer me, dammit.”_

Rey strained her ears to catch any tiny sound. At first, she thought she had been mistaken, that she hadn’t heard his voice at all, but then came his faint response. “ _Rey, sweetheart, I’m trapped_.”

A sliver of panic coursed through her as she tried to make sense of what he was saying. “ _Trapped where? I don’t understand.”_

_“In my mind, Rey. I’m stuck in the cycle of the past and I can’t wake up.”_

Understanding finally dawned on Rey as she realised her strange dream hadn’t been a dream at all. It was Ben all along. “ _Were you on Starkiller_?” She asked fervently.

“ _Can you see me?”_ Came his frantic response. “ _I thought I saw recognition in your eyes. Please tell me that was you?”_

_“I saw you, Ben, I saw you!”_

_“I was hurting you. But I couldn’t make myself stop. I wasn’t in control. I’m still not…Rey….”_ Ben was inconsolable.

“ _You didn’t hurt me. That’s the past. Its not real. I’m going to come to you. We’ll find a way out of this together, Ben. We’ll find a way to wake you up. I promise._ ” Rey vowed as she crawled back onto the cot and clenched her eyes shut. She concentrated hard, picturing Ben as he looked in the dream.

**_A/N-thanks for reading! Please review if you have the time._ **


	43. Breaking the Cycle

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you very much to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._**

** Chapter Forty-Three-Breaking the Cycle **

Following Ben in his dream state was exhausting. Rey felt like she was constantly trying to play catch up, that she was always one step behind from being able to reach him either physically or telepathically. After Starkiller he had jumped from one significant event in his life to another, usually the ones that caused him the most pain. The one place she had hoped to reach him was when he relived the memories of their Force bonds-the moment they touched hands, both buried deep within their loneliness, knowing they were the only ones who understood each other’s pain-Rey believed she could see Ben looking at her through Kylo’s eyes. He was so close. She desperately tried to push the boundaries, to pull Ben toward her, but Luke chose that moment to interrupt, collapsing the hut around them and breaking their tentative connection. Rey wanted to scream in frustration, but the scene had already shifted to Snoke’s throne room and the precious moment was lost.

_“Rey. I want you to join me. We can rule together and bring a new order to the galaxy.”_

Rey stood in front of Ben, her tortured gaze flicking to his outstretched hand. Oh, how she wanted to rip that thick leather glove off his hand so they could touch skin on skin, just like on Ahch-to before Luke interrupted them. She tuned him out when he started rambling on about her parents and how she was ‘nothing’ but not to him. He was laying his emotions bare even as he tried to subtly manipulate her at the same time in a vain attempt to get his own way. Rey felt her mouth moving as she spouted the same responses she had given in the past. It was just another frustrating element to this journey that she was unable to break free from the same script as before. It was like they were acting in a well-rehearsed play. Soon she would raise her hand and attempt to pull her lightsaber back to her.

Rey was getting desperate, she felt like time was beginning to dissolve in on itself. It was trickling through her fingers so fast that she was sure she was losing her last chance to save Ben from the horrors of his own mind. He was locked in a cycle of self-flagellation. She longed for the same telepathic connection they had managed to sustain so briefly before she had chosen to follow him into his own personal hell to rescue him. Rey knew she needed to shake things up, to change the course of events because once the scene shifted from Snoke’s throne room, she was sure it would move to Crait and she would lose her last chance to break the cycle before it started all over again and trapped Ben permanently in his own mind.

Perspiration broke out on Rey’s brow as the mental strain began to take its toll. She was running on pure adrenaline now. Concentrating hard she tried to stop herself reaching for the saber.

Ben was watching her intently, his chin quivering slightly as he tried to contain his emotions. _“Please_.” He urged, his voice cracking as he took another small step forward and motioned with his hand for her to take it.

The emotional emphasis he placed on that one word nearly broke her resolve just like it had the first time. Damn him! Rey felt her body betray her as she slowly lifted her hand in the direction of his. She noted the gleam of relief in his dark brown eyes as he extended his hand eagerly in anticipation of finding hers. Rey maintained eye contact with him, her own glimmering with moisture as she cried in her head for him to hear her, to connect with her. Ben was in there somewhere she could tell, lost underneath the mantle of Kylo Ren, powerless to reach her as she was him.

Rey wished they could stop moving forwards and just exist in that moment together. Not thinking. Not breathing. Just not apart. Her hand was almost level with his, she could feel the Force humming beneath her fingertips in readiness to call the lightsaber back to her. She fought against it, willing her mouth to open, to improvise and change the script. Rey felt her breathing intensify with the effort to part her lips, to speak, to say something, anything to stop this madness…

Then.

At last.

A breakthrough!

_“Why don’t you think you’re enough?”_

The fervent light died in Ben’s eyes and his hand faltered, lowering slightly as he absorbed what she was saying.

_“Do you really think you have to offer me the galaxy in order to entice me to accept your hand? To want to be with you?”_

Uncertainty dominated his features as he withdrew his hand completely, his arm dropping back down to his side. This was new. This was different. He was considering her words. Relief drained through her. It travelled through every cell to reach the ground, ending in pure exhaustion.

_“I don’t want to rule the galaxy. I don’t want power. All I want is you. I see the real you. I always have. Ben Solo will always be enough for me.”_

Her hazel eyes shone with compassion as she spoke. Her words were honest, truthful and full of more love for Ben Solo then he could ever hope to understand, because he really believed no one could ever love him for himself alone, for who could love a monster?

_“I love you. "_

Breathy gasps reverberated in the air. Rey was crying. Salty tears flowed into her mouth as she bared her soul to him. She dropped her gaze to her shaking hands. She was so tired, so very tired of fighting.

_“You love me?”_

His tentative question, his voice cracking like splintered glass with so much doubt, broke her heart. He still wouldn’t let himself believe it.

Rey smiled sadly through her tears as she raised her eyes back to his. “Yes.” She said simply.

Kylo Ren shattered in front of her, revealing the remnants of Ben Solo, raw and exposed, underneath. “Rey, sweetheart.” He called to her.

It was her Ben who spoke. She had found him. She had done it. Broken the cycle.

Rey didn’t hesitate as she ran into his open arms.

* * *

Ben jerked awake. His head was hammering as if he had drunk a whole crate of Correllian whisky. He swore an oath under his breath as he tried to rise unsteadily to his feet.

“Woah there!” Poe loomed above him, his voice sounding loud and intrusive to Ben’s ears.

“Where…?” Ben tried to get his mind to focus but the ghastly hammers continued to plague him as Dameron helped him to stand. He licked his lips to moisten them. His throat felt dry and parched. “Where’s Rey?” He asked groggily.

“We’ll be rendezvousing with her ship in another few hours. Don’t worry.” Poe’s concerned face finally swam into view as he offered Ben a drink. “Take this.” He said, passing him a flask of warm water.

Still heavily disorientated, Ben had trouble unscrewing the cap. He was all fingers and thumbs. Poe ended up doing it for him. He muttered his thanks and lifted the flask to his lips, drinking the water greedily. He ended up draining the whole flask. He passed the empty vessel back to Poe, feeling more revived now he had quenched his thirst.

“How long was I out for?” He questioned hoarsely.

“A day and half.” Poe revealed with a faint smile. “You really had me worried for a while there, Solo. I don’t like the feeling. Don’t do it again.”

“I don’t plan on it.” Ben mumbled as he rubbed his aching temples. “Did you say Rey was on a ship?” He double checked.

“Yes.” Poe hesitated a beat, worried how Ben was going to react when he learned exactly what ship she was travelling on. He just hoped Solo wasn’t in the mood to kill the messenger. “She’s on the Night Buzzard.”

As Poe expected, Ben lost it. He reached out and grabbed the lapels of Poe’s shirt, dragging him forward, his dark brown eyes blazing. “The Knights have taken her prisoner? How in the hell did that happen? Where were the damned Resistance?” He demanded.

Poe matched his angry glare as he fought his way out of Ben’s stranglehold on his shirt. “Pull yourself together, Solo. You manhandle me like that again and you’ll find a blaster in her your face.”

The fire died in Ben’s eyes a little as he regarded Dameron guiltily. He hadn’t meant to lose control, but still his apology stuck in his throat. He reached out to Rey through the Force, but he got no reaction from her, meaning she was either shutting him out deliberately or sleeping. He hoped it was just the latter.

“What happened, Dameron? Please, I need to know.” He asked gruffly.

Poe rolled his shoulders to relieve the tension in his muscles before answering. He found it difficult to meet Ben’s eyes as he reluctantly revealed what had driven Rey away from Echo base and the Resistance to take sanctuary on the Knight of Ren’s ship.

“They found out she was a Palpatine, Solo.” Poe said with a heavy sigh. “They couldn’t accept it and drove her away.”

**_A/N-thanks for reading. Please review if you have the time._ **


	44. Emotional Reunion

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Forty-Four-Emotional Reunion **

Ben’s gaze fell like an act of violence, a glare ferocious enough to stop any man’s heart. The Knights of Ren didn’t cower, they were used to getting such looks from him, and worse.

Trudgen, the reluctant spokesman, stepped forward, his own mulish stare no match for Ben’s. “Our lady is alive and well, and resting in your old quarters right now, Kylo.”

“If I find you’ve harmed one hair on her head…” Ben threatened.

“She’s fine.” Trudgen scowled in annoyance.

“No thanks to you!” Ben snarled. There was a flash of red as he ignited his saber, the blade quivering just below a pulsing vein in Trudgen’s neck.

The other knights immediately withdrew. If Trudgen got killed that was on him. Death was a price they paid for the life they lived. They were loyal to each other only when it served their own best interests. They showed little sympathy for his plight, instead reaching for their own weapons to defend themselves if they ended up on the receiving end of Kylo Ren’s ire.

Trudgen threw his comrades an icy glare as he clumsily used his own weapon to knock the quivering red blade to one side. He wasn’t afraid. He knew if Kylo really wanted to kill him he would have been a smoking heap of ashes right now. “You’ve gone soft.” He sneered as he rubbed a hand over his throat.

Fury blurred Ben’s sight but he tightened his jaw as he tried to rein it in. Rey would be upset with him if he fell into old habits and killed Trudgen just for the sake of it. “If you don’t want to end up like Vicrul then I suggest you shut your mouth.” He warned as he shut down his saber and hooked it back on his belt. “I’m going to see Rey and I don’t want to be disturbed.”

There were dark mutterings amongst the knights. Ap’lek, emboldened by Trudgen’s narrow escape, stepped forward and stroked his shaggy brown beard with fingers encased in oil and grime. “It seems you have forgotten that we no longer answer to you.”

Trudgen laughed heartlessly. “By the murderous look in his eyes I doubt that he really cares. I think you’re about to lose that beard you are so proud of.”

Ap’lek let out a shocked yell as Ben’s saber reappeared in his hand within a blink of an eye. He swept the hissing red blade keenly under Ap’lek’s chin, cutting neatly through the wiry brown hairs of his long beard. The stunned knight was left with nothing but singed hairs coating his chin, while his associates rocked with laughter at his horrified expression.

Ben swivelled on his heels and left them, a grim smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as he went to find Rey.

* * *

Ben stealthily slipped into his old quarters on the Night Buzzard in order not to disturb Rey. Her exhaustion had driven her into the one of the deepest sleeps she’d had for weeks, and even though he was eager for their sweet reunion, he didn’t want it to come at the cost of her health. He could wait. Ben settled down on the cold floor beside her cot. His eyes were soft with love as he observed her roll onto her side. For the moment she looked peaceful, the fringes of her dark lashes cast shadows on the concave of her cheek. She was as beautiful as always. But way too thin. Ben had to fight the urge to curl up around her body as she turned around again, pulling the blanket up over her shoulder.

Rey remained oblivious for a long time. Ben wasn’t even aware when he went under himself. With broad chest rising and falling rhythmically, slow breathing, rapid eye movement, his sleep was fitful, his face remaining tense and strained throughout. When he jerked awake again, he found Rey still sleeping. Some of the tension left his face as he watched her for a while. Tenderness came brimming into his eyes as his heart thumped in accordance with her slow, shallow, breaths. Serenity was plastered across her lovely face. Whatever she was dreaming about she was at total peace. Ben actually envied her ability to suddenly become so oblivious to the physical world.

“I’ll be back, sweetheart.” He whispered as he pushed himself back onto his feet. His limbs were stiff with disuse, his back aching from being in a crouched position for so long. He leaned down and pressed a light kiss on her lips. He smiled when she unconsciously pursed her own lips in response. She was just too cute. He caressed her cheek lightly with his forefinger before reluctantly leaving her side.

* * *

Ben returned to the Resistance transport to find Poe in a deep discussion with Rose. Hux stood off to one side, his hands clasped behind his back as he listened to them talk about what had happened on Hoth. When his gaze landed on Ben, his lips drew down into an irritated scowl.

“Pleased to see me, Hux.” Ben greeted his old rival sardonically.

“Evidently.” Hux tried to rearrange his pale features into a neutral expression when he caught Rose looking his way.

“Hey, how’s Rey?” Poe asked solicitously when Ben reached him.

“She’s okay. She’s still sleeping actually.” Ben ran his fingers through his tousled hair, he was already itching to get back to her, but he wanted to talk to Dameron before he left on the transport to take the medical and food supplies back to the Resistance base. “What are you going to do when you get back to the base?”

“Kick some ass.” Poe replied sternly. “Rose has been filling me in on what went down there after the Knights showed up. It seems C’ai Threnalli was the main instigator with his friend Rylan backing him up.”

Ben didn’t know who he was talking about. He knew most of the Resistance fighters by their faces, but had never bothered to learn their names or who did what. He frowned at Poe. “Why would those two want to stir up trouble for Rey?”

“They were close friends with Beaumont.” Rose cut in, looking troubled. “I don’t think they ever really accepted that he could betray the cause like that.”

“If they were that close to the traitor then they’re probably in league with him.” Ben growled.

“I was close to Beaumont, too. And Kaydel. Does that make us guilty by association?” Rose bristled.

“Watch who you are accusing, Ren!” Hux blustered as he quickly jumped to Rose’s defence.

“Hush, Armitage.” Rose chided him gently, although she was secretly touched by his intervention on her behalf. “Let’s not fight amongst ourselves.”

“I wasn’t accusing you of anything.” Ben quickly apologised to Rose while at the same time ignoring a glowering Hux. “I’m sorry, I’m just….” His words failed him.

“I know.” Rose smiled in understanding. “No offence taken. We’re all worried about Rey.” Her smile faded and she sighed softly. “She didn’t deserve what they said to her. I am as bitterly disappointed in them as you are. She has sacrificed so much for the Resistance.”

“Which I will remind them of when I get back.” Poe promised as he brought the conversation back full circle. “Give me a day or two to calm everything down and then you can come back.”

Ben bit his tongue to stop himself issuing a retort about not coming back at all. He had to remember that Rey claimed a lot of these people as friends, even if they had treated her badly, she was magnanimous enough to forgive them. She didn’t hold onto grudges the way he did. “We’ll see.” He muttered instead.

“People make mistakes, Solo. We’re only human.” Poe said pointedly.

All Ben could do was nod. “You’ll need to start scanning for a new base. If the Knights managed to track the Resistance to Hoth, then others can too.”

“We were so careful.” Poe scratched his chin thoughtfully. “How did they manage to get past our defences?”

“Its what they’re good at.” Ben shrugged. “None of that matters now. Its what we do next that counts.”

“Agreed.” Poe looked at Ben speculatively. “What are you going to do about the Knights? Who exactly do they serve?”

“They’ll serve Rey for now because it suits their interests.” Ben’s brows drew down into another frown.

“But what is their ultimate goal?” Poe pressed. “You need to find out if they are going to be a continued threat or if they can be trusted.”

“Those maniacs can’t be trusted.” Hux interrupted scathingly. “They are nothing but feral vermin.”

“You should know.” Ben snapped.

“That’s uncalled for.” Rose was the one jumping to Hux’s defence this time as his face turned red with suppressed anger.

“We’re all on edge here.” Poe grabbed Ben’s arm and pulled him to one side. “I know you’ve been under a lot of pressure but you are not doing yourself any favours by jumping down everyone’s throats every five minutes.”

“You sound like my mother.” Ben deadpanned.

“I learned from the best.” Poe smiled grimly. “You need to keep it together, Solo. For Rey’s sake as well as your own.”

“I know.” Ben ran his fingers restlessly through his hair again.

“Look, I’ve got to go. Try not to kill old Huggsy while I’m gone, otherwise, you’ll have to answer to Ms. Tico over there.”

Amusement lit up Ben’s dark eyes for a moment. “I wouldn’t want that. If she didn’t kill me, Rey would for upsetting her friend.”

“Ha.” Poe grinned as he punched Ben lightly on the shoulder. “I’ll be in touch.” He promised before finally taking his leave.

* * *

With eyes still heavy with sleep, Rey hesitantly rubbed the dreams away. Thoughts of the visions she’d had in her sleep kept coming and going in waves, as she tried clinging on to the very last memory of her pleasant dreams but with little success. Slight movement from the corner of her eye had her scanning the room with bleary eyes. Ben stepped from the shadows, stealing her breath and the heat from her skin. Before she could draw in the air her body needed, she was out of bed and melting in his arms. She pressed against his firm torso and the heart that beats within. His hands folded around her back, drawing her closer. Rey began to shake, crying how much she had missed him, her frantic tears releasing all the tension that had built up inside of her in his absence.

After so long without him she felt she would die if he left again. She needed him like she needed the air to breathe. When she tried to speak her voice faltered into unintelligible croaks. She moved close enough to touch, his dark eyes looked so vulnerable, so anxious. Ben raised his hand to touch her hair lightly, before drifting down to her cheek in the gentlest caress. With each soft touch more tears fell, tears neither could be bothered to wipe away.

“I am never leaving your side again.” He promised, his lips hovering enticingly over hers.

In a moment Rey pressed her lips against his, she felt his body loosen and hands touch her shoulders. She smiled beneath the salty tears as he deepened the kiss. She rose to meet him eagerly, slipping her arms around his neck as one of his wrapped around her waist, lifting her right off her feet.

“I love you so much.” Ben murmured between kisses. He adored everything about her. He loved the way her small body melted into his. The way their lips fit like two puzzle pieces. The way she relented as he played with her hair and held her tighter and tighter. Never wanting to let her go.

**_A/N-thanks for reading. Please review if you have the time._ **


	45. Kuruk's Confession

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Forty-Five-Kuruk’s Confession **

Eight weeks had passed since they had taken sanctuary on the Night Buzzard. The interior of the vessel was totally unrecognisable from the tip it had been when they had first boarded the ship. Rey, beyond livid with the Knights slovenly ways and constant bickering, had taken them to task. Much to Ben’s amusement she had introduced a rigorous daily training regime for the Knights, thinking that they could take out their aggression in more pro-active ways then tearing verbal and physical chunks out of each other just because they were bored. The men had protested hotly at first, they may have pledged themselves to serve her, but that didn’t mean they were willing to be treated like wayward children by a woman. But Rey, suddenly full of renewed energy now that she was finally past the difficult first trimester, just rode roughshod over them, herding them like cattle as she forced them to take her lead.

Now Rey was eating and sleeping better, she was in a much fitter state of mind and chaffing at the bit to get back into training herself. She enforced a daily meditation ritual to begin the day before introducing the revised exercise regime. She enjoyed sparring sessions with Ben, which invigorated both of them. He had been reluctant at first, worried because of the pregnancy, it took a lot of persuasion on her part to get him to agree. He was unwilling to raise a weapon against her again, but she insisted she needed to carry on with her training and he was the best person to teach her. She was feeling stronger now, she had regained some of the weight she lost and was eager to learn, to improve her skill and techniques. After their first sparring session passed without incident, Ben began to relax and found he enjoyed teaching and passing his knowledge onto her. Rey loved listening to him break down individual moves, was captivated by the analytical way he approached things and made them easier to understand. She could see he was in his element and often wondered, if his life had taken a different path, whether he would have taken on a more academic role, such as a teacher or scholar. He had a soothing voice, was endlessly patient when she found a particular move especially difficult.

Rose sometimes joined them during their morning meditation and wherever she was, Hux wasn’t far behind. Ben wasn’t too pleased about Hux invading their personal space, but eventually learned to tolerate his former rival to keep the peace. When Rose and Hux weren’t joining in the morning meditation, the two of them would spend the day tinkering with things on the ship, much to the Knights dissatisfaction. At first, they put up a heated protest when they found Rose disabling one of the rear canons, only to backtrack hours later when she put it all back together and pointed out the extent of the modifications she had made. Rose suddenly found herself with an unexpected fan club much to her surprise and Hux’s intense displeasure. The more technical minded of the Knight’s, Cardo-who had an obsession with weapon modification-began to follow her around, completely enamoured by her engineering skills.

With life falling into a steady routine for Ben and Rey, Poe had been busy negotiating with the other Resistance members for their return. The Resistance had moved from their temporary base on Hoth and relocated to a small moon orbiting Lonania Prime. It was a location that had been scanned as a possible site for the old Rebel Alliance in the past by General Jan Dodonna prior to his death. The moon was similar to Ahch-to, in that it was mostly covered in water, with numerous rocky islands blanketed with green trees. The island they had settled on had large natural underground caverns which served as an excellent base for the Resistance.

On one of his daily briefings with Ben and Rey, Poe finally told them he had managed to calm the situation down enough that it was safe to return.

“You mean they’ve been missing the extra protection only we can provide.” Ben said sarcastically.

Poe’s holographic figure flickered in front of them as he let out a heavy sigh. “Life has been tougher without you both here. But a lot of them are genuinely sorry about the way they treated Rey. They let their fears get the better of them.”

“And what about the instigators?” Ben demanded.

“C’ai and Rylan have been put in their place don’t worry. They won’t cause anymore trouble.” Poe promised. He let out another weary sigh. He sounded completely exhausted. Shouldering the burden of leading the Resistance alone was taking a heavy toll on him. “Look, guys, I need you back.” He admitted. “I can’t do this on my own. With you and Finn gone….”

Rey looked at Poe sympathetically. She could only imagine the strain he had been under. “We’ll make preparations to leave right away.” She assured him.

“Thank you.” Poe’s relief was obvious. “It’ll be good to have you back.”

“We’ll be in touch soon, Dameron.” Ben said sternly as he cut off the communication abruptly.

“Ben!” Rey cried in exasperation. “I wasn’t finished talking.”

“And I don’t want to go back!” He retorted bitterly.

His admission didn’t really come as any surprise to Rey because deep down she felt exactly the same. Living aboard the Night Buzzard with a bunch of dark side Force users, along with Rose and Hux, wasn’t ideal, but putting all that to one side, it had been a peaceful interlude from the all the trials that had plagued them since leaving the Resistance. Going back meant putting themselves right back in the eye of the storm again.

“I’m not ready.” Ben admitted honestly when he saw the understanding flash in Rey’s eyes.

“I’m not, either. But we don’t have a choice.” Rey closed her eyes and breathed a lungful of air as Ben pulled her onto his lap. She rested her ear against his broad chest and let the soothing sound of his heart beat fill her ears. Just thinking about returning to the Resistance made her more anxious, more fearful. Just like Ben. In her quiet contemplation she knew they had to go back, but that didn’t mean that she wasn’t allowed to be upset about leaving the sanctuary that had provided them with a modicum of peace these last few weeks. Ben was like her human shield as he wrapped his arms around her and held her close.

* * *

Ben left it to Rey to tell Rose and Hux about the impending return to the Resistance while he went to find Kuruk. Kuruk was the most solitary of the Knights. In addition to his role as the group's rifleman, he served as the pilot of the Night Buzzard. Noted for his precision marksmanship, he could be found perched on a high vantage point, covering an assault conducted by his fellow Knights. Kuruk had been the only one who had flatly refused to join in the vigorous training regime that Rey had imposed on his fellow knights. Knowing how much of a loner he was, Ben had persuaded Rey to let Kuruk go his own way, and after her entreaties fell on deaf ears she had finally agreed.

Ben found Kuruk in the cockpit, piloting alone. Cardo was supposed to have taken over from him hours ago, but had shirked his duty as usual. Kuruk gave Ben his usual death glare as he settled down in the co-pilots seat.

“You don’t need to take over, Kylo.” He complained, annoyed at his personal space being invaded. “I’m perfectly fine.”

“I didn’t come here to take over.” Ben explained as he began to punch in a new set of co-ordinates.

“Doesn’t look like it.” Kuruk growled suspiciously. He was the oldest of all the knights. He wore his numerous battle scars with pride, but being such a loner, he was hard person to get to know. “What is this?”

“The new location for the Resistance base.” Ben settled back in the co-pilots seat.

“So, you’re going back then?” Kuruk said uneasily.

“That was always the plan.” Ben regarded Kuruk thoughtfully, something about the way the guy was acting troubled him. “Do you have a problem with that?”

“Why should I have a problem?” Kuruk avoided Ben’s stern gaze as he concentrated his attention on the ship’s controls.

“You tell me. I can sense something is bothering you.” Ben demanded as he sat forward in his seat. He reached out with the Force, subtly trying to probe Kuruk’s mind in an attempt to understand his uneasiness.

“Get out of my head, Kylo.” Kuruk said darkly as he reached for his blaster only to watch it whip past his head and into Ben’s open hand. He scowled in frustration as Ben grabbed his tunic and pointed the blaster to the side of his head.

“Don’t play games with me, Kuruk. You’ll lose.” Ben’s dark eyes blazed with anger as he flipped the safety catch off the blaster and pressed it harder into the dark Knight’s temple. “What are you hiding?”

Kuruk’s grizzled features twisted into a merciless smile as the darkness surrounded them both like a death wave. “I’ve lived in the shadow for most of my life. Some people say I’m evil, but I’m just wired differently. I’ve never pretended to be anything other than what I am. I sold my morals down the river a lifetime ago, but something happened recently that made me realise that maybe I still have a conscience after all.”

Ben felt dread settle on his shoulders as he lowered the blaster and stared at Kuruk in silent contemplation. “Where is this going?”

“I followed Vicrul when he went to meet his contact, the one who gave us the exact coordinates for the Resistance base on Hoth. I’d been suspicious of Vicrul for a long time, believing he was serving another master.” Kuruk revealed slowly. “I wanted to know who it was so I could tell the others that Vicrul was working against us.”

Ben’s eyes opened wide as he remembered the strange statement that Vicrul had made to him about serving another master. In all the chaos since, he had forgotten that the dead knight had ever made that remark. “He was serving Palpatine…”

Kuruk swallowed thickly and shook his head. “Not directly. I’ve seen evil come in many forms over the years, Kylo, but none wearing such a pretty face.” He continued huskily. “It was obvious by the odd way Vicrul was acting that he was enamoured by her. She had him under some kind of thrall. I didn’t get a good look at her at first, she was hidden in shadows, a deep black cowl pulled over her head.”

“Who was she?” Ben felt bile rise in his throat.

Kuruk’s gaze turned inward as became lost in memory. “She told Vicrul that she would reward him with untold riches if he brought her daughter back to her, safe and unharmed. Then she stepped into the light and pulled back her hood, revealing the most startling hazel eyes I’ve ever seen. When she smiled the colours in her eyes ignited with a glow that easily dazzled Vicrul with the warmth of the deep brown and the seductive green dancing around the edges.” He paused, coming back to himself as he finally looked upon Ben’s face. “It seems her daughter has those same eyes and the same ability to charm don’t you think? I mean she’s certainly managed to charm the other knights into doing her bidding. That is unheard of. Maybe it’s a family trait.”

Ben sank into the co-pilots chair as he realised if what Kuruk said was true, Palpatine had lied to him about Rey’s parents. Her father might be dead but her mother was very much alive.

**_A/N-thanks for reading. Please review._ **


	46. Reflection

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter. I am back at work again now so my updates may slow down a little. Sorry!_ **

** Chapter Forty-Six-Reflection **

Ben could feel the fear in his chest wanting to take over as he went to find Rey. He was about to shatter her world again and he hated himself for it. The fear sat like an angry ball propelling him toward anxiety as he worried about her potential reaction to the news about her mother. He found Rey deep in conversation with Rose. He smiled faintly in apology as he interrupted them.

“Rey, can you come with me for a minute?” He asked, holding out his hand toward her.

Rey knew something was wrong. Even if they didn’t share such a deep and powerful bond, she would be able to tell from the apprehensive look on his face that he was about to deliver some bad news. She suddenly didn’t want to take his hand, because she knew if she did, that whatever he said might destroy the quiet serenity she had managed to surround herself with for the last few weeks. 

Rey felt her breath get caught in her chest. She noticed Rose looking at her worriedly as she picked up on the tension. “Can’t it wait, Ben? Rose and I were talking.”

“We can finish this conversation later.” Rose said to Rey. “You go.”

“’K.” Rey mumbled. She could feel her fear gaining on her. She wasn’t too sure if it was coming from her or she was picking up on the residual feeling from Ben. She reluctantly placed her hand in his and let him lead her back to their quarters. When the doors slid closed behind them, she turned and pressed her face against his chest, hiding her eyes from him. “I don’t think I want to hear it.” She pleaded. “Its to do with my parents, isn’t it?”

Ben wondered how much information had leaked from his mind into hers on the short journey back to their room. He hadn’t done a good job at shielding his troubled thoughts from her. They were so attuned to one another now; it had become almost impossible. He raised his hand and cradled the back of her head as he gave an almost imperceptible nod. “I’m sorry.” He breathed.

Rey clutched the front of his tunic, her fingers winding tightly in the thick black material. Tears were already soaking her long lashes. She made no sound as she cried, the only outward sign was a slight tremor in her body. “Ben….” She took in a deep shuddering breath to steady her nerves as she pulled away just enough to see the anguish reflected in his dark eyes. He was stroking the back of her hair gently with his long fingers, trying his best to soothe her tension away. She relaxed her death grip on his tunic as resignation settled heavily on her shoulders. “Just say what you need to say.” She said bleakly, knowing it was pointless delaying the inevitable.

“It will probably be easier if I just showed you.” Ben sighed, his fingers leaving her hair to caress the soft curve of her cheek instead.

“Okay.” Rey mumbled her agreement as she closed her eyes in defeat and pressed that same cheek against his broad chest.

Ben’s emotions turned jagged and his insides tight as he fully opened up his mind to her and let Rey see for herself what Kuruk had told him.

* * *

In the darkness of their quarters Ben’s warm embrace was like a little touch of heaven. Rey wished she could extend the moment forever just so she could stay close to him for longer, secure in his embrace. His arms wrapped so tightly around her, brought a semblance of peace, a calming of the storms in her heart. After the fatal dose of her new reality he had been forced to share, his mere presence and those of their babies were the only things able to give her hope for the future. His cuddles were the only medicine she needed as she fought to come to terms with the shattering news about her mother.

Rey thought about all those wasted years on Jakku, steadfastly holding on to hope that one day her parents were going to come back for her. How naïve she had been, so childishly innocent. She thought of Ben, and how he had spent a lifetime trying to escape the legacy of his past and how she had been on an opposite mission to find hers. Now she wished she had remained ignorant, being a nobody was better then what she was left with now.

As she lay pliant in his arms, she remembered the many conversations she and Ben had about his inner conflict-the way he had constantly felt the pull between the light and the shadow. He had said to her once, “ _Whether it was Skywalker or Snoke, neither one ever saw me as a person. I was always just a…legacy, just a set of expectations.”_ Throughout his life he’d been told which path he must take. He was groomed by Snoke to embrace the shadow, he was taught by Luke, Leia, and Han to embrace the light.

His words had stuck with Rey ever since. It gave her new insight into his “let the past die” mantra. He had said it first on Ahch-To during one of their early Force bonds, “ _Let the past die. Kill it if you have to. It’s the only way to become what you were meant to be.”_ And the second time after the throne room battle, “ _It’s time to let old things die. Snoke, Skywalker, the Sith, the Jedi, the Rebels; let it all die._ ” It was only after another one of their intimate conversations that he expanded on what he really meant. He had explained how tired he was of the incessant pull of both the light and the shadow on himself (and maybe on the galaxy as a whole), and the only way he felt able to get rid of it was if he killed it himself. 

Rey thought about the amount of people who had constantly fought to pull Ben to their side throughout his life. Palpatine, Snoke, Ren, Luke, Leia, Han, Chewie, Lando, his friend Tai, she could add her name to that list, they were all guilty of it. He had never known a moments peace, was never allowed just to be himself, just be Ben Solo. It had made him self-destruct, made him believe the dark voices in his head; he truly believed that he was the monster that everyone deemed him to be.

Her life may have been harsh and full of deprivation growing up on Jakku, but she had always maintained a sense of purpose. In her loneliness she had stayed true to herself. She wasn’t a slave to a past that she couldn’t control. The only expectations she had to live up to were the ones she set for herself. How would she have coped if her and Ben’s situations were reversed, if she had grown up under the heavy burden of her true legacy? If she had countless people wanting a piece of her, pulling her this way and that, but secretly expecting her to go to the darkside because she was born from it?

The newfound knowledge about her mother only cemented the bitter realisation that she would have succumbed to the dark just like Ben had in the end. He had fought the conflict inside him for twenty-three long years with no help from anyone, until that fateful night he had awoken to find Luke’s saber poised to strike him down in his sleep. If his own uncle wanted to kill him, he must really be destined for the dark.

“You were right about letting the past die, Ben.” Tears welled in Rey’s eyes as her hand moved around Ben’s middle, warm and soft. “You told me to let it go. To kill it. I should have listened to you.”

Her quiet admission and the devastation in her eyes broke Ben’s heart. He couldn’t bear to see her so upset. In seconds his body was moulded with hers, sharing the comfort of his body heat to calm her as easily as he shared his heart. He loved her so much and he hated that she was questioning everything she thought about herself. “I was wrong, sweetheart. I tried to bury the past. To kill it. But it continued to haunt me anyway, driving me to do more and more crazy things, until I became completely paralyzed by it. It was only when I gained enough strength to face the past head on that I began to move on from it and finally start to heal.”

Rey’s tearful gaze remained fixed on his beloved face as she absorbed his heartfelt words. “The moment you came home to Leia.” She whispered shakily.

“The moment I came home to you.” Ben corrected her gently. He gathered her in his arms, wrapping her in a slow and luxurious hug. Rey melted against him, feeling the security of his love surround her like a warm glow.

**_A/N- I wanted a one on one chapter with just Rey and Ben while Rey came to terms with the painful revelation about her mother. As always thanks for reading and please leave a review if you have the time._ ** **_😊_ **


	47. Forgiveness

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you for the kind reviews on the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Forty-Seven-Forgiveness **

The temperature dropped as soon as Ben and Rey-accompanied by Rose, Hux and the remaining Knights of Ren-entered into the massive underground chambers of the moon orbiting Lonania Prime. A violent chill ran down Rey’s spine as she huddled against Ben’s side. The natural light reached neither wall nor ceiling, confining vision to a small circle of flickering orange cast by Ben’s torch; inky black water sloshed against a narrow strip of land that disappeared into the darkness before them and jagged teeth of stone descended from the shadows above.

“And I thought Hoth was bad.” Rose whispered to Hux as she gave an involuntary shiver.

Hux didn’t disagree. He peered into the gloom but failed to pierce the darkness. He shrugged off his greatcoat and draped it around Rose’s shoulders to ward off the cold. Rose smiled up at him gratefully. The two of them shared a lingering look as she murmured her thanks.

The tunnel seemed to go on forever. They rested, cocooned in the body of the earth, feeling the rock beneath their feet. In the darkness Rey could feel her blood return to a comfortable warmth as she absorbed Ben’s greater body heat. Water ran ever so coolly from the cave opening down fissures, feeding springs in other places. The knights ducked down and refilled their empty flasks. Ben and Rey followed suit as did Hux and Rose. It had been hours since they last had been able to quench their thirst.

“This is certainly proving a good place to hide.” Rey observed as she let the frigid water trickle down her throat.

“Dank, though.” Ben hated being underground. He was beginning to feel claustrophobic. He had a secret fear of being closed in, a fear of being trapped in darkness. The fear stemmed from an incident from his childhood when one of the kitchen droids, tasked with looking after him, had malfunctioned and tried to decapitate him. He had hidden himself away in the closet in his room while the droid continued on its murderous rampage as it tried to hunt him down. He had been very young when it happened, barely six years old. Being locked in that darkened closet for hours on end with no hope of rescue had traumatised him. It had taken a long time for him to recover, but the experience had left its mark on him.

_“You’re not alone, Ben_.” Rey’s gentle voice chased away the growing nightmare inside his head and he felt able to breathe again.

_“I know_.” Ben pressed a light kiss into her hair as he enfolded her in his arms. _“I love you, sweetheart.”_

_“I love you, too_.” Rey felt Ben’s arms tighten around her in a hug stronger than anything she’d ever known, as if holding her wasn't quite enough, he had to feel every ounce that she was press into every ounce that was him. In that moment of feeling him so close, she felt calmer, more awake somehow, more alive.

“Quit it lovebirds.” Trudgen growled irritably as he grabbed the torch from Ben and took the lead. “We need to get moving.”

Ben cuddled Rey against him, not bothered by Trudgen’s complaints. In the past he wouldn’t have stood for one of the knights speaking to him in such a gruff manner. But he found he didn’t care anymore. He had the love of his life resting in his arms. What did Trudgen have but a sharp weapon and an empty heart.

* * *

The cavern wormed its way half a mile into the mountain. Its general shape was ovoid, the walls below the ridge smoothly curved to the floor, the walls above arched another hundred feet up to giant stalactites as strange bat like creatures began to swarm around their heads. They finally saw flickering lights ahead as they drew closer to the Resistance base. In another few minutes they reached their destination.

A natural limestone cave opened up into a huge hangar. The Tantive IV, the command centre for the Resistance, loomed in front of them. As they travelled toward it, they saw Poe appear on the opened ramp, and he wasn’t alone. Next to him stood Finn. Rey’s face broke out into a wide smile when she saw her friend, absent for so long, she had missed him. Ben was forced to reluctantly release her as she took off at a fast run to greet her erstwhile friend. Finn left Poe’s side and sprinted to meet her. They met in the middle, throwing their arms joyfully around one another.

“You are a sight for sore eyes.” Finn said as he pulled back a little in order to study her face. “You look well. You’re practically glowing.”

“Am I?” Rey’s cheeks grew warm under his intense scrutiny.

“Yeah.” Finn’s face relaxed into a smile as he hugged her to him again. “I’ve missed you, Rey. Its good to be back. When Poe told me, what happened….” His voice tailed off when he caught sight of Rose over Rey’s shoulder. His smile faded to be replaced with a frown when he noticed she was wearing Hux’s greatcoat. His annoyed gaze drifted to Ben trailing behind them. He tensed further, letting go of Rey as he tried to fight off a scowl.

Rey huffed out an irritated breath when she noticed him glaring in Ben’s direction. “I thought we were past this, Finn.”

“You can’t expect me to just accept him, Rey.” Finn answered her sharply. He saw her flinch and his expression softened. “But I am trying.”

Rey was exasperated with his lame excuse. The others had joined them now. She felt Ben slip his arm around her waist. Finn’s face hardened again as he and Ben exchanged frosty stares. “Play nice.” She warned both of them.

Finn responded with an annoyed shrug as he turned to face Rose. She had been watching the terse exchange quietly. When Finn tried to smile at her, she just shook her head at him and walked off without saying a word. “That went well.” He muttered. He noticed Hux following in Rose’s wake and frowned again. “Why is Rose still burdened with keeping an eye on that creep?” He demanded.

“She doesn’t see it as a burden.” Rey snapped impatiently. She felt Ben’s hands land on her shoulders as he massaged them gently in an effort to calm her down. She turned to look at him and was gifted with one of his adoring smiles.

“You two are disgusting.” Poe’s booming voice greeted them cheerfully as he finally joined them. “Save all that mushy stuff for later. We’ve got some catching up to do.” He grinned at Ben, holding out his hand. Ben took it and they shook hands. As for Rey, Poe pulled her into a brief hug. “Good to have you back.” He told her. “I’m sorry about what happened.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Rey assured him when he let her go.

“Yes, it does.” Poe smiled at her sadly. “No one had the right to treat you like that. Everyone let their fears get the better of them, not that’s any excuse.”

Rey felt her eyes moisten at his words. Out of nowhere she felt a pair of long, hairy arms wrap around her as Chewbacca engulfed her in a bear hug. She let her tears spill over as she hugged him right back. The tall Wookie let out a soft whine of greeting. “I missed you too, Chewie.” She said, closing her eyes.

After a moment, Chewbacca placed her gently back down on her feet. His dark eyes drifted to Ben. The two of them stared at each other for a long time. Chewie was the first to break the staring contest as he suddenly flung his arms around Ben and pulled him into a tight hug. Rey burst into happy tears at the sight of Ben being embraced by his surrogate uncle. The two of them had been estranged for so long since Han’s death. It seemed that the Chewie had finally managed to get past his bitterness and forgive Ben.

Rey shared each and every one of Ben’s feelings as he let go of all his negative emotions and memories regarding his father’s death. He had punished himself for so long, Chewie’s forgiveness was a blessing, and was the final catalyst in Ben being allowed to move forward and forgive himself. His broad shoulders shook as his silent tears wet the Wookie’s thick fur. Chewie let out a soft whine as he patted the back of Ben’s head comfortingly. Forgiveness brings the liberty to love again, to heal the heart, soul and mind. She had so wanted that for Ben and it was finally happening for real.

When Rey wiped her eyes and looked at the others, she saw that even Finn had tears in his eyes.

**_A/N-thanks for reading. Sorry for the short chapter but work continues to claim too much of my time, sighs. Please review._ **


	48. Teardrop

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you so much to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter. Wow, work has been busy. It has prevented me writing much at all. Anyway, I finally have some time off, so for everyone who is still reading this story here is the next chapter…. Thanks!_ ** **_😊_ **

** Chapter Forty-Eight-Teardrop **

“It sounds like you really bonded with Jannah.” Rey said to Finn as they shared a late lunch together. It was the first time the two of them had a chance to really sit down and talk since returning to the Resistance.

Finn nodded, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Yeah, it was good to talk to someone who really understood…you know…who’d been through the same thing.”

“I know.” Rey glanced down at her half empty plate. She knew exactly what he meant. It was how she felt about Ben. He had been the only one who had ever truly understood her. She was glad that Finn had been able to find someone to share his own experiences with. “Tell me more about her.”

“She’s a great leader.” Finn explained, still wearing that same half smile. “She’s got a natural ability to make her comrades trust and follow her.”

“That’s great.” Rey picked at her food some more as she listened to him gush about his new friend.

“And she’s an extremely competent engineer. She created her energy bow just from recycled parts of blaster rifles.” Finn’s expressive brown eyes were bright with enthusiasm as he continued to heap praise on his new friend.

“So, she’s an amazing engineer like Rose and almost as good as scavenger as I am.” Rey struggled to hide her amusement as Finn nodded his head in agreement. He had failed to pick up on her veiled sarcasm. She wondered if he was even aware of how he sounded. It was clear that he admired Jannah very much and Rey wondered if he actually felt more than friendship for her. She hoped so. She just wanted Finn to be happy. “She sounds very accomplished, Finn. I hope to get the opportunity to meet her someday.”

Finn let out a soft sigh. “It won’t be for a while. She and the other freedom fighters are out there, looking for others who have defected from the First Order just like we did. There were more than we could possibly have imagined. If she can convince them to join our cause, it will swell the numbers of the Resistance and we will have more of a fighting chance.”

Rey studied Finn’s handsome face thoughtfully for a minute. “Why did you come back, Finn? You could have stayed with them on their mission. I can tell you really miss being with Jannah and the others.”

Finn swallowed thickly as he raised his eyes to meet hers. “I had my reasons. One of them being that I needed to make sure that you were alright. After Poe told me what happened with the damned Knights.” He huffed out a frustrated breath. “You could have been killed, Rey.”

Rey felt her frustration beginning to build-she took a deep breath. “You don’t need to look after me, Finn. That’s not your responsibility.”

“No, you’re right. It’s supposed to be his.” Finn argued. “Don’t give me that look, Rey.” He said when she glared at him. “You can carry on defending him as much as you want, but the fact remains he wasn’t here to protect you…”

“Ben was off world getting supplies with Poe at the time. He can’t be in two places at the same time. He assumed I would be safe on Hoth with the Resistance. None of us had any idea that the Knights were going to show up.” Rey cut in before he could continue ranting about Ben. She was tired of hearing it. “You promised me you were trying.”

“I am.” Finn reached for her hand. “And before you accuse me of being jealous. Its not that. I’ve accepted that you’ve chosen him.”

“Have you?” Rey demanded as she avoided his touch. “It doesn’t sound like it.”

“I don’t care about his feelings, Rey. I only care about yours. I won’t stand idly by if I think he’s failing you.” Finn replied fervently as he sat forward in his seat and placed his hands on his knees. “I’m your friend. And that’s what friends do. They look out for each other.”

“And friends also know when to back off.” Rey warned him as she rose unsteadily to her feet. She cradled her curved abdomen protectively. “I’m tired of going in circles with you, Finn. If you can’t let go of all this negative hostility toward Ben then we might as well kiss our friendship goodbye.”

“I know you don’t mean that.” Finn stood up, his dark brown eyes shining with an emotion she couldn’t quite define.

“I do.” Rey’s lower lip quivered as words made their way slowly out of her mouth. “Because I will choose him every time, Finn. Every. Time.”

* * *

After her confrontation with Finn, Rey wandered around the outskirts of the Resistance base in order to compose herself. Ben was with Poe and Chewie. The three of them had flown off in the Millennium Falcon and were orbiting the moon, scanning the surface in one of their periodic checks to make sure that no enemy had infiltrated their defences. They didn’t want another repeat of what had happened with the Knights of Ren on Hoth. Not wanting to distract Ben, she did her best to shield her emotions from him. She knew if he even got an inkling that she was upset, he would abandon his task and come straight back to check on her. Rey didn’t want that. She knew how much he was looking forward to piloting the Falcon with Chewie and Poe. After his reunion with his surrogate uncle, the two of them had sat down together sharing bittersweet memories of Han and Leia, before Chewie had taken him on an emotional tour of his father’s old ship.

Preoccupied with her troubled thoughts, Rey continued to wander alone until she accidentally stumbled upon Rose and some of the Knights. The petite engineer greeted her with a warm smile and motioned for her to join them. Trudgen stood up and gave Rey his seat while the other knights, Kuruk and Cardo, remained hunkered down next to Rose.

“What are you all doing?” Rey asked curiously.

Rose was surrounded by the dismantled parts of Kuruk and Cardo’s weapons. Unlike the other Knights who favoured melee weapons for close quarter combat, Kuruk and Cardo brandished blaster weaponry—heavily modified and customized to their personal preferences. As such, Kuruk's blaster rifle and Cardo's arm cannon were unique hodgepodge constructions. The blaster rifle had three firing modes across two barrels, including a pump-action plasma bolt launcher that fed specialized ammunition into the larger firing chamber. It had a rapid-fire barrel with a cooling sheath, an upper sniper barrel with a direct line-of-sight feed to the macroscope, a pump-action bar, a vented stock for recoil reduction, and a tibanna bulb spikes laser output.

“This little genius is modifying our weapons.” Cardo’s tone actually sounded quite affectionate as he complimented Rose.

Rey raised her eyebrows in surprise but didn’t comment on it. Rose Tico continued to amaze her. Everyone else wisely gave the Knights a wide berth, but Rose wasn’t intimidated by them at all. She held her own among them, any crude comments or rough behaviour was dealt with by a fiery glare or sarcastic comment. It wouldn’t surprise Rey if Rose wasn’t just modifying the weapons to the Knights advantage, but also to theirs. Rey had enough engineering knowledge of her own to know that Rose was fitting a failsafe to both Cardo and Kuruk’s weapons, so if they got the crazy idea to use any of them on the Resistance members, they would have the ability to use the fail safe from afar to cut off their weapons before they could inflict any damage.

“Can I do anything?” Rey offered.

Rose gave her a sly smile as the two women shared a knowing look. “That would be good.”

“Here you go, princess.” Cardo cleared some space so Rey could sit down next to Rose.

Rey fought a smile. She found it quite amusing the way the knights mockingly treated her like some kind of royalty. Even though their darkside reputation preceded them, she grudgingly had to admit, the more she got to know them, the more she realised that she was becoming used to their company. They didn’t judge her like the Resistance did. Even though she had been welcomed back to the fold, Rey still felt that she wasn’t fully trusted. Those she had once considered close friends were wary around her. Only a few-with Rose, Poe and Harter among them-acted normally around her. She understood how Ben must have felt his whole life, surrounded by others, but never trusted and forced to remain aloof, knowing that whatever he did he would always be judged.

“Where’s Hux?” Rey asked Rose quietly as she picked through some of the parts. She was so used to seeing the two of them together, it felt odd that he wasn’t there.

“Armitage doesn’t feel comfortable around the Knights.” Rose confided. “I sent him off to source some parts. He was reluctant to go but I made him.”

Rey noticed the pink blush dusting Rose’s cheeks whenever she spoke about Hux. It was obvious she had come to care for him in some capacity. She was intrigued to ask Rose more but felt it wasn’t wise with the knights listening in. Rey mused at what a strange world it had become. Here she was hanging out with a bunch of darkside users and enjoying it.

“Drink, your highness?” Trudgen offered her a flask of what she hoped was jut water. “You’ve got to keep your fluids up.”

“Thanks.” Rey took the flask and opened it. She sniffed the contents cautiously, causing the other knights to rumble with laughter.

“Look at her face. Are you disappointed it’s just water, your worshipfulness?” Cardo teased.

“We can always add a dash of Correllian whisky if you’re desperate, princess.” Trudgen laughed.

“Quit it. If Kylo heard you he would kick your ass.” Kuruk snapped. There was no humour in his tone as he spoke.

“You can be such a miserable old bastard, Kuruk.” Trudgen sneered.

Kuruk growled, his grizzled features twisting into a fierce scowl at Trudgen’s insult. Rey pushed herself onto her feet quickly in an effort to intervene. “Enough!” She warned them both sharply.

“Whatever you say, princess.” Trudgen gave her a mocking smile as he backed off and hunkered down next to Rose.

Rey watched as Kuruk stalked off. She hesitated for a minute before deciding to go after him. Ben had told her that Kuruk was a loner, that he preferred his own company over that of others. Rey kept her distance as she followed him to the Night Buzzard. He was a ball of tension, his fists clenching and unclenching as he walked. When he reached the ship, he halted, his head turning sharply in her direction.

“Did you want something?” He demanded coldly.

Rey stopped a few feet away from him, suddenly feeling ill at ease. She hadn’t followed him to check up on him. She had an ulterior motive and he knew it. She stared at him, the fingers of one hand curling around the saber attached to her belt for reassurance.

Kuruk regarded her silently, his piercing gaze making her even more uncomfortable. “You want to ask me more about your mother.” He said gruffly. “Like I told Kylo, I only got a brief glimpse of her.”

Rey felt his darkness surround her. It was like a thick and impenetrable fog. She struggled to breathe under the weight of it. It was so much more intense than the other knights. Everything about the guy was a contradiction. His motives were hard to understand. On the one hand he remained as he always was-cold and aloof, but on other occasions he had expressed a concern for her that seemed to belie the darkness that shrouded him like a suffocating blanket.

“Why did you tell Ben about my mother?” She hated the quiver in her voice and jerked her chin up, trying to appear more in control.

“Why does it matter?” He countered.

Rey sucked in a shaky breath as she tried to probe his mind. As soon as she made the attempt he frowned, his teeth clamping together in another fierce scowl. “Don’t even try it, girl.”

“I can tell you’re hiding something.” Rey gripped her saber tightly, but she still didn’t draw it. She didn’t feel threatened in any way by Kuruk. In fact, she felt the opposite and couldn’t explain why she was so drawn to find out more about this solitary, aloof individual. “I don’t want to force the information out of you. But I will if I have to. You know I’m capable of it.”

“I was afraid of this.” Kuruk muttered as he ran his fingers through his shaggy brown hair. He was greying at the temples.

“You lied to Ben about my mother.” Rey guessed as she felt her throat tighten. “The way you spoke about her to Ben…it wasn’t just Vicrul who was enamoured by her.”

“Vicrul was lucky I didn’t disembowel him on the spot when I found out he had been in contact with her.” Kuruk responded through gritted teeth. His fingers carded through his hair again restlessly. “I was proud of you for killing him. You did well.”

“Proud of me!” Rey said in disgust. “I felt sick to my stomach when I did it.”

“That’s the light in you.” A deep sigh escaped him as his piercing gaze met hers. “You were never meant for our world, child. The light surrounded you like a halo from the moment you were born. Your mother tried to snuff it out of you but you were always such a determined little thing.” He moistened his lips as his eyes softened slightly. “As time went on, I knew I had to get you out of there before she succeeded. I couldn’t bear seeing you suffer anymore. I was taking you to one of the contacts I had made on Hosnian Prime, he had found a family who was willing to adopt a little girl. But I didn’t make it. Your mother found out my intentions and sent Ochi, one of Sidious’ cultist’s, to intercept me. We had made a pit stop on Jakku to refuel when Ochi caught up with us. I was running out of time. I didn’t expect to survive the encounter with Ochi. I was forced to make a hasty deal with Plutt. He promised to take you the rest of the way to Hosnian Prime and hand you over to my contact for a substantial reward. I still owe that slimy bastard for betraying me and enslaving you instead. I assumed he had fulfilled his end of the bargain.”

Rey’s lips quivered as her eyes filled with liquid tears. Her emotions spilled out of her like water from a tap the more information that Kuruk revealed about himself. The barriers she had put up to shield her emotions from Ben so he wouldn’t worry while he was away, shattered into a million pieces. High up in space, his control of the Millennium Falcon faltered as he was suddenly bombarded with each and every one of them. He tried to pick them apart and make sense of them, he could tell she wasn’t in any physical danger, but he was still frantic.

_“Sweetheart, what is it? What’s happened?_ ” Ben was beside himself with panic.

Down on the moon’s surface, Rey faced Kuruk, her eyes brimming with tears. She was too sad to cry out or wail, she just stood there as still as a statue while the magnitude of his revelations swept over her.

_“My father isn’t dead, Ben.”_ Rey finally answered him, completely distraught. _“He’s alive. He’s been here all along.”_

**_A/N-thanks for reading. Please review if you have the time._ **


	49. Ben and Kuruk

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you very much for the kind reviews on this story!_ **

** Chapter Forty-Nine-Ben and Kuruk **

“Rey, are you okay?” Finn’s voice seemed to come out of nowhere, startling Rey and making Kuruk scowl.

“I’m fine, Finn.” Rey hastily used her hands to wipe the tears off her face but she wasn’t quick enough.

“You’ve been crying.” Finn frowned as he peered at her face. “What’s going on?”

“Why don’t you mind your own business.” Kuruk growled. He was already reaching for his weapon.

Finn reached for his blaster at the same time as he stepped in front of Rey and shielded her with his body. Rey was tired, weary to the bone. Why did everything in her life have to end up in some pathetic confrontation? Finn was using the opportunity to act as her hero, she wasn’t a fool, she could see the excited gleam in his dark eyes as he pointed his blaster at Kuruk. As for Kuruk-her father-she had no idea about him at all. He seemed to be enjoying the confrontation just as much as Finn. Maybe it was the darkness in him. He was a Knight of Ren after all. That’s what they lived for.

Rey took a deep breath to compose herself as she moved away from Finn, one hand cradling her pregnant stomach. She gave both men a severe look. “Put your weapons away.”

“He drew his first.” Finn argued while he kept his eyes trained on Kuruk. “Why are we even tolerating these assholes being here anyway?”

“I said put your weapons away.” Rey demanded again as she ignored Finn’s question. She wasn’t in the mood to have another debate with him. She glared in Kuruk’s direction and he slowly lowered his weapon.

“When you’re able to ditch your minder come and find me.” He said gruffly. “You know where I’ll be.”

Rey watched despairingly as Kuruk stalked off toward the Night Buzzard. She was still reeling from the revelation that he was her father and now she had to deal with Finn’s questions. The weight of everything seemed to press down on her shoulders and she struggled to take even a single step forward. It was too much. All of it. And somehow, she kept moving. But every step cost her. The darkness grew darker; the pain grew sharper; all of it seemed to only grow in strength and she began to wonder if things could ever get better.

_“I’m coming, sweetheart. Hold on.”_

Ben’s soothing voice was like a flashpoint in her mind. Rey felt his love seep through their Force bond and surround her like a warm blanket. Perhaps it was for the best that Finn’s intervention had chased Kuruk away. It gave her space and time to think.

“Rey, it’s not doing you any good being around them.” Finn put a tentative hand on her shoulder as she tried to regain her attention. “Think of the baby.”

“Don’t presume to tell me how to think!” Rey snapped as she looked up at him.

“That’s not what I was doing. I’m just trying to look out for you but you keep pushing me away. What would have happened if I hadn’t turned up just then, huh? That guy is dangerous. All the Knights are. They didn’t get their reputation for nothing…” Finn responded heatedly.

“I know exactly what they are!” Rey cut in swiftly. “You have no idea what’s going on so stay out of it.”

Finn shook his head mutinously as his hand dropped from his shoulder. He was trying to rein in his frustration for her sake, but the tension continued to build. “You’ve changed Rey. The girl I used to know wouldn’t tolerate all these dark side users hanging around. They are putting everyone on edge. Me included. It was bad enough when it was just Hux and…and…” He stopped speaking, his jaw clenching slightly.

“You still can’t say his name, can you? You’ll always see Ben as Kylo Ren and nothing else. No matter what he does.” Rey sometimes wondered if that smile- the horribly fake smile- she used to wear was ever seen through. If someone was ever going to notice that sad, broken look in her eyes that she hid behind that fake smile. In the early stages of their friendship, she thought Finn might have been the one to see through the act she put on for everyone’s benefit. But he never had. He was still stuck in the fantasy of the innocent little scavenger girl of Jakku he had first met. He had never seen how much more complex she was underneath the façade she hid behind. Ben was the only one who really _saw_ her.

Finn shrugged, inhaling deeply as he put his hands on his hips. “You’re right. I’ve tried, Rey. I promise you I really did try for your sake.” He dropped his gaze from hers and swallowed thickly. “I’m envious of him, Rey. I want you to look at me the way you look at him. I want you to see me as your hero. When we first met you looked at me like no on else ever had. I miss that. I miss that girl….”

“I’m not that girl, Finn.” Rey said tiredly. “I never was.”

Finn regarded her mournfully. “I’m beginning to realise that. I don’t think we can be friends right now, Rey. I’m sorry.” He replied sadly before turning and walking away.

* * *

When Ben returned, she couldn’t stop crying. It wasn’t just her pregnancy hormones and the revelations about her parents making her hyper emotional. She was mourning her friendship with Finn. They had reached an impasse-with his unresolved feelings for her snapping at his heels-there was no way they could continue the charade. Ben cradled her in his arms as she cried. She let them fall, not raising a hand to stop them. When the tears weren't even half way done Rey was empty. She hadn't experienced this feeling before. The sadness was still there, but not raw anymore – now it was an empty unhappiness - the kind she didn't think would easily lift. 

Ben was really worried about her. He had never seen her this low. Nothing he said or did could make her feel better. He blamed Finn for making things worse by making the situation all about him. Rey was already upset about all the fresh revelations about her parents and Finn dropping another emotional bombshell was the last thing she needed. He swallowed down his bitter feelings toward the former stormtrooper as he continued to try and comfort Rey.

“I could speak to him for you.” He offered reluctantly. Rey shook her head. “Or maybe Poe could speak to him.” She shook her head again and buried her face against his chest. “Sweetheart, what can I do to make you feel better?”

“I just need you to hold me.” Rey’s voice was muffled against his chest.

“Okay.” Ben murmured as he leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss into her hair.

* * *

A little while later Ben emerged from their quarters intent on tracking down Kuruk. He left Rey in the company of Rose, who had turned up unexpectedly with a sudden burning need to talk to Rey. Ben could tell that he was in the way, so he had made an excuse to leave to give them some privacy. He was actually relieved Rose had shown up because it gave him the perfect opportunity to go and find Kuruk. As he made his way through the Resistance camp, he ignored the many pairs of resentful stares that were cast in his direction. He was used to it and didn’t really care, unlike Rey who cared a bit too much. These people meant a lot to her. Ben tried to remember that when he noticed Finn was one of those glaring at him. He locked stares with him for a minute, before continuing on his way.

Ben eventually found Kuruk hiding out in the cockpit of the Night Buzzard. As soon as he joined the older Knight, Kuruk tensed, his relaxed demeanour vanishing on first sight of Ben. “Why isn’t my daughter with you?” He asked warily.

“You don’t have the right to call her your daughter!” Ben warned darkly as he pulled his lightsaber from his belt and ignited it. He pointed the crackling red blade at the grizzled knight’s throat. “You lied to me. And I don’t like being lied to.” He threatened. “Especially when it hurts Rey.”

Kuruk’s jaw clenched. “You haven’t changed, Kylo. You always attack first and think later.”

“And you’re a manipulative bastard!” Ben roared angrily as he pressed the tip of the hissing blade against Kuruk’s skin, singeing it. Kuruk hissed in pain but stood his ground, his eyes sparking with anger. “I want the truth. You and I both know that Sidious had no natural born children.”

Bitter laughter erupted from Kuruk’s throat. “I wasn’t natural born. I’m a strand cast!”

Ben lowered his blade slightly as he felt sickness welling in his stomach. “A clone like Snoke.”

“I’m nothing like Snoke!” Kuruk seethed. “I’m a bioengineered living entity created by the Sith Eternal. I have Sidious’ cursed genes running through my system. I was a failed experiment, even though I have some Force sensitivity, it rendered me useless to Sidious.”

“Why?” Ben’s face paled as a cold shiver rippled down his spine.

“You can’t really be that dense, Kylo.” Kuruk snapped. “You’ve seen Sidious’ rotting corpse. It can’t contain his power. He needed a new vessel to inhabit. The Sith Eternal have been working for years trying to perfect their skills to make that happen, but they continue to fail.”

“Fuck!” Ben swore under his breath as he shut his saber down and clipped it back onto his belt.

“And fucking was all I was good for in the end.” Kuruk rubbed the burnt skin on his throat as he continued to regard Ben with bitter eyes. “I may have been useless as a vessel, but I wasn’t discarded entirely. I was raised by the Sith Eternal to revere Sidious and when I came of age, I was mated with one of them.”

“Rey’s mother…” Ben felt bile rise in his throat.

“Sapphire is one of Sidious’ most powerful servants.” Kuruk flinched as if he was drowning in bad memories.

Ben knew how that felt. For the first time he actually felt empathy for Kuruk. “What is she like?” He dared to ask.

Kuruk’s features twisted into an embittered smile. “Sidious is evil. What you see is what you get. But Sapphy is on a whole other level, Kylo. She might not be as powerful as he is, but she is just as crazed and power hungry as he is. I fell under her spell the from the first moment I met her. She was the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen…. those stunning hazel eyes of hers…they just draw you in.” Kuruk shook his head as if trying to shake away the memory of her.

Ben watched in silent horror as the older man lowered his head and let out a choked sob. He had never seen this reaction out of Kuruk before and it unnerved him.

“I adored her, Kylo.” Kuruk admitted roughly. “I still do. I can’t help it. She made me do some despicable things to earn her love. I did whatever she asked just so I could remain close to her.” He drew in a sharp breath in an attempt to regain his composure. “I never thought I was capable of loving anyone as much as I loved her. Then Rey was born and I knew that wasn’t true anymore. I loved my daughter more.” He rubbed a shaking hand over his face as he raised his stricken gaze to Ben. “Rey was shrouded in light from the moment she was born. Sapphy was outraged. She had given birth to a powerful Force user who she hoped to mould into her own image so she could one day overthrow her master. She did everything she could to snuff out the light, but it wasn’t working. I couldn’t bear to see my precious little girl suffering so much under her mother’s ruinous influence. I had to get her away. And eventually I did.”

**_A/N-thanks for reading! I’ve spilt this chapter in two because it was so long. Please review if you have the time._ **


	50. Armitage and Rose

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Fifty-Armitage and Rose **

“I think something is wrong with Armitage.” Rose admitted as she tucked a lock of her silky black hair behind one ear.

Rey looked at her curiously. She didn’t think she had seen the feisty young engineer so anxious. “What makes you think that?” She asked gently.

“He’s not been himself for a while now.” Rose confided. “He’s become very withdrawn these last few weeks. I’ve tried to get him to open up about how he is feeling, but he always manages to avoid the topic. I just don’t understand it. Do you think he’s ill?”

Rey reflected on the last time she had crossed paths with Hux. She had to admit he had seemed rather melancholy. If it was illness that was plaguing him, it was hard to tell. He had such a pasty complexion that he always appeared on the peaky side. “You know him better than I do, Rose.” She shrugged helplessly.

Rose paced the floor, never stopping for a moment. She swallowed hard, willing her eyes to remain dry and her mind focused. “I do.” She whispered her agreement. Pausing in her frantic pacing she looked directly at Rey. “Do you remember that conversation we had on Hoth, just before we were confronted with the Knights?”

“Vaguely.” Rey answered. That night seemed such a long time ago now. So much had happened since then. “Just refresh my memory a little.”

Rose finally gave up pacing and settled down in the seat opposite Rey. She folded her hands in her lap, her expression pensive. “We spoke about Ben and I wondered how you managed to get past what he did when he was Kylo Ren.”

Rey’s cheeks flushed a little. “I remember now.” She smiled wanly. “I gave you some useless quote about-we are what we grow beyond-or something like that.”

Rose matched her smile weakly. “It wasn’t a useless quote. Those words stuck with me.”

Rey curled her legs up underneath her as she tried to get comfortable. Her swollen abdomen was becoming more prominent. She cradled it absently. “Rose, you can tell me it’s none of my business if you like, but did you ask me about Ben because you’ve developed feelings for someone who has a similar past?” She began hesitantly.

Rose ducked her head as she drew in a quavering breath. “I can’t explain it.” She confessed. “The feelings crept up on me so gradually. It took me a long time to admit them to myself…”

“Is it Hux?” Rey didn’t need to guess, she already knew. It had been obvious to anyone who had a close association with Rose and Hux that something was brewing between, especially on his side. Rose herself had been oblivious for so long, but now finally was becoming aware of her own feelings.

“This is bad. What is wrong with me?” Rose wailed as she got up and paced again. “For all the things that your Ben has done in the past, he has expressed so much remorse…but Armitage never has. Not explicitly anyway. He still holds a ton of animosity toward Ben. He won’t let that go…. but when we’re alone, together…. he’s just like a totally different person. He’s so different to the maniacal First Order General I encountered on the Supremacy. I sometimes forget that ever happened. Its only when I see the scar on his hand from where I bit him that I’m reminded of who he once was. With me he’s always so kind and courteous. So gentle.” She let out a frustrated groan as she sat back down again. “Help me, Rey. Tell me what to do. I’m going mad.”

Rey looked at Rose sympathetically. She knew more than anyone how hard it was to wrestle with your attraction to a man that any sane person would avoid at all costs. Hux had done despicable things in the past, the heinous crimes he had committed under Snoke’s leadership had cost countless innocents their lives. He may have been acting under his master’s orders, but his stewardship of Starkiller base had resulted in the complete destruction of Hosnian Prime.

“Its not an easy decision, Rose. Only you know if you can live with what he’s done in the past and accept him for the man he is now. At the very least you need to talk to him honestly about it…”

“Is that what you did with Ben?” Rose asked bleakly.

“Not quite.” Rey let out a weary sigh. “Its been a long, hard journey to get to the place we are now. There were a lot of misunderstandings, hurt feelings and betrayal on both sides.”

“But your bond?” Rose questioned cautiously. “I thought that would have made things easier.”

“It made it harder. I may have been privy to Ben’s thoughts and feelings, but it still didn’t help me to understand them. It took time and a lot of patience. There was so much miscommunication. We had to work at it, we still do.”

“But you overcame all that, right? You’re happy?” Rose said earnestly. “I’ve never seen two people so in love.”

Rey’s smile was genuine this time as she reached out and took her friend’s hand. “We are. I love Ben with every fibre of my being. Listen to your heart, Rose. Let that be your guide.”

* * *

Ben was troubled. His conversation with Kuruk had been more revealing then he anticipated. The older man had completely unravelled in front of him as he expressed a deep and abiding love for his daughter. “I protected her in the only way I knew how.” Kuruk had said over and over as if he was trying to justify his actions to himself.

Now Kuruk wanted to plead his case to Rey again. To seek forgiveness from the daughter he had abandoned on Jakku. Ben had questioned the knight about his supposed contact on Hosnian Prime. The one he was supposed to meet in order to hand Rey over to her new adoptive family. Kuruk immediately became reticent, refusing to reveal anymore information. “They are dead, Kylo. Leave it at that.”

Feeling frustrated at Kuruk’s unwillingness to engage further, Ben had left abruptly, needing time to compose himself before heading back to Rey. He wandered around the outskirts of the Resistance base aimlessly, feeling lost and anxious about Rey. She had already been through so much. He wanted to shield her from anymore pain. He loved her so much. He just wanted to wrap her in his arms and protect her from everything. In his wanderings, Ben happened upon his former rival, Hux. Armitage was sitting by himself, looking isolated and totally miserable as he stared broodingly in front of him.

“Haven’t you got anything better to do then to skulk around in the shadows?” Ben demanded irritably.

“You accuse me when you’re doing the same yourself!” Hux retorted angrily. “There is no need for both of us to occupy the same space. You are quite welcome to move along.”

Ben didn’t know why he was snapping at Hux. Maybe because his former rival made an easy target and he needed to vent his frustration on someone. He maintained eye-contact with Hux for a minute as he tried to rein in his exasperation. “What is wrong with you anyway? You look wretched, like someone stole your favourite toy or something.”

Hux frowned, the tips of his ears turning red. “Mind your own business, Ren.”

“I won’t, actually.” Ben said obstinately as he watched Hux’s pallid features twist into a bitter scowl. “What’s going on with you? And where’s Rose? Has she finally gotten sick of your company?” He taunted. Hux’s fists clenched at his sides as he shot him a furious glare. Ben realised he had struck a raw nerve. “That’s it, isn’t it? You’re jealous. I’ve noticed her hanging out with some of the Knights, Cardo especially seems to have captured her interest. And I know Rose is definitely his type. He hasn’t been able to stop talking about her since they met…”

Hux wore his melancholy like an invisible cloak as Ben’s cruel jibes hit home. It anchored his fists to his sides and cemented his feet to the floor. He couldn’t summon the energy to retaliate. He was completely forlorn and utterly miserable.

Ben felt a little guilty as he watched Hux’s shoulders slump dejectedly. He sighed heavily. “Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, why don’t you just man up and tell the girl how you feel. Because if you don’t, she might begin to return Cardo’s interest and it’ll be too late.”

“I don’t need relationship advice from you!” Hux responded haughtily.

“Suit yourself.” Ben muttered as he turned and walked away leaving Hux staring thoughtfully after him.

* * *

After her revealing conversation with Rey, Rose left and headed to her quarters. She needed to be alone so she could ponder for a while. Rey had given her a lot to think about. What she wasn’t prepared for was to find Hux waiting outside her quarters. He was agitatedly pacing back and forth with his hands clasped behind his back. When he noticed Rose approaching, he paused in his movements, his mouth turning slack as he just stared at her penetratingly.

“What are you doing here, Armitage?” Rose said, feeling flustered.

Hux’s face flushed a dull red. “It’s imperative that I speak to you.” He said in a rush.

“Can’t it wait?” Rose pleaded. She was so not ready for this conversation.

“It cannot.” Hux implored. “Please do me the honour of hearing out, Ms. Tico.”

“Ms. Tico!” Rose scoffed. “Armitage, you’re being ridiculous.”

Hux didn’t seem to hear her. All the reasons not to do this come flooding in, as if his body chemistry just sent them a blanket invitation. He felt the soft panic grow as he willed himself to continue. His inner thoughts swirled into a vortex of stupidity, eating their own tail. To contain his panic, he tried to breathe really slow, letting his disquieted thoughts fade away. When he felt somewhat more in control of himself, he dared to raise his eyes to hers. “Rose Tico, in vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”

**_A/N-thanks for reading! I am so sorry guys; I couldn’t help it. I totally ripped off Mr Darcy in Hux’s love declaration. I just kept envisioning this scenario in my head, LOL_ ** **_😊_ **


	51. Father and Daughter

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Fifty-One-Father and Daughter **

Red faced; Rey shut down the holopad as soon as Ben stormed into their quarters. He threw himself down in a chair, stretching his long legs out in front of him. “Kriffing Hux.” He muttered under his breath as he finally focused his gaze on Rey. When he saw her flushed face, he was immediately concerned. “Sweetheart, are you feeling okay?”

“I’m fine. I’m completely fine.” Rey murmured. Blushing would have been no problem, but what she did instead was go as red as a beetroot and radiate heat like a hot pan. She felt like she could have cooked a three-course meal on her face. There was no way Ben could have missed it. His curiosity was immediately piqued.

“Rey, what’s going on?”

Rey wanted the ground to open up and swallow her whole. “Nothing.” She said as she tried to discreetly move the holopad so it was hidden underneath one of the old Jedi textbooks.

“What’s that you’ve got?” Ben asked as he moved from his chair to stand in front of her.

“I told you…nothing.” Rey took his hand and graced him with a sweet smile in order to distract him.

“Nothing, huh?” Ben teased as he lowered his head, his mouth meeting hers in a gentle kiss. He let his lips linger on hers, still holding her hand, while his other reached behind her and snatched the holopad from its hiding place.

Rey’s eyes flared open when she realised what he’d done. “Hey, give that back.” She whined, rising to her feet.

“No way.” Ben held the holopad high above her head so she couldn’t reach it.

“Ben, I swear if you don’t give it back to me….” Rey stood on her tiptoes as she stretched her arms in the air in a van attempt to get it back.

“I don’t think so.” Ben sang in an off-key tone. His dark brown eyes sparkled with mischief as he continued to hold it aloft. “Something has gotten you all embarrassed and I want to know what it is.”

“I am not embarrassed.” Rey denied hotly. “Give it back to me.”

Ben tapped his chin thoughtfully with one finger as if considering giving into her proposal, but after a minute his smirk turned into a wicked grin and he shook his head. “I’ll only give it back to you if you tell me what the big secret is.”

“Can’t you accept that a girl sometimes needs a bit of privacy?” Rey’s cheeks turned pink again when Ben finally conceded to her wishes and handed the holopad back to her. “Thank you.” She said, pressing it tightly to her chest in case he tried to snatch it away again.

Ben’s amusement faded as he realised, she really was intent in shutting him out. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that. He had gotten so used to her sharing everything with him. He was suddenly very worried. Ben reached out and tentatively let the pads of his fingers trail across her hot cheek. “We’re good? Aren’t we?”

“Yes.” Rey stated firmly. She drew closer to him, standing on her tiptoes again in order to reach his inviting lips. As she kissed him, she felt his body loosen, his arms wrapping tightly around her. Her pregnant belly squashed against his hard torso and one of the twins kicked out in protest at the sudden lack of space. Rey dissolved into laughter at the shocked look on Ben’s face when he felt the small pressure against his abdomen.

“Wow.” Ben dropped to his knees in front of her and pressed the side of his face against the gentle curve of her swollen abdomen. He was completely in awe of the new life growing inside. He swore he could hear the twin heartbeats of the babies. It was all so surreal. So precious. Ben couldn’t stop the goofy smile forming on his face when he felt the slight pressure of one of the twins -he wasn’t sure if it was a foot or a hand-but it felt like they were cradling his cheek. “Rey.” He whispered her name, getting all emotional.

Rey trailed her hands around the back of his head, entwining her fingers through the black strands of hair like pools of the purest ink, but the faintest light already made them reflect an indigo blue by each curve. She loved touching his hair, just like she loved him. One day soon she would share with him what she had been researching, but not yet.

* * *

Ben and Rey walked through the Resistance camp with their joined hands swinging between them. They were on their way to see Harter Kalonia for one of Rey’s weekly check-ups. Rey was entering the third trimester. The twin’s movements were becoming much more pronounced and she was feeling them more frequently. Instead of tiny pops like she had felt in the beginning, now she could feel jabs, punches, rolls, and pokes. Harter lamented that they didn’t have a proper baby scanning machine. They were lacking a lot of vital medical equipment, but despite these set backs she was pleased with Rey’s progress.

When they reached the medical bay, they were alarmed to find Kuruk waiting for them outside. Rey immediately froze, her happy mood vanishing at the sight of her father. She wasn’t ready to see or talk to him yet. Ben had told her about his tense conversation with Kuruk, including the few snippets that the knight had revealed about her mother. This newfound knowledge about her mother had only intensified her resolution that she wasn’t ready to engage further with her father. Rey wanted to focus on her own wellbeing, to put her own needs first. She didn’t feel able to cope with anymore upsetting revelations.

“I warned you to keep your distance.” Ben growled as he angrily confronted Kuruk. He was incensed that the older man had selfishly ignored his demand to give Rey some space.

“Back off, Kylo.” Kuruk scowled. “I am not here to cause trouble.” He turned his attention to Rey, his grizzled feature softening as he looked at her. “How are you? How are the babies?”

Rey’s face paled as she regarded him anxiously. It was all so ironic. All her life she had longed to find her parents, it had taken a long time for her to reach a quiet acceptance that they were most probably dead, that she would never get to reconnect with them. When she was a child, she had imagined all sorts of scenarios as to why they had abandoned her on Jakku. She had remained on that harsh, barren planet for years, afraid to leave in case they came back for her and she wasn’t there waiting. Rey remembered the mirror cave on Ahch-to where she had begged to see her parents, only to be confronted with endless images of herself. She recalled the bitter disappointment and loneliness she had felt in the aftermath which had led her to seek solace from Ben through their Force bond. She sought that same solace from him now as she turned away from the man who had sired her.

Ben wrapped his arms around her as she shielded her face against his broad chest. He saw Kuruk swallow thickly as his gaze remained focused on his daughter. “You need to give her time, Kuruk. You can’t expect her to accept everything all at once. Its been a shock.”

Kuruk’s eyes were glassy as he rubbed a hand over his face. He didn’t even seem to hear Ben. “If I had known that Plutt had betrayed me I would have come back for you, Rey. I promise you I didn’t know.” He pleaded gruffly. “I barely survived the encounter with the Sith assassin, Ochi. I was in a bad way for a long time and forced to go into hiding in case he managed to track me down again. Throwing my lot in with the Knights of Ren proved a good cover. I consoled myself with the fact was that you were happy and safe with your new adopted family.”

His guilty confession only enhanced Rey’s inner turmoil. The desolation she felt was all-consuming. She didn’t want to feel compassion for this man who now claimed her as his own. She wanted to hate him, to turn around and vent all her repressed feelings of anger and abandonment on him. Her mind was laid waste with each fresh revelation, her pain becoming more acute. Her tears wet Ben’s tunic as he cradled the back of her head.

“Kuruk, don’t force me to make you leave. But I will if I have to.” Ben warned the older man. “When Rey is ready to talk, she will come and find you.”

Kuruk’s eyes lingered on Rey for a minute longer as he gave a sharp jerk of his head in acknowledgement. “Look after my daughter, Kylo.”

“Always.” Ben promised.

“Rey….” Kuruk sighed heavily as she remained facing away from him. “You know where to find me. Take as long as you need. I’m sorry…. for everything.” He finally left, his head and shoulders bowed under the weight of his despair.

* * *

_“Rose Tico, in vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”_

Armitage’s passionate love declaration had completely blindsided her. Rose didn’t know how to respond. She had only just begun to explore her own feelings toward him. After her revealing conversation with Rey, the two of them had spent the rest of the time researching everything they could on traditional Alderaanian marriages. The two of them had come across a lot of intriguing information amongst Leia’s old archives, especially the significant role hair braiding played in the matters of courtship. Rey had been growing out her hair in order to practise more elaborate hairstyles and she had asked Rose to do the same. Rey was planning a romantic surprise for Ben and Rose was the only one she entrusted her secret to.

Now that he had started Armitage couldn’t stop. He made use of Rose’s stunned silence to reach for her hands. He clasped them in his, embarrassed that his own were so clammy, but he ploughed on regardless. "My dearest Rose.” He continued earnestly. “For dearest you will always be, whatever the event of this hour's conversation, my dearest, most beloved Rose—I am no good at making speeches. You know what I am-I don’t endeavour to deserve you…”

“Armitage!” Rose cut through his fervent declaration. “Breathe.”

“Yes. Yes, I must breathe.” Armitage did as she requested and inhaled a lungful of air to calm his racing heart.

“Feel better?” Rose asked. Armitage nodded his head vigorously. “Then continue.” She was already fighting a smile. The foolish man was just too adorable.

“Rose Tico.” Armitage began again.

“You can drop the Tico.” Rose advised.

“Of course.” Armitage drew in another deep breath as the tips of his ears turned pink with nerves. “My dearest, dearest Rose-“

“You already said that.” She tugged him closer.

“I did, didn’t I?” Armitage sighed as he lowered his head and rested his forehead against hers. “Rose?”

“Yes.”

“I feel incomplete without you. Every time I look at you, I feel love and inspiration coursing through me. You are my treasure. You taught me to dream fearlessly, and love limitlessly. I cherish you. I want to spend a lifetime worshipping you. I need you by my side, hooking fingers with mine. I…”

“Armitage.” Rose interrupted him again.

“Yes.” Hux’s focus was on her delectable lips hovering so close to his.

“Just kiss me.”

So, he did.

**_A/N-thanks for reading! Please review._ **


	52. Spin the Lightsaber

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter. Welcome to one of my rare fluffy chapters._ ** **_😊_ **

** Chapter Fifty-Two-Spin the Lightsaber **

The Resistance base was getting overcrowded. With the arrival of Jannah and the new recruits she had brought with her, their hideout was struggling to contain the extra capacity. Finn was delighted to be reunited with Jannah again, he couldn’t stop showing her off to everyone. When Rey got her first glimpse of the girl she had heard so much about, she couldn’t help but be impressed. Jannah was everything and more that Finn had described her to be-she was a fierce and principled freedom fighter. Rey knew that Leia would have loved her.

“So, you’re Rey. Nice to meet you at last.” Jannah said to Rey as she captured her hand in a friendly grip. Her handshake was strong, much like the girl herself.

“And you. I’ve heard so much about you.” Jannah certainly was a beauty, Rey decided, her dark skin was completely flawless. When she smiled and laughed you couldn't help but smile along too, even if it was just on the inside. Rey could see from Finn’s adoring expression that he was captivated. “Can I offer you something to eat and drink?”

“I’m all good.” Jannah let go of her hand and turned to face Ben, who had been standing by Rey’s side, just quietly observing the chaos that was going on all around him. “And you must be Ben.” She said, reaching for his hand.

Ben noticed Finn frowning as he took Jannah’s hand and shook it firmly. It obviously bothered him that she seemed able to put former hostilities aside and be gracious, when he struggled to do the same. Ben wondered what Jannah was really thinking. Her background was similar to Finn’s. They were both former First Order stormtroopers who had defected from the First Order, but she seemed so different, more assured and comfortable taking control. Ben supposed that came with being forced into a leadership role straight away. Unlike Finn, she hadn’t been alone when she defected. She had been part of a whole company. They had set up home on Kef Bir, a hostile place. Her skill with the energy bow had made her a natural figurehead and she had turned the company of former stormtroopers into a group of noble and brave warriors.

When Jannah dropped Ben’s hand, she put hers on her hips and looked around the base with a critical eye. “You could do with shoring up your defences a bit. There’s not enough room for all of us here. I was thinking we could open up some of those other caverns. Is there a reason you have them closed off?”

Ben grinned; he really liked the fact that she was getting straight to the point. “The only reason we walled up the entrances was because we had no use for the extra space, but now you’re all here….”

“Well let’s get to it then.” Jannah motioned toward some of her followers and began barking orders at them.

“I really like her.” Rey whispered to Ben in amusement as she watched Jannah supervising her troops.

“Likewise.” Ben agreed as he slipped his arm across her shoulders. “Your friend does, too.” He continued, glancing in Finn’s direction. Rey smiled, slipping her arm around Ben’s waist and nestling into his side. She really hoped that was really the case, maybe it would finally put Finn’s unresolved feelings for her to rest for good.

* * *

“Hey!” Poe called out to Ben as he came running up beside him. “Where’s Rey?” He asked, surprised to see Ben on his own. Ben rarely left Rey’s side now she was in the latter stages of her pregnancy.

“She’s with Rose and Kaydel. She needed some girl time, apparently.” Ben scoffed. As soon as the girls arrived, Rey had kicked him out of their quarters. When he had protested, Rey had laughed at his grumpy expression as she pushed him out the door. She was up to something; he was sure of it.

Poe smirked as he rested his hand on Ben’s shoulder. “Why the long face? You should be pleased.”

“Why?” Ben looked at Poe suspiciously.

“Because it gives you some ‘me’ time.”

“And what am I supposed to do with this ‘me’ time?” Ben questioned irritably.

“Gods, you’re hard work, Ben Solo.” Poe complained good-naturedly. “What did you do to amuse yourself before Rey came into your life?”

“Train, meditate, read and copy scripture….”

A grin formed at the corners of Poe’s mouth before he realised that Ben was being completely serious. “You’re not joking, are you?”

Ben frowned. “What’s wrong with that?”

Poe blew out an exasperated sigh. “Nothing if you a hermit. You must have done something fun in your youth, Solo. Maybe the odd party, a game of spin the lightsaber or something….”

“Skywalker didn’t do fun.” Ben deadpanned.

“He can’t have been watching you all the time.” Poe grumbled.

“Actually, now I think about it, we did hold a few get togethers behind his back.” Ben revealed with a sly smile. “And you were right about spin the lightsaber.”

“That’s more like it.” Poe rubbed his hands together excitedly as if he was about to hear some really juicy gossip. “And?”

“And when it was my turn to spin the saber it ended up pointing at the most popular member of the group.” Ben lowered his voice as if confiding some deep, dark secret.

“Go on.” Poe prompted him eagerly. “Who was she? I won’t tell Rey. I promise. My lips are sealed. I bet she was a real beauty. Did you dazzle her with the old Solo charm?”

“I don’t know. You’ll have to ask them yourself.” Ben said as he raised his hand and pointed somewhere over the confused pilot’s shoulder.

“Huh?” Poe followed the direction of Ben’s gaze. His eyes landed on R2D2, who was gliding smoothly alongside C-3PO. He shot Ben a playful glare as he punched him hard on the shoulder. Ben cut up laughing “Very funny, Solo. You clearly missed your calling. You should have been a comedian.” He glanced toward the two droids again, who had stopped and were looking curiously in their direction when they heard Ben laughing.

“Is everything alright, sir? Master Ben seems to be suffering with convulsions. Is there anything I can do?” C-3PO said worriedly.

A mischievous smile lit up Poe’s face as he found a chance to get his own back on Ben for his lame joke. “There’s only one cure for his malady, 3PO. And you are the perfect one to administer it.”

“I am, sir?” C-3PO was very confused.

“You are.” Poe waved him forward. C-3PO and R2D2 moved closer. Ben had tears in his eyes as he was laughing so much.

“I’m not sure what it is you think I can do, sir.” C-3PO continued as he regarded Ben nervously. “I really think I should fetch Major Kalonia if Master Ben requires medical assistance.”

“We don’t need to bother Harter. All my friend requires is a kiss.”

“What?!” Ben spluttered as his laughter dried up.

“Sir?” C-3PO stepped back in alarm. “I am not sure I heard you correctly.”

Poe winked at poor C-3PO who was about to short circuit. “Don’t worry, 3PO. If you don’t feel up to the task. I am sure R2 can step in. I mean he’s given Ben the kiss of life before.”

“Oh my!” C-3PO said in surprise as he looked down at his shorter companion. “You never mentioned this before, R2.”

R2 began to beep agitatedly as he whizzed backwards, nearly knocking C-3PO off his feet in the process. The droids’ reaction tipped Poe over the edge and he collapsed against Ben as he let out a rumbling laugh. Ben cuffed him around the back of the head and pushed him away again, before dissolving into another fit of laughter himself.

The two droids decided it was best to beat a retreat before the men recovered themselves. “I’ll never understand humans.” C-3PO confided to R2 as they hurriedly went on their way.

* * *

Rose was in the midst of putting the finishing touches to Rey’s elaborate Alderannian braids when the doors to her quarters slid open and Ben and Poe fell inside. The two men roared with laughter as they struggled to regain their footing. Kaydel let out a squeal of surprise while Rey and Rose exchanged an exasperated glance. It was clear that Ben and Poe were drunk. Poe was clutching an empty bottle of Corellian whisky in his left hand. It was part of a hidden batch that Han Solo had stashed on the Millennium Falcon eons ago. It seemed that the two men had decided to break into it.

“Idiots.” Rey muttered under her breath as she pushed herself onto her feet.

“Sweetheart!” Ben cried in greeting as a wide grin almost split his face in half. “You look gorgeous.” He declared as he reached out and tugged on the end of the elaborate braid before throwing his arms around her. “You are a sight for sore eyes.” He crooned as he closed his eyes, emitting a blissful sigh.

“You’re not.” Rey complained as she untangled his arms from around her. She had never seen Ben drunk before. He was certainly a clingy one. He looked at her from under his thick lashes, pouting slightly when he tried to pull her back into the circle of his arms. Rey huffed out an annoyed breath as she gave up on pushing him away and settled back into his embrace. “I know I told you to let loose, but not like this.”

“Blame him.” Ben hiccupped as he waved his hand vaguely in Poe’s direction. The fighter pilot had captured Rose and Kaydel’s hands in his and was drunkenly trying to persuade them to dance with him.

“I should have guessed Dameron would have something to do with this.” Rey shook her head as she fought a smile. Poe was swaying from side to side, singing to himself as he danced alone, having failed miserably to get the girls to join him.

Ben was an affectionate drunk. He whispered sweet nothings in Rey’s ear as he kissed the side of her head. “I love you.”

“I know.”

“I really, really love you.”

“I know.”

Ben smiled as he stood behind her and cradled her pregnant belly. “And you’re beautiful. Did I tell you that?”

“Once or twice.” Rey said in amusement. She looked over at Poe, Rose and Kaydel. The two girls had one of Poe’s arms over their shoulders as they acted as his crutches. He smiled stupidly at them as they steered him toward the door.

“We’ll take him back to his quarters. Have a good night, Rey.” Rose giggled as she guided Poe out the door with Kaydel’s help.

“The night is only beginning, ladies.” Poe declared as the doors slid closed behind him.

“He’s right, sweetheart.” Ben murmured as he planted a sloppy kiss on her cheek. “Did I tell you how much I love you?”

“Yes, but you can say it again.” Rey teased as she turned around in his arms and began to guide him toward their bed.

“I love you.”

“I know.” Rey pushed him into a sitting position before kneeling down to help him off with his boots.

“I never really kissed a droid.” Ben mumbled as he yawned widely and fell back on the bed. His eyes were already closing.

“I should hope not.” Rey laughed as she crawled onto the bed next to him.

Ben looked up at her, complete adoration shining in his dark eyes. “You’re the only one I’ve ever kissed.” He confessed with a sweet smile.

“I know.” Rey said as she caressed his face gently.

“I love you, Rey.”

“And I love you.” Rey answered as she dimmed the lights and lay down beside him.

**_A/N-thanks for reading. Please review._ **


	53. The Painful Truth

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you for the kind reviews on the last chapter. Sorry for the delay in posting this chapter, I got a bit stuck._ ** **_😊_ **

** Chapter Fifty-Three-The Painful Truth **

Rey was tiring of being pregnant. She wanted the babies out of her, and in her arms. Now she was had reached the final trimester she was constantly lethargic. She was fed up with waiting and was beginning to feel trapped. She was too exhausted to attend the daily briefings anymore. The few times she did manage to sit through one of the Resistance meetings, she always ended up dozing, much to everyone’s amusement and her mortification. Rey felt bad, but she envied her friends lithe figures and their ability to move around so easily. She had been that graceful once, hadn’t she? It had been so long since she had even been able to see her feet over her protruding belly that she couldn’t remember. Ben had to put her boots on for her now and it was just another thing that irked her. She had spent a lifetime being self-sufficient and she struggled with the concept of having to rely on another to do such simple tasks for her.

As her pregnancy hormones played havoc with her emotions, Rey found her moods changing rapidly throughout the day. One minute she would be deliriously happy, the next sobbing on Ben’s shoulder because she had couldn’t find anything to fit her rapidly expanding abdomen. Ben was endlessly patient with her, constantly telling her she was beautiful, uncomplainingly listening to her tear fuelled rages when she was upset. He comforted and soothed her frazzled nerves through her panicked moments when she became overwhelmed at the thought of becoming a mother.

“I never even had a mother figure when I was growing up, what do I know about being a parent.” Rey moaned. It was one of her bad days. She’d hardly slept, the twins had been moving around all night, using her bladder as a trampoline. She had to keep getting up to pee. Ben had sat up with her, rubbing her lower back and holding her close when she cried.

“You’re the most capable person I know.” Ben said soothingly. “You’re not alone in this, Rey. I’m going to be there with you every step of the way. We’ll work it out together.”

She was in the fresher now, getting ready for another day. Water dripped down past her shoulders, through her fine brunette hair, and continuing over her large stomach. It expanded out to prove that another being resided within her. Two heartbeats within one body. Rey’s back ached as her entire weight relied upon it. She looked down at the stretched skin with red vein-like tendrils seeping across the sides and wondered how Ben found her remotely attractive…

_“Get that thought out of your head. You’re beautiful, sexy and I love the bones of you.”_ Ben’s voice popped into Rey’s mind unexpectedly, startling her. She hadn’t realised she had been broadcasting her thoughts so loudly that he was picking up on them.

Rey’s heart banged loudly against her chest, the water from the head of the fresher screaming louder, overpowering the sound of her tears as she began to cry. “ _I love you, too_.” She sobbed.

_“Sweetheart, do you need me to come back?”_ Ben asked anxiously. He was at yet another meeting. With more and more people answering the Resistance’s call, their numbers were growing daily. Jannah and Finn had done an incredible job of recruiting others to their cause. The base was fit to bursting.

_“They need you. Stay_.” Rey fought to compose herself as she stepped out of the fresher. The cold air hit her frigid skin and she shivered, quickly covering herself with a warm blanket.

_“You need me more. Dameron can cope without me.”_

_“We both know he can’t. He relies on you, Ben. I’m fine, really.”_

_“Promise?”_

_“I promise.”_ Rey tried to sound reassuring. “ _I’m going to get something to eat and put my feet up.”_

_“K._ ’” Ben still wasn’t convinced, but he knew it was best not to argue. _“I’ll come back as soon as we’ve settled in the latest recruits. Love you.”_

_“Love you, too.”_ Rey breathed a heavy sigh as she lumbered over to the bed and settled down on it. Her eyelids were already drooping. She ignored the twinges in her side as she leaned her aching back against the heaped-up pillows and closed her eyes.

* * *

Rey’s mind was a futile tussle of conflicting thoughts as she was pulled back into reality by the sound of someone requesting entrance to her quarters. She was still as tired as hell and was angry at being disturbed. Whoever the culprit was, they were going to get a serve. Rey winced as another sharp twinge pulled at her sides when she moved off the bed. “Come in.” She called out irritably, holding her aching back as she walked into the main room.

The doors slid open to reveal Kuruk on the other side. Rey was immediately on the defensive as her father greeted her with a wary smile. She had been doing her best to avoid him since finding out the truth about her parentage. Ben had warned him off countless times, but Kuruk was nothing if not persistent.

“I told you I would come to you when I was ready to talk,” Rey snapped as she lowered her aching body into one of the vacant chairs.

“Its been weeks, Rey.” Kuruk said gruffly as he reached out to help her sit down.

Rey scowled at him as she was forced to let him help her. “I’ve had a lifetime of waiting. I’m sure you can suffer a few weeks.” She retorted bitterly.

“I guess I deserved that.” Kuruk ran his fingers through his greying locks as he pulled up another chair and sat down opposite her. “How are you? You look tired.” He stared at the dark circles underscoring her eyes.

“I was resting until you disturbed me.” Rey muttered.

Kuruk frowned. “I wouldn’t have to disturb you if you actually took the time to acknowledge me once in a while. Whether you like it or not, child, I am your father.”

“Well I don’t like it!” Rey felt her eyes fill with easy tears as she yelled at him.

“You need to calm down.” Kuruk tried to quieten her as she became more and more agitated. “You can’t let yourself get riled up like this. Think of the babies.”

“You have no right to lecture me. If you want me to remain calm then leave.” Rey fired back at him. Two bright spots of red coated her cheeks as she glared at him.

Kuruk rubbed his forehead as he met her angry gaze. “I know you don’t believe me but I did the best I could for you, Rey.”

“The best you could? Leaving your only child to live a life of slavery on a desert planet. That’s the best you could do was it?” Rey scoffed. She tried to swallow down her resentment toward the man who had sired her. Every time Kuruk opened his mouth she got angrier. She wasn’t ready to accept his pathetic excuses.

“I explained what happened.”

“I know. It doesn’t mean I believe any of it.” Rey turned her head aside and blinked rapidly as she tried to contain her tears.

“Everything I told you was the truth. Plutt betrayed me.” Kuruk insisted.

“You didn’t think to come and check?” Rey hated the quiver in her voice as she spoke. She didn’t want to show weakness in front of this man.

“I was a mess, Rey. For a long time. The only thing that helped me sleep at night was the thought that you were safe in the arms of a loving family. But, you’re right, I should have double-checked. I’m sorry. But I can’t change the past.” Kuruk said thickly.

“You expect me to feel sorry for you?”

Kuruk shook his head. “No.”

“Then what do you want from me? Forgiveness?” Rey demanded as she finally composed herself enough to look at him.

“I don’t expect that.” Kuruk’s eyes tightened with strain.

“You have no idea what it was like for me.” Rey admitted tearfully. “You have no idea of the aching loneliness I had to endure every day! How much I was starved of food, love and affection!”

“Rey...I….”

“Just shut up!” Rey cried hotly. “Don’t you dare say sorry again!”

“I…” Kuruk face was awash with agony as he swallowed down another useless apology. It was like he was watching his daughter bleed-out emotionally before his eyes, the wounds of her past would never heal. He had done that to her. He had failed in the worst way and no words he spoke could ever make it up to her. “I wasn’t there for you then, Rey. I could spend the rest of my life trying to make up for everything you had to suffer, but still it wouldn’t be enough. But I want you to know I’m here now. I want to try…. I want to be a part of your life…”

“But what if that’s not what I want?” Rey cut in tremulously.

“I see the fear in your eyes. I see the hurt, the yearning for love…because there is a part of you that will always remember how it feels to be so abandoned. I’m not going to do that again, Rey. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I promise you.” Kuruk vowed.

A single tear rolled down Rey’s cheek as she looked at him. She wanted to believe he was sincere. “I need to ask you something and please tell me the truth?”

“Is it about your mother?”

Rey’s face paled as she shook her head. “I don’t want to talk about her.”

“Okay.” Kuruk replied cautiously. “What did you want to ask me?”

“You said your contact on Hosnian Prime had found a family willing to adopt me. Who were they?”

“That doesn’t matter now.” Kuruk muttered uneasily.

“You want me to trust you. To give you a chance to be a part of my life. Then trust me with the truth. Anyone willing to shelter me knowing my ancestry were taking a huge risk. Who was it?”

“Rey, some things are best left in the past.” Kuruk hesitated as he rubbed his forehead again.

“I want no more secrets. Tell me who it was.” Rey demanded. “Don’t pretend you don’t know. You owe me the truth, Kuruk.”

“It was Leia.” Kuruk revealed with a hefty sigh. “Kylo’s mother.”

**_A/N-thanks for reading. Please review._ **


	54. A Little Space

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you very much to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter._ **

** Chapter Fifty-Four-A Little Space **

Ben knew the instant Rey cut off their bond. He was so used to feeling Rey on the edge of his consciousness, even if they weren’t directly interacting or communicating telepathically, that the sudden loss of their connection sent chills running through his body. He tried not to panic and immediately think the worst. She had done the same thing once before back on the old Resistance base on Ajan Kloss-he remembered how scared he had been at the time when he lost that vital connection with her-ultimately it had been nothing more than her wanting to keep the new lightsaber she was building a secret from him.

Drawing in a calming breath, Ben tried to contain his anxiety as he made his excuses to Dameron and the others and left the meeting early. Despite his best attempts to keep calm, the sudden loneliness was like a vice on his heart. Rey was his inner light, she was everything to him, losing her was the fuel of his worst nightmares. He tried to keep his doom mongering thoughts at bay as he ran straight to their quarters, only to find when he arrived, Kuruk emerging from them with a grim expression on his face. Sudden rage coursed through Ben like molten hot lava when he realised the old knight had ignored his warnings to stay away from Rey. Within the space of a heartbeat he had Kuruk pinned against the wall, his brown eyes burning with anger.

“What the hell did you do?” He growled. “I told you to stay away.”

“Get your hands off me!” Kuruk scowled as he grappled with Ben.

“What did you do?” Ben demanded again as he used his greater height and strength to keep Kuruk from breaking free.

“I was simply visiting my daughter.” Kuruk fired back at him. “You need to cool that quick temper of yours, Kylo. You think lashing out at me is protecting Rey. You’re wrong.”

“Don’t you dare lecture me.” Ben snarled as he brutally used the Force to sweep the older man out of his way. Kuruk flew through the air before landing heavily on his back, completely winded. “And stop calling me Kylo. It’s Ben.”

Kuruk groaned in pain as he struggled to rise. “Are you sure about that?” He wheezed. “You’re acting more like Kylo Ren right now then Ben Solo.”

Ben’s face darkened at Kuruk’s implication. “Keep your vile insinuations to yourself, old man. From now on you are going to stay away from Rey.” He warned, jabbing his forefinger in Kuruk’s direction.

Kuruk had finally managed to climb back onto his feet. He drew in shallow breaths as he met Ben’s angry gaze. “That’s my daughter’s decision to make. Not yours. If you try and control everything she does, you’ll eventually lose her, boy. Think on that!” He warned, before turning and staggering away in the opposite direction.

* * *

Rey had deliberately cut off their bond because she wanted complete privacy. She didn’t want any of her morbid thoughts bleeding through to Ben. Kuruk’s latest revelation had sent her into an emotional tailspin. As soon as her father left, she started to cry. She cried slowly, with tears dripping down her cheeks and the soft hum of her own voice echoing throughout the room as she mourned what could have been. If Plutt had kept his end of the bargain, how different her life could have been. Then she thought of the impact her presence would have had on a teenage Ben if the adoption had gone through. Would he have seen her as a rival, a replacement child? In the mindset he had been back then, of course he would.

The rest of the world closed around her, drifting farther and farther away as teardrops made up her ocean. They fell into her parted lips and stuck to her eyelashes. She could taste them, rolling down her parched throat. She was alone. She had lost herself. Again. She had grown up a lonely scavenger, when she could have been the adopted daughter of a princess.

Oh, the bitter irony!

Her mind drifted to Leia, and how Ben’s mother must have known all along that she was the child that she had been so willing to adopt all those years ago. Rey didn’t know whether to feel angry or grateful that Leia had decided for whatever reason to keep the knowledge to herself. It was just another one of many secrets that had been kept from her.

Rey was startled when the doors to her quarters slid open and Ben walked in. She died a little inside when she saw the residual anger dimming in his eyes after his tense confrontation with Kuruk. She wasn’t ready to face him yet. She needed more time to process things before she shared the news with him. As soon as he caught a glimpse of the tears running down her cheeks, he was on his knees in front of her, his hands reaching for her face.

“Please…don’t.” Rey whispered tremulously as she avoided his touch.

Ben tensed, his hands slowly dropping until they were resting on his knees. “Why not?” He asked, hurt clearly showing on his expressive face.

Rey couldn’t deal with his pain right now, not when she was still struggling with her own. She pushed herself clumsily onto her feet, her hands automatically cradling her pregnant belly. A sharp twinge stabbed her in the side and she turned her head aside so Ben couldn’t see her wince.

“Rey, why are you shutting me out? I don’t understand.” Ben stood up and tried to draw her into the security of his arms, but again she pushed him away. He swallowed thickly, his old insecurities and self-doubt beginning to rise to the surface at her rejection. The tension began to build in his stomach. “I can’t feel you. It scares me, sweetheart. Please, open up to me…”

The pain etched on his face and in his voice broke her heart but frustrated her at the same time. She dragged her shaking fingers through her hair. “Sometimes being around you is so exhausting, Ben. You can be so needy.”

“What?”

“Sometimes I don’t want you to know my every thought and feeling. Maybe I just want some privacy for once.”

Ben felt himself freefalling inside at her words. He gazed at her lovely face for a long moment, his eyes turning bleak. “Oh, okay.” His throat tightened as he tried to speak through the despair clawing at his heart. “I only want two things in this world, Rey. I want you. I want us. I love you, Rey.”

Before she could respond to that heartfelt statement, Ben turned around and left.

* * *

The doors to Rose’s quarters slid open to reveal a distraught Rey on the other side. Alarmed, Rose pulled Hux’s greatcoat tighter around her body to cover her nakedness. “Rey, what’s wrong?” She asked in alarm as she guided Rey further into the room.

“I’ve messed up, Rose.” Rey sobbed. Her eyes dripped with tears. She felt Rose’s arms wind around her, drawing her head onto her shoulder. Rey pressed her face into the crook of her friend’s neck. She couldn’t stop trembling. Why couldn’t stop crying?

Hux chose that moment to emerge from Rose’s bedroom as he came looking for her. He froze when he saw Rey, the tips of his ears turning pink. His red hair was in disarray, chest bare. Rey pulled away from Rose, her face growing warm with embarrassment when she realised just what she had interrupted. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” She apologised.

“Armitage, put on a shirt.” Rose chided him as she helped settle Rey into one of the vacant chairs.

“Yes, of course.” Hux murmured as he grabbed his undershirt and hastily tugged it over his head. Rose had pulled up another chair and was sitting beside Rey, peering worriedly at her face. “Can you tell me what happened?” She asked gently.

Rey glanced tearfully at Hux hovering in the background. She felt like such a fool. The last time she and Rose had spoken about Hux, her friend was still undecided. It seemed that she had gotten over any misgivings she might have had and things had quickly progressed. “I shouldn’t have come, Rose. I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

“Will you stop apologising.” Rose gave her a sincere smile. “Excuse me for a minute.” She left Rey and hurried over to Hux and pulled him over to one side out of earshot of Rey. “Go and find Ben.” She urged him.

“What?” Hux exclaimed a little too loudly.

Rose hushed him. “It’s obvious they’ve had a fight.”

“Well then won’t he be the last person she wants to see.” Hux said grumpily. How did Ren’s dramatics always somehow manage to impinge on his life? He had spent an enjoyable afternoon with Rose, they had just moved into the bedroom before Rey had interrupted them.

Rose tried not to laugh at the grouchy expression on his face. She looked up at him from under her thick lashes, smiling coyly. “The sooner you find him, Armitage, the sooner we can go back to what we were doing.” She toyed with one of the buttons on his shirt.

Hux let out a small groan. She was going to be the death of him. He was sure of it. “I hope you realise that I’m risking life and limb by confronting Ren in his lair. I’m not his favourite person. He’ll most likely stab me with that ridiculous saber of his for my trouble.”

“You are so funny, Armitage.” Rose laughed as she stood on her tiptoes to kiss him.

“I’m not joking.” Hux murmured against her lips.

“I’m sure you’ll be fine.” Rose gave his cheek an affectionate squeeze as she pulled away from him and headed back to Rey.

* * *

“What am I doing?” Hux muttered under his breath as he waited for the doors to slide open. He was half-hoping that his journey would have proved fruitless and Ren wasn’t really inside, but he could hear the fool moving around. When Ren didn’t acknowledge his request for entrance, he banged on the doors instead. “You will be the death of me, Rose Tico.” He said to himself for the hundredth time as he wondered again why he was pursuing this madness, even though he already knew that he would do anything she asked of him. He would walk over burning hot coals if it made her happy.

The doors finally slid open. Hux braced himself for the worst, expecting Ren to unleash his wrath on him for daring to intrude on his solitude. It wouldn’t be the first time in their long association that had happened. Hux still struggled to disassociate Ben from his old persona of Kylo Ren, but when he saw the broken man sitting with his head in his hands, he actually felt a sliver of pity run through him. He could imagine himself looking like that If Rose ever rejected him.

“Feeling sorry for yourself again, Ren.” He said in a mocking tone as he stepped warily through the entrance.

“Fuck off, Hux. I’m not in the mood to spar with you today.” Ben retorted wearily as he raked his fingers through his tousled black hair.

Hux drew himself up to his full height and clasped his hands behind his back as he walked around the room. It was in a chaotic mess. It seemed that Ren had taken his unhappiness out on every inanimate object he could find. “You know there are better ways of making use of your time then wrecking the place.” He continued in the same sardonic tone. A satisfied smile crossed his face when Ren scowled at him. Good. It was better than that pathetic hangdog expression he was wearing when he first walked in. “She’s with Rose.” He said finally.

“Rey?” Ben’s eyes lit up; his voice filled with hope.

“Yes.” Hux refrained from rolling his eyes. “You gave me some unwanted advice once and surprisingly it didn’t backfire on me. I’m going to give you the same advice now.”

Ben’s brows drew down into a suspicious frown. “Which is?” He growled.

“Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, why don’t you just man up and tell the girl how you feel.”

Ben rose slowly to his feet as he glared at Hux with intense dislike. “Don’t think this means we’re friends now.” He threatened. “And we will never speak of this again.”

Hux’s face filled with disgust. “Never.” He agreed.

* * *

When Ben reached Rose’s quarters, he found her waiting outside for him. “Rose, is she…?” He couldn’t even finish the question; his heart was pounding so loudly.

“She’s inside waiting for you.” Rose gave him a sympathetic smile.

“Thank you.” Ben returned her smile weakly.

“Um…I hope Armitage is still all in one piece?”

“You sent him to me?” Ben saw the faint hint of red blooming on Rose’s cheeks as she lowered her gaze to the floor. “Don’t worry he’s in full working order.”

“Perfect.” Rose’s cheeks flushed even redder as she continued to avoid his eye. “I’ll be off then.” She said quickly as she scurried off to find Hux and check him over for any signs of damage.

Ben stepped inside, relying on old mediation techniques to calm his mind. As soon as he saw Rey her mind opened up to him again, and he immediately began to relax. He caught her hands, pulling her toward him. Her arms wrapped right around him brought him peace, a calming of the storms in his heart. He held her close, resting his chin on top of her head as she moulded her body to his. After a minute Ben drew back a little so he could see her lovely face. He leaned in a little closer, until their foreheads were touching.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered sadly. “I didn’t mean to push you away and take my unhappiness out on you…. I just needed….”

“Space.” Ben finished for her. “I get it. I do. All you need to do is tell me that.”

“I’m so tired, Ben.” Rey admitted.

“I know, sweetheart.” Ben said soothingly.

Just then a brutal pain ripped through Rey’s abdomen. She gasped with the intensity of it. Ben caught her as she hunched over, clutching her stomach in agony. She felt water trickle between her legs, which soon turned into a flood. She looked up at Ben, her face turning pale with anxiety. “Ben, the babies…. they’re coming.”

**_A/N-thanks for reading. Please review._ **


	55. A Mother's Sacrifice

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I am issuing a tissue warning for this chapter. It might be too emotional for some, so please proceed with caution. It deals with death and sacrifice. I have played around with Star Wars canon in this chapter, but as TROS chucked that all out the window, I don’t suppose that matters much….anyway on with the story._ **

** Chapter Fifty-Five-A Mother’s Sacrifice **

Rey knew there was something wrong. Normally very reserved, even Harter was showing signs of panic. The labour had been going on for far too long. With each contraction came a pain that dominated Rey's entire being. In those moments, for those seconds that stretched into infinity, there was nothing else. When the pain passed it was only for a minute or so and she breathed with closed eyes, unwilling to re-engage with life outside of her own body. The room might as well have been empty for all the awareness she had, and when they did talk, touch, gain her attention she found it so hard. To reply she had to find herself from the deepest recess of her own mind and drag herself forward, to use her voice, open her eyes.

Ben remained an indomitable presence beside her. He held her hand steadfastly in his, refusing to give into the fear that was flowing toward him from the others. He was certain that everything was going to turn out fine, even as Rey began to give into her doubts. Through the weary haze of exhaustion, she heard Harter telling her that is was time, time to push. With a guttural grunt she did so and was told to stop, one was enough. She felt the first baby crowning at last, the hot stretching of flesh and held her breath. Without any further effort the baby slid into Harter’s hands. Rey saw the elation in Ben’s eyes, he proudly announced it was a girl, before seconds later his happiness turned to confusion when Harter’s face paled. She quickly whisked the newborn away, handing her to one of the medical droids.

Rey looked in alarm at Ben. “I can’t hear her. Ben, why can’t I hear her? Why isn’t she crying?” She gasped.

“They’re just looking after her, sweetheart. Everything’s just fine.” Ben tried to reassure her. His eyes sought Harter’s and his blood ran cold when she gave him a subtle shake of her head. He had never experienced grief like it before. He immediately went into denial mode. He actually staggered a little but was forced to compose himself when Harter gave him a warning look. Now was not the time to fall apart. Rey needed him. Needed him desperately.

“Ben?” Rey pleaded tremulously. “Ben, what’s happening?”

Ben bent down and kissed her sweaty forehead; he knew if he looked her in the eyes it would break him. “I’m here.” He whispered huskily. “I’m right here.”

“Rey, I need you to focus on me.” Harter struggled to maintain her professional mask. “I need you to push again.”

Rey’s stomach tightened and she bit down hard on her bottom lip, drawing blood. Even though she felt like she had no energy left, she bore down one last time and the second twin was born-a boy this time. Just like his sister, the boy made no sound as Harter carried him out of sight. This time Rey didn’t ask any questions. Instinct told her what was coming. She waited in silent despair, her hand still locked in Ben’s, for Harter to return and deliver the bad news.

She didn’t have to wait long….

* * *

Rey gently curled her newborn daughter’s tiny fingers around her pinky finger. They were so small and delicate but so cold. Ben was doing the same with their son. The twins looked utterly perfect, to a quiet observer they looked like they were merely sleeping. Only they knew better. Harter had left them alone to give them space to grieve. So far, she and Ben hadn’t spoken a word to each other, they didn’t need to voice aloud what was in their hearts. They were a Dyad; they already knew what they needed to do. Leaning down, Rey first placed a gentle kiss on her tiny daughter’s forehead, before reaching across and kissing her son in a last gesture of goodbye. She watched Ben do the same.

At exactly the same time they reached for each other. Ben curled his fingers around Rey’s as he sought the familiar connection with her. His dark eyes were soft, full of love, but with infinite sorrow bleeding in-between. The emotions in Rey’s hazel eyes mirrored his. Ben let his gaze linger on her beautiful face for a while as he imprinted it into his memory for the last time. Rey did the same with him, her fingers tightening slightly around his. She was so tired, exhausted from giving birth, but she had enough strength left to do what needed to be done.

Rey wished they could write a million letters to everyone they were leaving behind, each one the same as the last in sentiment and cadence. But there was no time. She watched as Ben’s hand settled tenderly on their newborn son’s stomach. Carefully she did the same with their daughter. Maintaining eye-contact with each other until the very end, Ben and Rey gave themselves over to the Force in a last desperate attempt to breathe life into their children.

* * *

On the other side of the doors, Harter was sobbing into Chewie’s chest unceasingly. The devastated Wookie held Harter in silence, rocking her slowly as her tears soaked his thick fur. They still hadn’t shared the tragic news with anybody yet. They wouldn’t do that until Ben and Rey were ready. Then to their amazement twin cries broke out from inside the room. Harter pulled away from Chewie, her eyes wide with astonishment. “That’s impossible.” She breathed.

Chewbacca and Harter forced the doors open using the console outside. They slid open slowly, revealing Ben and Rey lying on the floor by the twins’ cradle, their hands still entwined to the very end. While Harter rushed to assess them, Chewie went to look down at the twins. His heart exploded in wonder as he watched their tiny moving figures. They were alive. The newborns peered up at him through brand new eyes at what must be such a strange world after life in the womb. The little girl’s legs kicked in a tiny jagged motion, while the boy continued to fret and cry. Just as he had when Ben was a newborn, Chewie lifted the little boy in his hairy arms and cradled him tenderly, murmuring an old lullaby in Shyriiwook to soothe him.

* * *

With Chewie continuing to act as nursemaid to the twins, with the assistance of the medical droids, Harter faced down a furious Kuruk. He had charged into the medical bay demanding answers when none were forthcoming after hours of impatient waiting. When he found his daughter and Ben hooked up to various machines monitoring their vital signs, he vented his anger on an unfortunate Harter. So far, she and Chewie were the only ones in the know about Rey and Ben. They had been in the process of informing Poe when Kuruk had barged his way in.

“I’ve told you all I know!” Harter yelled at Kuruk. “I don’t know how the Force works. But somehow, they managed to bring the twins back to life but at a great cost to themselves.” She took a deep shuddering breath to compose herself before resuming speaking. “All I can tell you right now is that they are in dire straits, especially Rey. She had already experienced a traumatic birth before this happened. She was exhausted, weak. Her vital signs are weakening with every passing minute. I don’t know how much longer she can hold on. Ben…. he’s….” She took another gulp of air as she glanced toward the twin beds where Ben and Rey lay, their hands were still tightly entwined. Even when Chewie had moved them, their hands hadn’t separated.

Kuruk followed the direction of her gaze, his haunted eyes dimming as he looked at Rey’s ashen face. “Are you telling me that my daughter is going to die?” He asked thickly.

“Right now-and this is a guess, not my medical opinion-I think it’s only Ben that is keeping her in this world. But he’s weakening too. There is nothing medically I can do to help them. I can only make them as comfortable as possible. If I could consult someone, anyone, who had knowledge of the Force…” Harter rubbed her aching temples. “There’s no one left-Leia, Luke…. they’re all gone.”

“So, you’re saying only a Force user can help them?” Kuruk checked.

Harter shrugged; her shoulders weighed down with the heavy burden of her despair. “There’s nothing else I can tell you.”

Grief. It chased Kuruk all the way back to the Night Buzzard. It left a hole in his heart that he couldn’t possibly fill. He had only just reconnected with Rey and now all that was left was gaping void in his chest. He was about to do something he never thought he would do, but he was desperate, and a desperate man will do anything.

He was going to contact Rey’s mother.

* * *

“Kuruk.” The holographic image of Sapphire sneered in greeting. “I knew you would resurface eventually.” Her lovely face was hidden within the depths of the large black hood she was wearing to cover her face. “You didn’t crawl out of the gutter for nothing. What do you want?”

Kuruk felt his heart stir at the sound of the melodious voice that haunted his darkest nightmares. His breathing became shallow as he stared at her flickering image. He could do this. He would do this. For Rey. “You’re right. I do want something. I want you to look into that black heart of yours and find some compassion. There has to be some good left in you somewhere. I know you loved our daughter once.”

Sapphire drew in a sharp breath as she slowly pulled her voluminous hood back, revealing her stunning features to Kuruk’s thirsty eyes. “You’ve found her. Where is she?” She demanded as a fierce glow lit up her hazel eyes. “Tell me!”

“Meet me at these co-ordinates and I’ll take you to her.” Kuruk replied gruffly. He tapped the co-ordinates into the console, abruptly cutting off the communication before he completely lost it. He just hoped he wouldn’t live to regret it.

* * *

It was surprisingly easy for Kuruk to smuggle Sapphire into the Resistance base. The bad news about Rey and Ben had begun to spread across the base and was causing a ripple affect amongst the crew. The atmosphere was increasingly morbid as he escorted his former lover and Sith queen through the back tunnels. To his surprise Sapphire hadn’t interrogated him or made any attempt to converse with him at all as she kept her face hidden beneath the depths of her voluminous hood. She was being completely docile and that worried Kuruk more than if she had tried to attack him-hissing and spitting vitriol-on first sight. He suspected a trap, but knew it was too late to back out now. He kept expecting something to jump out at him from the shadows, but when nothing did, he slowly began to relax his guard.

Still, he was relieved when they reached the medical bay without incident. He warned Sapphire to remain where she was as he went to warn Harter about the unexpected guest. As soon as he was out of sight, Sapphire withdrew her weapon-a foldable, double bladed lightsaber-she ignited it, the twin red blades shooting out simultaneously to ghastly effect. Sapphire pulled her hood back, smiling slightly as she admired her unique weapon. It had been so long since she had a chance to wield it. It was a damn shame she never would again. Before Kuruk returned to fetch her, she sheathed it, hiding it away under her long black robes.

* * *

Kuruk’s attention was fixated on Sapphire’s stunning face. He could already feel himself falling back under her spell. He tried to fight the effect she had on him before she completely consumed him. “You haven’t aged.” He complimented her gruffly.

“You have.” Sapphire responded coolly.

“I carry the scars of a lifetime living in the dark.” Kuruk growled.

“More like a lifetime of drowning your sorrows in drink.” Sapphire retorted bitterly. “You forget I know you, Kuruk.”

“You’re remembering the man you used to know. I’m not him anymore.” Kuruk snapped.

“No, you’re worse.” Sapphire said in disgust. “You’ve just become weaker, more pathetic.”

“I didn’t bring you here to trade barbs with you.” Kuruk curled his fists impatiently. “I’ll take you to Rey.”

“Not yet.” Sapphire’s hazel eyes settled on him, a melt of fall tones, fending off the winter frost. Kuruk could already feel himself drowning in them. “I want to see the babies, Kuruk.” Her voice was soft now, tender as she reeled him in.

“That wasn’t the deal.”

Freckles, light, delicate; sprinkled softly on her pale cheeks. Waves of brown hair fell smoothly across her slim shoulders as she drew him in with her penetrating gaze. She was a Goddess, a blooming flower amongst the leaves. “Take me to them, Kuruk. I want to see my grandchildren.”

He had never been able to resist her when she looked at him like that. Kuruk caved in and motioned for her to come. Sapphire’s fingers gripped tightly to her weapon as she followed gracefully in his wake.

* * *

Sapphire stared down at the twins. The boy raised his arms aloft as if dreaming of cuddling the mother who had not yet had the chance to hold him. Sapphire slid her pinky into his open hand and watched as his fingers curled around it instinctively. Her fascinated gaze passed to his sister. She was sleeping, and when Sapphire dared to touch her cheek, she could feel the newborn’s soft breath on the back of her hand.

“Yes, you will wield my weapon well, dearest.” She whispered to the little girl as she brushed her forefinger across the delicate skin of her cheek.

“Saffy.” Kuruk’s deep voice pulled her attention back to him and she frowned. “You’ve seen them. Now let’s go.”

Sapphire reluctantly stepped back from the cradle, but she kept her gaze fixed on the sleeping baby girl until the last possible moment. Her grip on her weapon tightened as she pulled it off her belt. Kuruk saw her movement and immediately drew his blaster, pointing it directly to the back of her head. “Don’t even think about it?” He growled.

“Don’t be a fool.” Sapphire snarled as she completed her movement and held her weapon in both hands, offering to him. “Take it.”

“Why?” Kuruk asked suspiciously.

“Because it belongs to my granddaughter now. When she comes of age, I want you to give it to her.” Sapphire explained urgently.

“What’s going on, Saffy?” Kuruk said uneasily. The way she was acting unnerved him. He took the weapon anyway, just to be on the safe side, before lowering his blaster.

“That is none of your concern. Now take me to Rey.” Sapphire demanded imperiously.

* * *

Harter hovered on the edges of the room, feeling unsettled. She was regretting letting Kuruk persuade her to go through with this crazy plan. She had been shocked at Sapphire’s appearance, her likeness to Rey was striking. They could almost be mistaken for sisters rather then mother and daughter. She had such a young face despite her age. Whatever dark practices she used to maintain her youthful visage; Harter didn’t want to know. She shivered at the chill the woman had brought with her. If Poe and the others found out what she had let happen…. Harter didn’t complete that thought as she watched Sapphire draw up a chair and place her hands over Rey and Ben’s joined hands, before closing her eyes.

* * *

When Sapphire opened her eyes again, she found herself in a cavern. The temperature dropped as she entered the massive underground chamber, sending a violent chill down her spine. Light reached neither wall nor ceiling, confining vision to a small circle of flickering orange cast by a single torch; it illuminated a solitary female dressed all in white. She was standing with her back to Sapphire, hovering protectively like a guardian angel over the unconscious forms of Rey and Ben. Even here their hands remained entwined.

Sapphire could feel the Force flowing strongly around her as she approached the woman in white. As soon as she did, the woman turned, a serene smile lighting up her angelic features. “I’ve been waiting a long time to meet you.” She said in greeting.

“And me you, Leia Organa.” Sapphire responded with a warm smile. “Where is this place?”

Leia’s face, illuminated by the single torch, registered her confusion. “I’m not sure. A world between worlds perhaps.”

“Perhaps.” Sapphire agreed with a small nod. She stepped forward so she could get a closer look at Rey’s sleeping form. “She looks so peaceful, doesn’t she?” She said to Leia. “Beautiful and strong.”

“Just like her mother.” Leia added gently.

“But she’ll never know me.” Sadness swept across Sapphire’s pale face as she tenderly brushed her fingers across her daughter’s cheek. “She’ll never know what I sacrificed to keep her safe from Sidious.”

Leia brushed a stray hair out of Sapphire’s eyes. “She’ll know. In here.” She said, placing a hand over Rey’s heart.

Sapphire’s eyes gleamed with watery tears as she fell onto her knees between Rey and Ben and placed her hands over theirs. “You know that once I’m gone, that Sidious will come for all of them. I won’t be manipulating things behind the scenes anymore to stop him finding them.”

“I know.” Leia’s eyes turned sad as she looked at her son’s beloved face. “But this is where your story ends.”

Streaming tears cleansed Sapphire’s pale cheeks as she looked one last time at Leia. “Will you stay with me until it’s all over? I’m frightened.” She said in a small voice.

“I’ll be right here.” Leia promised firmly.

Feeling comforted, Sapphire closed her eyes and held tightly to Rey and Ben’s hands as she made the ultimate sacrifice and gave up her life force and breathed new life into them.

* * *

“Mom?!” Rey awoke abruptly from the strangest dream she had ever had, only to find it was true. She cradled Sapphire’s lifeless body in her arms and wept bitter tears of loss while Ben did his best to comfort her.

**_A/N-thanks for reading. Please review._ **


	56. Atanu

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter. I decided to do a time-jump. I hope this doesn’t make the chapter too disorientating, but I felt it necessary to push the story forwards…_ **

** Chapter Fifty-Six-Atanu **

**_Two years later;_ **

The new Resistance base was located mostly underneath the surface of Atanu. with only the facility's landing areas and antenna arrays exposed. Inside the base was a command centre, as well as multiple hangars, both above and underground, used to store T-70 X-wing starfighters. Underneath the hangars, an area known as the maintenance level had been built, where damaged vehicles could go to be repaired. Surrounding the base was thick jungle foliage, similar to that of the old base on D’Qar, which helped hide the facility from air and ground sensors and conceal potential power leaks. Most of the equipment used at the base was portable, a feature insisted on by Poe and Ben due to their experience of the Resistance’s near extinction on Lonania Prime.

Just as Sapphire had predicted, with her fall, came instant retribution. When knowledge of her sacrificial death to save her daughter reached Darth Sidious- and realising that his most fervent and trusted worshipper had been manipulating him all along-the Sith lord unleashed hell. Without Sapphire’s machinations behind the scenes preventing the smallest rumour or gossip of the Resistance’s location reaching her master’s ears, once that protection was removed, it didn’t take long before their base on Lonania Prime was exposed. With barely any time to grieve and without any warning, the beleaguered Resistance fighters suddenly found themselves under attack from First Order ships, flying under Darth Sidious’ banner and now renamed the Final Order, led by their old nemesis-Allegiant General Enric Pryde.

They were woefully unprepared for the strength of the new fleet. Without time to send out distress calls to their allies, they were forced to evacuate the base quickly. Ben and Rey smuggled the newborn twins on to the Millenium Falcon, reluctantly leaving them under the guardianship of Chewie, Rose and Hux-sending them on ahead with Kuruk and the Knights of Ren for added protection. Their biggest fear was Sidious finding out about the twin’s existence and they wanted to prevent that at all costs. Ben and Rey stayed behind with Poe and the Resistance’s black and red squadron as they launched a courageous counter-attack in order to give the rest of the Resistance time to flee.

Despite their valiant efforts they suffered heavy losses. The base on Lonian Prime was completely destroyed in an orbital assault spearheaded by Pryde’s new fleet of Xyston-class Star destroyers, fitted with axial superlaser cannons that were capable of obliterating entire planets. Most of black and red squadron perished as they fought a running attack against the super fleet of star destroyers. It was only their superior flying skills that saved Ben, Rey and Poe from suffering the same fate as they managed to flee under the Final Order’s radar.

They regrouped with the rest of the decimated Resistance on Ahch-to, Luke’s old place of exile. Their stay there was only brief before they were forced to flee when Sidious’ fleet caught up with them again. It was a long and painful couple of years, where the Resistance suffered ever more devastating losses, before they were finally able to find a place to settle permanently to begin the long and arduous road of building up their numbers again.

* * *

Rey watched contentedly as her two-year-old daughter, Aleia, played with the butterflies. Atanu’s lush flora and fauna continued to fascinate her. After growing up in the harsh desert sands of Jakku, to Rey, Atanu was paradise. The discovery of the butterfly garden had been the most magical find so far and Rey immediately claimed it as a safe space for her children to play in. A butterfly landed upon Aleia’s finger with wings of black and gold, the colours blending and swirling as playful waves upon night sands. She immediately babbled a load of nonsense at her brother, who was sitting half hidden amongst some tall grasses, his pet Porg balanced on his shoulder-an offspring of one of the Porg families who had stowed away on the Falcon when they left Ahch-to.

Rey smiled in amusement when her son poked his tongue out at his sister. Pouting in annoyance, Aleia released the butterfly and ran barefoot through the soft blanket of grass toward her brother. There was a muffled squeak from Tai as he immediately ducked down and crawled away in the tall grass to hide himself from his twin’s wrath. He forgot about the Porg balanced precariously on his shoulder. It flapped its pudgy wings indignantly and flew clumsily into the air, giving away his location. Aleia immediately launched herself at her brother and the two began to scrap.

“Hey, enough of that!” Rey called out, finally taking action. The twins tumbled out into the open, the silly Porg still flapping up above them, cawing harshly. Rey grabbed each twin by the collar of their tunic and raised them aloft. “What have I told you about fighting?”

With mirroring sulky expressions, Aleia and Tai mumbled their resentful apologies. “Sorry, Mommy.”

“Say it to each other.” Rey ordered sternly.

Aleia poked out her bottom lip as she stubbornly shook her head no. Tai did the same, shaking his head so vigorously that the pollen from the rich flowers got up his nose and made him sneeze. His pet Porg landed on top of his head and cawed sympathetically as he glared at his annoying twin.

“Say it.” Rey demanded again. “Or you won’t be allowed to play with Uncle Chewie later.”

Both children began to protest. This was a cruel punishment indeed. Worse than death. Chewie was their mutual favourite and both of them always tried to up one another as they fought to claim the Wookie’s attention. Even though he gave them equal attention, it still didn’t stop them fussing that one was getting more than the other.

“Sorry, Ally.” Tai was the first to crack as he issued a very surly apology.

“Ally?” Rey urged her stubborn daughter. “Say sorry to your brother.”

“Sorreeee, Tai.” Aleia practically screeched at him.

Rey was about to scold her daughter again when Ben appeared, sending the twins squealing in delight. Where Rey was the disciplinarian, Ben was the fun one. He could never find it in his heart to tell the children off when they were being naughty or getting up to mischief. He still bore the scars of his own isolated childhood, where he was convinced his parents didn’t love him, and despite the newfound knowledge that this wasn’t true at all, his old fears continued to haunt him, resulting in him going overboard in his efforts to smother the twins with love and affection, effectively spoiling them. It was sometimes a source of conflict between him and Rey. She tried to be understanding, she knew how much he secretly worried that if he disciplined the children, they somehow wouldn’t love him anymore. It was an irrational fear, and Ben knew it, but still he struggled.

“Daddy!” As soon as their feet touched the ground the twins sprinted toward Ben, who was hunkered down, his arms spread wide to receive them.

As soon as they reached him, Aleia and Tai began to climb him like a tree. Ben laughed, his warm brown eyes meeting Rey’s as he scooped his children up into his arms and rose to his feet. “Hey, beautiful.” He said to Rey when she walked over to join him. He watched as her cheeks flushed slightly. Even after all this time she still struggled to accept a compliment.

Rey stood on her tiptoes and exchanged a quick kiss with him. “I take it the reconnaissance flight went well.”

“Yes, our defences are holding up well.” Ben explained as he helped Tai to settle on his shoulder. Tai’s pet Porg’s saucer like eyes blinked in annoyance when he was dislodged from his place on top of his head. He cawed, scrambling for a foothold in Tai’s thick cap of black hair. Tai let out a loud yell as the Porg pulled at the silky strands. Aleia giggled in delight at her brother’s discomfort. She flapped her arms, imitating the Porg’s wings, nearly hitting Ben in the face.

“Ally, watch what you’re doing.” Rey said irritably as she pulled her errant daughter out of Ben’s arms.

“It’s fine.” Ben started to say, then stopped when Rey narrowed her eyes at him. “Um…be more careful.” He said weakly to Aleia instead.

Rey gave him a tender smile for his efforts. He was trying. She transferred Aleia to her hip, smoothing her daughter’s windblown hair back from her heart-shaped face. Both of the twins had inherited Ben’s lustrous black hair. They took after him in looks too. Only a smattering of freckles dusting their noses showed a hint of Rey. Though Aleia’s brown eyes were definitely all Leia Organa. Rey felt Ben slip his arm around her waist as he pulled her into his side, needing to feel her close. With the sun setting behind them, the little family enjoyed a peaceful walk back to the base.

* * *

Chewbacca lay sprawled out across the floor of Ben and Rey’s quarters, snoring loudly. Aleia and Tai dribbled on his warm fur as they slept. All three of them were tuckered out from an energetic play session.

“Can’t you turn that Wookie down?” Kuruk complained to Rey as he held his hands over his ears when Chewie let out another earth-shattering snore.

Rey smiled at her father in amusement. Even though their relationship could still sometimes be contentious, Rey was glad to have Kuruk in her life. It had taken her a while but she came to admire his utter devotion to her children and his protectiveness toward her. After practically raising herself, she had found it hard to accept a parental figure in her life, especially one who had been absent for most of it. She had grieved for a long time over Sapphire’s sacrifice. Knowing what she knew now about the extent her mother’s efforts to shield her from Sidious, it was heart-breaking that she was never going to have a chance to form a relationship with her. She didn’t want to lose that opportunity with her father.

“His snores will die down in a minute.” Rey said as she poured some Caf into her father’s empty mug.

“Humph.” Kuruk muttered under his breath as he raised the mug to his lips and took a sip of the warm liquid. He was feeling a little jealous that the Wookie dominated so much of the twin’s time, they adored Chewbacca, and he wished they would take more notice of him when he was there, he might as well be invisible when Uncle Chewie was in the room. He had lost out on the opportunity to watch Rey grow into the strong, beautiful, capable woman she was today. Watching the twins grow was like a second chance.

“They love you, too.” Rey offered up comfortingly. She had learned over the intervening years to read Kuruk’s moods.

He let out a gusty sigh. “They did seem captivated when I read them that story.”

“Yes, they did.” Rey agreed stoutly.

“You’re a terrible liar, daughter.” Kuruk laughed gruffly.

Rey sniggered. “Well they sat still.”

“Pulling faces at each other.” Kuruk smiled wryly. “Maybe I need to improve my storytelling technique. Or I could just pose in a hairy suit and they might mistake me for that walking carpet.” He joked grudgingly.

“That’s not a bad idea.” Rey grinned, wincing slightly when Chewbacca let out another gargantuan snore. “More Caf?”

**_A/N-thanks for reading. Please review._ **


	57. Miscommunication

** Paralyzed  **

Disclaimer: all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed this story. I have been neglecting this story a little in favour of my other one, I’m sorry about that. Here’s the new chapter…._ **

** Chapter Fifty-Seven-Miscommunication  **

Rose wanted to kill whoever had termed it 'morning sickness.' She felt like she had the most terrible hangover all the time. She was nauseous and liable to vomit at the slightest provocation. And it lasted all damn day. How could anything so natural feel so bad? She saw Armitage looking at her with that familiar hangdog expression. He was only worried about her. She knew that. But the terrible frustration she was experiencing at the situation she had found herself in only added to her misery. She blamed him. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right. She just couldn’t help it. And worse still she hadn’t told him. She couldn’t. Not when she hadn’t accepted it herself. Despite all her best efforts to the contrary, even with all the precautions she had taken, she was pregnant. And the thought absolutely terrified her.

“Rose, please, my love.” Armitage begged her again when he saw her face pale. “You’re clearly not well. This has been going on for two weeks now…”

“I told you I’m fine.” Rose snapped at him. “Just leave me alone, Armitage. I am sick to death of you hovering over me all the time.” She stormed away from him, guilty tears already glazing her eyes at her harsh treatment of him. She just couldn’t help it. She was just so scared.

In the distance Rose saw Ben Solo coming toward her; his attention focused on a datapad he held in front of him as he walked. Following behind him were the twins, clutching their toy lightsabers in their hands. After seeing their parents sparring with each other one morning with their own sabers, the twins had kicked up a fuss, demanding they wanted their own. Rey had firmly told them the weapons were not toys and only trained adults could use them. Exasperated when they wouldn’t stop complaining, she sent the twins off to bed early, hoping that would be the end of it. Aleia, being the chief mischief maker, had awoken her brother in the middle of the night and the two had gone on a midnight expedition in search of the fabled weapons. They snuck into their parent’s room, their eyes going round with glee when they saw Ben’s saber flung carelessly on the floor beside the bed he shared with Rey. As usual he was wrapped around Rey, blissfully unaware of what was about to happen.

Shushing her brother, Aleia had picked up the dangerous weapon with both hands, letting out a small giggle as she switched it on. Her giggle soon turned to a shriek as the red plasma blade shot out, humming madly like a swarm of angry insects. She quickly dropped it and hid behind Tai, who was quaking in his boots with fear. Their daughter’s terrified shriek had awoken Ben and Rey, who shot of bed in alarm when they realised what had been going on. Ben grabbed his weapon, switching it off quickly, his heart hammering madly as he watched Rey scoop up the twins in her arms and hastily inspect them for damage. Thankfully no harm had been done but the close call shook the couple to their core.

The twins weren’t the only ones who got a good scolding that night. Ben got one too. Rey was angry that he had been so careless as to leave his weapon lying around for the kids to pick up, especially knowing how keen the twins were to have one of their own. His guilt weighed heavily on him; it took him a while to come to terms with what could have happened. Rey forgave him after a few days but it took him longer to forgive himself. As for the twins, Aleia had placed the blame all on her brother, despite Tai’s protests to the contrary. Rey wasn’t fooled by that. She knew who the real instigator was.

Even though the twins had gotten a fright, they still remained fascinated with the sabers. Ben and Rey made sure theirs were locked away when they weren’t using them, but the twins continued to pester them about having their own, until their grandfather, Kuruk, had come up with the simple idea of mocking up a pair in the image of the originals. So, on their third birthday, the twins were gifted with replicas of their parents lightsabers and they had carried them around with them ever since.

Rose loved the twins-she had babysat them often enough-and was their third favourite person after Chewbacca and Kuruk. Today, however, she just wanted to avoid them. She tried to sneak past them and Ben but Aleia had already spotted her. Letting out a loud squeal of excitement, Aleia began to charge toward Rose. As usual Tai followed in his sister’s footsteps. Ben raised his head and smiled absently when he saw his kids running toward Rose. He was surprised to see Rose shy away from the children’s enthusiastic greeting. And was that a glimmer of tears in her eyes?

Hastily Ben called out to the twins. “Hey, give Rose some breathing room, guys.”

Aleia gave him a very Reyesque look before reluctantly complying. Instead she spun around and challenged Tai to a duel. Soon the intrepid pair were engaged in a mock battle. Ben watched them in amusement for a while until he saw Aleia pull the same sly move on her brother that Rey often did when they were sparring. She ducked under one of Tai’s swings and curled her foot around his lower ankle and tripped him up. Tai lost his balance and fell heavily on his butt as his sister started to giggle. He glared up at her in annoyance. “Daddy! Ally cheated!”

Ben chuckled as he leaned down and reached for his son’s hand to pull him up. “You need to be more observant, Tai. I can show you some moves. It’s obvious someone has already showed your sister some.” He looked pointedly at Aleia while he waited for her to reveal her mother had been giving her some tips, but she maintained an innocent look which indicated to Ben, Rey must have sworn their daughter to secrecy.

“How do you do it?”

Rose’s question startled Ben. He had completely forgotten she was there. “Um…do what?” He asked as he dusted Tai’s tunic down with his hand.

“I don’t know.” Rose continued apprehensively as she focused her gaze on the twins. “Be so calm. Know what to do. You and Rey took to this whole parent thing so easily.”

“Hardly.” Ben’s cheeks grew warm as he remembered the near catastrophe with the lightsabers. “We’ve had our moments.”

“But you worked through them.” Rose persisted. “You’re a team.”

“Yeah.” Ben’s eyes softened in that special way when he thought about Rey. “We’re a team.”

“Daddy!” Tai whined as he tried to claim his father’s attention again but Ben was still focused on Rose.

“Are you okay, Rose? You look a bit peaky.”

Rose could feel the familiar nausea welling in her throat. She faked a smile and made an excuse to leave before she threw up in front of the poor children. “I’m fine. Honestly. I’ll catch up with you all later. Bye.”

Ben watched her scurry away as realisation dawned-Rose was pregnant. He wondered if Rey knew. He filed it away in his mind, intending to ask her later. Glancing down at his children he gave them a wide grin. “Who’s hungry?” He asked.

“MEEEEEEE!!!!!” The twins screeched together, bouncing on the balls of their feet.

* * *

Ben and the twins’ next encounter was with Hux. They saw Armitage sitting in the canteen by himself. It was an odd sight seeing him alone. He was almost always with Rose. He had grown his red hair out of its short crop and it was now almost to his shoulders. He wore it in pulled back in a low ponytail. His overalls were covered in grease, a sure sign he had been working on one of the X-wings. Armitage looked so downcast and miserable that Ben was keen to avoid his former rival but then he remembered his revelation about Rose.

“Go and choose whatever you want from the buffet.” He urged the twins.

Aleia and Tai eagerly ran off to do his bidding, heading straight for the sweet treats. While his children were occupied, Ben pulled up a chair and sat down opposite Armitage. “Hey.” He said in greeting.

Armitage raised his head, looking to the left and right of him, thinking that Ben was addressing someone else. Solo never usually sought his company and he was immediately on the defensive. “The fleet is all in working order I can assure you. I have performed my duties- “

“Quit it, Hux.” Ben cut in testily. “I’m not here to give you a performance review.”

“Then why are you here?” Armitage was still full of suspicion.

“To ask you how you are.” Ben tried to keep his tone even. Even though they had been on the same side for years now, the guy could still rub him up the wrong way.

“Why?” Armitage was genuinely confused.

Ben rolled his eyes. “Because you’re sitting here by yourself looking like the worlds about to end. And they say misery loves company.” He added.

“I’m not miserable.” Armitage denied weakly.

Ben sighed irritably. “Come on, Hux. You look like death warmed up.”

“Thanks for the compliment.” Armitage sneered.

“You know what I mean.” Ben growled. “Jeez, you are hard work. I can see something is troubling you. I think you could use a…. a….” He couldn’t say the word ‘friend.’ “Someone to confide in.”

Armitage swallowed thickly as he considered Ben’s offer. He could really do with some advice and it wasn’t like he had anyone else to talk to. He didn’t really have any friends of his own. He knew that most of Rose’s friends merely tolerated him for her sake. He supposed Solo was the best he was going to get. “Rose isn’t well. I’m worried about her.” He finally admitted. “She’s been feeling nauseous for the last two weeks and for the last couple of days has been throwing up constantly. I tried to get her to see the doctor but she refuses and gets very temperamental when I plead with her to go.”

“Rey was like that. She didn’t like me fussing around her.” Ben answered, smiling wistfully as he recalled Rey’s constant mood swings when she was pregnant with the twins.

Armitage glared at Ben in disgust, thinking he wasn’t taking his concerns seriously. “I’m not fussing. This is not like Rose. I know she likes to be independent but she’s ill…”

“Hux, pregnancy is not an illness. You just need to be…. hey…. hey…are you alright?” Ben suddenly noticed that Hux’s pasty features had turned an alarming shade of grey and he realised that Hux didn’t know. Before he could say more the twins came running over to him, their plates piled high with sugary snacks. “Hey, kids, just give us a minute.” He said to them.

Armitage pushed his chair back and rose unsteadily to his feet. “I’ve got to go and find Rose.” He mumbled.

“Hux, just wait.” Ben tried to stop him but the twins were already whining and trying to claim his attention. By the time he was able to focus again Hux had gone. “ _Me and my big mouth_.” He berated himself internally, not realising he was broadcasting his thoughts straight to Rey.

_“Ben Solo, what have you done now?”_ Came her telepathic reply.

**_A/N-thanks for reading! Please review._ **


	58. Force Vision

** Paralyzed **

Disclaimer: all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

**_A/N-thank you very much to everyone who kindly read and reviewed the last chapter. Your feed back keeps me motivated._ ** **_😊_ **

** Chapter Fifty-Eight-Force Vision **

_“I just assumed he knew_.” Ben defended himself.

_“You should never just assume, Ben_.” Rey let out an irritated sigh. _“I’m going to have to do some damage control.”_

“ _Um…it might be a little late for that. Hux already left to find Rose_.” Ben admitted sheepishly.

_“Great. Just great_.”

Ben could picture Rey throwing her hands up in the air in exasperation. _“I’ll go and find him.”_ He offered.

_“No way, Ben Solo. You stay right where you are and stay with the twins. I’ll find him_.” Rey stated firmly. “ _And Ben_ …”

_“Yes, sweetheart.”_

_“Don’t let Ally and Tai anywhere near the sugary snacks, otherwise they’ll be bouncing off the walls all night._ ” Rey reminded him as her voice faded out in his mind.

Ben glanced down at his children. Aleia and Tai grinned up at him, their hands and mouths smeared with what looked suspiciously like chocolate. “Oops, too late.” He said, grinning right back.

* * *

Rey was out of breath by the time she managed to track Hux down. She thought he would have headed straight for the quarters he shared with Rose but when she arrived to intercept him, neither one of them were there. Confused, Rey had made the long trek across the base in search of him. When she asked around if anyone had seen either of them, they shook their heads. It was so frustrating and she was beginning to regret offering to fix Ben’s mess, when she came upon Hux quite by chance. She left the base and went outside to spend some time in the butterfly garden to get some fresh air. To her surprise she found Hux sitting in the middle of the tall grasses, staring sightlessly at the beautiful butterflies flittering all around him. Rey approached him cautiously, not really wanting to disturb his quiet reflection. When she drew closer, she was astonished to see the glimmer of tears on his cheeks.

Armitage Hux was crying….

Rey immediately regretted her intrusion. Hux had clearly come here for privacy as it was the last place anyone would expect him to go. As she was about to leave a solitary butterfly, with wings of yellow and gold, rose up in front of her. It floated in the air, letting the gentle breeze eddy beneath its wings, curling in the sweetest of swirls. Rey watched it pass by her, fast despite its erratic path, choosing direction by a silent serenade of the blooms. It landed right beside Hux, startling him. He jumped, turning his head slightly to find Rey standing a few feet away from him. His whole face flushed with embarrassment at being caught crying. Scrambling to his feet, he put his head down and charged past Rey in an effort to escape her scrutiny.

“Hux!” Rey called after him. He only increased his pace. “Hux!” She tried again. “Please, stop! Wait. I didn’t mean to intrude. I’m sorry.” When Hux still showed no signs of slowing down, Rey changed tactics. “Armitage, I know about the baby. Ben told me.” She said, using his first name this time.

Hux stopped abruptly as if he had hit an invisible brick wall. Rey watched as his shoulders curled in on one another before his whole body began to shake. His sobs were stifled at first as he attempted to hide his grief, then overcome by the wave of his emotions he broke down entirely, all his defences washed away in those salty tears. When he at last turned his face to Rey he was a picture of grief, loss, devastation.

It took a while for Rey to get over her shock at his total breakdown. She remained where she was as she waited for him to compose himself. She was unsure what to do, whether to draw nearer and give him a comforting hug or just retreat and give him some space. Hux wasn’t the kind of individual that you hugged. He could be so reserved-not when he was with Rose, with her he was a completely different person-but with others he remained diffident and slightly withdrawn.

“What can I do to help?” Rey asked after a while, not knowing what else to say.

“There’s nothing you can do.” Hux choked out. “Unless you have a way of erasing my past.”

Rey’s eyes widened slightly as understanding dawned. “I know you’re scared. You can’t let your past affect your future, Armitage. You are not the same man you were then.”

“Of course, I am.” Hux said bleakly. “Rose deserves better. The baby she’s carrying deserves better. I’ve done terrible things. My father was an evil man, Rey. He was a terrible father, he hurt me-both psychologically and physically. He raised me to be a monster and with Phasma’s help I killed him…like father, like son. Isn’t that what they say? I don’t want to inflict on my own child what that abusive man inflicted on me.”

There was a tightness in Rey’s throat when she answered. “You have done terrible things in the past, Armitage. That can’t be changed. But you have changed. You are not the man you were then. Your fears are valid but you are not your father. And the fact that you are so worried proves that you are nothing like him.”

The beads of water started falling down from Hux’s eyes again, one after another, without a sign of stopping. “I love Rose so much.” He said hoarsely. “I’m frightened that she thinks the same things I do. She’s been withdrawn for days. Pushing me away…. I thought she was ill. It never occurred to me that she was pregnant.”

“Rose is scared. But not for the reasons you think.” Rey explained gently. “I was the same when I first found out. I kept it from Ben because I needed time to process how I was feeling. Rose is doing the same. We’re still in the middle of a war, bringing a new life into the world is terrifying enough without factoring that into it.”

“What do I do?”

“Talking to her would be a good start.” Rey suggested with a small smile. “And let her do the same. Tell her that you know and be prepared to be patient and just listen. Just be there for her, Armitage. Support her. That’s all she wants.”

Hux’s lips trembled and his shoulders heaved with emotion. “You won’t tell anyone about this?”

“I won’t _tell_ anyone.” Rey emphasised the word ‘tell’ as she promised. Ben already knew. He would have heard it all in her head but technically she hadn’t actually told him so in that respect she wasn’t lying.

“Thanks.” Hux mumbled as he wiped his face with the sleeve of his overalls. “I’m going to find Rose.”

Rey watched him go with a small smile playing about her lips as Ben’s voice filled her mind. “ _You did amazing, sweetheart.”_

_“I did, didn’t I_.” Rey’s smile widened at his praise as the butterflies danced in the air around her.

* * *

Rey placed her hands on Ben’s shoulders, trying to work the knots out of his muscles, trying to get him to relax. Her touch always worked. It did now. Ben immediately responded to her light touches. Her lips were trailing kisses over his face, sliding down his neck, and then his left shoulder.

“That tickles.” He admitted.

Rey’s fingers slid under his shirt and ran over his taut stomach. His muscles tightened under her hand. “Come here.” Ben’s voice was commanding, his eyes blazing with something she couldn’t define. He pulled her around to sit on his lap and kissed her, full on the lips. Heat rushed through her body, racing along every nerve. Quickly Rey pulled Ben’s shirt over his head. She marvelled at his skin, so perfect and flawless, just as it always would be. She leaned down to kiss his breastbone and followed the line over his stomach. He groaned as she reached the waistband of his undergarments, breathing heavily. Rey couldn’t believe how powerful she felt, eliciting this reaction from him. She straddled him, pushing his undergarments down over his hips. Ben groaned again, rolling Rey onto her back and shrugging off his undergarments in one swift movement. He lifted the hem of her tunic and kissed his way up from her naval until he reached her brassiere. The warmth of his lips was making her melt.

Ben inhaled sharply as Rey shrugged off her tunic and arched her back. His hands skimmed up her body sending heat trails in their wake. He slipped one behind her back and unclipped her brassiere. She let it fall down her arms until it fell onto the growing pile of abandoned clothes. Rey rolled onto her back again while Ben unfastened her pants and pulled them off, along with the rest of her clothes. He began to reverse his kisses until he reached her naval. Then he went lower and lower. Rey’s fingers fisted in his hair as she suddenly realised his intent. As his warm tongue lapped at her, she cried out, quickly clapping her hand over her mouth as she tried to stifle her cries of pleasure.

* * *

Rey fell into a deep sleep, completely sated from her energetic lovemaking with Ben. She was totally relaxed and at peace. At first, she didn’t feel the initial stirrings of the Force vision fluttering at the edges of her consciousness. When she became aware, she began to move restlessly in Ben’s strong arms, dismissing it as a bad dream. But it wouldn’t leave her alone. No matter how hard she fought to ignore it, the more the vision was intent on invading her mind. Despite her best efforts to fight it off, the nightmarish vision began to play out in her head, until she felt she might die from the pain in her brain. She desperately tried to wake up, screaming for help, yet her eyes refused to open, instead cursing her to live through her worst fears….

_Aleia, dressed all in black with her face covered by a deep hood, advanced along the walkway. She stopped upon hearing the voice of her brother, calling out to her from behind, using her birth name. She turned slowly to face him; the air stolen from her lungs. She had always taken breathing for granted until the day her ribs became steel traps. The cosy world she had once lived in was nothing but a one-way mirror, her true self had been on the other side all along._

_“Tai Solo, I have been waiting for this day for a long time.”_

_Aleia watched as her twin walked slowly toward her, his handsome features settled into a serious frown. He looked so much like their father in that moment that her resolve faltered._

_“Take off that hood so I can see you properly.” Tai demanded. “I dare you to look me right in the eyes, Ally.”_

_“What do you think you’ll see if I do?” She taunted him._

_“My sister.”_

_Aleia drew her hood back, revealing her heart-shaped face to her brother. She was paler than he remembered. Her skin hadn’t been touched by the sun in a long time. She wore her shoulder-length black hair twisted into a loose braid_ , _but her eyes, her beautiful hazel eyes were filled with a wealth of pain. “Your sister is gone. She was weak and foolish like her brother. So, I destroyed her.”_

_“That’s what Sidious wants you to believe but its not true.” Tai took another step toward her. “My sister is alive.”_

_“No.” Aleia shook her head in denial. “The emperor is wise.”_

_“Sidious is using you for your power. When he gets what he wants he’ll crush you. Just like he did to Anakin Skywalker, just like he tried to do with Luke Skywalker. Like he nearly succeeded in doing with our mother and father.” He took another small step, frowning when Aleia shook her head again, retreating from him. “You know its true.” He insisted._

_There was another long beat of silence. Aleia stared at her brother, her lips quivering slightly when she answered. “Its too late.” She said, her voice breaking._

_“No, it’s not.” Tai pleaded. “Leave here with me. Come home. We miss you.”_

_“I’m being torn apart.” Aleia cried suddenly. “Tai, I want to be free of this pain. I know what I have to do but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?”_

_“Yes. Anything.” Tai promised, his eyes softening._

_Aleia cast her eyes down, her whole frame trembling as she reached for the saber attached to the belt draped around her slim hips. She pulled it off, holding the hilt in her gloved hands as she held it out to her twin like a peace offering. Tai glanced down at the familiar double-bladed weapon that was once wielded by their grandmother, Sapphire. He placed his hand over it boldly as he made eye-contact with his sister once more. They gazed at each other for a long time before there was a sudden blaze of red as Aleia ignited her weapon…_

“NOOOOO!” A tortured scream erupted from Rey’s throat as she woke abruptly from her nightmarish vision. She was breathing as if her body was being starved of oxygen, gasping. Her breath came in short and shallow bursts while her tears fell like hurricane rain. Turning her head to the side she saw Ben sitting beside her, his expression a mirror of hers. “He knows, Ben. Palpatine knows!”

“Rey.” Ben’s tortured voice cut through her as he reached out to embrace her but Rey pushed him away as she climbed out of bed. He clambered after her, intent on pulling her into the safety of his arms but Rey wasn’t having it. She didn’t want to be comforted. She was angry! So, fucking angry! Her rage blinded her as she began to scream to the empty air.

“YOU CAN’T HAVE THEM. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME, YOU EVIL BASTARD? I’M COMING FOR YOU, SIDIOUS. I’LL KILL YOU. I’LL KRIFFING KILL YOU.”

Anger boiled deep in her system, as hot as lava. It churned within, hungry for destruction, and it was too much for her to handle. The pressure of this raging sea of anger made her go completely feral and she lashed out at Ben as he tried to calm her down. She was inconsolable, drowning in the red mist that Sidious had provoked in her. Ben wrapped his strong arms around her from behind as she fought him, flinging words and accusations at him she didn’t mean. The door to their room opened and the twins appeared, alerted by their mother’s screams, they stood huddled together. Tai’s arm was around his sister as he comforted her.

“Daddy? Mommy?”

Their frightened voices pierced the red mist of Rey’s anger. She collapsed against Ben, sobbing wretchedly. He glanced over his shoulder at his quivering children and sighed in relief when he saw Kuruk appear behind them. Rey’s agonised cries had gone far beyond their quarters. “Please look after them.” Ben pleaded with Rey’s father.

Kuruk quickly did as he asked. He bent down and scrooped Tai and Aleia up into his arms and carried them away out of earshot of their parents. The darkness she felt had swallowed her whole for a little while began to dissipate. Rey slowly emerged from the anger that had possessed her enough to look up at Ben, only to find his dark eyes blazing with fury as he let his own anger bubble over. He took hold of her face in his hands and stared deep into her eyes. “This ends now, Rey.” He vowed. “No more hiding. Its time for you and I to go to Exegol. The Resistance fleet is strong enough now to face his. Its time to finish this.”

“Yes.” Rey agreed hoarsely as the nightmarish Force vision continued to torment her. Her evil grandfather would not claim their children. “Its time.”

**_A/N-thanks for reading! Please review._ **


End file.
